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Jealous, distrusting, afraid of being replaced
I have sort of asked this question before, but I rambled on and on and didn't really get the right point across, so this should make more sense of things:
I am 28/f. I'm married. We have been in marriage therapy for about 2 months now. DH has a history of hiding things from me, often important things. This makes it hard for me to trust him. He has a female best friend. When we started therapy, things were really bad and he felt he shouldn't stay at home. He made plans to live with her. The therapist made it clear that that would not help at all, so he stayed at home. We have made a great deal of progress over the past couple months and have been very happy together. This past week, however, he slipped into old habits. I found things that he was hiding (I wasn't looking, they just came out of hiding as those things tend to do), including that he was enjoying porn on the computer while I was in bed worrying about him since he wasn't sleeping well. So, I started feeling insecure again. Then he went to his friend's home for a few hours to do some work (they are starting a business together). I know they are not in a physical relationship (besides, her bf was there at the time), but they have an emotional relationship that he and I have lost. Because of his history of hiding things from me, and his closeness to her, I am insanely jealous. I am concerned that I may never be able to trust him again. We have talked about it (even in therapy) but come to nothing conclusive about what either of us can do to make this last issue of ours better. What can be done to help in a situation like this? Is there something I should be doing to get over my feelings of inadequacy and jealousy? What can I ask of him to help with the trust issue? Do I just need to have faith that it will all get better over time? If so, how can I keep that faith up when these little things happen to shake it? Thank you for your advice.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You are a separate person from DH. DH is a separate person from you. Sounds simple? Obviously it is not, because you may be losing a healthy sense of your own identity and confusing it with his. It is so important for you right now to concentrate on who you are, and to remember what you value in life. Do not let your sense of self get blurred just because DH is inconsistent with his desires and may be struggling to balance reality and fantasy. You have no reason to be jealous of the female friend. She has nothing you want. NOTHING! If and I mean IF something is going on with them on the emotional and or physical level, it is based on a fragile fantasy. Just make sure you keep a level head and stay in reality. Because you are emotional (understandably so) right now, it is important to think rationally. Be your own best friend right now, and give yourself the best advice you can for you, just you! Faith and trust are two separate things. Faith is based on the unseen and trust on the seen. You had faith in a relationship because you had no visible reason not to. You had trust in DH because you saw reason to trust. Now you are seeing more of his character and he is revealing himself by his actions, more than his words. Can you have faith without trust? That might lead you into a fantasy more distorted than the porn DH is apparently fond of.
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