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Ok I dont mind if people (mother, fathers, sisters, brothers, etc) have their own opinions but I dont like them forcing them on someone else (meaning me). Any suggestion(s) on how I not get upset when someone (meaning a family member) does that to me?

I think everyone answered this well, I just wanted to throw in my 2 cents. I have had a fair amount of experience with what you describe, particularly recently with an older work collegue. I know how hard it can be not to get furious with people when they keep crossing the line.

Everything the others said applies of course. You can try to tell them to back off, to respect you etc. This may or may not work though. I tried something similar and got "But, Alan, you must be reasonable... " and then he began the argument/sermon all over again.

The best weapon against these people in my opinion, is relentless cold hard logic. Ignore challenges to trivial opinions, and choose to make a stand when something important comes up. Be prepared, have your facts in order, and defend your point of view. Practice the argument in your head before hand and try to anticipate what they will say (with family members thats often easy).

I have found that this works well, if one is able to win the arguments (for all kinds of people execpt those that argue just for the sake of argument). Usually they think twice before doing it again.

Anyway, those are the only two options as far as I can see (and both are pretty good in different cirumstances). Either tell them to respect you as an individual and to accept your opinions (and point out that you have, in the past, shown them this respect), or take them head on.

As for how you feel, just remember that no matter how much they push you, they havent really achieved anything. They can talk all they want, and they can try to mold your opinion, but as long as you are aware of this, they are just wasting their time. In fact, you could even tell them this and see what they reaction is. Just remember to always keep your cool, its important not to let them know they are getting to you.

Good luck.

well im not fat i weight 49.1 kg and liike im ok not to fat adn not skinny but i hate my flabs like they arent that bad but i want to lose them adn im to lazy to go excercis and i want to make my thighs a liitle bit thinner plz give me some tips

xOo =]

Actually this is a very simple problem (much more simple than people tend to think). There are no tips and tricks to losing the flab, there is just one overall formula.

In order to lose weight you have to burn more calories than you eat. Its a diet issue (eating healthy & balanced, eating often to boost the metabolism, drinking lots of water, and eating less than you burn). Seriously, thats it. You dont have to exercise, that just makes it easier because 1. it burns calories directly, and 2. it has a positive effect on the metabolism.

Since it is humanly impossible to target fat loss, you cannot just shrink your thighs (beleive me on this one, no matter what you might read on advicenators or elsewhere). So its lose weight overall, or not at all.

Another area where exercise might have helped is to build a little muscle and tighten up certain areas (giving the illusion that there is less flab).

Bottom line, there are no tricks or gimmicks. Its down to a healthy sustainable balances diet.

I know this is so totally dumb to ask but I have been wondering about this..

Why do cats hate dogs so much and vice versa? I mean, I know there are some cats and dogs out there who can get along with each other just fine, but so many of them can't. How so?

There are a couple of reasons why those animals tend not to get along (assuming they were not brought up together).

1. Territorial disputes. Dogs particularly have a very clearly marked territory. The vast majority of dog- cat fights I have witnessed were caused by a cat entering a dogs yard. This is very different from the hunt described in the answer below. Usually the dog will not stop until it has eliminated the cat. I recall all the cat corpses my dog (regretfully) would leave behind in the yard.

2. The hunt as described below

3. Competition. You dont generally see different species of predators getting along well together. Usually, in the wild, they sort out who is boss and one leaves. In an enclosed space (e.g. an apartment) this may not be possible, leading to a fight.

4. Herding. This one pertains specifically to sheep dogs. Take a relatively peaceful breed like the border collie. Those dogs never stop herding (cats, children, other border collies etc.). My friends cat eventually went nuts after being herded around by the dogs.

Just for the record, the one piece of info I dont agree with below is the part regarding sense of smell. Virtually any breed of dog has a sense of smell superior to a cat. Breeds that were designed to sniff things out leave their fellow dogs in the dust. That dog nose is one serious piece of equipment :)

Otherwise, I think the body language could be an issue as well.

Hi, my names Cierra and I would like to know what a guy sees in a girl.People AKA my friends tell me I dont need a guy 2 make me happy but I disagree.I get verry upset evry day when I come home to find a sloppy screwed up girl who has sat and waited 4 a guy 2 come 2 her 4 13 years.I am verry funney sorta chunkey and a little shy.This year I've gotton a lot better and asked a cuple guys but they all turned me down.Can you help me boost my self confadence and get a guy before the year ends?

Ok, starting with the first question. At your age the vast majority of guys are after looks. I was tempted to say "guys are shallow at that age", but then I was reminded that most of the girls I knew back then went for looks or popularity. So maybe its just an age thing.

I cannot boost your self confidence. I am the wrong person to ask Im afraid. If you do figure out how to handle yourself better with the opposite sex, make sure you let me know too :)

One thing I am wondering about is maybe you are asking the wrong guys out. Usually girls tend to flock around the same guys which (either because of this attention, or because of genetics) tend to be the most shallow, looks fixated bunch of baboons. I remember about five years ago when I saw one of my friends manage three girlfriends at the same party (each thinking she was the only one of course). That guy wouldnt look twice at an average looking girl.

Ok Im getting off track. My advice is just to have a good look and see who you are asking out. Second, be patient. You sound like you regard yourself like an old lady that needs a husband. You are 13, just take it easy.

Finally, do you have any guy friends? A good way to meet guys and to develop a relationship that goes beyond looks is to be friendly with them first. That way you can find out if you have common interests.

Well, good luck. I know this isnt a problem solver, but I hope you can use it for something.

I have my big winter dance coming up on February 3rd. I am a 15 year old female, 5'5 and 163 pounds. I desperatly need to lose weight. Here are my problems:
-I love to eat
-I eat wayy too much
-I don't have enough time to excersize a lot
-I drink 1-2 sodas a day

I have 45 days to get into shape. I'd like to lose 30-40 pounds.

Here's what I'm looking for:
-Pills
-Drinks
-Powders
that speed up matabalism or just make me lose weight all together.

Most of you will say, "Don't use those things, just excercise and eat right." Yeah well being heavy runs in my family and I've tried the excercise and eat right thing and I'm just not getting the results I want.

What I'm looking for from you:
- Specific brands of pills, drinks, or powders
- Maybe even different types of excersies

Thank you so much!

Daimeera is right. Those things are no good. In the wrong hands they can be downright dangerous.

The weight target you have put is not achievable. If you come anywhere near that target it will not be fat that you have lost. The only way to lose as much as that, in that short a time period is through starvation. That means that you will digest your muscle mass first, you will have ruined your metabolism, and you may get health problems. The 2 pounds a week max is correct.

Eating right and exercise does work. If you havent got the right results it means you didnt eat right. Dont take this the wrong way, most people have a really really wrong perception of what proper nutrition is.

I will leave you with a link to a weight loss question I answered before. Read it if you like, it will give you a starting point from where to build a proper diet.

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=456585

Also, that special k diet sounds pretty bad to me. Not enough nutrients, not the right proportions of nutrients, and eating too few times a day.

I know you didnt want this answer, but I had to chime in here. You are so young and have more time ahead of you than you realise. Dont panick now and do something that might have negative consquences later in life. Particularly not when it can be done right.

Good luck.

I stumbled across this site by accident. I seriously doubt many of you have the qualifications to give real people proper advice. After reading some of your responses to people's inquiries i was quite astonished as to how teenagers find they are able to give quality advice and information to real people in need with such little life experience. If you ask me you are not in a place to give your "personal opinion" when people truly believe you are giving them the right answer simply because you claim "people think i give really good advice". (eg. i am still at a loss as to how a 17 year old girl thinks she can give advice to someone regarding conceiving a child) I know you try to come across as a "godsend" to poeple who are in some sort of personal crisis and need a fast easy answer but the truth is, in the cases where it really counts, there rarely is one; at least not from you.

Many people below explained things very well. I just wanted to emphasise one thing. At no point ever is a person who comes to this site led to believe that he/she will be getting professional advice. So, since no such guarantee is made, there is no reason to be disapointed with the advice.

It should be absolutely clear that what is delivered here IS generally personal opinion. Thats actually what advice is in most cases. As in "real" life one has the choice to take it or leave it.

I would like to say one last thing, as someone who has been on this site a fairly long time. There is plenty of good advice here, and there are plenty of people with professional qualifications within different areas.

Part of the deal with this place is that you have to spend some time sorting the good from the not so good. Sometimes that takes a long time, but that has to be expected on a site that remains free of charge. Sometimes, there are also advantages to having people of all ages and backgrounds. One may just come accross a totally different way to approach a problem.

15/f

so i'm not sure what to do about hair removal down there, do guys like it when it's all shaved? or just a little? a friend of mine told me she got waxed in SHAPES! like a heart or a diamond? i don't get it, can someone please give me tips and explain, i'm nervous about this

This is a relatively common question on this site. You can find tons of examples of answers if you use the search function.

The general bottom line is that it really does depend on the guy. Some guys prefer it smooth, some guys (like myself) dont. It really does vary.

So, just go with what you like. Alternatively take the middle road and just trim it a bit.

Oh, and I wouldnt worry about the shapes. Might be a fun novelty thing, but to be honest it sounds a little silly to me.

whats a noob?

Yes true, but its much worse than newbie. Unlike newbie or rookie, noob is a direct insult in gaming. Its sort of a combination of newbie, moron and lamer really.

do guys like girls with a lot of makeup?

Not with a lot. I have never heard a guy say he likes that specifically. Some guys prefer no makeup, some guys like a little makeup, but I dont think anyone likes a lot. At least not in my experience.

Isn't 1st hand smoking worse than 2nd hand smoking?

Thats all very interesting, but to me those examples would be ok only if the smoker exhaled the smoke into another room.

In reality however, a smoker exhales the smoke around him, and therefore he essentially experiences both 1st and 2nd hand smoke (since he is breathing the air in the room between puffs).

Also, just on a side note, what if he was smoking unfiltered ciggarettes?

Anyway, my vote goes firmly to first hand smoke. The concentration of the smoke is so much greater than in second hand smoke. As an ex smoker I can say that experiencing second hand smoke did nothing to remove the craving to smoke (it didnt have anywhere near enough nicotine etc). I cannot see how (filter or no filter), second hand smoke could come close to 1st hand.

Hey its etnies40210 I wanted to know how would i become a level two moderator on Advicenators? Would i have to be on like 24/7 and get a strait 5 or is it just being a level one for a long time? In advance, thanks for the answere
Nathan

http://www.advicenators.com/faq.php?f=69

edit: oh overlapped with the guy below... otherwise i wouldnt have reposted the same stuff

Hi. I love my body. I am a little shorter than 5 feet and about 90 pounds. I DO it like I am supposed to. Sure, I'm skinny. I love my butt, my boyfriend loves my butt. The whole world does. :]

I HATE my stomach. When I lay down or suck in, I LOVE it.

How can I make my stomach look like that?

I don't need a diet. Maybe an exercise plan?
I don't want like tone or anything. I want it to look flat, and thin and cute like when I lay down.

How can I do that?

Thanks.

14/f

Crunches or whatever will not in any way at all burn the fat from your stomach. Humans cannot target fat loss, thats a myth.

The answer to your question is diet. Particularly if you are not looking for muscle definition (which is the only thing crunches will give you).

In order to make your stomach slimmer you have to lose weight. That implies eating right, and eating less than you burn. In this respect the best exercise to do is not something that isolates the stomach. The best exercise you can do is something that burns calories.

So doing cardios is ideal. Running, stairclimbing, sports, etc. For best results do it in the morning before breakfast if you have the discipline (I know i dont) since it hits your fat stores directly.

Note: There is no guarantee on earth that your butt wont diminish in this process. We cannot control the way the fat burning process is carried out unfortunately.

im 14/f.. and im soo confused because i really like this kid alot, and i dont know how he feels about me so im not sure how to act towards him and everying, but like we`ve kissed before and everything but im really not sure what todo. so i have like 6 quck little questions if you dont mind answering..

1. would you perfer a girl/male to make the 1st move & just like grab your head & kiss you OR you make the 1st move

2. how do you show your feelings towards a female/male [ like show them you like them ]

3. how do you become not shy [ like be open & show your feelings towards someone ]

4. what if you like someone, but you dont know them that well to hold a conversation, what do you talk about ?

5. how do you show your feelings towards someone that you arent sure likes you back ?

6. how do you know the person had enough with flirting. like when to stop ? and like how long would it take for the person to relize you like them.

I will do my best to answer this. I should warn you ahead of time that this area is not one of my strong sides, not by a long shot. However, since you asked, here goes:

1. I would prefer the other person to make the first move. I think that most people, even the not so shy ones, would prefer to be relieved of the burden of acting first.

2. Oh boy. I am really not good at getting past that awkward stage between being friends and something more. All I can say is talk to him, chit chat about what he is interested in, ask him to talk about himself, that sort of thing. Generally I think its much easier for the girl (of course I am speaking from a guy's perspective).

3. If anyone gives you an answer to this one, make sure you tell me as well.

4. This is a really tough one as well. Some people are experts at talking about nothing (and thats what you have to do at the beginning since you dont know the person well enough to have a really meaningful conversation). Its a skill that can be learned, though I never have. The best I have done to break the ice and get to know someone is to use humour. That however does not always get you where you want to be.

5. Show interest in them. Talk to them, joke with them, try to involve yourself in what they are doing (without being pushy). Be nice and friendly.

6. How long depends on the person. In my case I have missed some really big ones in my time. I mean, really big. If your guy is unlucky enough to be as bad at picking up on signs as me, then the answer is "a hell of a long time". Luckily some guys are very sharp and he may ask you out very quickly. I know enough to say that there is no norm here. You just have to play it by feel.

Well I know this wasnt a great deal of help (its why i tend to stick to fitness/nutrition questions).

Good luck.

14/m right i am the biggest health freak i no and i meen huge just to put it into view how big of a health freak i am i watch what i eat i do exercise for atleast an hour a day i record what i eat and i take my bmi weigh my self every day i even know what my resting metabolic rate is its 1583 calories right iv been letting my self goa little bit because its near christmas thing is i feel fatter and im noticing these fat stores which wernt there before please some one help me i know this may be parranoya but still any advice??

Relax. Let the holiday season pass, indulge yourself occasionally but maintain your exercise and overall diet plan.

If you happen to put on a little fat it wont be a big issue. The easiest thing would be to go on a cutting cycle in January (since its hard before with all the family dinners, temptations and what not). My point is dont worry about an odd pound or so. Its nothing that cant be fixed easily.

As for whether its paranoia, thats hard to tell. Its not inconceivable... what do other people say? how about the scales?

Anyway, once again just take it easy. Sounds like you are living healthy and treating your body right. The results from that kind of work dont disappear with a few temptations.

what do you do if your boyfriend cheated on you with your younger sister?

Well if I try to put myself in your shoes I really dont like the picture I see. Im not saying I recommend this, but if it were my brother who cheated with my gf he would get a beating which he would remember well into his old age. Also I would have nothing to do with him anymore (granted, probably only temporarily). And of course, instantly dump the gf (bf in your case of course).

Now, thats certainly what I would do, but not neccessarily the "correct" thing to do. Probably you should just dump the guy and then figure out why your sister did it (was she naive, was she getting back at you, was she jealous of you, etc.). I must confess I have a hard time giving this advice without thinking of punishment every second word, but I will leave it at that.

Do you think people should take comments made to them at face value and not read into what was said to them. If
you said yes why yes and if you said no why no. I will give you an example of what I mean: If Alice says to Sally; I
noticed that Diane looks terrible in blue; should Sally just take it to mean that Alice thinks Diane looks terrible in
blue or do you think Sally should read into that remark and take it personally.

Overall, I vote for innocent until proven guilty. In other words take things at face value until you are pretty sure they are not meant that way.

I think its important for people to determine if a comment had something behind it or not. However, way too many people try to read things into statements that were meant exactly as they were said.

So, one needs to find the right balance tending towards the side of caution (i.e. giving the person in question the benefit of the doubt for as long as it does not become unreasonable).

In your example, not knowing any of the background between Alice and co, I would say to take it at face value.

Why are people not concerned with the environment? Why are people more concerned with the costs of saving our planet than the future of it? I don't understand why governments don't just unite [I know it's naive] and face the problems that we have, especially global warming. Because of global warming, the ice caps will melt, water levels will rise, and the poles will become extremely overheated, all while the population continues to increase. And no one takes action, so our children will have to suffer.

Why do people just blow it off? =[

I agree with your concerns. Its something that I have often wondered about, particularly with some governments (mentioning no names) that consistently prioritise economic growth over the environment. And while a few governments struggle to contain pollution, others pat themselves on the back when they score an economic victory over them.

I just dont understand what goes through their minds. Its not like these people don't have children, so they should be somewhat concerned about the future. What I think happens is that they turn a blind eye. I think to a lot of them its a little like fiction... they don't really consider environmental collapse a reality.

People have always tended not to be able to think outside their reality. They think the status quo will last forever, and it never does.

So, while greed certainly plays a role, I go for ignorance and stupidity. Unfortunately all too common traits within governments today. They are so blinded by the criteria that they will be judged on in the short term (GDP growth, current account balance, foreign investment, inflation, whatever) that their brains wont acknowledge that this reality could be totally shattered.

Like goldfish in a bowl, they simply cant conceive that the glass could ever break.

is limewire leagal?
even if its a sharing program?

Like the other two said, the program is legal. There is nothing illegal about the idea of peer to peer file sharing. Its only when this type of file transfer is used to transmit files that are copyrighted that it becomes illegal. Really its the same principle if u use a dvd burner to copy movies and pass them on to others. Nothing illegal about the DVD burner, only the way it is used in that case.

what's roleplay?

Basically you assume the role of a different character for the duration of the "game". This, as pointed out below, can be sexual or non sexual. Both however have sort of the same objective in that they enable you to feel and act as though you are someone completely different. Its like a game of pretend really, just taken to a whole new level.

Sexual roleplay can be exiting since it gives you the illusion of having tried all sorts of kinky situations in a safe environment. Regular roleplay is entertaining since you get to live into a story... a little like an interactive book where you control one of the main characters.

I guess I have a really weird problem. I'm female, 23, and I don't have a boyfriend. I spend a lot of time online and I made quite a few friends there. A couple of months ago I met this guy I started cybering with. His girlfriend knows about that and she doesn't mind. He likes it because it adds spice to their sex life. But for me it's not just cyber sex, we also share many private thoughts and we tell each other about everything that's going on in our lives. I've never been so close to anyone. I told him some of my best kept secrets, and he is so understanding and willing to listen. He also has many problems, and I like to help him open up and talk to me about them. I feel I'm falling in love with him, which is insane because I haven't even seen his photo. And he adores his girlfriend. And we live in different parts of the world.

We spend average 4 hours a day chatting, until his girlfriend comes home. I feel miserable when he has other things to do and can't talk to me. And when he goes out with his girlfriend, or tells me how they spent the whole day together, cuddling, and how much he loves her, I could die. I think about him all day. He likes me, but not the way I like him. He told me I was one of his best friends and that with me he can talk about things he can't talk about with anyone except his girlfriend. And that he would like to have me in bed with them (a hypothetical situation). I feel so sad because they have everything and I have nothing but words on the screen, when it suits him. I need talking to him so much. I just can't end this relationship. It's like a drug. I'm the happiest girl in the world when we have long, meaningful conversations and when he shows that he cares for me. But when he goes on about his girlfriend, it's like a needle in my heart. I want to stop feeling this way, but how do I do that?

Hi there.

I've been thinking about this question ever since I saw it in my inbox a few hours ago. I really wanted to have something to say, other than the blatantly obvious. Unfortunately I dont think I have been successful. So here goes...

There is virtually no realistic way that you will ever mean as much to him as he does to you. It is very likely that he is completely oblivious about how you feel. Thats why he is happily telling you how much he loves his gf.

You hit the nail on the head when you said this was like a drug. Just like an addictive narcotic, the more you do it, the harder it is to quit. Unfortunately you have to. I dont see how you can be truly happy (in those hours other than the ones when you are talking to him) unless you do.

Ideally it would be great to bring the relationship back to a friendship, which is where it belongs really. However, thats impossible now.

If you think about it, what could you possibly gain from this arrangement? The most you have is a hypothetical threesome... hardly a healthy relationship.

You know as well as I do, if you listen to your mind not your heart, that you will get over him if you break contact. Maybe you can find someone in "real" life and that will make things pass even quicker. If you are spending that much time talking to him, Im guessing you arent socialising much, right?

Anyways, like I warned, nothing but the blatantly obvious. Hope you sort through this mess. Good luck.

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