about

I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

Alright, for the last, maybe three months, my mother has been really mean to me. Its like every little thing i do, she yells at me for. Lets say if i don't empty the dishwasher, i'll get yelled at, and then my other sister is just sitting on her a$$ doing nothing all day, with the trash cans completly full. Unlike my sister, when my mom yells at me, i stand up for myself. I won't take all the $#it she throws at me. In addition, my father has been really b!tc#y too. I'll do a little thing, and he'll flip out at me. They keep on telling me that i have to stop being in a bad mood all the time, and how i need to go out and do things. I do sports all the time, and just recently i have had a long break, one that i have never had before. as sports season's are rolling in right now, i'm going to be busy a whole bunch. The problem is, no matter how nice i try to be, my parents are always mean to me. I can't do anything w/o them yelling at me. What also really bugs me is that my sister might say something mean to my mom, and she won't get in trouble, and they could be fighitng for a while, and i don't do anything, but finally i say one teensy small thing, and i get in major trouble. gahh. sorry this was long.. but what can i do???

People tend to act towards others how those others treat them. I'm not saying that you are the cause of your parents yelling at you, but that you are in a viscious cycle. They yell at you, you yell back, they yell back, etc. Keep in mind that it's impossible to remain blameless. As hard as you try, you're going to do something wrong and they're going to not like it. The same the other way. That's life. The thing is, you can change how they react. Act towards them how you want them to act towards you. If you hold in your pride and act a bit fake, it will work to your advantage. "Be good to your enemies" applies here. If they start yelling, it will kill them if you just say "Sorry, I'll get right on that" and go do whatever they're yelling about. You don't have to put a fake smile on, just appear like you don't care at all. They will be shocked and won't be able to come up with anything to say back to you. They will probably start treating you well in return. If not you'll at least know that they really hate you for responding with such a positive attitude. You don't have to kiss up to them like your sister seems to, but if you do make a mistake, act like a complete goody-two-shoes. It will totally work. Good luck. :)

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when ever I look in the mirror all I can say is wow im so ugly. im starting to get so self consious about how i look. i dont like to look striaght at people when im talking because i always think people are thinking that im ugly. i dont know why im like this now. before i didn't even care how i looked. :(

It's very normal to go through this. It's hard to completely turn around your way of thinking. You need something to inspire this change other than just wanting to feel better. Try a new hairstyle, buy a new outfit, or (if you're female) wear some makeup. If people notice you change on the outside they'll compliment you, hopefully, making a change on the inside. You'll realize that people do think you're attractive, they just don't feel the need to say it when they see no reason to. Any outward changes you make will bring compliments, but realistically, you're not really going to look that much different. After awhile, you will develop good self-esteem and not rely on your perceived outside appearance for the feeling that you are beautiful. People are complimenting you, not your change. The change just made them think about it for a minute. Eventually, you won't even think about how you look. You'll know you look good. I know this sounds totally cliche, but everyone is beautiful. You just have to find your beauty for yourself. One more tip: try not to stare at yourself in the mirror so much. Nobody judges you as much as you judge yourself. Good luck. :)

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I am 16 and I love to read. I read just about anything. I'll read classics, sci/fi, poetry, romance, about anything really. I just need some good titles. Anything will help, any genre, titles and authors. Thanks in advance!

John Grisham has a lot of good books. Many of them have been turned into movies.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Grisham#Fiction

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how do you calculate your period, like if i got it today will i get another one in 28 days or will i get it 28 days after it ends?

Day 1 is the first day you get your period. You should get it 28 days after that.

The number of days will very from woman to woman, so it could end up being from 28 to even 35. Once you start keeping track, you'll know how many days it is for you. :)

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Here's what happened, I met this guy online, we talked for a couple days, seemed to click but then again it's online. Anyway, we went on a date, watched Borat, which was really funny, and then hung out, ate, and talked for awhile. Then we scheduled to go out on a second date which we had yesterday. Instead of going out we chilled at my place kissed for the first time and talked and made out. Anyway, between Sunday and wednesday we were really enthusiatic about it and all. We can't really talk on the phone because he's still in the closet. Oh yeah, i'm a senior in high school and he's a freshman in college so the age difference isn't bad at all. Anyway, I just don't really know how to read him I don't know whether or not he likes me... Online and texting he seems to be getting annoyed of me but in person he's really caring and really passionate and sensual. I just don't know whether or not i'm reading into him not being as responsive when I text him as something small that I should overlook. I guess i'm becoming too attached because after all we've only gone on 2 dates... I guess i'm just wondering if someone can help me analyze this situation and tell me whether or not I should just chill, try going on dates with other guys, and not get too attached to this guy. I just figured that if someone were interested they would be just as "clingy" in a sense as I am... I guess it's just something I always see on T.V. *sigh* any help? If you have any more questions to help you better analyze this, feel free to ask. He's never been in a relationship and i've only been in one other which I constitute as not really being a relationship... but that's another story.

Give him some time. Since he's still in the closet, it may be awkward for him to communicate with you when he's not with you. It may scare him to think that someone may be able to see or hear what he's saying and figure him out. Just try to be as patient and supportive as you can. It sounds like he's really interested in you. Good luck! :)

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Okay so what are some things that girls can call guys. Like guys can call us sweetie and babe and stuff but im not sure what were suppose to call them. (please dont say honey i hate that) ohh and is it okay for a girl to call a guy babe?

You can call a guy whatever you want. Any of the names you mentioned are fine. The only thing is, be careful calling him any of these things around other people. It'll embarass him in public, but in private he'll probably think it's really cute. I call my bf "babe" all the time. Around other people though, I try to just stick with his name. :)

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i got my first period 1 week ago! it is still going on, and its not getting lighter. i've had it for 7 days and it feels like its not going away.

also, today i had horrible cramps, i had to come home from school i couldnt sit still i felt like i was going to die. my mom took me to the doctors, he sent my to CVS and he told me all of the medicine/pain relievers to use and now my cramps are gone. im NOT worried about cramps.

also today i threw up 3 times. the doctor checked me and i didnt have a fever my ears were fine i didnt have a cold, i was perfectly healthy so he doesnt know why i threw up. has anyone else ever threw up while on there period? is it normal?

basically my questions are...
1. is it normal to throw up while your on your period?
2. and since this was my first period, when i get my future periods will the cramps be not as bad?
3. and how long does the average menstural cycle go for each month? its been 7 days and it keeps getting heavier...
4. any other tips??

Don't worry yet. This is your first one. If the next few are also like this, your doctor can do some things to help you. Lots of women have trouble with their periods. One of my friends had to have surgery because of it. Many others take medication to lessen the symptoms. Just as long as you keep your doctor in the loop with what's going on, you'll be fine. The symptoms you are experiencing aren't normal. This is because the women that would experience such strong symptoms get help for them. The problem with you is that it's your first period. This may just be a one time thing. The cramps may or may not be as bad next time. There's no way of knowing so there's no reason for your doctor to perscribe some sort of medication to you for it just yet. Menstruation lasts anywhere from 3-8 days. It depends on the woman, but I'd say that the average is about 5. Again though, this may just be a one time thing for you. For the first few years I had my period, it would last for about 8 days. It will be erratic until at least your 20's. Don't worry if it lasts 10 or so days. Just keep in touch with your doctor. Hopefully your body can adjust to the new changes on its own. Good luck. :)

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I have an eating disorder.. i keep throwing up i have been for a couple of yeears now....i dont know how to admit it and i dont want to get help from a professional i just dont know what to do ....

Call one of these hotlines. :)

Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention
1-800-931-2237 (Hours: 8am-noon daily, PT)

Eating Disorders Center
1-888-236-1188

Good luck!

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Okay for school i have to find a song that is a good example of being yourself, being real, not needing materialistic things, loving yourself etc. I cant think of any and the ones that are examples, That we cant use!!, are
-"be yourself" audioslave
-"im a survivor" destinys child
-"beautiful day" U2

& they must be appropriate.
Were talking about how they relate to the transcendentalist movement(if that helps haha. if you dont know what that is ignore it)

thanks so much my mind is blank!

The Goo Goo Dolls have a few songs that you might be able to use. "What a Scene" is the first one that comes to mind. "Big Machine" has a few references in it too. Here are the lyrics to "What a Scene" so you don't have to look them up yourself. I got them off of the Goo Goo Dolls website, so they're right. Good luck! :)

What A Scene
(John Rzeznik)

When you're feeling all wrong in the back of your mind again
How does it feel
When you drop down everything's all the same
Saccharine caffeine nicotine gum
Yeah it tastes sweet but it's not for long
And I just think you thought it would be
When you're looking for truth on the cover of a magazine
How does it feel
When you find out what you're not gonna be
They give you your image and the things you believe
Open your eyes tell me what did you see
And I just think you thought it surreal

How does it feel when you're out on your own
And now it's too late to come home
And it's hard to be free when you're down on your knees
Take it easy till you make it alone

Now you're a supermarket punk rock television comedy
Out on the scene
Yeah I bit down now there's no hand to feed
And all the beautiful images lining your walls
Pop radio screaming down the halls
Now you think you found something real
When it's all about money and the things that you need
Live a big lie and they all believe
Now I just find that somehow obscene

How does it feel when you're out on your own
And now it's too late to come home
And it's hard to be free when you're down on your knees
Take it easy till you make it alone
Take it easy till you make it alone
What a scene
Yeah
When it's all been said before
And all been done
Take it easy till you make it alone
Take it easy til you make it alone

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what does bulimia do to your body? and what effects does it have to people in the long run?

This website has a lot of information about Bulimia.

http://www.coolnurse.com/eat_disorder.htm#bulimia

If you or a friend are bulemic, get help as soon as you can. Good luck. :)

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i have been throwing up or starving myslef for a very lonf time...i do it in periods...one week im really good and healthy and then i let myslef slide and i eat all this junk and throw it up...it makes me feel very dpressed and i withdrawl from everything...is there any health ways ...like small things i can do to get better or make soem kinda of change

I think that you may have an eating disorder. The only way to be sure is to see a professional. A good place to start would be a counselor at your school or your doctor. The hardest part is admitting that you have a problem and you have already done that! Great job. It should be easier from here on out. :)

Here's a website explaining a little bit about eating disorders. I'm sure there are lots of other sites on the internet that can help you, so look around.

http://www.coolnurse.com/eat_disorder.htm


Here are some hotlines you can call to get more information.

Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention
1-800-931-2237 (Hours: 8am-noon daily, PT)

Eating Disorders Center
1-888-236-1188


Good luck finding help. :)

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Guys laugh at me and are really mean to me and don’t treat me well at all. It’s because I talk weird, I’m too opinionated, I have a brutal sense of humor, and I only listen to musicals and Sondheim……

For example, they always snicker whenever it’s time for PE….I’m the most not-athletic person in my whole class. I can’t even run a mile. I was telling my friend about how un-athletic I am, and this guy overheard and goes, “Yeah, you sure are.”

And when we were working in groups, and this guy whispered to the other girl in my group, “do you actually expect her to do anything?”

Lots of stuff like that every day. And more,

And I’m not being paranoid. I gave it the benefit of the doubt; but when I discovered that half of the guys blocked me on AIM, it’s pretty obvious that the guys hate me.

I know I should be strong and I shouldn’t care about what those morons think of me, but it still hurts. I bet they wish they could make fun of my body as well, but fortunately, I’m not overweight, and I don’t have any really ugly features that they could laugh at.


It really, REALLY hurts my feelings. I know I shouldn’t be so sensitive, but it makes me feel awful.


What should I do? I can’t tell a teacher, that would only decrease my reputation. And my school counselor doesn’t know squat.

The last part about your school counselor made me laugh. :)

Anyways, from what you've said, it seems like you're just getting trouble from the guys, not the girls. I've found that a lot of the time, when guys pick on you, they like you. You say you're rather attractive, so this could definitely be a possibility. Try taking what they say as compliments. They are giving you so much attention. If they hated you, they would just ignore you. Since the girls don't seem to be joining in, that indicates a general consensus that people like you. You're not rejected for your lacking athletic abilities or your choice of music. People just find it amusing.

No matter what the reasons behind the insults are, it's hurting your feelings. Since you seem to be on good terms with the female population, try to get one of your female friends to talk to the guys about it. They may not realize how much they are hurting you. Another way to get out of this is to insult them back. You say you're too opinionated. That should make it easy to come up with stuff to throw back at them. This may not make them stop, but it'll even out the playing field. They'll respect you more and it will become more of a game than a roast. Good luck. :)

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i just made a question and now i get that girls can ask guys out but now how do we ask them out in a cute way i guess? specific kinda please? 13/f and ill see him again friday

Here's a really cute one that a friend of mine told me. Get one of those inexpensive pocket mirrors with a flip cover. On the inside of the cover write "Will you be my boyfriend?" or something of that nature. Go up to him and tell him that there's this guy that you really like and you haven't told anybody about it yet and you're dying to get it out. He'll be interested of course and probably ask you who it is. Say you don't want to say it out loud in case someone else hears so you want to show him a picture of the guy. Give him the mirror. He'll open it up and see himself. It's the cutest idea ever right? Anyways, if it for some reason falls through, just roll with it. You may have to be a little more direct and just up and ask him. It'll be hard to work up the courage to do that, but it should be worth it. Good luck! :)

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Ok, theres this guy that I'e been talking to at school and we both talk about things that we both like and he's really nice and great to talk to. We would flirt innocently even though I have a b/f which I kept telling him after he kept making sexual remarks towards me. Then he started acting a little less like a friend and more like he was intresested in me and kept asking me when I'll dump my boyfriend. Now he's acting really immature and talks obviously trying to make me jealous by mentioning some girl that he likes to someone next to me. And he made a sexual remark to me the other day which i just anwsered by saying "Wouldnt you like to know" and he said "No...Ive moved on!" LOL I dont understand why hes so desperate to not be single and have a g/f and why he has to be immature and rude to me just beacause I wont break up with my faithful boyfriend of a year which I definitly think I see a future with. Should I stop talking to him altogether? Is there only one way he'll see me as and never as a friend? Why do we stop talking to people that we can't have? Why dont we accept what they've decided and who've they picked? Isnt it better to have someone as a friend rather than nothing at all?

He likes you a lot and it's tearing him up inside that he can't have you. This is his way of coping. As immature and annoying as it is, you've gotta feel a little sorry for him. He is completely infatuated with you. It's probably all he thinks about. There's not a lot you can do about it. You could make him stop by scaring him. It might not work and you could end up losing him as a friend that way, though. Another way would be to set him up with another girl. That could be difficult, but at least he'd stop giving you as much attention. The situation you are in really sucks because the best way to handle it is to wait it out and basically just get used to him being an idiot to you. He'll get over you eventually. Eventually could be 4 years, but there really isn't a lot you can do, sorry. Good luck.

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My boyfriend is 42 and I am 29. We have a great relationship except for the fact that he is into alot of porn and recently i looked at his computer and he was on a website called hornymatches.He put in his profie that he is looking for casual sex. i was shocked he has a lot of female friends and he feels like the sex on the net is an escape. he said he would give it up but i have set up spyware on his computer and he is still checking those sites, little does he know i have changed his profile to say that he is gay!!! ha ha i am a very attractive woman and he is older, do you think he will cheat eventually? i guess looks arent everything, he assures me he will never cheat and i am going out of my mind and doing alot of investigating and worrying. HELP

I'm going to give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt here. Who knows if he deserves that, but I'd like you to consider a few things. A lot of women that are in relationships will make sure they look good every day, even if they aren't going to see their boyfriends, or need to dress up for work. They'll put on all sorts of makeup and wear things that make their bodies look good. I don't have a problem with this, of course, but it's no less false advertising than putting that you're single on a sex oriented website. It took me a long time to understand the complicated world of porn. I only did after I had a guy explain it to me. If you're with a guy that's into it, eventually, you're going to have to come to terms with it. You never put that you're in a relationship on a site like that. If it forces you to give an answer to that question, you always put that you are single even if you are not. Most everyone that uses those sites knows this. If he had put that he was in a relationship, he wouldn't have gotten nearly as much attention. Like those girls that need to look good every day no matter what, he needs to feel this kind of attention. He may not even be doing anything with any of the girls. Most of the time, people don't. They just join the site to look around. Getting sexual attention from an attractive female is nice every once in awhile for a guy. Guys don't have the advantage that girls have. They can't make themselves look better and dress in skimpy clothes or people will think they're gay or something. Sure you can say, well if he really cared about me and was attracted to me, my attention would be enough and he wouldn't need all that online garbage. Then the same should apply for you. I'm sure you put an effort into making sure you look nice all the time. You're probably not looking for people to comment or take that second glance, but you like it when they do. If he's not getting that extra attention, he'll be unhappy and will be more likely to cheat. Sure the internet makes it easier to cheat and you'll hear all these stories, but, really, there's no reason to be freaking out over the fact that he's doing a little exploring. I think that as Razhie suggested, some counseling could do you a lot of good. You need to get on the same page with each other and understand each other more for your relationship to work out. Instead of going after him about porn, try to show some empathy. Make an attempt to understand why he does it. As I said before, I never understood it until I talked to someone about it. I still don't entirely agree with it, but at least I can understand why others would. I wish you lots of luck and I hope that everything gets worked out.

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im in love with my best friend..
the only problem is, right now she is in a serious relationship.
But somtimes she acts like she likes me (which confuses me ALOT)

I would do anything to be with her.

She means the world to me, and i just want to see her happy.

What should i do?

If you're friends of course she likes you, just not in the way that you want her to. It's easy to misinterpret things when you like someone as much as you like her. You want her to like you so much that any kind of friendly affection that she may show, you'll take as a sign that she feels the same about you as you do about her, which is most likely not the case at all. There's no reason to be confused. If she wanted to go out with you, she wouldn't be going out with that other guy. That's all there is to it. If you want her to be happy, then don't do a thing. Telling her you like her will only complicate her life and cause her a ton of stress. Keep it to yourself for now. Don't do anything. If she and her boyfriend break up, then go ahead and tell her how you feel. Good luck. :)

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This is weird but please bear with me. My ex-boyfriend was my first love & now we're friends. He had this car since we started our relationship years ago. This car has so many memories and meant alot to me. The car was practically a part of our relationship. Recently, he got into an accident and the car is destroyed. I'm devastated, even though we're not together, this car holds so many memories of my first real boyfriend and it hurts. I don't know why I feel this way but I can't move on from it, he isn't even that upset!

Try to think of it like someone dying. Yeah, you'll miss them being around of course, but you'll get over it after some time. The thing is, it's not their body that holds the memories - it's yours. The car being wrecked doesn't change the memories. They are still there, exactly the same as they were. :)

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My social studies teacher hates me. He's the leader of a club for gay pride. I don't think that he's gay, he says that he's married. Ever since the beginning of the year, he's always been crabby but only to me. I mean, once we were working on a worksheet that he said we could work in groups on, and he comes over to me and yells at me and tells me to go and work alone in the hall, but I wasn't doing anything bad. And once I called someone a fag (I was just kidding, no one actually means what they say, you know what I mean?). He gave me 2 detentions and tried to get me suspended, but the principal didn't let him. My teacher has probably heard me telling gay jokes and saying stuff about gay people. What can I do to deal with this or make it stop. I hate him because he's nice to everyone else but it's only me that he gets mad at.

I don't think talking to him will do any good. Get your parents involved. Set up a meeting with them, him, you, and an authority figure at your school (principal, superintendant, guidance counselor, etc.). That should get everything straightened out as much as it can be. Make sure that you keep any anger to yourself. Try to just let concern show. So, instead of talking about how he made you work in the hall for no reason, talk about how even if there was a reason, the punishment didn't match the crime and it affects your education in a negative way. Good luck. :)

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alright i was with my girlfriend and she was on top yah know..and she orgasmed before i did...and well frankly she pulled off too soon and i was about ready to ejaculate...now that i have blue balls and it hurts like a bitch. how do i rid myself of blue balls.

i rate answers.

Your girlfriend should have your interests in mind too. There's no reason why she can't keep going for a little bit. If she doesn't want to have sex anymore, she can give you oral sex or manual sex to help you finish. I'm sure she wants you to, but how is she supposed to know what's going on if you don't tell her? All you have to do is ask. The most important thing about sex is talking to the other person and telling them what's going on. If she's doing something wrong or could do it better, tell her how. If you're mature enough to be having sex, you should be mature enough to talk about it. Talk even while you are having sex. Phrases like "just a little longer" aren't going to offend her and they will solve your problem. She should talk too and let you know when she's about to have an orgasm and such. If for some reason you get interrupted and aren't able to continue with it, just masturbate when you get the chance. I can't see how you would have a problem with that if you're having pre-marital sex with her anyways. Good luck.

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I don't know what I want to major in in college. I want a bachelor's degree.

It's hard for me to decide because I don't want to take 20 classes in one area, like business or anthropology or what-not. I have researched [using collegeboard.com] "general studies" majors and "general foreign languages" majors [because foreign languages are the only thing I excel at], but the colleges are limited.

What do you suggest I do? I'm not interested or motivated enough to take so many classes in one area. =/

Go as either a liberal arts major or an undeclared major. That way you can take whatever classes you want. If you become interested in something while you are there, you can easily change your major to whatever you want. Many colleges specialze in liberal arts. Good luck! :)

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