NinjaNeer's advice column

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Q: i think someone lied to my friend! she told her that if she washes her hair in cold water it will shine better than any product could make it. does anyone know if this is really true?

if you KNOW for a FACT that it works can you tell us why does cold water make your hair shiny?

thanks a lot!

Yes, it does work.

It works because your hair is made up of tiny scales, facing in the same direction. When you wash with warm water, the scales lift somewhat, making the shaft of the hair less smooth, and thus less reflective. When you rinse with cold water, the temperature makes the scales contract and lie flat, which makes your hair more reflective (shiny).

Here's a diagram of the hair shaft which shows what I mean:

http://www.hairfinder.com/hairquestions/hairporosity.jpg

Q: Hello i have a question. I have started growing as of you know and I am about turn 13 i havent got my period yet alot of my friends say thats unnormal is that true??? And I dont like talking to my mom about it it makes me feel un comfertable so i need help thanks alot

Your friends are totally wrong.

Some girls start as early as 8 or 9. I had friends who didn't start until they were 16. Any time in between is normal.

When should you get concerned? Once you hit age 16, if you still haven't had it, there may be an underlying medical condition.

Just be glad you don't have to deal with it yet. It's a royal pain in the butt!

Q: So I got a traffic ticket for not stopping at a stop sign. At first it was $125 fine, but because I'm going to traffic school for it, it is now $175 (but it won't raise my insurance, and it will be taken off my driving record).

Well, long story short, I have no money to pay it. I'm not exactly sure when I have to pay it yet, I haven't gotten a letter from the court saying if they approve the traffic school.

But when I do get it, do I pay the ticket first, and then pay for traffic school? Or the other way around? Because my parents are paying for traffic school, and if traffic school is first, it'll buy me more time to figure our how to pay for this ticket.

What do you do when you can't afford to pay a fine? Do you get further fines for it for not paying it? I don't have a job right now, I've been desperately trying to find one for the past month. My parents absolutely refuse to help me out. There is a very slight chance I might find one in about three weeks, its my last hope.

~F/19

I had to go in and fight a red light camera ticket on my fiance's behalf. We're both students, so we chose to go in and plead for a reduction in fine because of financial circumstances.

Very often, if you can't afford to pay for it at the moment, you can apply for an extension. Our fine wasn't reduced (nasty judge) but she gave us an extra 6 months to pay. You may have that option.

Q: I'm 18 and my bf is 19, we are planning on getting married, is it the right thing to do?

I'm going to have a bit of a different perspective on this, just because of how my life has turned out.

I met my fiance when I was 18, and he proposed within 10 months of us starting to date. Insane, right? At that point, we had been living together for 6 months, and had been through a few serious crises.

I won't tell you not to commit to your boyfriend because you're 'too young'. 'Too young' isn't a reason to not do anything; we got engaged, moved in together, bought a house and adopted a dog, all when we were 'too young' for it. We're thriving because of it.

However, there are serious warning signs in your question. If you're concerned that he might leave you, then those concerns need to be addressed before you get married. You should feel 100% about getting married. Do you want to marry a man who you feel might leave you? Do you want to be put in a position where you depend on him for everything?

That's why 3 years later we're finally planning for our wedding next year. We were ready to make a serious commitment, and we were certain that we wanted to marry each other. Were we certain that it would actually happen? No. There was a lot of stuff that needed to be sorted through before we made that commitment, especially because I don't believe in divorce.

Take some time. There's nothing wrong with a long engagement. It's a nice way to commit without taking that last huge leap. Be sure before you get married, and especially be sure before you have children. And don't let anyone tell you you're 'too young' to know what's best for you, because only you know the true nature of your relationship.

Q: No one is hiring, I'm negative in the bank, and I'm ashamed of myself that I have been out of college for 3 years and no one wants me to work for them.

I've tried selling a book, nothing. Stores, nothing. temp agencies, ****ing nothing.

I'm starting to get suicidally depressed about this, and am starting to think that if I don't get some money soon, the only way I won't be a strain on my family is to wander off some desolate to starve to death.

male, 27

Keep following that chain downwards. Can't get a job through a temp agency? Apply at McDonald's, at Burger King, etc. Telemarketing agencies have a high turn-over rate as well, so they're usually looking. You're not looking for a career here, you're looking for anything. It won't look negative in the future; if anything, future employers will be impressed by the fact that you were able to go below your education level.

If that doesn't work, try odd jobs. Mow lawns, if you have a car, drive people.

In the meantime, there's no shame in applying for social assistance. I had to do it at one point when money really dried up. I guess what you would receive depends on where you live, but even a couple hundred a month can help.

Q: i am 20 my ex bf is 21. we were together for the pass two years. we were on and off for those two years for various reasons. we broke up this febuary and tried to be friends which didnt work because we spent all day together, talked to each other more than our friends, and were intimate but just didnt label ourselve bf/gf. we completly stopped all of this in march.

during our relationship, he wanted me to change some things to better myself and "our" future at the time. examples: like a better job, or move out, be more comfortable around his friends and family. (i was a shy girl).

three weeks ago, i was the one who texted him two weeks ago. we had lunch and he asked how i was doing and how my life was going. i told him i had found a much better job, i wasnt even looking just came across it from a friend and was hired. i went on his dream vacation and to a basketball game of his favorite team. i am even more open to people i meet and less shy, thanks to him. after lunch i asked to be friends, he said he couldnt handle it. he could never introduce me to anyone as his friend because he still loves me and cares for me too much. he couldnt even be my friend on facebook because he would get jealous and look at my fb stats. a week later we decided to be friends, he was hesitate at first but agreed to be actual friends this time.

then i told him my plan that i might move out because i am fiancially set now. he freaked out on me and said he cant be my friend. he thinks im doing this just to get back or make him jealous. he thinks i didnt make myself better when i was with him because i didnt care about him enough. he knows that its spiteful and he should be happy for me but he cant be. he said that im going to be the perfect girl and i will be with someone else so we cannot be friends. then he told me. "i hope whoever you marry, you have learned to love." this might have been out of anger when he saw me with a guy two nights ago.

i did grow up and mature from when i met him two years ago. but i am not doing this to make him jealous or to get him back. we had a lot of issues that we needed to work on and i think we are better off single or not with each other for now at least. i do love him and always will. he has helped me mature in so many ways and i have told him thank you numerous times, thats why i want him in my life as a friend. maybe years down the road we could be together but not now.

i just want to be his friend and have him understand that i am doing this for myself more then anyone else. i dont want him to be spiteful either but i know i cant force it on him and he has to do it alone...any word of advice?

Thanks

In a nutshell? Stop trying to win his approval, because he's not worth it. He's being the proverbial cur in the manger. He doesn't want to date you, but he doesn't want anyone else to date you. He's being selfish, jealous and possessive, which are not qualities you want in a platonic male friend. He's pretty much going to make your life miserable until he puts on his man pants and just sucks it up. He lost you, and now some other man will get the best of you. He's kicking himself for it.

With the mindset he's got now, you won't be able to prove to him that you're doing things for yourself. And you know what? You shouldn't HAVE to prove it. A reasonable guy would be happy for you.

It's not impossible to be friends with an ex, if they're willing to let the past be the past and move on. He clearly isn't, and he recognizes that, because he's trying to save you from himself.

My advice to you would be to move on with your life. Some day you may be able to be friends with him, or even date him again. Don't aim for that, though. Aim for happiness and fulfillment. If he just happens to fit the bill, either as a friend or a boyfriend, go for it.

Q: i am 13, and lately my left boob has been REALLY hurting, badly . like really bad. like a black and blue bruise. and i don't even touch it and it hurts. like i had a rock thrown at me. but i tried ice- it didn't really do much. so my question is should i see a doc.? i told my mom-she has no clue. but i have my period, i get leg cramps, but not boob cramps! or is just a new thing i am experiencing in puberty? what do i do? it kills? is this normal? and please only girls or woman answer, unless some man out their is a professional in breast diseases or whatever... lol. thanx sooo much! xoxxox

At your age, it's probably your breasts growing.

I had a friend who was a late bloomer. She was totally flat at age 15. One day, her breasts hurt, really badly, like you're describing. Next day, she had gone from a small AA to a B cup. It was crazy!

Another possibility is PMS, depending on the timing of your cycle. I know that I get really sensitive and achy.

Breast cancer isn't a pain that appears out of nowhere; generally, it's found because you detect a lump.

Q: I am in my early 40's and have been diagnosed as depressed since my late teens after my first suicide attempt. I have been to dozens of doctors and therapists and have been on most brands of anti-depressants and am on one now. I am no longer suicidal but still suffer from major depression. Also I am afraid that other mental health issues are getting out of control like anger and making bad impulsive decisions. Because of these bad and impulsive decisions, my financial and health insurance situation is bad. I know I should be seeing a therapist on a regular basis and maybe should even be hospitalized. I have no urge to hurt myself or anyone else, but I am embarassed at who I have become and can't seem to stop myself from quitting jobs, sleeping around, compulsively eating, isolating, and lashing out at the few people I still have left in my life. In my twenties I seemed more in control and had a great career and was someone I could be proud of. For the past several years I see myself as this crazy person who barely is making it through the "normal" world. Is there some way I can finally get the help I need when I don't have the money or insurance? I know I need help.

You sound like me, untreated. I'm normally cautious about telling people their diagnosis is wrong, but based on the symptoms you're having, it is.

Type 2 bipolar disorder is often misdiagnosed as depression, because when you hit a high, you feel fine, or at least functional; it's the lows that make you seek attention. You don't have the same crazy psychotic episodes that someone with Type 1 has. You make bad decisions, have trouble with impulse control and regulating sleep patterns... sound anything like you? People who are depressed don't get angry, they don't lash out, they don't have impulse control problems. They're sad, they lack energy. They're too tired to lash out.

The reason your medications aren't working is because antidepressants don't work for people with bipolar disorder. They actually make things worse, in the end. They tend to put people with bipolar disorder on a perma-high, so impulsive behaviours are amplified. Sure, you're not suicidal, but you're going nuts. What you need is a mood stabilizer. I'm on a great one now... I've been put on about 5 types of antidepressant, and never felt this good before.

If your current therapist won't listen to you or acknowledge that your diagnosis may be wrong, find one who will. Keep a mood diary to track your energy levels, amount of sleep, mood and things like that.

I can guarantee you that if I'm right, you'll improve almost immediately. The best part of going on a mood stabilizer is that it works almost instantly (within days) as opposed to antidepressants, which take weeks or months to start to work.

On a lighter note, here's a gem from my counselor: "If you think that you're crazy, you're not. The thing about crazy people is that they think they'r perfectly normal."

In addition to putting you on a different medication, your therapist may suggest something called "cognitive behavioural therapy". It's been specially designed for this sort of thing.

Good luck!

Q: I am 19 and have had sex with seven people. I regret my past, and I have never seen myself as a whore or a slut, but that is probably because I waited until I was 18 and a half to lose my virginity. And that is what makes it all worse, is that I had sex with so many people in such a short amount of time.

Would you consider this slutty? Or would you think I'm gross?

Again this is my past, I finally found a guy, and I am sticking to him for a long time. And even if he breaks my heart like the first one did, I know better now than to go on a sex rampage.

I have to second Razhie: You ARE awesome.

You're not a whore, unless you've accepted money for sex.

The word 'slut' is often misused. A slut, traditionally, was a slovenly, dirty woman. It's used as a pejorative term against sexually promiscuous women now. So I'd say that if you're having sex with lots of men and not practicing good sexual health, then you'd be a slut. If you're doing the same, but you're clean as a whistle down there, then you're just a woman who likes sex.

I went through the same phase. Sexual liberation and all that. Once I found 'the one', it was like being a virgin all over again. He doesn't care about my past, and neither do I.

Defining yourself as worthless trash based on your sexual experience is incredibly demeaning. Do you define your worth based on how many times you've had a finger in your ear? Then why is a penis in a vagina so different? It's all in whether or not you respect yourself, and it sounds like you've got that in spades.

Q: I'm a 21 year old guy and I live with my 19 year old girlfriend. She's furious with me right now because she caught me um, well... let's just say I would've lost the contest on a certain episode of Seinfeld. She considers that cheating, which blows my mind. I mean I love having sex with her, but that other, well, it kinda has it's own little niche in my life. How can I tell her it was nothing against her, and make it up to her?

I love the wording of this question. Seriously love it.

I think the problem your girlfriend has is that she doesn't really understand what masturbation means to you. Most women seem to think it's a replacement for sex, and that if you're doing it then she's not fulfilling your urges.

You've got to explain to her that it's not about sex. It's about being in touch with your own body (pun not intended, but kind of funny nonetheless). Sometimes you just don't want sex, but you want that relaxation. Explain that it doesn't impact your sex life with her in the slightest, and if anything it enhances it because you're not draping yourself all over her every time you have an urge.

Now, if she's just having a problem with any potential viewing material of yours, see if you can get some risque pictures of her to substitute. It's a nice way to keep her involved ;)

Q: 18/f
I will be heading away to college for the first time next month and I am staying in a dorm that has community bath/shower rooms. It really wigs me out not to not have a private bathroom of my own...is there anything you can tell me that will help?

Two words for you: flip flops.

You'll need them. Never go barefoot in the shower, because goodness knows what kind of super-fungus is growing in there.

Other than that, make sure you get a little plastic shower caddy that can hold your shampoo, conditioner, bodywash, loofah, hairbrush, etc. Also, a good bathrobe is a great investment, unless you feel like getting dressed while you're still damp in a tiny shower stall. People are pretty loosey-goosey about how they dress in residence. It wasn't uncommon for guys to walk around in boxers or girls in bathrobes.

Grab another little carrying basket for your toothbrush, toothpaste, facewash, and all that good stuff.

Believe it or not, sharing bathrooms was good times. It meant that any time you went to the bathroom in the morning, you'd see your friends :D

Q: ok my stepdad is a personal jackass! i mean really! My mom loves him..dont know why. But my brother and I hate him ,more me. I mean his way his way or no way! Like I had my music on and cause hes going to be he said to turn it down, it was so quiet! I could barely hear it! SO i said no, and whats he do without knocking hes rams in my room and tells me to turn it down! Ok what if i were changing or some. And when your mad He makes fun of you, and that just gets u pissed! His family is sweet and awesome but him NOT WHAT SO EVER! What do you think i should do :(

Unfortunately, there's not a whole heck of a lot that you can do. Since he's married to your mother, it is technically his house. His house, his rules, just like with your mother, and just like with any parents. You can't change other people: the only person you can change is yourself.

It sounds to me like there's a mutual lack of respect here. If he asks you to turn your music down, you should turn it down or put in headphones. To tell him no is to push his buttons and dare him to do something, so he's gonna do something. If you're going to disrespect him by not fulfilling a request, he's going to disrespect you by invading your privacy. Just do what he says, and he'll leave you be.

As for making fun of you when you're mad, that is a fairly standard way for men to deal with these things. Some people shout, some people throw things, some people use humour to defuse the situation. My fiance does this, and it drives me up the wall. To deal with it, I just escape him when I'm really angry. I let him know why I'm walking away, and that we'll talk later when I'm more calm. Once I'm less irritable, we talk it out.

Act like a mature, responsible adult and he'll treat you like one :)

Q: My whole life changed this past Valentine's Day at about 4 in the morning. My cousin, who had always been my best friend/closest confidante/party buddy and had become my roommate at college as well (as well as our respective signifigant others) took her own life in the kitchen of our place. Her boyfriend and I ran downstairs together, and when we got down there...she was just laying there...and I had lost the closest person to me, someone who before that moment I could never remember living without her being in my life. I had no idea she was even thinking of doing anything like that; the four of us had been together partying all night and nothing seemed worng at all. I didn't even know she owned a gun, much less had it at our place.

Now my whole world has unraveled. My girlfriend and I broke up not too long after this. My family and hers used to be really close; now her parents are getting divorced and they've stopped talking to my parents, and my parents have all but stopped talking to me. My sister and her brother are really Christian and they're blaming me for this, but in all honesty, Kara and I smoked our first joint and drank our beer together becaue we both wanted to, not because one of us talked the other one into it. I see Kara's boyfriend's in Huddle House some, late at night always and drinking coffee. I sit down and try to talk to him, as do a lot of other people, but he never acknowledges us, just stares off into the distance. I go to college in a small town not far from where Kara and I went to high school, and everybody knew us, it always seemed...and now everybody wants to know the inside story of what happened...and I don't know what to say, because I was as blindsided as they were.

What am I going to do? I feel so lost, trapped, and helpless...

This is exactly why I keep telling people who ask that there is no painless way to commit suicide.

The first thing you need to do is to believe that it was not your fault. Your cousin did this for her own reasons. She was likely extremely depressed. This has nothing to do with any drug or alcohol use that you were involved in. Don't blame yourself. Unless someone with mental illness opens up to others, there's no way of telling it's there. You can't be expected to see things that are being actively hidden from you.

As for your family, their behaviour absolutely disgusts me. In times of crisis, family is supposed to stick together and help each other. Instead of being there for you, as one of the most affected by all of this, they're choosing to put their own grief in priority over your emotional well-being. It might be best if you aren't communicating with those of your family who abandoned you. Right now, you need support and love, not judgment and blame.

Above all else, you need to seek therapy. This is a traumatic event in your life, and you may be dealing with post-traumatic stress, or depression brought on by the situation. Even if you don't have coverage, your college probably has free mental health care for students. If you feel at all in danger from yourself, please go to a hospital emergency room immediately. They can hold you until the crisis passes, and even help refer you to a good mental health care provider. With the help of therapy and possibly medication, you can get through this time in your life.

Surround yourself with those who have been there for you. Make sure that you're in a safe, loving environment. Remember that although your cousin's life has ended, yours has not. Your cousin would want you to keep on living, and to not live the rest of your life in sadness. If you feel that you need to take some time off of school to recuperate, do so. Take a little time off to travel, or just to sort through things.

As someone who has attempted suicide before, this absolutely breaks my heart. Please know that your cousin did not want to hurt you, or anyone. People who commit suicide don't feel like they are worth grieving over. They don't feel like anyone will miss them. Hold her memory in your heart, and please don't hate her for what she did.

Q: Don't limit yourself to the scholarships offered by the school for entrance.

So I'm really confused about University recently. And I just started to get the hang of high school this year (sad I know). And now I just discovered that you have to PAY to submit your admission/request to join a university?!

You mentioned in my question that lots of companies and groups offer scholarships. I'm a pro with essays, but I have no idea where to start to look for which groups and companies. Could you help me out? Like, do specific companies state that they're giving out scholarships? Or do you randomly write a nice one and if it wow them enough, then they'll give you cash? I saw on the news last year that there's this site that has 1000s of bursaries every year in Canada but no one goes on it so most of it goes away wasted. But I don't remember the site :(

Welcome to Hamilton! I used to go to Mac, but switched to Mohawk. :)

To apply to university, you do have to pay. When I did it a few years back, it cost $300 to apply to up to 3 programs. Worth it! You could pay extra for more; for the most part, you only really need 3 or so unless you're really undecided as to what you wanted to do.

At Mac, the scholarship opportunities aren't that fantastic. I got one through my dad's company, but you can look on websites to see if there are others that you qualify for.

One thing to keep in mind is that if you have financial need, there are bursaries offered by the government. The Queen Elizabeth Reach For The Top bursary is an example. When you apply for OSAP, you can also apply for it. OSAP also gives you bursaries depending on what you owe.

Here's a website with scholarships listed. It looks like a reputable source.

http://www.osca.ca/onwinlinks/index.cfm?fuseaction=Links&Category=41&PageID=1093&PageCategory=92

Good luck! McMaster is a great school to go to.

Q: I'm so stressed out about university and I'm not good at sports at all (if I was even decent, I would give it a try). But there are such a high amount of money given to students that are so good in sports PLUS free residence, etc when the highest scholarship I can find for someone like me who studies their butt off is $3000 (if your average is 95%+!). Do you think that is fair? And why do they do that? That's so not far and obviously the athletic people will go into professional jobs but some people that are book smart are going to be in univsersity for a LONG time!

Ugh, I feel your pain. Fortunately, the most that an athlete can receive in Canada is their tuition.

There are a few reasons why they'd offer scholarships to athletic students:

- Because the people who gave them the money to disperse indicated that that was what they wanted done with it (alumni are a huge source of scholarship funds)

- Because college sports are a huge source of income for the school, so they can afford to treat their athletic people well.

- Because having star athletes is like advertising for the school, and it will draw more students.

Unfortunately, nobody is lining up to see people be good at philosophy or engineering.

Don't limit yourself to the scholarships offered by the school for entrance. Lots of companies and groups offer scholarships. It might take writing a few dozen essays, but you can make quite a bit.

Q: I am 21 Female. I have never done anything in my life like sports, much excercise and I have suffered from Depression and ADHD my entire life. My sleep pattern is extremely different every night. I am most active between the hours of 6:00pm-3:00am mostly from 9:00pm-2:00am

Here is my delema: I have so much I want to do in life but I have NO energy whatsoever. I have tried just about everything. Exercising, eating right, energy drinks and supplements, depression pills, etc. Nothing works. I have no motivation except for maybe 2 hours a week. I have so many passions in life and I desperately wish I had the ability to be an over-achiever. I am sucky at socializing, I get stressed way easy and I am a total cry-baby. Everything makes me sad. It doesnt take much. I am seriously pathetic and I just dont want to be like this anymore. How can I control my emotions and body so that I am motivated and energetic during day hours. I am sick of feeling weak, tired and in pain 24/7. I have been to doctors and therapists and they dont help. What should I be telling them? What kind of treatments are out there? Would hypnosis work? What if I cant be Hypnotised. I am seriously scaring myself with the thoughts that come into my head cuz I'm such a failure. PLEASE HELP!!! PLEASE!!! No rude or obvious comments please.

Clearly, your treatment isn't working. If going to a therapist combined with medication isn't doing it for you, you need to go in and tell them so.

I totally understand that it can be really hard to get them to listen. After years of telling my doctor that antidepressants weren't working, I had to switch doctors and found out that it's because I have bipolar disorder, not depression. You may just be on the wrong medication for you, or taking it at the wrong time (if I take mine in the morning, I sleep all day and I'm up all night). Myself, I can't take SSRIs or I go all loopy. Also, if you've been on your current dosage for a while, you may need to have it changed as your body changes to adapt to the meds.

My suggestion is to keep a mood diary until you can see your doctor. Keep track of how long you're sleeping, your menstrual cycle (since that can have a bearing), your energy levels, and your mood that day, along with any notes that you feel are important. I know it sounds like a lot of work, but it really helps to pinpoint what's going wrong and why.

Personally, I wouldn't go for hypnosis. It hasn't been proven, and IMHO it's just someone selling you snake oil. Some jerk who took a 6 hour course on how to cheat people out of their money. The best thing you can do is go to a real professional. If your current therapist or psychiatrist isn't listening to you, then you need to find another one who will.

Also, stay away from the energy supplements. All they'll do is agitate your body, which will drive you nuts. Cut out caffeine entirely, try not to eat too late, and have a calm-down period before you go to bed. Warm milk does help, but I think it's gross, so I make hot chocolate with milk instead of water. Herbal nighttime teas are excellent too! Tell your doctor you're having trouble re-aligning your sleep patterns. I was put on mild sleeping pills for a bit at one point because I was having the same problem. Just don't self-medicate (no Benadryl, NyQuil, alcohol, etc) because that will mess you up.

Q: I have recently been suffering from a disturbing and reoccurring dream, where my mother is unfaithful and my family falls apart. The dreams are incredibly detailed and extensive, though not traditional nightmares. As a result, any time my parents argue or have the slightest disagreement, the dreams are brought back, and make me very uncomfortable. Sometimes I am even sickened with myself for considering them.

My parents are happily married, and I really have no concerns about the status of their marriage. (So PLEASE don't suggest that the dreams are a subconscious suggestion of this!)I only wish to stop thinking about them. Any advice for getting rid of these dreams would be so appreciated.

Well, I certainly hope your dreams aren't a subconscious suggestion of what's going on in reality, or my reality is about to get a whole lot weirder. I have some odd dreams... It's fairly common to have experiences like this when you're experiencing stress.

What I do to conquer my absolutely terrifying dreams is to practice what's called lucid dreaming.

Basically, you can't prevent a dream from starting, unless you were to stay up all night. What you can do is manipulate where the dream is going while you're in it.

It's sort of hard to explain, but you have to do a few things.

- Figure out ahead of time where you're going to take any dreams that promise to be negative. For instance, decide that if your parents start to fight, you will end the fight quickly and they'll get along better than before.

- While you're asleep, realize that you're dreaming. Tell yourself that it's a dream, it's your mind and your dreams will darn well do what you want them to.

- Exercise free will within your dream. Don't let it lead you around. It's easy to just sit back and follow it, but you can avoid negativity pretty easily by just refusing to acknowledge it and replacing it with something fantastic.

If this doesn't work for you, try looking up "lucid dreaming". There are other methods; this is just one that's tried and true for me.

Q: ive been with this person for 3 years and im not his gurlfriend we see each other weekly. even thought were together we not in a sirious relation ship i have avoided his phone call and will continue to do so until i got great advice or he shows up at my door which i dought he doesncuz he so into himself

Three years together, and you're not in a relationship?

I'm all for taking your time and taking it slow, but this sounds like a huge waste of your time. No wonder you're ignoring his calls.

It sounds to me like he's liking all the convenience of having someone around, but doesn't want to deal with all that messy relationship stuff. If you want a real relationship with him, you've got to let him know. If he doesn't want it, walk out the door, because you can do better and find a guy who wants to give you his all. There's no point in waiting around for some guy who's too busy looking in the mirror to find time for you.

Q: I was reading in the news today about HIV and AIDS. Something about the antibodies being fought off by our natural immune system. I am thinking: Is this a cure for HIV or AIDS?

I am confused though in my reading. Can someone please explain what these articles are talking about exactly? Maybe it's the medical lingo that is getting me confused, I'm not sure, but I don't want to misread this information and go around sounding like an idiot.

Did they find a cure for AIDS then by using our own immune systems?

From what I've gathered, the scientists have found antibodies that can block the HIV virus. The antibodies are found in people who are infected with HIV. Antibodies are the thing that allow you to fight off sickness: when you're immunized against something, you are given a tiny, tiny bit of neutralized virus so that your body can begin to produce antibodies. If you get the virus, then your body is already prepared to fight it and you won't feel the effects as badly.

They need to make sure that the most effective antibody, which was only found in one person, is present in other people and not just a fluke. It shows up after a few years of being infected.

What they're hoping to do is to create a vaccine that will make a person produce antibodies without actually having to inject the HIV virus, since it's dangerous. They want to manipulate the immune system so that it produces the antibodies on its own.

What they're aiming for isn't a CURE for HIV. It's a preventive vaccine, like the ones you get for measles or smallpox. And it's a vaccine for HIV, not AIDS, because AIDS is a condition resulting from exposure to HIV.

Q: I'm thinking about studying to be a psychiatrist. I think psychology is SO interesting and I think it's fascinating how the human mind works, etc etc etc.

But I'm not great with people. I suck at small talk. I'm just SO awkward around people I don't / barely know.

So does being a psychiatrist require one to be a people person? Or is there some branch in the field that doens't?

Do you have to be a people person? Yes and no.

I have, in my time, met psychiatrists who were not the "people person" type. I'm sure they were very successful, but they were terrible doctors. In order to get the maximum out of treatment, the patient has to be able to really let go and tell the psych everything. I know that if I don't like my psychiatrist, I'll omit details, or flat-out lie sometimes.

You can get into research, but that's more psychology than psychiatry. A psychologist studies the functioning of the brain. A psychiatrist studies and treats mental disorders. You could probably get into psychology instead.

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My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.