Siren_Cytherea's advice column

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Q: My boyfriend and i had sex the first time last week. Now we are doing it w/out the condom. He says that he has his cum under control and he knows when it is comming out. So he said that when it comes out or feels like it he will get out of me and wipe it off. He said w/out cum you can not get pregnate b/c with cum it has the sperms. Now is this true or is he lying to get me pregnate. Please help Me!!!!!!! :*(

You NEED to use a condom unless you're on the pill, or some other form of birth control. I mean, I've been on the pill for awhile and my guy and I still use condoms.
I mean, unless you do want to get pregnant, and you don't sound like you do, judging by the way you seem a bit freaked out.
You can get pregnant if semen gets anywhere near your vaginal area because sperm can swim. You do need semen to get pregnant, though. BE CAREFUL. MAKE him use a condom if you want him to. A lot of guys don't like it, but you know what...you don't want to get pregnant.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: some one tp'd me n we nee ways to get them back good cause ew know who it is n its a fun and game sort of thing cause its just a war so any ideas ?? X3 the kers

Heh. Hmm...I'd say do the same thing back to them...
Or don't tp them back and just use water balloons filled with something weird, like water with confetti in it or something.
I hope I gave you some ideas, and I also hope I know what you're talking about, lol. If not, ask the pool of columnists and they might be able to give you other ideas.
-Siren =)

Q: Me and my b/f have been going out now for 3 months. And i haven't kissed him yet..not even a peck. Is there something wrong with me? He has tried once to make a move but i backed off. Does anyone have any advice on how to do it or anything??!!!

Aww...
Nothing's wrong with you, sweetheart. You're just nervous. I used to get nerve attacks with my last boyfriend...we hardly ever kissed because (for one thing, he was a REALLY bad kisser) and I was just so nervous. Things improved with this one, though. ^_^
You've just gotta take a deep breath and let him kiss you, or kiss him. Don't worry about the how-to's of kissing. It comes really naturally. Just make sure you don't actually pucker your lips; keep them relaxed, but not jellylike. Lol.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: i have been seeing this guy for 3 years now and we have made out a million times i want to go farther and so does he but i dont know what else to do..i just need some ideas...plz..

Wow, now that's a long standing relationship. Nice.
As far as your actual question, just go with what feels right. You could so some more...sexual things. I'm not gonna suggest oral sex because I'm not into that at ALL, but you can try it if you want to. He could try fingering you, you could give him a handjob or whatever - just what you feel comfortable with. Experiment. That's half the fun of a relationship, isn't it?
Hope this helped a bit!
-Siren =)

Q: Ok, today my mom called me fat. Well, I don't think I'm fat because I'm 13 (turning 14 in 2 weeks), I'm 5'5, I weigh 113, and I pretty skinny but I don't have a 4 pack. I don't know what to do. I think I'm just gonna stop eating and become anorexic. I don't wanna go on a diet because I get of them in a few days and they are not help. Also, I don't wanna watch what I eat because I usually eat healthy food. Please help!

Don't stop eating!!!!!
BAD IDEA!!
Your mother is very wrong. You're not fat at all. I'm 5'3" and I weigh 115. I'm not fat at all. If I'm not fat, you can't possibly be. Don't go on a diet, and if you usually eat healthy food, just stick to what you usually eat.
Ignore what your mom's saying. You're totally fine as far as weight goes. I can understand how you'd want to listen to your mom (even subconsciously), but in this case, really DON'T. Ignore her and just go with what YOU think.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: I'm 15 n me n my boyfriend are in love, we've been together for a long time n we have been through everything together. We feel like we're ready to have a baby i just dont kno what people would think n stuff, if we feel liek we're ready should we proceed with it or not? helppp..

Ooh, that's really young...Usually I say "Age is a state of mind, not being," but in this case, I really believe you're too young.
Babies can eat up SO much time, money, and energy, and you still have to go through the rest of school. I know someone who thought she was ready at around 16, and really, REALLY regrets it.
Also, I think if you're worried about what people would think and stuff...A baby is really a commitment, and you can't let people judge you, and if they do, you have to be willing to accept it, or ignore it. If you're not ready to do that, you may not be ready for a baby.
I really, really urge you to wait until you're at least done with high school before you have a baby.
If it's really what you want to do, though, and you have support from your parents (this could be hard to do alone), it's your choice.
I do hope you wait, though.
I also hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: Can you still get breasts after you've had your period like 9 times?

Oh yeah. I've had my period since I was 12 and my breasts are still growing. There's hope for us yet! Lol you've got nothing to worry about.
Hope I helped!
-Siren =)

Q: can you make a guy love you?! and if so..what kinda stuff can you do?!

It's impossible to MAKE someone feel for you, I'm sorry to say. I mean, you can flirt with them and maybe get them thinking about you, but there's no guarantee that they'll develop feelings for you.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: (14/f) i have a hard time getting along with girls. i only have 3 really close friends that are girls and 2 of them are changing alot and i'm begining not to like how they are acting lately. the majority of my friends are boys. i really can't stand being friends with girls! they always find a way to piss me off and with my guy friends... they are so much more easy going! my friend amanda she's been my best friend for about 3 years and she's the same way as me so i guess that's why we get along. but is there something wrong with me that i don't like being around girls and i just like being around guys??

There's nothing wrong with you at all. Most of my friends are guys. I have, like...four really close girl friends, and that's it. It's normal to be more comfy around guys than girls.
No offense to anyone, but girls are bitches. Just in general. I mean, my whole life I've found it easier to hang around guys than it is to hang around girls.
You're perfectly normal.
-Siren =)

Q: I went to the beach today and I got burnt on my chest, lower back and thighs. Its not burned too badly but its sore and I can;t put lotion on my skin feels like its burning off and it blisters then scabs over. What are some thing I can do to help get rid of the pain??

Aloe vera gel works beautifully. Make sure the stuff you get has burn relief. Don't use lotion over it or whatever, just use the aloe.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: Is it true that girls dont like gamers? By gamers i mean people who play video games as a hobby or a profession. Also is it true that they dont like computer techs? It seems like everywhere around where i live that girls find that to be a turn off. I live in Tennessee, if that helps. Just wondering.

I disagree completely with the whole "girls don't like gamers or computer techs" thing. I'm dating a gamer, of sorts. He's the most romantic guy ever, and he's like, my perfect guy. Video games are fun...he's convinced me to try a few, lol. I used to be rather anti-video game, but not so much anymore.
Just make sure that you can talk about things OTHER than video games. Lol.
-Siren =)

Q: Hey there. Okay, I've been on birth control (Tri-Cyclen) for a week now ... and about 4 days into it I started getting cramps, and having diarrea. It continued like that for 2 days. I also have to pee like, every 15 minutes. lol. Is this normal, or should I talk to my doctor about it.

Well, your body can take up to 3 months to get used to the pill. That's what the gyno I went to told me when I asked him how long the side effects could last. It took my body a month to get used to Yasmin 28. I had breakthrough bleeding. It SUCKED.
I would talk to your doctor, though, and ask him if it's normal to feel like you have to pee "like, every 15 minutes." Just to check. This pill might not be the right one - there are different doses. If these side effects don't clear up in 3 months or less, talk to your doctor about taking a different pill.
I hope this helped, and I hope you feel better!
-Siren =)

Q: ok! last night my friend had a sleepover nd' there were guys and we all slept in the tent outside and i we were all like smushed together with not alot of room and this one really cute guy was layin next to me and when i went inside with *c* whos sleepover it was to change...everyone that was outside told that guy i was layin next to to do stuff with me like they even told him step by step n shit. and i didnt know that till later and then all of a suden he was up my shirt and we were layin closer and huggin and stuff. i didnt do nething with/to him tho. I really do like him but im 14 and hes 16 gunna be 17 in 6 months so idk if thats ok and should i be mad at my friends for setting that all up or not?

Are you worrying about the age difference?
I maintain that age is a state of mind, not being. My boyfriend's a year and five months older than me (18), and I'm 16.
If you like him, and he apparently likes you...I don't see why you should be mad at your friends. But if you don't like the fact that they convinced/told him to do stuff to you without your okay, you have every right to be mad. It's really your choice.
I say go with it...just don't let him push you into doing anything you don't want to do. *Shrug*
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: ok, recently i jus started being a columnist (yea, and i need advice!!)Anyway, i dunno wats wrong wit me. But i started this on.... Aug. 16th i think, and since then only OnE person dropped a question in my inbox. I know i give good advice cuz my average rating wuz a 4.57, but then how cum i'm not gettin any questions?? Is it that i'm not being patient enuff, or wat? Cuz i'm thinking about quiting being a columnist. Help me out please. thanx

Patience is definitely a virtue. You can't force people to like your advice enough to ask you a question specifically. It took a couple of weeks for me before people started dropping questions in my inbox.
You've just gotta wait. They'll come to you if they want to.
-Siren =)

Q: hey how do i make it not hurt when my boyfriend trys to finger me..?? it hurts reallyyy bad when he tries the normal two fingers...all he can fit is one!!! will someone tell me why is that...and how can i get losser??!!

Ouch. I had the same problem. My guy has big fingers, I'm tight (still) and he used to only be able to get one finger in. He needs to just do one for now.
You're probably just tight 'cause you're a virgin. When I lost my virginity, I loosened up, but I'm still...kinda little. Lol.
Don't let him use two fingers if it hurts. I still don't let my guy use two fingers. The more he does it, the looser you'll get. There's no drastic change, though, so don't expect it.
You also get looser by...well, having sex, fingering, fingering yourself, etc. But as I said no drastic changes, I don't think.
Hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: ok i wrote this like b4 but i was wondering..

see i have a bf namd chris.. who i love with everything i can love someone with.. ive been with him for 9 months (i knew him for 3 years prior to that) and im still CRAZY about him. I want to be with him forever. I love him so much. and im 15. i would die for him and theres like 3 other ppl i can say that about. i lost my virginity to him bc i wanted to always remember him no matter where in life we went. i think about marring him and having his kids. (not now of course!) and like when i think of him ever moving away i cry! like it upsets me that much! or like if something bad would ever happen to him like say he dies.. i cry! i mean i hear ppl on here talk about love.. but i kno im in love. and with the things with my mom and how she doesnt want me to be with him cause he is black (im white) well it just makes me want to stay with him more and it makes me fall more in love with him! its like i dont care what ANYONE has to say about me and him.. i love him and i cant help it. i would do anything for him! and for me to be 15 and think like this.. well when i told my cousin about it she thought i was dumb and that i shouldnt be tied down like that. but i tried to tell her i dont want to be with no one else besides him! i want to be with him forever. and dont think im some 15 yr old girl thats talkin outta her a$$ here.. i never said this about no one and probally wont for a long long loooooong time. but im dead serious. is it ok for me to feel this way? i just want ur opinions. its not like gonna change the way i feel for him if u guys say no its not normal. but i just want to hear from you all.

thanks a bunch
Manda

Manda,
First of all, lemme say this: Age is a state of mind, not being. It's sweet that you feel that way about your guy, that you'd do anything for him and you wanna be with him forever.
That's exactly how I feel about my guy. He and I have been together for over nine months, too, and I met him last year...lol. I'm 16, by the way, and he's 18. We've actually discussed marriage. We just know we're gonna be together for a damn long time, if not forever. I know EXACTLY how you feel, and it's totally fine to feel that way.
Ignore your mom. Really, ignore her not wanting you to be with this guy. He must be a good guy if you've been together for 9 months and you feel this strongly about him.
You found your dream guy? Keep 'im. Love is awesome.
-Siren =)

Q: For everyone I wanna know how old were you when you lost your virginity, how did it go, was it to someone special or do you regret it, where were you when it happened... and so on. Thanks

I was 16. It sucked a lot because it hurt like hell...Lol. Got better after the second time, though...*halo* He was gentle about it, and really sweet, though, so it wasn't as bad as it could've been. He's definitely special - I'm still with him, and I don't regret it at all. We were in his car...how original...*cough* Lol.
There's my story...^_^
-Siren =)

Q: I am 16 years old weigh 115 lbs and im 5'4". Well I was trying on homecomming dresses at my friends house But every dress I tried on I felt soooo fat or shall I say I LOOKED so fat! I was about to cry but I couldnt cry infront of everyone. Homecomming is in about 1 month and a half away. Should I go on a diet or should I just tell my friends I cant go. My friends would be sooo mad at me if they find out im not going because I never been to a dance before. Its NOT as easy as you think it is. I been thinking about it day in and day out. I wish I could just accept that im fat! Do you know any good diets?!? Thank you sooo much

Sweetheart...first of all, you're not fat.
I'm 5'3 and I'm 115, and I look skinny, if anything.
Don't not go to the dance because you think you're fat!
Dances are fun! Seriously. Though if you feel that uncomfortable about your body, just cut back on any junk food you eat. Don't cut back on food, exactly. Eat lots of fruits and veggies. They're really good for you.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: Hey there. Well, I started birth control last Sunday. I haven't even been on it for a complete week. Well, my boyfriend and me had sex, and I read in this little book I have about the birth control I'm taking, and it says it takes a month for birth control to become effective. I really worried now. Is there a chance I could get pregnant? I mean, does it actually take a month, or do they mean, the first time you take it, it's effective?

No, it really does take a month to go into effect, so there is a chance you could get pregnant if you didn't use a condom. You should use a condom while you're on birth control anyway, just to up the safety levels, but that's just my opinion.
Your doctor should've explained this to you more clearly...
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: im 14 and goin wit a grl i really like but all my freinds and even my dad say i should break up wit her and go out with this other grl. the problem is i like both of them alot but the grl im with usualy hase long relationships but the other grl doesnt. if i break up with the grl im with and then the other grl doesnt last long i will be givin up the relationship i wanted 4 a one week thing. if u can help me ill be really happy. thnx

You've gotta think about what YOU want. Your friends and your dad may have opinions, but you shouldn't let them influence yours.
It depends on what you want, entirely. If you really want a 1-week fling, break up with your girlfriend and go for the other girl. Realize, though, that you may lose your chances with your girlfriend if you do.
However, if you can deal with not having the fling thing, please do so. You'd only be hurting the girl you're dating by doing this. This is also if you want a long relationship. If you do, stick with the girl you're dating now.
Or, if you REALLY can't decide what to do, it might be a good idea to just take a break from both girls for awhile until you can decide what to do.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

bio

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren