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Q: ok im 13 and so is my boyfriend, weve been going out for over 2 months now... hes had sex with other girls b4 but ive nevr had sex b4... he wants to have sex with me really bad but he always says he understands if i dont... i kinda do tho... but then i dont... im really confuzed cuz i really lov him its just i dont wanna get pregnant and i people will find out if i have sex with him and i dont want people calling me names like a slut and stuf, at this same time im in a huge fight with some girls, but i really wanna have sex with my boyfriend but then i dont! i NEED HELP!!
Okay, you need to weigh everything, taking into account that you've only been dating him for two months.
It's also been my experience that if you're not totally sure - if you have ANY doubts at all, then you're not mentally ready. You should wait until everything feels right, and you don't have half of you wanting to and half of you being scared.
Pregnancy is a very valid fear, especially when you're this young. Don't forget about STDs you could get.
People will, however, only find out you had sex with him if you or he tells anyone. If he's the kind of guy that would go and brag about it, then you DEFINITELY need to wait/reconsider.
Also, you can only be a slut, technically, if you sleep around. I think. If you're just having sex with one guy, you can't REALLY be a slut.
If I was in your position, I would definitely wait. Two months is really not that long a time to be dating someone, and you have your whole life to have sex.
But, if you decide you really want to go for it, then do so. Just be careful about it, and be safe.
I hope this helped on some level!
-Siren =)

Q: i think i look really ugly when i smile..but everyone says that smiling makes u look prettier but i dont think i do. all my friends get mad at me when i dont smile but i dont know what to do! HELP!
Aww, honey, I had this problem!
For the longest time, I HATED my smile, and did everything I could not to. Now I'm okay with my smile - I still don't love it, but I'm okay with it, especially now that my life is great and I have every reason to smile.
You've just gotta learn to accept the way you look and your smile. You can't not smile...that's way too hard.
At least, I can't do it...
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: well ok. this is gunna sound stupid at some parts! but im soo mad at my boyfriend becuz in his AIM info it says..

Jackie- Your Awesome Gurl-Very Sexy
Nina- Your a Great Girl- Very Sexy
Brad- Sexiest Mofo Alive- Very Very VERY sexy!
Rachael- (shes my best friend btw) Your Pretty Kool- Very Sexy
Heather- Your Good To Talk To- Sexy

then at the very very very bottom of his info which is like 9348 spaces down.. says

Amy- I Love You- Very Very Sexy

I told him it makes me mad when he has these chicks in his info.. like callen em sexy n stuff and he responded with a " im allowed " it made me SO mad, as u can tell im a very jealous girlfriend, i jus dunno what ta do.. Please help!! I need it.. (*i rate high*)

AMy*
Explain to him that it makes you feel like you're not special to him when he puts other girls in his profile and calls them sexy as well as you.
Hey, his profile would bother me if I was going out with him, and I'm NOT the jealous type.
It would make me wonder if he was faithful to me and all that.
You have every right to be bothered by this. True, he technically can put whatever he wants in his profile, but if it bothers you, he needs to do something about it.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: if someone asked u if u evr had an orgasm , and u hav . wuld it b weird to say yes? wuld they like make fun of u or sumthing.
I doubt they'd make fun of you, as they were the ones that asked the question in the first place. What, did they expect you to lie? Lol. I don't think it's weird...most people have.
-Siren =)

Q: Me and my best friend have been friends for 10 years and shes really getting on my nerves. She tries to be just like me-she copies everything i do,buys all the same clothes i do even if she doesn`t like them,and whenever i like someone she likes him too-even if i know she doesn`t actually like him. Sometimes i have fun w* her and then other times she just reallii pisses me off.Ugh..what am i supposed to do about her?
Maybe you should talk to her about it, and explain to her that it really bothers you, what she's doing. Tell her you want to be her friend, but you don't see how you can be when she gets on your nerves like this.
I had kind of the same problem at one point. I confronted my friend about it, we fought for awhile, then fixed it all up.
Communication is key to EVERY relationship.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: Over the summer I was a counselor at a camp with my friends. This other guy I know also was a counselor. He goes to my school and I started liking him. Turns out he likes me to (he told my friend). He says he doesn't want me to know (too late!) and he doesn't want to ask me out because asking people out is stupid to him. His last two girlfriends were both extremely popular and deemed the 'hotties'. I'm just worried he doesn't want to go out with me because I am not popular. Now I'm not a geek, I'm pretty high up there...but not as high as his ex-girlfriends. Any advice would help.
If I was in your situation, I think I'd tell the guy I heard that he likes me, and admit that I like him, too and see what he wants to do about it. He doesn't have to "ask you out," really. You can just agree to date...
As for the popularity issue, you shouldn't have to worry about not being popular enough for the guy, and it shouldn't be enough of a problem to stop him from liking you, which he does.
I say open your mouth, tell him what you know, and see what happens. That's what I'd do, anyway.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: ok, i like this guy. and he knows i like him too. but he wont go for it! is there something i should do to like...give him a push to asking me out or something? please help!!!
If you like him, but he won't ask you out, why don't you try asking HIM out? Just be casual - "hey, you wanna go out for coffee sometime?" or something like that. It IS societally acceptable for girls to ask guys out. It's just a matter of us getting up the nerve to actually do it!
So if you want something (or someone, in this case), go for it! Don't sit there and wait for it to come to you - it might walk right past.
Hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: ok, so u hear about these girls who have guys as best friends..well im one of those girls. any ways, brandon os my best guy friend, and i love him..but not like that. well, it turns out he has the biggist crush on me...and he told me he loves me more than anyone else. but the prob. is..is that i just like him as a friend. Hes the sweetest guy a girl culd have..but im just not really ready for a relationship. and hes really hard on himself, and i would do anything to keep from breaking his heart. But if i do end up having feelings for him...i would definatly go out with him. but hes kinda dorky...and i kno i kno it shouldnt matter, but wut if people tried to make fun of us as a couple...so what should i do??
Oh, I SO had this problem. If you're worried about people making fun of you as a couple, don't. They're not the ones dating him; you would be. I mean, he might be dorky, but what if he's a good kisser? Lol think about THAT! When dealing with relationships, the only person's opinion that should matter is your own. The guy I'm dating isn't considered "Mr. Popular," but he's absolutely perfect for me.
If you don't develop feelings for him, there's no easy way to let a guy that has a huge crush on you down. One of my best friends is a guy - he had a crush on me for the LONGEST time. We almost ended up dating, but I decided I wasn't good for him. I just kept gently pushing him away, but kept him as my friend.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: hey! i came to u before with my problem about the girl i have a crush on liking my best friend and i thought u gave some great advice. so i'm coming to u again.

Before I told the girl how i felt, i wanted to clear things up with my best friend first. He told me that he wouldn't make a move on her and that i could have her. I didn't want him to just give her to me, cuz i thought that wouldn't be right. So later i asked him if he would go out with her, and he sed maybe when school starts again (we're freshmen). After he told me that, i went and told the girl just like she asked me to. She went on about how she was so grateful she was that i did that for her and that this was the happiest day of her life and that she has liked my best friend for a long time. After she sed that, i didn't think it was the right time to tell her my feelings. I'm so lost, wut should i do? plz help!
I'm glad you liked my advice. ^_^
Ouch, that's a nasty position to be in...It's up to you, really, whether or not you tell the girl how you feel about her. You can confess if you want to - if it would make you feel better to have your feelings out in the open - but if you don't want to, then don't.
If your friend really likes her, and would definitely go out with her, I think this might be one of those situations in which you kind of have to back off and let fate take its course.
As much as I hate to tell you that, I think you might have to back off on this situation. Let them go out - if they break up, be there for her. For now, all you can do is be her friend. Sorry it didn't work out differently.
I hope this helped on some level, lol. If you need more help, lemme know.
-Siren =)

Q: Hello, i am an 18 yr old grl dating a 28 yr old guy. See i have this thing with me not going to have sex till marriage which is not a bad thing... right? well my b/f knows this and knows my limits.. but see everytime we get alone and stuff he always tries to stick his dick in me. He almost did about hmmmm should i say 5 TIMES!!!!!!
Its not easy to remain abstinent but i tell you what its not FUN EITHER!! Its like your head is telling you go for it and grab the fuckin condoms but yet your heart is like wait a fuckin min. do you really know this guy or is he just using you for sex?? see the 17th is our 5th month anniversay
but yet i knew him for a few months before we started dating. so my question is to you all is what am i supposed to do. He promised me he would never do it again but yet he said that last time. I told him hes lucky b/c usually its like a baseball game 3 strikes your out!! but yet i've given him 5 chances so far and this is the last chance. So what should i do?? let him try and screw me or what?? See I love him to death but as you can tell i am not ready yet! I need help and need it bad! Plz someone help me.. i really need it!!
Okay, this guy needs a serious talking to. You set your limits, and he needs to respect that. Either that, or you need to get rid of him.
He breaks his promises, and you keep giving him more chances. It's good that this is the last chance.
DO NOT change your values for him. Sex is not a need, it's a desire. Desires can be left unfulfilled. It's good that you know you're not ready. You should never do anything you're not ready for, and he shouldn't try to make you.
I really don't think this guy is doing you any good. As much as you may love him, really think about what he's been doing. That's as good as rape, and that's not cool.
He needs to know that he either starts respecting your limits, your decisions and your ideals, or he gets the boot. That's what I'd do, anyway.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: this question is for my friend:

my boyfriend is so sweet. he'd never cheat on me and he never acts Interested in another girls or stuff like that. do you think he could be gay? because he doesn't seem to be interested when girls are wearing skimpy clothes on tv or pictures and id ont think he looks at it on his own. but he gets horny around me. i don't think he is but soemtimes i wonder.
Hey, my guy would never chat on me, and doesn't look at other girls on TV or anything like that. If he does, it's always "Hmm. You'd look better in that," or something like that, lol. He's straight as an arrow, to coin a phrase.
It's great that you found a loyal, sweet guy. They're rare. As long as he's not checking out guys instead of girls, you have no problem. He's probably just really into you and doesn't need other eye candy. That's my guy's excuse and what kept him from cheating on me while he was in Vegas for almost two months.
I seriously doubt he's gay, so have fun with such a great guy! Don't try to find flaws that aren't there.
-Siren =)

Q: okay, i am a 17 yr old girl, and the guy i am crazy for is 18, only like 3 or 4 months over tho, and my mom is freaking out over it! she's like, "if you guyz do anything, i will get him for rape" im in a tough situation and i dont really know what to do. i went to my friend and she said "follow your heart" how typical... ;D (luv ya tho sis!!!! if ya see this here! lol) ...anyways. i dont know what to do because i simply adore him, and my mom is okay with us hanging out and holdign ahnds and stuff, but i dont know about dating. help me!!!! cuz i dont wanna lose him (not that i am gonna do anyhting sexual with him anywayz! ) and i dont wanna dissapoint my mom... so either way some oen gets let down, and i really dont know what to do!
I suggest you get your mom to talk to your guy and find out for herself what a great guy he is. Explain to her, also, that you're not looing for sex; you just wanna go out with him a few times, maybe hang around him a little more, etc.
Your mom shouldn't be assuming that the relationship will immediately turn into a sex scandal, lol.
So my advice is this: Get your guy to come over to your house, and have him and your mom sit down and talk for awhile, just getting to know each other, etc.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: Okay here's my problem!I liked this guy here and there on and off. There's no doubt that there isn't any attaction cause people see it all the time. When we go out in public, people think we are a couple. I told him how I really felt about him (though we are like best friends) he said he only likes me as a friend, and that he's sorry he can't return the same feelings. But he also like one of my friends and out of the kindness of my heart, I hook them up... but she's jux like me, and we are also cool. I'm not jealous (yet) or anything like that cause me and him still flirt the same way we do, and we are still good friends. So I dunno what to do, still like him or move on? I dunno how to feel or what to think? Any advice? Plz help! Thankz a munches!
That's great that you two managed to keep your friendship even though he knows you like him.
If I were in your shoes, I think I'd probably move on, but make sure I keep his friendship. This guy sounds like a nice one. A lot of guys might've freaked out on you if they found out you liked them, but he remained friends, and even cooler, the friendship didn't change. Yay!
You will probably still like him for awhile, even if you don't want to, so it's more of a "what's gonna happen" than a "what should I do" question. If you find another guy you kinda sorta like, cool. If you still like this guy, that's okay, too.
It's also possible that he could develop a crush on you. Keep that in mind, but I wouldn't wait for him.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: Hey Everyone ! Ok ths is a good one, How come when your single you have the hardest time finding anyone to go out with. But as soon as you have a BF and become Attached Everyone in the world wants to date you. How many times has this happen to you guys? LOL its agravating. But I love my man so no huge complaints here. Have a great day everyone ! xoxoxoxooxoxoxox
Oh god I know exactly what you mean. It's SO annoying. My guy told me he had a couple of girls hitting on him at one point, and when he told them he had a girlfriend, they tried even harder! Happened to me, too, with guys.
It is annoying. It's that whole "forbidden" thing. It's like telling a kid they can't have cookies. Makes them want the cookies more, whereas if you say "okay, have cookies," they'll be like "...eh, whatever." (not necessarily, but for the purpose of proving my point, I'll say they go "whatever" to cookies if they're allowed.)
If a girl's attached, other guys can't have her. If she's single, they can consider actually having her, then say "whatever" to her.
Annoying as all getout, but true.
-Siren =)

Q: is any other columnist's writing different?? I mean I go to 'ask a question' and the font is bigger than it used to be!! its different!! is anyone else's like that?
Yeah, The Creator, I believe, is changing up the place...Lol. I thought there was something wrong with my computer at first, but I think it's just the site being changed.
-Siren =)

Q: i had sex for the first time today...and well my b/f new i was a virgin and everything...it hurt so bad...and i started bleeding really bad...im guessing it was my cherry...but from everyone i have talked to...there isnt that much blood...there was blood all over the condom all over my legs...and everywhere...it was soo nasty...was it just my cherry...or was it sumthin else??
Chances are it was just your hymen breaking. Everyone bleeds a different amount - my mom didn't bleed, I had about the amount I get with my periods, I had friend who barely bled... Though if he was rough, he might have hurt you. Knowing you were a virgin, however, I doubt he was rough.
Don't worry about it too much. Unless you feel pain NOW - like deep internal pain - you're fine.
Hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: This question has to do with my boyfriend again. We've only been dating for 4 days, but have known each other for about a month. We talk even before we were dating every night for like 3 hours on the phone. So far, he treats me so great and I dont have any reason not to trust him. Let me add now that he is friends with my father and alot of my Dads friends. Well, he sometimes talks about marriage, which scares me a bit, but I honestly could see myself marrying him. Anyway, to get to the point, I was told tonight by 2 different people, my ex boyfriend and my best friends sister that I hate & she hates me, that my boyfriend has probably already cheated on me & that I need to keep an eye on him beacause he likes to cheat. Im really scared because, what if they are right. But considering the people that told me I dont know if I should believe them. I really like this guy am Im scared that if I say anything about what I heard that he will be pissed at me. What should I do? Should I say something to him & if so, what? Please let me know ASAP, I need to figure this out before he calls me later on tonight!!!
It's great that you found a guy you love, and it's natural to be afraid of the whole marriage angle.
Now think about the people who told you he was cheating: your ex could still have feelings for you and just be trying to get you to freak out about your relationship with this guy. Or he could just be trying to make you unhappy, if he's one of the mean types of exes.
Your best friend's sister hates you. She could easily be attempting to convince you that he'd cheat on you to make you feel bad and unhappy.
Don't worry so much abut what other people tell you. Worry about what YOU think, deep down. Do you believe he's cheating on you? Is there any reason to suspect he is? If not, relax. He's probably being true to you.
You can talk to him about it if you want, and tell him what you think. Just tell him you need to know he's being true to you - he should be able to reassure you.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: I've a had crush on this girl for a few months and i think she might like me too. We are like best friends, but we flirt with each other all the time. We tell each other everything. She tells me everytime she likes a new guy. But last night was different. She told me that she liked my best friend. I can't say i blame her, cuz my friend is a nice guy (that's why he's my best friend). I don't know how to feel. I'm kinda disappointed, but at the same time, i want her to be happy. What should i do?
Speak up!!
Tell her how you feel about her. As perceptive as girls tend to be, we still can't read the minds of guys, so you have to tell us what you're thinking. Explain to her that you know she likes your best friend, and you want her to be happy, but that you wanted to tell her how you felt.
She may actually have some feelings for you waiting to surface. If you tell her you like her, she may start thinking about it, which could cause those feelings to surface.
You never know...Be optimistic, and go for it.
Good luck, and I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: Does it mean im afraid of commitment when i dont want to go out with someone because im afriad some one/something better will come up? also, how can i finally start to like guys again after being hurt so many times, like what can i do to trust guys again..?
I don't think you're afraid of commitment. I think the whole "what if someone better appears?" thing is your wanting to keep your options open, which is totally okay. You can date casually without actually going steady with a guy.
I got my heart stomped on once, and that was enough to destroy me. I went through an 18 month period where I hated guys, thought they were all lying jerks, and turned down every guy that asked me out. The first guy I trusted, I'm still dating.
I trusted him because he'd been through what I had twice. I figured he wouldn't inflict the pain he's felt on someone else, and I may as well give it a shot.
It's hard to heal once you've been burned, but when a good guy comes along, give him a chance. For now, though, I suggest you date casually. No commitments. That way you can get to know guys and not worry about getting hurt. If you find a guy you particularly like, go out with him a few times, then if you think it'd work out, move into a steady relationship. *Shrug* That's how I'd go about it.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: Ok my friend is 12 years old and she's drinking and i don't know how to make her stop. she just started because she thinks she 'needs to' but i think its because this other girl does. please give me ideas or help me or something
Talk to your friend and explain to her the dangers of drinking. Did you know alcohol is a poison? If you drink enough of it, it'll kill you. It gets a little more complicated as to what it does, but I'm not going to go into it because I might be wrong on some accounts, and I don't like to give info I'm not certain of.
But drinking really is dangerous, and she has to be careful. If she's only drinking a little - like the equivilant of a glass of wine - she might be okay, but if she's really drinking, she needs to be careful.
Alcohol also lowers your inhibitions, which can lead to embarrassing situations...remind her of that if the whole "it's a poison" angle doesn't work.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

bio
Siren_Cytherea
I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren

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