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In love with the guy I have cybersex with
I guess I have a really weird problem. I'm female, 23, and I don't have a boyfriend. I spend a lot of time online and I made quite a few friends there. A couple of months ago I met this guy I started cybering with. His girlfriend knows about that and she doesn't mind. He likes it because it adds spice to their sex life. But for me it's not just cyber sex, we also share many private thoughts and we tell each other about everything that's going on in our lives. I've never been so close to anyone. I told him some of my best kept secrets, and he is so understanding and willing to listen. He also has many problems, and I like to help him open up and talk to me about them. I feel I'm falling in love with him, which is insane because I haven't even seen his photo. And he adores his girlfriend. And we live in different parts of the world.
We spend average 4 hours a day chatting, until his girlfriend comes home. I feel miserable when he has other things to do and can't talk to me. And when he goes out with his girlfriend, or tells me how they spent the whole day together, cuddling, and how much he loves her, I could die. I think about him all day. He likes me, but not the way I like him. He told me I was one of his best friends and that with me he can talk about things he can't talk about with anyone except his girlfriend. And that he would like to have me in bed with them (a hypothetical situation). I feel so sad because they have everything and I have nothing but words on the screen, when it suits him. I need talking to him so much. I just can't end this relationship. It's like a drug. I'm the happiest girl in the world when we have long, meaningful conversations and when he shows that he cares for me. But when he goes on about his girlfriend, it's like a needle in my heart. I want to stop feeling this way, but how do I do that?
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Hi there.
I've been thinking about this question ever since I saw it in my inbox a few hours ago. I really wanted to have something to say, other than the blatantly obvious. Unfortunately I dont think I have been successful. So here goes...
There is virtually no realistic way that you will ever mean as much to him as he does to you. It is very likely that he is completely oblivious about how you feel. Thats why he is happily telling you how much he loves his gf.
You hit the nail on the head when you said this was like a drug. Just like an addictive narcotic, the more you do it, the harder it is to quit. Unfortunately you have to. I dont see how you can be truly happy (in those hours other than the ones when you are talking to him) unless you do.
Ideally it would be great to bring the relationship back to a friendship, which is where it belongs really. However, thats impossible now.
If you think about it, what could you possibly gain from this arrangement? The most you have is a hypothetical threesome... hardly a healthy relationship.
You know as well as I do, if you listen to your mind not your heart, that you will get over him if you break contact. Maybe you can find someone in "real" life and that will make things pass even quicker. If you are spending that much time talking to him, Im guessing you arent socialising much, right?
Anyways, like I warned, nothing but the blatantly obvious. Hope you sort through this mess. Good luck.
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