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Can I Trust Him
My boyfriend is 42 and I am 29. We have a great relationship except for the fact that he is into alot of porn and recently i looked at his computer and he was on a website called hornymatches.He put in his profie that he is looking for casual sex. i was shocked he has a lot of female friends and he feels like the sex on the net is an escape. he said he would give it up but i have set up spyware on his computer and he is still checking those sites, little does he know i have changed his profile to say that he is gay!!! ha ha i am a very attractive woman and he is older, do you think he will cheat eventually? i guess looks arent everything, he assures me he will never cheat and i am going out of my mind and doing alot of investigating and worrying. HELP
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Dump him. He want to cheat on you with people he dosent even know! also, you dont deserve to be treated that way!
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i wouldnt trust him anymore. especially after you told him to get off the site and you know that hes still using it. casual sex means that he is willing to cheat for pleasure.
-missadvicebitch1
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I agree completely with Razhie's answer. All else aside, what is the "casual sex" thing doing on his profile?
I am not sure I am too fond about the way you are going about this either. Apart from the invasion of privacy issues it also feels as though you are beating away at the symptoms rather than the disease. If he is going to cheat, changing his profile to "gay" will delay it a bit thats all.
I cant really say what the correct course of action is. Frankly I cant really figure out how he managed to talk his way out of things when you confronted him (about the ad he posted). I mean, you had it in writting, the man is actively looking for "casual sex". Seems like all the proof in the world doesnt it?
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I'm going to give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt here. Who knows if he deserves that, but I'd like you to consider a few things. A lot of women that are in relationships will make sure they look good every day, even if they aren't going to see their boyfriends, or need to dress up for work. They'll put on all sorts of makeup and wear things that make their bodies look good. I don't have a problem with this, of course, but it's no less false advertising than putting that you're single on a sex oriented website. It took me a long time to understand the complicated world of porn. I only did after I had a guy explain it to me. If you're with a guy that's into it, eventually, you're going to have to come to terms with it. You never put that you're in a relationship on a site like that. If it forces you to give an answer to that question, you always put that you are single even if you are not. Most everyone that uses those sites knows this. If he had put that he was in a relationship, he wouldn't have gotten nearly as much attention. Like those girls that need to look good every day no matter what, he needs to feel this kind of attention. He may not even be doing anything with any of the girls. Most of the time, people don't. They just join the site to look around. Getting sexual attention from an attractive female is nice every once in awhile for a guy. Guys don't have the advantage that girls have. They can't make themselves look better and dress in skimpy clothes or people will think they're gay or something. Sure you can say, well if he really cared about me and was attracted to me, my attention would be enough and he wouldn't need all that online garbage. Then the same should apply for you. I'm sure you put an effort into making sure you look nice all the time. You're probably not looking for people to comment or take that second glance, but you like it when they do. If he's not getting that extra attention, he'll be unhappy and will be more likely to cheat. Sure the internet makes it easier to cheat and you'll hear all these stories, but, really, there's no reason to be freaking out over the fact that he's doing a little exploring. I think that as Razhie suggested, some counseling could do you a lot of good. You need to get on the same page with each other and understand each other more for your relationship to work out. Instead of going after him about porn, try to show some empathy. Make an attempt to understand why he does it. As I said before, I never understood it until I talked to someone about it. I still don't entirely agree with it, but at least I can understand why others would. I wish you lots of luck and I hope that everything gets worked out.
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It is possible that he will cheat on you and men don't always tell the truth have another word with him and if you don't feel you can trust him after a while whats the point in dating
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He was looking for casual sex online. That means he was preparing to cheat.
Talk to him again and discuss your fears. Ask him very pointed questions like "Why did you think it was okay to look for sex partners online?" and listen closely to his response. If he thought cheating was okay then, he probably still thinks its okay, despite his promises. He’ll just try harder not to get caught.
You should not have to do a lot of investigating or worrying. First off, invading his privacy is not right, and secondly you should either be able to trust him, or not be with him. If he can’t put your fears to rest, suggest counseling. It doesn’t need to be a permanent thing, just a few sessions where the counselor helps the two of communicate and understand each other.
Porn online is fine and harmless, however soliciting sex online is definitely not okay. No one posts an ad like that without hoping follow through on it. So unless something has changed, he will cheat, no matter how much worrying or investigating you do.
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