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How do I handle a pushy coworker trying to matchmake?
My son is 17, but a very socially immature 17, acts more like he is 15. He is a senior in high school at a private Christian school, doing very well in most respects. My coworker is a little dramatic and often inappropriate at work, but a nice person and very generous. Her daughter is a freshman at the high school down the street from my son's school. Her daughter has had many emotional and behavior problems and recently was even hospitalized for more than a week while being treated with medication for bi polar and depression. The school is always calling my coworker about this girl, she is always in trouble. I have tried to be a good friend to this woman, we have cubicles right next to each other. Lately she has been on a kick that her daughter needs to date my son. I slid out of the homecoming dance only for her to try to arrange something further now and even asked for my son's e mail address and cell phone number so her daughter can get to know him. I am certain this is a bad idea. My coworker keeps pointing out that she chaperones all her daughter's activities and would take my son to a rock climbing wall facility and snow skiing and to plays and concerts. While I know my son would likely enjoy these activities, I doubt that having a mentally unstable girl thrust upon him by a very forceful mom who is overly involved in her daughter's life is a good choice. What should I say to get out of this? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I really don't want to be pushing my son into a relationship with this dramatic family, nor do I feel I should ever chose his dates.
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You tell her what you just said. "I really don't want to be pushing my son into a relationship with...(anyone)...nor do I feel I should ever choose his dates." If she persists, than she is very disturbed or she at the very least is disregarding and disrespecting your decision. Let her know that you take it as a compliment that she thinks your son is so wonderful, but she needs to let the subject go, because it is putting a strain on your friendship. You can say this kindly and firmly. Practice saying it in front of a mirror or to another friend. There are many good books on setting healthy boundaries and dealing with difficult people, if you need more help. If this person is very disturbed and continues to bother you when you have made it clear you do not wish to discuss it with her, you may need to ask the assistance of your direct supervisor.
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Being a teenager is hard enough without some mentally disturbed, overly-dramatic wacko hanging on your every move. This is coming from a girl that used to be with a mentally disturbed, overly-dramatic wacko. Tell this woman that you're just really not interested in setting your son up, and if she keeps pressing - tell her in a firm but honest way that you're losing patience that she won't give it up and understand that you, nor your son, is interested.
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I think you need to be assertive and firmly tell her what you're telling us.
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Hi, I am a 13 year old so don't judge me yet.Well personally I give you your props for not wanting to choose your son's relationships.I think that your co-worker is a very nosey person and she should try to trust her daughter a little more. Maybe that's the reason she has the problem she has.But, you should try to talk to your son about the situation and see how he feels about it.If he thinks that he should go out with her let him take that chance, and just be there for him throught the whole relationship.
your friends,
Advicegodesses2
p.s.write back and tell me how i did for a 13 year old. bye!!
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Usually in a delicate situation like this, dropping subtle hints would be a good way to go. Tell her that your son is facing a lot of problems right now and you are unsure of his mental well-being. Keep telling her that you're worried about his destructive behavior.
If she still doesn't let up, tell her firmly that you don't think the time is right just about now and that your primary concern is your son and his health.
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Tell her he has a girlfriend, he's not ready for one yet, he's to busy with school and stuff.
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you sound like a very sensitive and emotionally intelligent person, however, sometimes we have to stand up for ourselves, despite how it may affect others. your son, and the peace in your family home, is more important than a 'friendship' with a co-worker. you were articulate enough to write this well thought out question, i'm sure you can find a way to say in a kind yet firm way -NO.
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I think I would simply tell her that you don't involve yourself in your sons social life to that extent. He gets his own dates. I suppose you could tell her he isn't interested or that he is seeing someone. Depends on the size of the town you live in.
I agree that it probably isn't a good idea. She may just be hoping to get her involved with a better person than those she currently hangs out with...but I still think its a bad idea.
You could also tell her that he will be 18 before long...making her daughter essentially jail bait. Something you or he really don't need either. Tell her the age difference is to vast at their ages, even if you son does act 15! That has a way of changing if you throw a rowdy girl into the picture.
If it comes down to offending the co-worker or keeping your son on the straight and narrow, you know what you have to choose. :)
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ok well im 14/m and sumone i know same age female is a lot like this girl but you should ask your son about it trust me if he wants to he'll go behind your back like i did to be friends with her or even go out so i think the choice should be his or he'll become mentally unstable to like i did if thats what you wanna call it(witch is very offensive acctually)
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Well sure talking to your son could be a good idea. On the other hand you could tell your co-worker that your son is pretty immature, think he's going to break some hearts because of it and that you don't want her daughter to be one of them. Puts the blame on your son a bit so this woman won't get offended but keeps her daughter away from him. Everyone's happy.
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I think you should talk to your son about this first. Tell him what is going on, and explain to him how you feel about what is happening, or what you co-worker is trying to make happen. Then talk to your co-worker and tell her how your son feels. Maybe your son and her daughter can just be friends. Offer suggestions to your co-worker about the possibility of the two of them just being friends. Your son won't date someone he doesn't like, so you could also ask him to see this girl once, and hang out with her to just get to know her..and see where it goes from there! Good luck!
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First talk to your son and see what his point of view is on this matter. If you really feel that stronght about the thought of your son dating this girl tell him and tell your co-worker. you could try saying "hey, I talked to my son about dating your daughter but she's just not his type. I don't mean to offend you or your daughter plus I'm sure there'll be some one out there who'll fully appreciate all that she has to offer." There might be some tensiion or a little thick air between you too but it won't last, next week she'll be telling you about another lucky guy.
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