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Long Battle with Mental Health
I am in my early 40's and have been diagnosed as depressed since my late teens after my first suicide attempt. I have been to dozens of doctors and therapists and have been on most brands of anti-depressants and am on one now. I am no longer suicidal but still suffer from major depression. Also I am afraid that other mental health issues are getting out of control like anger and making bad impulsive decisions. Because of these bad and impulsive decisions, my financial and health insurance situation is bad. I know I should be seeing a therapist on a regular basis and maybe should even be hospitalized. I have no urge to hurt myself or anyone else, but I am embarassed at who I have become and can't seem to stop myself from quitting jobs, sleeping around, compulsively eating, isolating, and lashing out at the few people I still have left in my life. In my twenties I seemed more in control and had a great career and was someone I could be proud of. For the past several years I see myself as this crazy person who barely is making it through the "normal" world. Is there some way I can finally get the help I need when I don't have the money or insurance? I know I need help.
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I know what you mean about the "crazy thing", I am also diagnosed with major depression. But you're not crazy. i think you should speak with a theraoist who can assure you of this fact. Everyone has their ups and downs and you are entitled to talk about it. Please don't live your life in pain. Oftentimes it is best to talk to total strangers who you cannot push away. I would advise talking to your insurance or switching providers. It's serious if you think you might have to be in the hospital. Life is more important than money. However, you can get free or low cost help by talking to friends or joining support groups locally or online.
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I myself was diagnosed as bipolar NOS, which the symptoms are consistant with a lot of what you are describing.
The signs which would lead to a diagnosis of bipolar 2 disorder are:
One or more major depressive episodes
At least one hypomanic episode
There has never been a manic or mixed episode
Another disorder is not responsible for symptoms
Symptoms cause distress or impair functioning
Symptoms and characteristics of depression include:
Decreased energy
Weight loss or gain
Despair
Irritability
Uncontrollable crying
Symptoms and characteristics of hypomania include:
Grandiosity
Decreased need for sleep
Pressured speech
Racing thoughts
Distractibility
Tendency to engage in behavior that could have serious consequences, such as spending recklessly or inappropriate sexual encounters
Excess energy
If you are interested in possibly getting a diagnosis, here is one website you can read about testing and how it is diagnosed.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I know with my bipolar disorder, I am more manic rather than depressed. I tend to be very impulsive and I am horrible at saving money. I am very self centered (such as only caring about what happens to me and not worrying about others wellfare in certain situations). I tend to flip out at the flip of a coin.
The longer you go undiagnosed and/or unmedicated the more out of control or out of whack the chemical balance in the brain gets.
Depression is also a side disorder that is commonly associated with bipolar.
If you have any other question's don't hesitate to ask.
InVision
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You sound like me, untreated. I'm normally cautious about telling people their diagnosis is wrong, but based on the symptoms you're having, it is.
Type 2 bipolar disorder is often misdiagnosed as depression, because when you hit a high, you feel fine, or at least functional; it's the lows that make you seek attention. You don't have the same crazy psychotic episodes that someone with Type 1 has. You make bad decisions, have trouble with impulse control and regulating sleep patterns... sound anything like you? People who are depressed don't get angry, they don't lash out, they don't have impulse control problems. They're sad, they lack energy. They're too tired to lash out.
The reason your medications aren't working is because antidepressants don't work for people with bipolar disorder. They actually make things worse, in the end. They tend to put people with bipolar disorder on a perma-high, so impulsive behaviours are amplified. Sure, you're not suicidal, but you're going nuts. What you need is a mood stabilizer. I'm on a great one now... I've been put on about 5 types of antidepressant, and never felt this good before.
If your current therapist won't listen to you or acknowledge that your diagnosis may be wrong, find one who will. Keep a mood diary to track your energy levels, amount of sleep, mood and things like that.
I can guarantee you that if I'm right, you'll improve almost immediately. The best part of going on a mood stabilizer is that it works almost instantly (within days) as opposed to antidepressants, which take weeks or months to start to work.
On a lighter note, here's a gem from my counselor: "If you think that you're crazy, you're not. The thing about crazy people is that they think they'r perfectly normal."
In addition to putting you on a different medication, your therapist may suggest something called "cognitive behavioural therapy". It's been specially designed for this sort of thing.
Good luck!
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you don't need help you need people who beleive in you who were there for you when you were 20 and now you need to beleive in yourself also you don't have to feel bad for yourself you need to do something for yourself go shopping or go to a movie just relax and let every thing fall into place
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The problem to me appears to be that your clinical depression is the byproduct of another mental illness that helps fuel it. That's usual the case 9 time out of 10 and not always caught by a psychiatrist.
As far as a therapist goes ditch yours. They aren't qualified to be giving any kind of advice on how to handle a mental illness.
What you describe is actually what sounds to me like hypomania. While not dangerous it's often the undercurrent of bipolar disorder and causes mania in a lot of people.
When you aren't in crisis hypomania results in poor sexual, emotional, personal, career and life choices that can destroy your life if not kept in check.
What to do? Find another psychiatrist no matter the cost and tell them about your years of suffering and that you think there's an undercurrent such as hypomania or even worse (as it could be) leading to all of these things happening. It may cost to see one but you need to. It has a lot to do with lashing out, impulses, bad financial situations and even delusions. If there's irrational thinking, choices and decisions it could be bipolar disorder or worse.
I'm not a psychiatrist but let's say I have a lot of experience around those with the types of problems you outline and the mental health community and being cared for myself.
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