Alin75's advice column | Page 53

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Location:

Denmark

Occupation:

Translator

Age:

43

Member Since:

November 28, 2004

Answers:

1296

Last Update:

April 28, 2014

Visitors:

136587

Favorite Columnists

Main Categories:

about

advice

I would like to know how to stop my boyfriend from always grabbing me in the wrong places?

Start hanging out in different places! Hehe just kidding. Seriously though, the other columnists are right, you have to talk to him. I am not sure how old you are, but if you are teenagers, he probably is a bit clueless as to what is ok and what isnt. To make matters more confusing, some girls think something is acceptable while other girls find it insulting.

When you talk to him, its important that you dont "attack" him, so to speak. Dont put him on the defensive and make him feel guilty, or he might become stubborn or argumentative. Just sit him down and gently explain what you feel uncomfortable with.

If it continues make sure he understands that you consider his actions a sign that he does not respect you. It should be clear to him that you will not continue the relationship in this way.

Anyways, good luck.

i'm wicca and i'm gonna have a baby and well i was wondering if it's wrong if i make my baby learn and follow through with the wicca relligon i really want her/him to belive in what i belive in and i think of it as like the christans and how they make them belive in the whole jesus christ bible stuff no offence to any people who belive in that relligon so is it wrong? plez help

This is a tricky question. After reading through the other answers I have a few thoughts to add...

First off, as was already said, pretty much everyone does this. However, the fact that all (or most) religious people do it, does not neccessarily make it ethically correct.

The other thing that was mentioned was the "ideal" situation. That is where you teach your child the values of the religion without trying actively to push them into it. This point of view is a bit of a contradiction, since living and growing in a household that actively persues one form of religion over another will push the child in that direction. In most cases it will be the teachings of that religion that will influence his determination on what is right and what is wrong.

Personally I think this is a far harder question to answer than it seems on the surface. To what extent is anyone ethically allowed to influence a child (which is essentially a clean slate) in order to pass on a set of convictions that are purely based on belief (i.e. that have no factual proof whatsoever, or that have factual proof that is entirely circumstancial)?

This is a question that could be debated endlessly. In the end you have to answer it for yourself. However if you choose to you would in no way be different than the majority of Christian, Muslim, Jewish etc households.

That being said I will share my opinion, which is not really so relevant but should probably be included. I believe it is utterly wrong to influence a child in any way towards a point of view that you cannot prove. I think its completely wrong when Christians do it, and I would think its wrong if/when you do it. To me it is programing the child before his reasoning capabilities have evolved. In that way his reasoning will forever be influence by his beliefs rather than vice versa. Just for the record (because most people assume this), I am not an athiest.

Like I said though, in the end its your decision and your child, so my opinion is not really of any importance. Good luck with your decision.

When I ask questions, how do I know that they're completely safe and some advicenator that's a mod2 could spread that I wrote the question? And when your question goes through, can they see your username?

Well as most people said, you are can never be really sure. The L2s and up tend (I say tend because I have ony seen a few "in action") to be mature and so on, but thats not an iron clad guarantee.

Now, I should add that in all the time I have been here, I have never come across the mention of a user name being "spread" around because of a question they asked. Even when a really awful question was brought to light on the moderator forum (and by awful I mean where something illegal was being suggested), even then the user name was not mentioned.

Also the system kind of keeps itself in check. The L2s have to answer to the L3s, and everyone finally has to bow before DN... so before any mod can start acting like a jackass it would require a conspiracy going all the way to the top.

So you should have nothing to worry about. However, if you really dont want anyone to ever know you asked a question, you do have the option to ask individual columnists while not being logged on. That way you should remain totally nameless.

what do you look for in a girl, physically && personality wise? what turns you on about them or makes you want to take to them more? anything helps. Thanks. ill rate.

Well this one really varies from guy to guy, so Im not too sure what you will get out of it. Anyway, heres my two cents:

Physical:
Most important is a pretty face. She can then have as many of the following as possible (though not having any wont neccessarily make her unattractive): Nice hair, nice... female characteristics (boobs, curves etc- I am not fond of the model type at all), a bit of shoulder width is ok too etc.

Personality:
First and foremost being nice (as in pleasant warm and friendly). I prefer a girl who is straightforward, doesnt work too much with hints, or plays silly games etc. Then the more she has of the following the better it will be: Sense of humour -the more compatible with mine the better :), intelligence, a manageable ego (as in she can admit if she was wrong, can take a discussion without getting defensive etc).

Really the personality characteristics are no different than what I would expect from a close friend come to think about it.

Its very tricky to make a list though because suddenly a guy might fall for a person that comes very short on his preferences. Last girl I fell for was a tiny, extremely skinny girl that really only had "nice" and "intelligent" from the list above.

Anyways, hope this helps you for something.

When I rate people, I generally give all 5s, maybe a 4 or 2, and a 1 if someone is completely rude or didnt answer the question. Well..Let's say I ask a question and I get 5 answers. One of them is horrible, so it gets a 1 rating. The second is okay but kinda bad, so a 3 or 4. The next 2 answered the question and werent jerks, but the 5th wrote a 5 paragraph answer and included links to websites and personal experiences, etc. Should I rate the the 3rd and 4th people 5's like the 5th person, or should I give them fours because there was a better answer?

NOTE--Im rating all fives on this question no matter what

Ok this is the way I would do it (and sorry if this has been said before, I tried reading through all the answers but there are a heck of a lot):

Horrible answer: 1 or 2 (depending on how horrible)
Ok, but kinda bad: 3
Answered ok but werent jerks: 4
Provided an indepth answer: 5

Is there a place I can put up stories and poetry I write for feedback that doesn't fit into a specific genre?

Like, fanfiction.net stopped allowing people to post fanfiction there that wasn't based on something (like Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings or whatever).

Thanks!

http://www.deviantart.com/

Poetry, stories, pictures etc.

If I run on my treadmill which of my muscle groups am I working out, on what part of my body?

Running works your quads. Also, but I believe to a somewhat lesser degree, you will be working out your glutes, your hamstrings, your calves and your lower abs. Of course your lower back and abs are used as satbilizers.

What are some exercises to build muscle and get rid of fat in your high thighs, and the fat where your bra strap is near your arm pit? lol thanks!!I rate 5's!!

Here is a link to a site that shows you pretty much every kind of exercise you want. Just click on the muscle you are interested in:

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/exercises.htm

Just so you know, despite what many people think, there is no way to spot reduce fat through exercise. This means that doing crunches wont in any way reduce stomach fat, doing lunges wont in any way reduce thigh fat etc etc. The only way to do that is through overall weight loss. Your body picks where the fat is taken from. Sorry but its the truth.

I was talking to my friend yesterday (well...he's a little more than a friend but nothing official yet) and we were talking about my other friend, Kelsey. He was saying that he doesn't like how she flaunts her boobs all the time.

I tried to defend her and say that if she and I were to wear the same shirts that were as low cut as each other, it'd look like she was flaunting because she's a C and I'm barely a B.

After I said that he goes, "Oh okay so is that excuse you're going to use for flaunting your legs?" (I'm alot taller than her). I asked him if he thought that I flaunted my legs too much and he said no that he was "just saying".

Do you think he was trying to say something by telling me that?

I dont see why. This is the kind of question where one needs information you cannot really provide (tone of voice, body language, etc). From what you have said I would say there is no reason at all to suspect he meant anything else.

He was arguing a point, and when you made references to size, he tried to twist the argument back at you. I would have said the same most probably :)

Anyways, you have more info than we do, but from what you wrote here I see no reason to assume he meant anything else.

Are we in the twenty-first century? Is it from 2000 to 3000 or 2001 to 3000 or what? I don’t understand the century things.

Lol year 0 eh?

There was no year 0. Our calendar starts from 1 AD.

The 21st century began in 2001.

Heres a link:

http://aa.usno.navy.mil/faq/docs/millennium.html

Edit: Far be it for me to disagree with people both below and above me... the 22nd century starts in 2101. The fourth millenium starts from 3001.

me and my friend walked through a littel river it went above my knees i also got a bad scatch on my below my knee.. The water might be contaminated because there is alot of trash don't through there.. i know it's nasty but we just wanted to have fun.. if it was contaminated will I get sick from it?

The only answer to this question is perhaps. Probably you will be ok, however, depending on the bacteria in the water at the time, the strength of your immune system etc you could get anything from a small infection to a serious disease.

You will probably be ok, but it certainly is possible. If this happens again (cause I am pretty sure its too late now) try to disinfect the wound with alcohol.

How did Judas betray Jesus? There is a band called Judas Priest. Does that pertain to the story and so they are satanic-ish because Judas was a traitor? Or was he? I don't know.

Yeah Dancergirl pretty much summed it up. He was a traitor. Jesus actually said earlier that one of his disciples was to betray him, if my memory serves.

Just wanted to add that Judas Priest is hardly satanic (ish or otherwise). One thing about heavy metal bands is they have a tendancy to want to provoke. You have tons of examples of such things in metal. Most of it is not to be taken too seriously really.

Do sit ups help get rid of love handles? If it doesnt what are some good exercises? I dont have huge love handles or anything just small ones that I want to get rid of for my swim suit. thanks!!I rate 5's

There are no exercises that get rid of love handles. You cannot target the removal of fat from any area of the body through exercise. You can target the building of muscle onto an area, but thats it.

Fat targetting is a myth, a very widespread myth on advicenators, and I think its kept alive by those infomercials that want to sell you their latest gadget (note though, they never exactly say that it will remove the fat, they only hint at it... otherwise they would probably be sued).

So, you can either lose weight (diet, exercise in general... the usual stuff) and then sooner or later your body will remove your love handles, or you can choose not to.

Sorry but its the truth, no need to spend the next year trying to do all sorts of useless stuff.

okay lets say im dating a boy right.
and..... stuff and we are only in 7th grade.
and..... is it possible for people to date in 7th grade to stay together forever like.. get married i mean i know we are young but can it happen?

Yeah I agree with the answer below. It can happen, but its really really unlikely.

One of the reasons this does not happen often is because you are at the stage in your lives where things change a lot. Your personalities, general maturity and so forth mean that you wont neccesarily be the same person in 5 years.

I'm a bit of a slob, and while re-organizing my closet (aka picking my clothes up off the floor), I found a whole lot of mouse poop. I don't really keep food in my room, and when I do eat in my room, it's not in the closet.

So how do I get rid of the mice? I keep my clothes in this area, so I'd rather not use strong chemicals. I also don't want to be picking up dead mice. So what's the most humane, safest way to get rid of them?

One of my friends just had mice, and he had lots and lots of mice in his house in the countryside. The experience taught me two things:

1. Despite the fact that I am huge, hairy, and angry looking, I still jump like a girl when they run across the floor

2. They can be really persistent and hard to get rid of

Going on with 2, plugging up the hole is a good idea. However its important that you plug it up right. My friend was advised by exterminators to use ground glass in the mixture (I will check with him and edit this if I remember wrong). This is to prevent them from chewing back in.

He also used special mouse poison... which they ate happily and never died from. And I mean they ate a few bottles of the stuff.

Traps work well, but you will be picking up dead mice. Im afraid that, short of buying a cat (which is by no means a guarentee of success), you will have to resort to a method that leaves carcasses around. Traps are also better than poison because they die next to the trap.

Overall though, consider hiring a professional. It will cost, but it will be faster and more effective.

i've been doing curl ups everyday for a year and (i do the side ones, the ones that work out your upper and lower abs) and like im seeing NO improvement...is there a harder curl up to do? becuase im going all the way up slowly and all the way down slowly and i cant see anything!! im doing 200 on the left and 200 on the right...help!!

Hmmm, why emphasize the abs so much? First of all, if you want a washboard stomach, that has more to do with a low body fat percentage than training the abs. If you want a low body fat percentage then doing a full body weights workout and some cardio is the best. That and your diet of course. Thats totally crucial.

Furthermore, if you train your whole body then you wont look disproportionate (great abs and nothing else). Also since abs are used as stabilizers, it isnt neccesary to train them too much if you train overall.

Another thing, if you only train abs and neglect its opposing muscle (the lower back in this case) it is not good for you- you will probably end up with a strange posture and perhaps back problems.

Just in case you arent aware, you cannot spot reduce fat (i.e. you wont lose fat from your stomach by doing them).

Anyways here is a link to a site that has a great deal of exercises. Just click on the abs to get a ton of options:

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/exercises.htm

I know that there are some people who are just naturally really skinny, but there are some people who are mega needle thin. Is that possible for people to be naturally that thin??? Brigitte Bardot had a 20 inch waist-----Scarlett O'Hara from "Gone With The Wind" had a 17-inch waist. 17 inches! Jesus! I just can't see how people can be just born that way.

Yes its possible. I dont even have to look at the women. One of my best friends is a small Indian guy. Anyway, this guy is stick thin. I mean really really skin and bones. To make matters worse he eats like a pig. I am not even exagerrating here, the guy can binge eat like there is no tomorrow. He eats a lot, and its almost always unhealthy fatty crap... and he absolutely never ever gains an ounce.

I really hate him sometimes.

is it true that guys are only your friends if they are some what attracted to you .. like theyd only be your friend if they like your of if they think your hot is that true? - 15/f

No it isnt. It will hold for some guys but absolutely not all. I have had friends who were girls where there wasnt any form of attraction whatsoever one way or the other.

Typically though guys will be your friend for one of 3 reasons:
1. because they really are your friend
2. because they want something more
3. because they know that by having a girl as a friend they can get access to a lot of other girls (friend's friends).

Dont tell anyone I told you about nr 3, the Guy Guild would have me liquidated immediately.

hey i dont wanna be anorexic but i wanna be smaller than i am i want to wiegh 105 pds and i wiegh currently wirgh 116 pounds tell me every thing you know like

* what i should eat
* When i should check the wieght
* And how much should i expect to lose a week ,Month day. ect.
* WHat exersizes should i do
I already run around a mile track and do 100 crunches a day and is doesnt work maybe its all the stuff i eat. IM 5'1 and 116 punds im 13 yrs old and im from jersey.

Excercise wise the best thing you can do is a combination of weight training and cardios. Ideally weights at the gym at least 3 times a week and cardios also about 3 times. People underestimate weights in regards to fat burn. They are a very powerful tool.

Weight training builds muscle and boosts your metabolism. This means you will burn more calories all day long, even while you are asleep.

Crunches, sit- ups, side thingies for your love handles, and all other extremely specific exercises are really not very useful on their own. This is because fat loss cannot be targetted to an area of the body (you cannot choose to lose weight from your love handles for example). All these exercises do is build a bit of muscle on the areas. So, the object is simply to burn more calories and therefore a full body workout is what you need.

Now, onto diet. Eat many small meals (4 to 6 per day). This really helps boost your metabolism. Eating rarely or starving yourself makes weight loss very hard, and what you do lose tends to be muscle.

Cut down on saturated fats. Animal products tend to contain them, so keep those low fat. Good fats (unsaturated) are found in nuts, fish, olive oil, canola etc. Read the labels of everything you eat (you probably need between 40-50 grams of fat per day, of which more than half should be unsaturated).

Keep track of your calories and eat a few hundred less than you consume. Eat moderately on carbs and proteins, eat plenty of greens and drink lots of water. Needless to say stay away from junk foods, sweets, soda, excess salt etc.

Good luck.

The guy i like worships the devil..i think..he is into wicca and i'm totally the oposite...i love Jesus and God. But is it wrong to have feelings for someone like that?

As some people pointed out before, wiccans are NOT devil worshippers. In no way is Wicca the worshiping of Satan. Just punch it up in Google and you will get info on it.

Anyway, it is different from your religion but no different than if he were part of another mainstream faith. So, would you be able to live with it if he were Jewish or whatever?

If so, then you are ok. If not, then you should only date Christians (and then perhaps only those of your particular kind... Catholics, Protestants etc). However, in my view- until one can fork over conclusive proof one way or another- one is better off just taking the person for who he is first, and what he believes in second.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>