TheTeenGirl's advice column

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Q: My girlfriend and I have been going out for 9 months, and its the first time I've loved anyone. Yesterday we were talking about looks and why it does/doesn't matter in a realtionship. She told me she wasint that physically attracted to me but my personality was enough. I didn't know how to react, I just smiled. She basically told me I was ugly and I dont know what to do. It sucks because I love her so much and I feel so low right now. I dont know what to do/what to think/ etc.

-17/male

This girl is bitter, a very bitter women. That was rude, and uncalled for, I think you need to get rid of her, now you're hurt. Nobody thats suppose to be your boyfriend/girlfriend will ever put you down that way. So, I think you deserve better, somebody who will care for you no matter how you look.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: My husband seems to always have another female in his life..if its just a friend or an ex. he has a cell phone that he talks to her on alot.. they use to call the house..but it bothered me..so i said somethng bout it..now they call his cell. I mentioned to him that i noticed he always seemed to have to have another woman in his life..he tells me that i dont want him to have friends..but i told him i didnt care if he had "friends" just this girl thing is disrespectful i think. he told me that she was his best friend and there is nothing i can do about it..she disappears bout 2yrs ago ..all of a sudden she is in a bad relationship and pops back in..am i wrong for having a problem with this..is it right for him to have the hidden conversations..please let me know..relationship in jeopardy..

Definetly not ok. He talks to women, and when you try to tell him that you're bothered, he gets calls on his cell, what a jerk, and then on top of that, he tries to put you on a guilt trip about it by saying, "you don't want me to have friends?" Wrong wrong and wrong. You tell him, that you want this to stop, and by him not stoping means he doesn't respect your very reasonable wishes, I bet he'd feel the same about you talking to guys, would he not? Bring these things up, and if he acts like its so important to have them in his life, and hides things from you, then this will not work at all. What if hes hiding a women that hes having an affair with? If thats not the case now, it will be your next hit if you don't get things straight with him, or, if you're willing and he is willing to work this out, get to a marriage counselor, they will tell him what hes doing is wrong, then he will get the point, and that women told your man, "Hes my best friend and theres nothing she can do about." HOLY crap! He let her say that? Oh my gosh, if he had respect for you, he'd let her go right when she said that, she is VERY disrespectful, I am afraid that you are heading for divorce because of this, this is not right, you know that. Get to marriage counseling, they will help you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: (16/f) I've been going out with my boyfriend for 6 months now and I really do love him. Its just that he doesnt trust me at all. Just because of things people tell him. People dont like the fact that we're going out because we're in an inter-racial relationship. So they make things up to try to get us to break up. I know that they're lying but he doesnt. He just doesnt trust me and I'm constantly telling him not to believe them and " No I didnt flirt with so-and-so today." Im so sick of trying to get him to believe me. He also makes me feel guilty for things I did before we started going out. Im tired of it and I try telling him this but he just doesnt stop. It's getting to the point where we're fighting most of the time instead of getting along. I love him so much and I dont want to have to break up but I want to be happy instead of being sad all the time now. I just dont know if its at the point where I should end it or not. Please help me out I dont know what to do... thanks in advance.

My signs point to, "let him go." Here are your reasons:

1. He is aware that people are making up excuses for two people of a different race being together, and doesn't seem to believe you over them.

2. He likes to make you feel bad by making you feel guilty of things.

3. He won't trust you on your first word of saying that you did not flirt with so and so.

I'm sorry, but this guy sounds like a overly jealous guy, but he hardly respects you, you definetly deserve better.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Well over the weekend I'm stuck with a huge project over the weekend and...its a group project and two of the guys in the group goof off all the time and are failing the class and the other guy is a cute,nice,funny guy I flirt and joke around with sometimes. He's into the project but he's not into getting everything together. I've got this amazingly funny and fun idea for the project, and the only way I'm gonna get it done is if I do it all by myself. So my question is, do people hate it if you do all the work? Does doing all the work piss people off? Will the guy not like me anymore if I do it by myself?
Thanks so much for helping! :-)

Well, you will probably end up into trouble if you only do it, and if you tell the others they can't do it, have your flirty guy help you, remember, get the work done, you can save your flirting for afterwords, just sell him on the idea of what you have in mind and he will probably be glad to help you, you can use some help on it.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Well, My 5 year olf brother and I walked into the room my 16 year old sister and I share, and we saw her and her boyfriend having sex...

They didnt even know we were there for like two minutes... I was frozen, my feet rooted to the floor, but then finally my brother pulled me away... the problem is... My brother asked me, just as we walked out, "what were they doing there?"

I seriously dont know how to answer him... I mumbled something, but all week he's been persisting, and I need to give him an answer before he asks my parents and gets my sister into trouble... Please help!!!

I am thinking that maybe you should let your parents know about this, when my sister was 16, my mom knew she was having sex at the time, so, I am guessing that your sister is sneaking around? But, you shouldn't have to be put to the test to answer him, you need to tell your parents, or have your sister involved, she was the ine having sex in a house with 2 kids, so, I think she has to explain it. And yes, confronting the situation about them getting caught is embarrassing, but you just have to bring it up,but this will embarrass her more, so you both will feel ackward, or you can have your parents do this.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: well last saturday i went to my cousins daughters birthday party and i was downstairs with my grandmothers neighbors grandson and we were hanging out, and we were watching TV and i had my head resting on his shoulder and my legs were on his lap and he had his arm around me.. and then my brother came down and was like.. ahh u like her!! to him and he pushed me off and stood up and he was like, no i dont, we were just watching TV. and then he went upstairs and i have NO IDEA what he's thinking now, because he sent mixed signals. and now i like this other kid and he's REALLY funny and pretty cute, and i pretty much cant get my mind off him.. but i dont know what do do... i have mised feelings.

You put your legs on just a friends' lap? Thats a bit too close for just watching tv, your brother didn't misunderstand, and even if he did, who could blame him? You were onto him while watching tv. You probably both have feelings for each other, but remember next time, if you don't want somebody to get the wrong idea about you and someone, don't be all over them, just watch tv. Your brother is thinking, "Oh my god, they love each other," or something like that, and hopefully you won't get all over this "kid" at watching tv until you know him better.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I have this "friend"that talks behind my back!!! she even said she hated me, to my other friend!!!I don't know what i did?!! When i try to talk to her all she does is say "i don't need advise I'm not rude so shutup!!!" I think she is also a show off to impress me and my best friend!! How can i solve this?!!!

Your best solution is never talking to her again, and not taking her back when she comes crawling to you. You tried to talk to her, that didn't work, so now, its time to tell her goodbye. Trust me, shes very rude, and doesn't deserve any friends.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Okay now I dont want to sound too sluty but yesterday I went some where with my friend and when we got there it was this really cute boy there. Now he was flirting with me(rubbing my leg and holding my hand) but the bad part of all this is he was doin gthe same to my friend, when we went outside, we actually made out. When we got back to my friends house she told me that they made out! Now I don't know if that is true or not because they were never really alone together bu twhat if it is true? I have to see this boy every thursday, and I think we both like him, but who does he like??? PLEASE HELP ME

Your friendship might as well go down the drain if you and your friends are going to be nasty and make out with "some cute boy somewhere." Your brain is going down the drain too, don't make out with strangers or you will be a slut, because all sluts just do whatever they want with a guy whether they know him or not. That guy is 'slut' too, just makes out with every girl he sees, so he likes every girl he can get his hands on, so I'm telling you that you don't have anything special with this guy, and neither does your friend.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Does anyone know if it's possible it increase the size of your breasts without gaining weight? I know that if you gain weight your breasts will grow larger (considering it's all fat tissue anyway). But I'd like to increase the size of my breasts without gaining weight. Is this possible? Thanks, I rate.

I'm not sure how old you are, but if you're a teen girl, you should wait, breasts take time to develop fully, but if you are a women, than breast implants would work.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: My friend JD and I just got into n argument the other day. We have been doing that a lot lately. He has been coming to me and a couple of my friends with his problems, and we have told him what we feel what he should do, but when we go up to him with problems, he he just says sorry, i hope you feel better.He is there for us, but that didnt feel good enough. Well, ever since Ive started to like his brother, he hasnt been supporting me. They get along sometims, but they pretty much hate each other, and he says that if I go out with him, Ill ruin my life. I have supported him with pretty much everything that hes done except for once that can remember. I dont know what to do, and he has been too good of a friend to get rid of, or so I thought, I guess. I just want ot know how I should deal with us hardly not talking anymore and not worry about it because of my other friends. But if I go out with his brother, its going to be hard to avoid him and shit. But thats not the whole story, thats just where its the problem between me and him and a couple of other people. If anyone wants to know the full story, drop it by me in my inbox. Thanx! I rate good.

Well, I think that JD is hurt by knowing that you want to date his brother because not only does he hate his brother, but he might feel like you won't give him much of your time, and he might even like you, but I'm not really supporting the idea of you dating his brother either. Hes not supporting you because hes not liking the fact that you may date his brother, and it will probably hurt him, and you're right, you can't run away from him if you dated his brother. Maybe he likes you, he could be jealous, but I'm getting really confused on how I should say this because I hardly know anything about this, so you can tell me the full story if you want, I'll help.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Age: 13 Gender: Chick [girl]

Ok, I have this problem and like it involes this dude that I truely like. But like, we went out for like 10 to 11 days and then we broke up. I did something like so fucking stupid to get his attention and now like we don't talk a lot but we're still "friends." I really love him and like he keeps asking me if I do and I know that he suspects that I still do. Then, he already has this other chick under his arm and it's not me. But like I know why we broke up and everything. But like on a note he sent me he wrote that no matter what we will try to make this relationship work and last long even if we have to marry each other! Like, I knew he was going to take back those words. But like, he made feel so freaking retarded and like now, I just think he's like such a dork for confusing me! Like, should I forget about him and move on and just stay friends or should I like still continue to kill myself this way? Because everyday I cry for him to come back to me and like I also "cut" and like I'm like always depressed because of him. Help me please, what should I do?

The Loner, loser, Lover...your dark lord and master...Jenny M...
[jennymanzanares@hotmail.com]

You are probably not going to like my answer on this one, but you should not date this guy, first of all, you said he made you feel retarded, no guy thats suppose to respect you doesn't make you feel retarded, and second, you cut over him! If you date this guy, your going to bring this problem upon him, too. And now, because you did something stupid like cutting over a guy, you're probably addicted, there is no absolute reason to cut over a guy, theres also no reason to cut at all, but don't ever cut over a guy. You need to fix your cutting problem, its ok to feel sadness, but hurting yourself is too far. Get a parent involved in this, I would suggest getting a parent to help you with this, and that guy has a girlfriend, and hes writing you a note about getting married? He just sounds like a weird two timing person.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I've liked this guy for like, seriously, a REALLY long time, I mean we've been friends for longer than I can remember. A couple years ago my cousin was visiting from another state and I was takin her to hang out w. me and a few of my friends (including the guy i like). Now let me get this straight, I told her how much I liked him and how much he meant to me. Well, they meet each other and they decide that hey they like each other, so they start to go out (yea long distance n everything) and i'm like seriously, devastated, you don't understand how much i care for this guy. They broke up after awhile but i have never really been the same w. my cousin since. about a year after that happened, my guy started liking me, and he told me and so we dated for a few weeks and did some stuff n my cousin got soo pissed at me, and i think that i have a right to do what i please, considering she did like, almost hte exact same to me! even though i wasn't doing it to piss her off, i did it cause i really really like this boy. Well, me and my boy still talk alot, and he says that in a few years (i'm 14, he's 15) he thinks that we should get together again, but he doesnt want to right now, and i understand that. My cousins coming into town this weekend. I have plans to see a movie w. my guy and a bunch of my other firends and my mom told me i have to take my cousin, n i'm soo afraid that she and him will start likin each other again. what do i do.!??!

Tell your mom whats going on, and also, go up to your cousin and say, "you know what, get over it, you did the exact same thing to me, so don't even try to say that you were treated unfairly, I was, me me me, so you deserved it, you knew that I liked this guy, and you go and take him from me." Your cousin is horrible for doing this, tell your mom about this, or just forget that guy, he just sounds like a guy who moves on from girl to girl in days and weeks, your cousin really betrayed you, and a adult needs to know this.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: i am a freshmore(15) any ways moving on i have a boyfriend whome i love very much and i assume he loves me to anyways hes the greatest any ways we had sex recently for the first time and now evrey time i see him he i guess think he want s to go that far evy time but i dont know..... i love him (an dim on birth control and he uses condoms) but im still scared. ami i just over reacting... and i know its not cause im not sure if i like him because i know i would give up every thing for him and he would give any thing for me so what shouls i do.......
apoolgy for it bing so long

~lauren~

After having sex, nothing is perfect, you aren't automatically happy and everything will suddenly go well. Sex fixes nothing, not even the smallest problems, so what you're feeling is just sad feelings, confused of if you should have done it now, and then you start to feel regretful, so you are feeling temporary sadness, and soon, you'll feel good about the choice you made, if you are scared that you will become pregnant, then you might not want to do it, you're still at risk, but you aren't at a high risk, especially with using the condom and the pill.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Okay, so I eat good, I have gym class every day so I exercise5 times a week for and hour and a half, yet i'm still pretty fat. I mean I'm not obese. I'm about 150, but I'm 5'8. Al my friends are really skinny though so in comparison to them i'm huge. I don't want to hurt myself with an eating disorder or anything and I don't have time to exercise anymore, but what can I do?

It sounds to me that you are fine the way you are. Being 5'8 is pretty dang tall, and the taller you are, the more you will weigh, lots of tall people have trouble understanding this, but its very true.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Me and this guy use to go out. He broke up with me and I didnt see him for a long time. I was in love with him, we started talking again and we hug and flirt and talk but theres this other girl he does some of that stuff with too. I still have feelings for him, everytime I see him I always think god he's hot, and think about how much I care for him. But wut do I do? I need him back, he's like all I ever think about.

I think that you should stop being this guys friend, not that its bad that you are his friend, but its definetly not good for yourself, you want him so bad, it probably hurts you when you know that he does things with another girl. But, the only way to get over someone, is to not being around them, and I think that you should either see if hes at all interested in you, or just try getting over him, if you need help with an option you choose, go on and ask me in my inbox.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Tomorrow, i have a Persuasive essay to turn in, which I will later have to read to my English class.

My topic is on book-banning, and i've typed up my essay, and it's all set.

My problem is, is that my last reason for why book-banning from schools and libraries isn't right, is because books are sometimes banned because of homosexual characters.

At first, i felt strongly about stating my opinion through an essay on my opinion on homosexuallity (I'm for gay marriage), but now, I'm having second doubts. Can someone please tell me how they think this will go over in my class, and is it appropriate? (This is Advanced 8th grade Eglish by the way)

I think that you should just let it go. People won't kill you for not mentioning your opinion on gay marriage, just go on with your essay, you shoudn't try to get a debate going in your class, and 8th graders will debate because usually they make fun of gay people, so its probably not appropriate, there are lots of things that aren't right, but you still have to deal with it, so I say to drop it.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: k i have a boyfriend and i love my ex boyfriend,but he doesnt love me. my boyfriend doesnt know i love him but i do. me and my ex are still really good friends and my boyfriend gets really jealous every time we go somewhere. i feel bad for having a boyfriend cuz i only like him as a friend and sometimes i like him as more. i dont know im really confused

Please get rid of your current boyfriend, you are being very unfair to him by not even telling him that you're in love with your ex, its almost like cheating except you aren't dating, though you are in love, its already hard enough that he gets jealous, but you probably say, "oh were just friends." Right behind it, you're lying, get rid of him if you don't love him.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok... so I've kind of been with this guy for a while now... and it's starting to get sexual... and I've never done anything sexual before so I'm pretty clueless. OK so he keeps feeling me up and I know I need to give him a hand job back... but I just don't know how. I mean does it have to be up before I start rubbin or what? and if it does what do I do to get it up... and idunno how fast to do it either... I don't wanna hurt him or anything and make him think I'm stupid... I obviously know the general motion.. I'm not THAT clueless... but yea. I guess I'm just looking for any tips on giving hand jobs and kind of 'instructions' I guess

Thanks

The best way of getting sexual with someone, is knowing them so well, and being able to talk to them about anything. Instead of giving you tips for handjobs, I am going to suggest to you that it is way easier to ask him what he likes, just ask while you guys aren't getting sexual, say, "Hey, if I give you a handjob, what really turns you on?" and let him show you, trust me, asking is WAY better than instructions from people over the net.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: hey,
well you know how my sis and bros are always getting me into trouble even with things i don't do,my dad always hits me for no reason and sometimes my sis does something bad and blames it on me and my dad hits me,sometimes for no reason..there's never one day were he doesnt.. he hits me about 4-6 time a day for things i didnt even do..i tell him i didnt do them but he doesnt believe me he believes my sis and bro cuz they are younger,i try talking to my mom but she doesnt listen or believes me anyways she is never home so she never sees how my dad treats me,i want to talk to someone in my school ,a counsulor(w/e its spelled) but i'm shy and scared i dont want my dad to go to jail or anything but i just cant stand it anymore when he hits me like mad for absolutly no reason..and also bosses me around i understand thats his job but...i mean he tells me to pick up my SIS OR BROS OR HIS stuff but its not fair why cant he boss my sis and bros around i mean its there mess sometimes i tell him 'why should i its not my mess why would i need to pick that stuff up'..but he just hits a bunch of time and i csnt defend myself cuz he might keep hitting me harder and that hurts....what should i do? (i sometimes think about cutting but thats not the way out of a problem so i dont i just hold in my anger?

This is serious, definetly go to a counselor. I know you love your dad very much even though he hurts you, but you need to get to a counselor right away, and being shy is ok, they will still give you comfort, but all they need from you is the truth, and you can even ask them specificly what they are going to do about the situation, my guess would be, that they will call family services and come to your house and ask whats been going on. I am really concerned in this situation, if youb want to, you can tell me in my inbox what happens and I'll do anything to help you through it.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Okay, so! I'm 15/female and I met this guy last week and he seems pretty cool. He likes me and all, and I like him too. It's just that, I dont like him like boyfriend/girlfriend. He's a great person and all, and I'd be happy with being friends but other than that, I'm confused. See.. I'm not hott or anything, I'm average, but he sees me as beautiful. And I desperatley want a boyfriend because I havent had one in over a year and I'm getting lonely. But I dont want to go out with this guy for the wrong reasons. Should I go out with him once and see what happens or what?

Never date a guy for the reasons you are giving to me. Its wrong, and hurtful. If you're lonely keep him as your friend, and it doesn't matter if you havn't had a boyfriend in a long time, you don't need to join in the teen girls' competition, you are better than that, you need to wait until you actually feel something for him, if he feels something for you, than make sure to tell him right away that you don't feel the same. But, no matter how he feels about you, you do not have to feel the same, you feel what you feel, and it needs to be kept that way, and this guy is from last week! So, you need to wait more.

-TheTeenGirl

bio

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
I enjoy ratings. And if I ask a question on here, I always rate the person. If you work hard to give advice, you deserve to be rated.