"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn
I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.
I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde
So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.
I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.
I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
Gender: Female
Location: WV / KY / ND
Occupation: Technical Account Management
Age: 24
Member Since: October 12, 2007
Answers: 1511
Last Update: August 15, 2011
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for a month now and i feel like its the same old stuff. I go over his house, we make out, he might feel up my shirt or something.. and thats it. i'm not interested in any type of sex so i'm wondering how i can change things up. i really have no ideas. i mean we do just hang out sometimes and like make cupcakes like last week but its usually the same. Thanks! (link)
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There has to be a billion things that you and your boyfriend can do other than sex. Your relationship most definately does not need to revolve around him feeling you up or trying to get to the next base. You're very right to not want to engage in sexual acts right now.
So, make lasting memories of your youth together. Do things that can bond you two and help others, too. It can be really simple things you do together or things you two can do apart and then talk about together. A few example:
Visit the elderly.
Yeah, that sounds a little weird but then you two can get together afterward and talk about all the crazy stories they had to tell you. It creates inside jokes between you two and is very bonding. It also helps someone else out too.
Things like that includes:
Reading to children. Volunteering at a homeless shelter. Volunteer at the local animal shelter.
All of that also really helps your self-esteem and is fairly relaxing activities to help de-stress from daily life.
Other suggestions would be:
Go roller-blading.
Take him out to a concert...
A carnival or fair...
An art gallery or museum...
Or even to the zoo or circus!
Go to the park and watch old people in love. :)
Go on movie dates. Double dates!
Try out new recipes--together!
Read books together. Take turns.
Talk to strangers together and see if you can help brighten their day.
Take a drive to look at the Christmas decorations (Near Christmas, of course)
Have a board game night.
Together, clean your parents' house as a surprise.
Take dance classes together (they will be useful later, trust me).
Go on a picnic! Invite your closest friend and her date.
Go bowling together.
Throw a small party together (parent approved)!
Take up a hobby together like painting, music, bike-riding, fishing, etc.
Stargaze! Even get a cheap telescope, yeah?
Some people even suggest coloring together, though I think painting would be more fun, myself.
Just help each other grow.
Like I said, there are a ton of things you two can do that aren't sexual and will build a stronger bond between you two. Just think of a few things you would like to do and see if you can put your partner into those things with you. It can be REALLY fun and you can learn a lot about each other. Remember that sometimes doing the same activity, only apart, can help you two also when you two engage in the next conversation. Having "stories" to tell is terrific.
Hope you two have lots of fun. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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15/f i want to be ^^^ that for halloween
but my question is how would i put that together??? like i dont wanna buy a whole outfir and i dont want to spen more than 20-30$
thankssssss (link)
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Well, the hair is easily done with the spray-on hair color that places like Wal-Mart and Target sells near Halloween. It's fairly cheap, as I recall, and come in a wide array of colors. You want, obviously, green.
Next, purchase some regular clown make-up for the job. This, again, can be purchased from stores like Wal-Mart or Target around Halloween. The cheap stuff will probably work just fine. The only catch is that you will be doing elaborate work with the face and may want to pick up some extra colors to work with so it can be smeared around if you would like.
Aside from the face make-up and hair coloring there isn't much you can do without spending some money.
To make it more girly you may decide to wear a skirt rather than pants along with fishnet stockings and heels.
You will absolutely need a purple jacket to go along with any other clothing you need. These can be pretty pricey if you're wanting something feminine that will look nice on you. The skirt can be purple or just a plain black one if you're trying to go cheap on the costume idea, though if you choose a black skirt I would most definitely try to find some purple tights or leggings to go under it! You simply cannot just NOT do the jacket though!
Someone suggests purchasing a WHITE jacket and dying it purple:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/908693/how_to_make_a_purple_joker_jacket_for.html?cat=69
I also found a very girly purple jacket at Target:
http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/183-8901467-6453261?asin=B00281EXV6&AFID=shopzilla_df&LNM=|B00281EXV6&CPNG=women&ref=tgt_adv_XSB10001
Or, alternatively:
http://www.target.com/Merona-Cotton-Chelsea-Peacoat-Purple/dp/B00281EXRK/ref=br_1_3?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=1&searchView=grid5&searchNodeID=2164176011&node=2164176011&searchRank=salesrank&searchPage=1&searchSize=30&id=Merona%20Cotton%20Chelsea%20Peacoat%20Purple
As for skirts that could be taken into consideration for the female version of joker costume:
http://www.target.com/Xhilaration-Ponte-Pleated-Skirt-Purple/dp/B002DFAXW0/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&searchView=grid5&frombrowse=0&node=1038576&keywords=purple%20skirt&field_browse=1038576&searchSize=30&id=Xhilaration%20Ponte%20Pleated%20Skirt%20Purple&field_availability=-2&refinementHistory=subjectbin%2Ctarget_com_age%2Ctarget_com_gender-bin%2Ctarget_com_character-bin%2Cprice%2Ctarget_com_primary_color-bin%2Ctarget_com_size-bin%2Ctarget_com_brand-bin&searchNodeID=1038576&field_launch-date=-1y&searchRank=relevancerank&searchPage=1&field_keywords=purple%20skirt
http://www.target.com/Juniors-Xhilaration-Drapery-Pencil-Skirt/dp/B00243YLOM/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&searchView=grid5&frombrowse=0&node=1038576&keywords=purple%20skirt&field_browse=1038576&searchSize=30&id=Juniors%20Xhilaration%20Drapery%20Pencil%20Skirt&field_availability=-2&refinementHistory=subjectbin%2Ctarget_com_age%2Ctarget_com_gender-bin%2Ctarget_com_character-bin%2Cprice%2Ctarget_com_primary_color-bin%2Ctarget_com_size-bin%2Ctarget_com_brand-bin&searchNodeID=1038576&field_launch-date=-1y&searchRank=relevancerank&searchPage=1&field_keywords=purple%20skirt
etc.
Alternatively, be the female version of the joker from Dark Knight when he was in the hospital outfit. Basically, the female version of nurse joker! ;) It's pretty easy to do that. Just do the facial make-up the same and add a nurse's costume or outfit to the mix! Make it cuter by wearing heels and the works.
Here is the YouTube clip of the joker in the nurse's outfit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3OueDLQ23o
As far as I can tell, $20 is not doable unless you already own the jacket and a suitable skirt or pants. The make-up is super cheap but the coat is practically a must if you're going to do it. I apologize I couldn't find anything cheaper that looked like joker material. Hopefully you can order something before Halloween gets here though!
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the sex is amazing right up untill she says it hurts around the opening. as much as we both want to keep going i stop anyway because i dont want to hurt her, the condom's we use dry out rather quickly and are kinda hard to go back in when this happen's we use Mates condom's.
about 6 hours passed and when the movie we were watching finished i gently pressed my fingers on her but she said it still hurt so i went no further. Would lube stop this? or a change in condom brand? or both?
last time i checked im a good 6.4 inches long and kinda thick... maybe 3cm (ish) across? would size be another issue? (link)
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It is entirely possible that your penis is larger than her vagina can accommodate comfortably for an extended period of time. This is usually the case for the first handful of times a woman engages in sexual relations with a man. A woman's body is naturally not as "wide" as a man's penis, as to produce more friction.
I suggest using some alternate form of lubrication along with the condoms. Most condoms have only a certain amount of lubrication and, if left in the air for a few minutes, will dry up quite easily. This sounds to be your problem to me.
So, pick up a plain lube that is compatible with condoms.
Go slowly when engaging in sexual intercourse. If her body is not use to it, it will hurt a bit. It's natural and something that women "get over" after awhile. Things have to loosen up to properly accommodate comfortably.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me directly! :)
P.S. It doesn't really sound like an irritation caused by an allergy, by the way. Usually that involves "welts" or "bumps" that only appear for a few hours. It may also include swelling, pain, or itching sensations. A yeast infection usually comes after the irritating has subsided somewhat, as things down there become out of balance with each other.
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k so i am gay and i dont konw how to tell my dad and i loke this guy at school and i dont know what to do will you plz help! (link)
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First and foremost, you absolutely must be 100% certain that this is the lifestyle you choose to lead for the rest of your entire life. Once you decide to "come out" to friends and family there isn't really much of deciding differently later. You can end up ruining the rest of your life if you're even slightly uncertain. "Coming out" creates a loss of trust in many close friends and relatives so changing your mind later down the road may end up breaking the last bit of trust they had for you off. All I am saying that it is EXTREMELY important that you know what your decision is long before you tell others.
Next, sit down with your father and begin the conversation. Let him know ahead of time that you have something you'd like to talk with him about and that you need his undivided attention when he is available. Then, wait until he's free of all distractions. Talk to him like you would any other serious thing and tell him about the thoughts that have been going through your mind.
Listen to what he has to say and do not get upset, even if he does. Stay calm and rational about the entire thing. Tell him that you felt you should tell him because you are interested in someone at school and you did not want it to be awkward with him. Ask for his thoughts and opinions on the matter. Take into consideration everything he says.
Please know that you may not be a homosexual after all. Many young people feel they fall into this category when it proves to be false. Enjoying the way the same gender appears does not make you a homosexual. It is actually very natural to find the same gender's body attractive and not want to engage in sexual relations with them. Magazines are a great way to see this explained visually. Men with bulging muscles are appealing to women AND men. Women want to be with that sort of man while men would like to look like that sort of man. There isn't anything strange about that sort of attraction to another human being's body.
Expect to lose friends and family. Some of your same gendered friends may pull away when they realize you have attraction to people like them. It's natural and should be very understood by you. If they're not comfortable being your friend then you're better off to not be friends with them. If you guilt them into a friendship it will be completely false, as they would feel the need to lie to you about their comfort factor while with you.
The media has recently pushed homosexuality onto the younger generations. If you are younger, I would definately give it another year or two before making a decision. Guys will come and go and it's highly doubtful that the one you have a crush on at the moment will turn out to be "the one" for you.
Homosexuality has been glamorized though and you should need to be open to the fact that nothing is wrong with being straight. Becoming a homosexual will not make you any more liked or disliked as a human being. You aren't going to be rich and famous. People aren't suddenly going to want to flock around you to see how queer you suddenly became. I know that may sound a little silly to think right now but the media has put many of these ideas in our heads that we are not mentally aware of right off.
If you find that you do have sexual feelings for the same gender then know that you do not have to engage in activities that promote those feelings. There are many counselors, mainly Christian based, that are willing to help you talk through your desires and work out these feelings so that you can lead a happy life with a woman down the road, possibly even having children.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me directly! :)
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During the Holocaust the Nazis took lots and lots of Jews into the death camps. I read about the Jews lining up to be burned to death or gassed to death. From the stories, it sounds like they didn't really fight the lines and just followed what the Nazis instructed. I'm just curious about the reasoning, really. I mean, I figure there were lots more Jews at these camps than there were Nazis. Why didn't the Jews fight back and do the things that we typically think to do in situations involving life/death?
No, I'm not attacking Jews, I'm just curious about the Holocaust, that's all! :) No offense!!! (link)
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I also want to add that the Jews were very much already imprisoned in camps long before death chambers were created.
Jews were housed in special "communities" called ghettos at the time. They had been there for years, only moving from various ghettos when they were instructed to. They shopped, ate, and interacted all within this facility. I suppose it would be equal to a large fenced-in area of trailers that people are housed in. They were told that this area would keep them safe since they were outcasted as it was.
So, when the Nazis came to take the Jews to the death camps, they told them that they were making them move to a nicer ghetto where more would be made available to them. Who wouldn't want to move to a nice place? So, they loaded up on trains and headed for a mythical ghetto where they would be "happier".
The Jews had no idea what was happening. The Nazis kept it very secretive when they entered the ghettos to retrieve the Jews. It only became apparent when the train stopped and bad things happened.
Sometimes the train would stop and they would sit there for days. No food. No water. No toilet. No light. Crammed all together into this boxcar. When fear set in and their wills began to break, the Nazis moved to the next step.
Sometimes the train would stop and they would rush everyone out into a small hut, where they would be faced with guns and told to strip naked. As I am saying, sometimes this was immediate and sometimes this was after days of prisoners sitting in the train.
Nazis also didn't kill the Jews right away usually. They kept them around enough to play sick games with them. They would hold food from then until they almost starved to death and then would give them just enough to survive on for a little longer. They had them do physical labor that was almost impossible when you are dehydrated and starving. Most of the Jews became thin bones with skin pulled over them. Running around the camp for an hour for the Nazi's amusement would prove to be fatal to many. At this point, they absolutely had no muscle to fight back even if they wanted to.
So, by the time they lined up for gas chambers and burn facilities, they were exhausted. They didn't know what was going to happen next, and, if they did, I'm sure some of them were glad to be out of the misery that was the death camp. Some of them were even told that they had been chosen to leave the camp and that the line was so they could be released. They believed this because during many of the sick games the Nazis played with them they were told things like, "If you do good then you may be released."
Many were shackled to each other in a large circle formation and shot in the backs. They couldn't fight to leave the situation because they were practically handcuffed to one another. The Nazis were vicious people though--only shooting every other Jew and letting the others fall into the pit in front of them from the weight of the lifeless bodies, only to die within that situation. There was no running or fighting back. There was only praying out to die immediately.
So, many were tortured for a very long time. They went around nude, hungry, thirsty, and exhausted. A lot of times the foods they ate were bread or other Jews--of course, Nazis didn't come out and say it was the flesh of another Jew but it did happen. In the book Night by Elie Wiesel, the Jews were given coffee at one point right after one had been hanged. The main character notes the taste being strange and then figures out that it as because it was partially human remains.
So, in essence, the Jews couldn't fight back. I'm sure plenty of them tried and were shot down, gassed immediately, or burned alive. It was a vicious act and nobody really stood a chance of escaping the death camps. The lucky survivors have such horror stories to tell and we should realize that they are human and probably don't remember everything anyway.
I hope you find the rest of your answers about the Holocaust so you can be informed too.
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18/m
If my girlfriend and I are kissing and she is in my lap straddling me with a leg on either side and my pants are undone and she is wearing a dress and has it kind of pulled up so her feminine parts are "grinding" so to speak (like a skateboard on a rail) on my masculine parts but we are both still wearing our underwears (her=panties, me=boxers)... is there a possibility of pregnancy? Yes, I would be leaking semens cause thats what Mr. Johnson likes to do when things start to get hot n' heavy but not quite hot n' heavy enough to make him want to give it all he's got... you know what I mean ;).
Seriously though I need to know cause my love asked me to ask you fellows... or somebody she didn't specify who but seeing as all these little 14-year-old girls are having similar problems (although my issue involves common sense and lacks alcohol) I thought this would be the place to go.
WHAT SAY YOU?!?!?!?!
thanks! =]
oh and I don't do condoms and she don't do birth control... and definitely not plan-B. (link)
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Yes, pregnancy is very possible actually.
Pre-ejaculate still contains some sperm, even though it's a lot less than a complete ejaculation. A full ejaculation contains as many as 100 million sperm at a time, and sperm within pre-ejaculate can be as many as a few million.
If semen got to the moistened area of her vagina then she could have been impregnated, very easily at that.
Sperm can "swim" through fabric even as long as it's moist. It doesn't even have to be "wet" for them to be able to travel through it. A little moisture is all they need to survive the journey. The moisture can come from your pre-ejaculate itself, your girlfriend's own moisture from her vagina, or even sweat that you two may release during the activity.
It only takes one sperm to fertilize one egg and create one baby. A few million sperm within one pre-ejaculate is a lot more than one. If conditions are right then the sperm that do travel into the vagina can survive anywhere between 5 to 7 days, and in absolutely perfect conditions they have been found still alive at 2 weeks!
If you are going to continue to engage in risky sexual activities like this and do not plan to become pregnant then please take the proper precautionary measures and use a condom. Condoms help to prevent pregnancies to about 88% with typical usage. If your partner is not willing to take oral contraceptives or any form of hormonal birth control then you are left with either condoms or risking pregnancy. You need to make a decision, together, on which is the best option. Creating another life simply because you wanted to have a little unprotected fun is not very bright and can cause a lot of problems in your future. Get your priorities straight before continuing these activities.
If your girlfriend's next period misses then it may be possible she is pregnant. She can take a home pregnancy test then (after the missed period) or go to a clinic for a pregnancy test (more accurate; requires blood sample).
Purchase a few home pregnancy tests and have your girlfriend test herself occassionally if her period does not come next month. Some home pregnancy tests are better than others. According to a couple of studies done, First Response and Early Result Pregnancy Test are the two best kinds to purchase because they are slightly more sensitive than the others. You may want to pick up a couple of those for home usage in the future. Just because she isn't pregnant this time doesn't mean your little guys won't succeed next time, especially if you're not going to begin using a form of birth control.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S. If I were you, I would stop talking bad about 14 year olds that are going through these problems. You're an 18 year old going through problems that many 14 year olds are going through now and you don't have any more common knowledge than they do on this subject, obviously. It isn't nice to belittle people to make yourself feel better. Advicenators are here to help everyone of all ages in all questions that are asked.
Wisdom means researching all POSSIBLE outcomes and all information BEFORE you engage in an activity. You are equal to the 14 year olds in this sense, aren't you?
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For weeks I have been iffy about even writing this.
I am young 18 and just got married in August. I am pregnant that is not why we got married but I think we rushed into it. We were planning the wedding already had my wedding dress before i found out I was Pregnant.
Sometimes I find myself regretting getting marred My reasons. I wanted to work days and go to school nights. It would be tough but id be able to better myself for me and my family he through a fit and didnt support me at all. told me either work or go to school but advises me to work because we need the money. Being pregnant I have my mood swings like most if we have an argument its all my fault he will yell at me and blame me then make me feel guilty by saying oh its always all my fault i forgot your so perfect. sometimes he makes im crap. If i feel nauses or sick at night or anything and he wants sex he pouts and acts like he is mad by not saying a workd until he gets it then goes to sleep. he goes hunting, fishing, baseball teams and tournaments etc. anything he wants and i dont argue about it i just let him.
I have asked a million times to look harder for a job. he works 2 days aweek at a sale barn doing something he likes i work full time on my swallon feet 40+ hours a week and come home exhausted and tired. its like he dont care he doesnt want to even try to look he put an app. in at burgerking one app.. in 5 weeks? we live at my dads. which i dont feel is save but dont have a choice. hes lazy
and to top it off he always wants to spend money. i used to get food stamps which just stopped but hed want a gallon of tea every 2 days. go out and buy food he wants all the time because hes to lazy to cook one thing or wait for it to get done. as soon as he gets paid he goes and spends most of the money on garbage food and gets mad when i tell him i dont want it id rather eat food i cook at home.
I love my husband to death trust me and want to work things out but i dont know what to do i talk to him about it and itslike it is in one ear and out the other. (link)
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What I am wondering is WHY you married this man in the first place. What sparked this sort of connection? What about your husband made you think, "Yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with this man!"? Something about him must have been awfully special at some point...
Think of those things. Are those things COMPLETELY gone? I'm sure not. Maybe some things are a little changed because the situation has changed to some extent. I'm sure he's still the same guy underneath it all. You have to find it again and praise him for those good qualities so he shows them more often.
I think a good chunk of your marriage problems are because of sudden changes you are making in your life. You have admitted that you felt you two had rushed the wedding. That was a mistake on both of your parts if you were not ready. You should have spoken up at one point and said, "You know...I think we should push this back a few months or something because this seems very overwhelming right now..." Of course, sometimes we don't realize how rushed we were until it's simply too late to push things back or make changes. It happens but, luckily, you have a partner to turn to and talk to about these feelings.
Next, I think your husband wasn't being mean or selfish when he told you to choose to either work or to go to school while you are pregnant. Pregnant women do NOT need to be under stress at all. Working long hours (or, hell, even half of the day for a pregnant woman) and then coming home to study for hours, possibly into the night, to prepare for large exam the next day...uh, that doesn't sound so wise for the health of your unborn child. You're young and maybe you don't realize that though. It's very hard to hold down a decent job and keep up on your college grades let alone add a child or a pregnancy to the mix. Your husband may have said it inappropriately and you interpreted it as a commanding, selfish, controlling thing but it really sounds like he only meant well. He told you to choose one and stick with it. Then he let you know his input--that he would go to work if he were you since money is tight and there is a baby on the way. I see no problem at all in him doing this. Hell, even if I wasn't pregnant I'm not sure I could handle both of those and a new marriage--they all take lots and lots of time, energy, and WORK! You can't given 100% at all of those, right? What are your priorities?
Being pregnant puts A LOT of stress on your body. Sometimes you become overwhelmed very easily because of this and you may not even realize it. It takes a large toll on your body and you need to realize that. Sometimes the things your husband says may not be the way you are hearing them. Your body is a little out-of-whack right now and you need to relax. If what he says or does seems wrong or off then bring it to his attention. He isn't a mind reader. He doesn't know what in the world is bothering you if you never open up to him--CALMLY--and tell him.
You must also remember that all of the changes that are going on with you are also happening to your husband. He may now realize that the marriage was a bit rushed. He may now realize that having a child so soon in the married is a bit rushed. He may also be feeling overwhelmed and a bit scared of what the future holds.
I don't think you should divorce your husband at all. I don't think you should kick him out or "tell him how it is." You two are missing some vital, calm communication though. Communicate!
I think you need to sit down with your husband and say something like this...
"I love you very much [name] and I want us to have a very good marriage. I really need to talk to you about some of the things I've been thinking about lately because I'm feeling very overwhelmed. I think the pregnancy in conjunction with the rushed wedding has really taken a toll on me and I need you to understand that. I know you are probably feeling overwhelmed too by all of these sudden life-altering changes. It's just...some things are really bugging me and I know we need to keep the lines of communication open between us. It's things like...[examples from what you've said here that has been bothering you]
...
I feel like you aren't taking on your half of this marriage sometimes. I know that work is very hard to find but I'd REALLY appreciate it if you applied at more places and made some more calls. I know it's really stressful but our baby really needs that. We really need to pull ourselves together for our baby and I think it would help a lot if we both had jobs--even minimum wage jobs are better than nothing, right? I'm really concerned about this...
...
Since being pregnant is really wearing me down I was hoping you could help me out a little at home. I know you're busy too and have a lot of activities going on but I'm feeling overwhelmed, like I said. I thought maybe if you tried to make dinner every once in awhile it would be really helpful. I think making dinner at home is a lot cheaper than eating out and I thought maybe you might make something quick and easy so it takes a little of the stress off of me.
...
I know you REALLY like tea a lot and you go through a good gallon of it every day or two. I'm glad you're not drinking alcohol or something very harmful so don't think I'm trying to say not to drink tea. The problem is that $3 for a gallon of tea every two days seems to be pricey to me and I'm really worried about our financial state with the baby coming. I thought that maybe, if you're interested, we could look at some bagged teas and try to make a few of those for you to try out. We could find one you really like and I could whip up a gallon every couple of days for you. It's a lot cheaper and it would make me feel more at ease. What do you think?
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I don't like spending our hard-earned money on junk foods, especially since we have a baby coming. We both need to be in good health so we can raise our baby together and we need to be financially stable for the most part. Sometimes I feel like we buy some really bad things for more money than they are worth. Maybe we can sit down and make a grocery list together and try to stick with that for a couple of weeks. That way we can see what we are putting in our bodies and what we are spending our money on. I would feel a lot better if we took care of ourselves and our money. There are just a lot of things that we need to change with that, don't you think? Do you think we could sit down tonight and figure that grocery list out? Maybe we could even figure out a dinner list for every night of the week so it would put a little less pressure on me to find something we both want to eat...do you like these ideas?
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Being pregnant has really altered my body, I guess. Sometimes my feet get really swollen after working and it's pretty painful. My sex drive isn't what it once was now and I feel like I'm letting you down in the bedroom because I'm not wanting it as often as you are now. Could you please work with me on things like this? It's really stressing me out and I feel unappreciated sometimes because of it. Is there something we can do to help me feel better about myself and this marriage?
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Before we got married and I found out I was pregnant we use to go [somewhere] a lot. It was really fun and I enjoyed those date nights. We haven't REALLY had a date night in awhile and I think it would make us both feel closer. I had the idea to have a date night every two weeks, where we both could set aside one evening to do something really nice together. I'm free this [evening] and I know you are too. Do you think we could start this date-night thing then and see a movie? Then in two weeks we could do something else maybe. It would make me really happy...
Tell your husband everything that is on your mind. That is what he is there for. You are always suppose to turn to your spouse for help. You are in need of help, even though it's help with your spouse. Talk to him. If you have to, send him the link to this question and let him know what is on your mind. Be calm in talking to him. He isn't a jerk. He isn't a bad man. He isn't a lazy, good-for-nothing slob. He's under stress too, even if you don't see it. Things are changing for him too. I bet if you asked him about living at your fathers he'd tell you that he wasn't happy with it either. Sit down with him and make a financial plan on how to get out of there. Sit down with him and help him find places he would like to apply for jobs. Don't let this be a one-sided thing. He needs your help too. He needs you to guide him sometimes too. We all need to lean on someone when we are stressed and worn-down from some of the major life changes we've chosen.
Don't forget the romance that you're probably not having any more. When couples marry they stop going on dates. They stop the cute little things they did for each other before. They forget to miss one another because they're just sure they'll see them later. Remember that life can end at any more so make the most of it with your partner while you have them. Set aside time for each other. Some married couples go on dates (yes, get all dressed up and excited!) every week, every two weeks, or every month even. Whatever works for you and keeps the spark lit! Try it out with him after you explain the situation.
Relax and realize that this is not all lost. You're very new into the marriage and shouldn't drop it at all yet. You need to learn to open the lines of communication. You need to learn to tell him everything and be understanding because you are a pair now. You have to work together to get these things solved.
Marriages ARE give and take. Marriage means you AND him. It means teamwork. It means communicating. It means so much that sounds like you haven't figured out yet. Think about that. Apply that. You are unhappy so you need to tell him so you two can both work as a team to fix those problems. It's not all him. It's not all you. It's both of you two not being able to communicate right now. Keep trying. You will get the hang of it if you don't give up.
I hope things turn out to be just fine and you have a happy family together. If you have any more questions please feel free to inbox me! :D
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18/f: Hey. So my boyfriend and I had a lot of problems. He was overly insecure and jealous and yelled all the time. I really needed emotional support at the time and after a few months I ended up cheating on him. Me and this new guy had sex a few times and didn't use a condom. He was quite promiscuous and looking back it's probably the most stupid and dangerous thing I've ever done. My boyfriend and I broke up but after a while, we both had personal problems we had to deal with. But now I think we both know where we went wrong and we're trying to work on it. It's weird because in a way I think we're stonger than ever. We have a no secrets policy now lol. I told him everything about this guy I cheated on him with including that we didn't use a condom. He obviously wants me to get tested, and I said I would of course. But the clinic near me only tests for chlamydia. I'm meaning to get tested for that, but they were shut when I called up so I haven't quite got round to it yet. Then, the other day I was having sex with my boyfriend but it hurt and we stopped. This morning, I noticed a rash, down there. It's itchy and quite painful, raised and bumpy. I'm naturally worried. I looked around online and it sounds a bit like herpes, but the last time I had sex with the guy I cheated with was about 2 months ago and he didn't have any sores or a rash or anything like that at a time, doesn't the virus have to be active to be contagious? So maybe it's not that... It could possibly be a reaction to a new cream I've started using for shaving rash. I've been using it for just under a week. I'm really worried though.
The way I see it, if it is herpes there's nothing I can do about it but wait till it goes away anyway, and it'll come back at some point. If it's because of this cream, well i'm gonna stop using it anyway so that'll be fine. So there's no reason to get checked out either way. Unless it could be something else? I know it sounds stupid, but I really don't wanna have to go get checked out. I'll go for any test I can do myself, but to have someone look down there... I would die. I'm self conscious as it is. But, what if it is herpes? Shouldn't I tell my boyfriend? Because it will come up again won't it. And I'm trying to build trust, I dont want him to think i've cheated if it flares up in a few years time.
argh what do i do? (link)
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Hi there! I'm pretty much the site expert on herpes, I believe. I've done some thorough research on it and have dealt with the problem myself.
I have many, many links about this disease on my column that I will link you to. If you are wise you will reach every ounce of information I give on the provided links because herpes is a very, very serious illness which can even result in your future children being born dead or blind:
"How do you know if you have herpes? What is herpes anyway?"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=541457
"Can you contract herpes on the outside of your genitals?"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=541451
"How did I get herpes? We used a condom and everything!"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=537694
"I have herpes. When am I considered "contagious"?"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=539756
"Can you get an STD from giving a hand job?"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=495933
"My boyfriend got sperm in my eyes. Are there risks? (Ocular herpes information)"
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=541866
Because you may not have the time at this very moment to thoroughly read through all of the material listed above I will point out some very important parts about the herpes virus.
For oral herpes:
Usually the outbreak begins with a very slight tingling. It may increase to itching before a painful bump appears. The sore usually lasts 5 - 7 days and is commonly located on one of the sides of the upper lip (though it can be anywhere really). Though those are the common side-effects, some people do not experience any tingling, itching, or pain.
For genital herpes (most likely what you are talking about):
SOME people infected with HSV-2 are not aware of their infection. They mistaken it with insect bites sometimes, especially if the outbreak is not severe. However, if signs and symptoms occur they can be quite pronounced. Sores typically heal within two to four weeks. Signs and symptoms during the outbreak may include a crop of painful and itchy sores, flu-like symptoms, fever, and swollen glands. Many people experience much nerve pain throughout their bodies, specifically legs and back, before and during an outbreak. Urination can be uncomfortable to painful, especially for women. The first outbreak may not occur for years so it is vital that regular blood STD tests (specifically looking for the herpes strains) are taken every six months to ensure health.
The only way you can truly know if you have herpes is to visit a doctor while having a visible outbreak so they can test it. They may scrap the area and take your blood. The blood may show antibodies for the specific strain of herpes.
Genital herpes can lead to potentially fatal infections in babies so it's important to take care of your immune system to lessen outbreaks. Babies can contract it from their mothers and it can cause blindness and fatalities so it's important that, if you become pregnant at any point in your lifetime, you let your doctor know immediately that you have herpes. It is also said that HSV-2 helps to spread HIV/AIDs since there are open wounds on the genitals.
If you are sexually active please let your partner(s) know about your disease if it is confirmed you have contracted such illness. They may have already contracted it from you already but they deserve to know. It only takes a few seconds for the infection to actually attach to the cells of the next person. From now on you need to let your future sexual partners know ahead of time about the dangers of engaging in sexual relations with you. If you do not let them know and they contract the virus from you, they can actually TAKE YOU TO COURT AND SUE YOU for bodily damages.
You also need to make sure to wash your hands thoroughly after touching the area around the sore. You CAN spread it to other places on your body. It may spread on it's own, but it'd be a shame to see you back saying you touched your eye after you touched the sore and now have contracted ocular herpes. You should take every precaution you can to not spread it to other areas of your body or to other people.
You need to see a doctor for treatment of this. Becoming sexually active means that you feel you're mature enough for everything that may entail. In your case this entails a possible STD infection and the need for a physical check-up. If you do not go to the doctor for this the disease can spread worse and can alter your life forever. This is serious. A fifteen minute vaginal check-up is A LOT easier then having your female organs removed after you gave birth to three full-term dead babies and one very blind one. Understand what I'm trying to get through to you? This isn't a game.
Tell your partner.
Make a doctor's appointment for as SOON as you can get it!
Just be open with the doctor and say, "I had sex with two people and a little later I developed this strange rash that sounds like herpes to me. I am afraid of having my vagina checked out so I am nervous about this. I know this needs to be done though so please work with me and my nervousness today..."
THIS IS IMPORTANT! Do not just ignore the fact hat you may have a disease. The flare up may clear up, yes, and you might not have to deal with it for a few more weeks (because, to be honest, you are EXTREMELY LUCKY if you go months without an outbreak) and then it will become increasingly worse.
Not telling your partner is not building trust. If it takes him months before he has an outbreak he is going to know the disease was from you. He may began to hate you for destroying his body. He may end up taking you to court you later in life, like I said. You are putting your loved one in harm's way by ignoring this!
Please, see a doctor and put your stupidity behind you. This isn't just about you anymore!
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17/f
youve probably never heard of something like this but neither have i thats why its so hard for me to deal with. me and my bf have been dating for 2 years, and hes schitzophrenic. its not that bad yet because its inthe early stages. but you can still tell because we have ALOT of ups and downs in our relationship mostly caused by his mood swings and paranoia. but lately it has gotten so bad and he is so paranoid about everything. he doesnt believe that i love him and he trusts no1. he says that he just has this feeling that i dont love him and why eould anyone? i was fine with that because we were still close but now he wants to cut me out of his life completely. he says that he needs to stop talking to me because he is too dependant on me and that dependance is weakness. he is trying to make himself stronger or something but all he's doing his making himself completely alone. he has stopped talking to all his friends because he says they only want somthing from him. but he still helps them all when they need something and he still comforts me when im upset but not in a loveing way. he says he has cut out all the lovey dovey stuff because its just making him more dependent on me and hes ready to move on. im not though because im in love with him and hes says he loves me too, which i believe, but the whole him wanting to spend the rest of his life being alone and going into the marines is breaking my heart. i want to be with him so badly and if i thought it was beter to let him go then i would because i want whats best for him but i know he loves me but hes pushing every1 away and i know its not good for him or me. please help (link)
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Your boyfriend needs help.
Your boyfriends NEEDS medication.
He is not in his right mind. People that suffer from schizophrenia are not who they were truly meant to be. Medication can help bring them back to reality.
He isn't living, mentally, where we are. He is in his own world, where everyone is out to get him and are deceptive, apparently. Help him get better by encouraging him to continue seeking psychiatric help and taking his medication on time.
He isn't going to understand what you do until he gets better. He isn't going to even grasp the true concept of love if he continues to be in this state. He will become increasingly worse. His life will take a dramatic drop. He will not be able to lead a happy, fulfilling life without medication and continuous therapy.
Encourage him to stick with the help he can receive and work through him coming back to reality. The medications available can really help him very much but it may be hard for him to deal with what is real and what he THOUGHT was real. He needs a lot of support and a lot of love throughout these times.
He just isn't himself right now.
Help him by getting him professional help. THAT is what is best for him.
He isn't going to get any better without those things. This is a mental illness, not a feeling. He cannot just "get over" this. He isn't going to just "wake up" one day. He is a sick guy and needs help to get better.
Stay with him throughout his sessions with the psychiatrist and remind him when he should be taking his medications. Make sure he follows through with these and he will have the chance to return back to who he was meant to be. You two can lead a very nice life together as long as he is consistent with those things. Don't just turn your back on him now. He is going to need support as the medication shows him the things he's not seen for years. Schizophrenia is a life-long illness and he has probably suffered from it his entire life and it has gone unnoticed. He will always need therapy and medications or he will fall back into this scary routine and blurred mental vision.
This is a serious illness not to be taken lightly.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me directly! :)
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sooo ok dont judge me because im asking this. im completely normal, i just love my boyfriend so much. weve been dating for 2 years and he suffers from schitzophrenia and he refuses to take medication because he hates the way it makes him feel. i feel so horrible 4 him because he is in so much pain and its just getting so much worse. i know he doesnt want to live anymore. yesterday he asked me to kill him and at first i didnt think he was serious but we talked for a while and he said it was the only way or he would do it himself. i dont want him to go to hell for committing suicide so i told him i would kill him so id go to hell instead. i havnt decided if im going to kill myself yet because my boyfriend says he doesnt want me to do that. but i dont know if i could deal with the fact i killed the boy im in love with. but what happens if a 16 year old kills another 16 year old who asked her to do it? jail? death penalty? psychiatric center forever? im not crazy im just putting the one i love out of his misery because i cant stand him being in pain any longer. id rather be in pain for him. just wanna know what would happen. dont try to do all that talking out of it and stuff either. wont work. thanks (link)
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The problem is that you aren't in your right mind either. Please do not take that as an insult. If you followed through with this murder plan then you would be deemed insane. For a person to think that murdering someone else will solve most, if not all, of the major problems is a great sign of mental instability.
You may love your partner very, very much but his death is not going to solve anything. It's sort of like saying, "I have a dog. I really love my dog and I've had him for 2 years now and practically raised him from a pup. Recently, he broke his leg and it just doesn't seem to be healing right. I know that surgery and what-not can solve it but he isn't going to like wearing a cast on his leg for a few weeks. I'm just going to euthanize him so this big problem will be solved. I'm going to be really heartbroken..." That doesn't make much sense does it?
You have to deal with the problem itself. If you kill him he won't have any more chance at life. He won't have the opportunity to get better. You won't have a connection with him any longer. His pain will disperse throughout his family and friends and they will suffer from his loss.
People that suffer from schizophrenia are really not trustworthy if they are not on their medications. It's like any other mental illness that needs medicated--they are NOT thinking properly. They can't tell you what they truly want, need, or even love because they aren't themselves. Schizophrenics can be hard to trust as it is. It can be difficult to find the proper medications for them so that they can come back to this reality so even on medication you have to watch out for breaks in reality. It can years of medication for them to finally find what works best for their minds but it is not at all impossible.
Your boyfriend isn't himself is what I'm saying. Yes, he doesn't want to suffer any more, but death is not what he truly wants. If he dies, there is no more life. No more suffering means no more happiness, memories, or love from you and his friends/family.
Death means permanent game over. He really just wants to get better and not have to deal with this problem any longer. THAT is sane, rational thinking.
Both of you should be seeing therapists. You need to seek help yourself because you are experiencing a break in reality yourself, most likely caused by this great stress. Death is not going to solve ANYTHING. He won't suffer any more, sure, but he isn't going to experience any more joy. You have no idea if he will be going to Hell or Heaven either. His soul may already be set for eternal damnation if he doesn't repent--which means you will be preventing him from seeking God and becoming a more holy spirit himself by ending his life too soon. In essence, YOU could be sending him to Hell by not giving him the chance to redeem his sins completely.
Your boyfriend has the ability to get better. You need to be supportive of him taking his medications. The medications cause him to feel strange because he is coming back to reality with each dosage. Each dose is making him see the real world, which is something he simply is not living in right now. Help him find a good psychiatrist and encourage him to keep taking his medication. If he's not been on these medications all of his life then it can difficult to deal with the reality as it comes smashing you in the face. What you thought as true you soon realize was a mental falsehood. It can be frightening, especially if someone is saying, "Just stop taking them if you don't like them..." It's sort of like living in the United States and then waking up in the middle of a 3rd world country. It can be scary and confusing and you might physically feel odd as you adjust to the new surrounding climate.
If you murdered your boyfriend there would plenty of hours in court for you. You would be lucky if they deemed you criminally insane and sent you to a psychiatric ward for the rest of your life. Sometimes the jury doesn't quite grasp that someone thinking that murder will solve major life problems means mentally imbalanced so they very well could send you to prison. You, most likely, would not receive the death penalty in either case but it is a possibility.
You are needing help yourself.
Please, seek a counselor and start from there. Encourage your boyfriend to seek professional help as well and stay on his medications. Help him through the feelings he begins to experience as he becomes who he truly was meant to be, mentally.
Murder, or suicide, isn't going to solve anything.
Seeking professional help and taking medications regularly will improve this situation. Working together to create a positive lifestyle will improve this situation. Your boyfriend can lead a very happy, productive, and fulfilling life if he has support and understanding from people like you. Help him to live not to die.
That's my psychology degree talking, I suppose. That and the fact that my grandfather was mentally ill as well and committed suicide so I know how that feels.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me directly :)
P.S.
Here are some FACTS about schizophrenia (as taken from various trustworthy sources on Google):
"On average, it takes 8 years between the time symptoms of schizophrenia first appear, and the time they are diagnosed and treated." Your boyfriend has, most likely, suffered from this illness for MANY years.
"About 150 of every 100,000 persons will develop schizophrenia." Your boyfriend is NOT alone!
"About 75% of patients developed schizophrenia between the ages of 15-25." There are people his age that are dealing with this right now.
"Studies have indicated that 25 percent of those having schizophrenia recover completely, 50 percent are improved over a ten-year period..." He can improve to the point of a full recovery even!
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f/teen
So my hole family cousins sisters brother aunts uncles etc, all belevie in waiting till marraige and so do i Its hard cause you get tempted but i stick through it.
I know that is what god wants everyone to do and its the right way to do it.
So i was wondering on how you feel about waiting to have sex and doing other things with them?
(besides kissing and makeingout)No fingering bj all that stuff how do you feel about it? (link)
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First off, you should hold your head up high in knowing that you are a virgin. Virginity still is special and it should be cherished a lot more than it is now.
I completely understand when you say that the media keeps telling you that it's safe to have sex with anyone you have sexual desires for. This is very untrue though and you can be left with many scars because of it.
Engaging in sex puts you in a difficult situation. You can be left with emotional issues but nobody really talks about that. The reason why your peers pressure you to have sex is actually fairly simple. They aren't having good sex and they feel bad and let down from what they believed was going to be awesome, and it's human nature to want to be socially accepted. They will pressure you to have sex because subconsciously they feel bad and want you to relate to them so they don't feel alone. These people simply want others to be like them so they know they are accepted.
The people who are telling you to have sex only want you to do it too because they are either hoping your sexual experiences are just like theirs so they won't feel alone and jipped, or so you give them something to talk about for awhile.
It's TRUE! I have had girls my age confess this very thing to me: "I pressured her into having sex with him because I had lost my virginity and, well, I knew it really wasn't great and I wanted her to feel bad with me."
In reality, sex was never that great for me with the boy I lost my virginity to. I regret it every day. It left me feeling inadequate--like something must be terribly wrong with me. Because of this I still feel like my vagina is wrong and weird. Just as a note, I lost my virginity about 7 years ago--YES, I STILL feel like my body is messed up because sex wasn't good and fun like everyone said it was.
If I could, I would take it all back and would keep my virginity. I wish I wouldn't have made that mistake years ago. What's crazy is that I believed the whole "wait until you're in a long-term relationship with someone you love and loves you" bullcrap. Yeah, I waited and was with the guy for a year and a half or so and was STILL left, STILL heartbroken, and STILL empty. Sex did not add fun like so many people claim.
Instead of making meaningless sex-memories, I wish I would have made true fun memories with my past. There are so many things I wish I would have done with my youth then (which, hey, I'm still youthful but you know what I mean probably). I wish I would have actually connected with my partner, heck, I wish I would have had enough sense to find a good partner that wouldn't deceive me. I wish I spent time learning about someone instead of trying to make something meaningless into something exciting.
If you have sex and something goes wrong then you will be scarred for the rest of your life. If things get out of hand, pregnancy occurs, you're hurt in some way, or you contract a STD from the activity you cannot take it back. You will have to carry that onto each and every partner you have after then. I'm not even talking about the emotional hang-ups that can develop from ONE activity.
Married couples simply do not have the problems that other sexual partners do. Also, giving your virginity to your partner on wedding night shows a huge amount of love--to save yourself for that special day, for that special person. Married couples never fear they're being used or will be left. They're able to open up and tell each other what they desire without fear. They know that if a pregnancy happens that they will get through it together with each other's support. They also aren't fearful of catching an STD from their partner because they know they're their only partner. Both partners tend to be fully satisfied because they're able to communicate well with each other and they're able to feel emotionally secure.
You risk STDs/STIs with each sexual contact. These can render you infertile and you won't be able to ever have children. If it doesn't do that, it could hide in you and you could end up spreading it to every partner you ever have without knowing it. Even at that, some STDs can deteriorate the brain and be so severe that they cause a long, painful death years later.
A lot of people have STDs/STIs and don't even know it. Many people don't show symptoms. You'd be amazed at how many people have accidentally given their infant a STD--especially herpes. The child grows up thinking that their symptoms are normal because the parents are so ashamed.
Along with the risk of sexually transmitted disease/infections is the risk of pregnancy. Having a child is a huge responsibility and NO "protection" is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy (or STDs, as a matter of fact). Having a child (or children in the case of twins) means being completely selfless. You have to support the child financially and emotionally. You have to tend to another human life every minute of yours.
For some shocking STD facts, check this out:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm
Here is also a link of photos of various STDs. Most of the photos are of males but there are a few female photos in there. Some are very scary. Don't worry about many photos popping up when you click the link, they're behind other links so you can choose which ones you might want to check out:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html
It's even tougher if you don't have a life-long partner to help share that huge responsibility. What's even scarier about that is that men and women today are just up and leaving their children with their partners to handle the responsibility all alone. This means people need to be pickier on who they reproduce with and stop sleeping with any thing that crosses their path even if they claim to love them. Making children isn't hard, it's raising them that gets complicated.
One night of sex can result in creating another life or living with a disease the rest of yours. I know many people who lost their virginity and became pregnant (or had gotten the girl pregnant) the same night. They weren't emotionally ready to have children but they made one mistake and they now have a tough road ahead of them trying to make enough money and time for their child.
Here are some facts about how much a baby costs within the first year of life; you should really check it out just for future issues as the knowledge could come in very handy:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php
Even if you think that you can have an abortion if there happens to be a pregnancy, think about the consequences of that action even. Some women suffer major depression for many years after having an abortion. There are cases of women committing suicide years after having an abortion because they couldn't deal with what they had done. Some women become infertile and can no longer have any children. Some really good men refuse to be with a woman who has had an abortion. Throwing a life away because you wanted to have some fun should be an unacceptable option.
The media feeds us a bunch of stupidity now. We're told that if we use condoms or the pill that we won't get pregnant or have STDs. The media tells us that we should be having sex with as many people as possible to become popular, famous, attractive, and overall liked. The media says that if we love someone that we should have sex and prove this love with that is not at all what we should be doing. We're told that we should give into our urges and that everything will be alright since we can throw away the consequences.
You should not be in a rush to have sex. You have plenty of years ahead of you. Anyone can have sex. Lots of people have sex with each other every day and don't have the slightest bit of care for their sexual partner.
Here is a link about some things you should think about before engaging in sex. The site really makes you think about things you overlooked before:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm
...and here is a link about virginity too. It gives good examples of what they're talking about so you're able to understand them clearly:
http://www.prolife.com/LICKONA.htm
Trust me, one night of sex can really screw you over, especially when it entails losing your virginity. You set yourself up for so many mental and physical hang-ups it's ridiculous. Please protect yourself from going through heart-ache and future sexual issues.
Sex is not what other people say, I promise you. You shouldn't rush into it because you want to have fun and "enjoy" your youth. Enjoy your youth in less-harming ways. Look back at your past and have MEMORIES of THINGS YOU DID with others and not faded-out, half-assed memories of meaningless sex.
Keep your virginity and be worth something extra-special to your husband/wife in the future.
I hope that I've helped you open your eyes to a couple of things and informed you of facts you may have overlooked. If you have any more questions do feel free to ask me directly :)
In addition, here are a couple of other Advicenators who are also wise in keeping their virginity:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=535643
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=535823
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Hi I'm from the UK.
I have a 9 year old daughter who is very distressed and upset and i'm hoping you can help me help her!!
I moved away from her dad in 1999 (before she was born) due to domestic violence and gained an interdict to stop him coming near us. Since we weren't safe in the area we lived in after my split with him i moved to Edinburgh in 2002 and have been safe and living life normally ever since, that is until May last year when he managed to locate us.
Within a week we had to be placed in a Womans Aid refuge for our safety and he believes we live down in London now.
Ever since though he set up websites in search of us using videos and information from my daughters health problems to try and locate us. Now the first two websites we managed to get taken down as it pertained to a minors safety but the 3rd (which my daughter stumbled on last night) has only been up for a couple of days.
I've spoken to the police who confirmed this is a source of harassment yet won't do anything about it as its online. My solicitor reakons since he doesnt know where our new address is we should simply ignore it but its easier said than done!!
He is definately abusing my daughters right to safety and privacy. He has invaded both me and my daughters privacy by making this site and has caused us great annoyance and anxiety. The very fact he used her name as his web address shows he is abusing her right to privacy. If it was more about him it should have been called JohnMackie.co.uk not http://www.Shannoncassidy.co.uk
My daughter deserves the right to live life normally and safely - she does NOT deserve her privacy violated in such a manner and certainly not be hounded by him. Please for the safety of my daughter help me get him stopped for good!!
I need help! This is affecting my daughter greatly!! She has only JUST started relaxing after the last spate of websites and now shes back to sitting in her room crying - She doesn't understand why someone would ignore her requests to take it down and leave her alone as she wants nothing to do with him at the moment.
In light of this i would appreciate it if you could help!! (link)
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Hi there!
I have read through everything available here and felt I needed to respond promptly.
Though I did not go through puberty at a very early age, I did have my abnormal problems with menstruation. At 11 I started my cycle and it was pure torment on my end. I wanted to hide all of the time. I was uncomfortable and scared that my friends would find out. My parents didn't do a very good job on educating me about my body so I ruined countless pairs of jeans while I was AT SCHOOL and was teased by my father during my time of the month. I know how it is to have to deal with such embarrassing subjects, especially when nobody else your age range seems to be going through it the same you are.
This being said, I cannot believe you put your child's name and face on public television! If you were desperately concerned on finding some sort of guidance from others who have gone through it then you should have very well had her face hidden and her (and your) name changed during the television interview. I know you don't quite understand it now but when she does become older and approaches her teen years, any other child who was not taught respect for others will hone in on her and the teasing will not let up for years. Her self esteem will drop. She will feel like hiding too. This can be a really, really bad thing, especially with her hormonal imbalance problems that are already very evident.
The problem is that if YOU don't take responsiblity for this and say, "Shannon, I did a very bad thing by putting you on television the way I did and airing your name along with your personal problems. I am sorry for any ill happenings that will occur later in your life because of this and hope that you will forgive my ignorance..." If YOU don't take responsiblity then Shannon WILL grow up to hate herself, feeling that the teasing that will come and her personal health problems are entirely her fault. Right now you are having her focus that hurt on her father but that will eventually stop working because she will become curious about the man and wonder if you are really telling the truth about him or if you are trying to cover something up. This will turn into some sort of twisted thinking in that SHE was the cause of many problems. Again, this can become really a nasty situation for her.
Next, please just let up off of her biological father. Seriously. The man has made a website that states her name, yes, but read it carefully. What does HE really say about Shannon? He says he wants to meet her and get to know her. He says he wants the chance to support his daughter. He never says a word about her condition. He doesn't broadcast her problems to the world wide web. He didn't post any sort of private photo on the site that he had access to. He simply says, "I would like to get to know you if you would like to get to know me...please give me that chance, Shannon..."
This being said, I have no idea why your beautiful, precious daughter would be humiliated by the website itself. She is probably feeling more humiliated by the video posting he has of--YOU telling HER personal problems to the world. She is probably feeling upset because YOU are telling her that the website is horrible.
The truth is, the website isn't horrible. It's very endearing and you should be ashamed of yourself for denying that sort of man a chance to get to know the daughter you two share. Men like this do not come often. Men who have grown up and have seen the error of their ways. Men who want to take full responsibility of their previous actions. If any adult male should be in Shannon's life, this is the man.
Go in the other room and talk to your daughter like a mother should. Tell her that you are sorry for putting her on television and parading her around with her dreadful problems. Tell her about her father and let her know that the website was NOT intended to be hurtful but was meant to be a way to open the lines of communication if she so desired. Give her the option of communicating with John in a public place together, maybe to have lunch (and, yes, it would be OK to let her know that if the meeting does not go happily then she can choose to never see him again).
Lastly, forgive. Forgive John if he truly was abusive in the past. He was a 22 year old man who had just gotten divorced and was confused about what to do with his two children. He was still a kid, really. Sure, he was a legal adult but when do we REALLY finish maturing? When do we usually see the error in our ways? And even when we DO see them, who actually has enough guts to stand up and admit they were wrong? This man is NOT looking to hurt you or Shannon. Really.
If he really wanted to hurt Shannon then I have no clue why you would put all of that information on public television and allow it to be in the papers. If he really wanted to hurt Shannon and you were afraid of that then why were you so public about her--her face, her name? Stupidity on your part? Then maybe John's previous negative actions are just chalked up to stupidity on his part. If you are able to forgive yourself for your negative actions then you need to give John a chance, too.
Shannon's privacy was violated long before John started creating webpages. We both know that very well, don't we?
It's okay to say you were wrong. I promise. Nobody is going to hate you for approaching John and saying "I was wrong," and telling Shannon that she should meet John at least once.
If you still don't understand John's actions and you STILL feel threatened then you need to sign offline for good and cancel your internet service. This, obviously, isn't helping any. Just go away and hide from the public view with your daughter and try to help her grow into a confident woman. All of this mess is just making matters worse on everyone.
I really, truly hope something I've said here opens your eyes. If you need to ask any more questions, please do feel free to ask me specifically.
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Hey, does anyone know if From First to Last has discontinued Aesthetic? I can't seem to find it anywhere. I found it on Itunes, but I'd also like to have the actual jewel case. Have they stopped selling it, or am I just not finding it? (link)
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At some point they apparently stopped selling Aesthetic by From First to Last. My guess would be because it was released on July 1, 2003 and they weren't horrendously popular then. They have since gained some popularity along with their release of other albums such as Dear Diary, My Teen Angst Has A Bodycount (2004), Heroine (2006), and their self-titled album (2008–2009). For note, their next album is expected to be released late 2009 or early 2010.
I have found this From First to Last CD on various websites actually, including Amazon. I'm surprised you haven't been able to find it, actually. It's doubtful it would be in an actual store at the moment, as demand is not extremely high for this music, but you might be able to convince a CD music store to get one copy in for you.
Anyway, here are a list of places I have found the From First to Last music at:
Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Aesthetic-First-Last/dp/B0002N533E
SmartPunk:
http://www.smartpunk.com/product.php?item_id=6272
Interpunk:
http://www.interpunk.com/item.cfm?Item=28080
Though I have never heard of From First to Last myself, I suppose they are quite popular in the punk world.
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This is super embarrassing but I figure I can't be alone, right?
So, when I'm on my period I use pads. I can't use tampons for health reasons so please no tampon suggestions, girls. Now, I've used the Always pads (Always Ultra Thin with Wings and the Regular absorbency) and I've used the store brand pads (Equate at WalMart and whatever else at various stores--including Family Dollar). I NEVER buy the scented versions because I'm sensitive to things like that and even as an infant I had problems with scented diapers and soaps. I even smell the packaging to make sure they don't smell like ANY sort of perfume before I purchase.
Typically, I have a fairly heavy period. I change my pad frequently. I would say that I change the pad every 1 and 1/2 to 2 hours, and every single time I go to the restroom, regardless of how much blood has made it to the pad.
Anyway, when I wear my pads it feels like I get sort-of raw or rashy down there at my vagina. It's a very uncomfortable feeling. I've rubbed around down there (I HAD to check it out) and I didn't feel any odd cuts, bumps, or anything that would make me concerned I had an actual rash or inflamed skin or something. I can't really SEE down there properly--and I don't really want to when I'm on my period anyway--so I don't know if visually it looks like a rash. It's just...uncomfortable, like I said.
I don't know why the pads do this to me. This has happened ever since I started my period. Seriously, I haven't had a cycle where this has not happened! I've tried the few different brands of feminine pads and they seem to ALL give the same reaction. Near the end of my period (usually lasts about 6 to 7 days, I'd guess) it's really irritating and I'm glad to be at the end of my period so I don't have to wear the pads any longer.
Out of curiosity, I suppose, is there any other girls who have this issue? Is there something I can do to make this not happen when I'm on my period? Does anyone have any ideas why I have this problem?
Any help? :\ (link)
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I have experienced this exact same problem. It's terrible to have to deal with, especially when you're feeling under the weather because of your period anyway. I figured there wasn't much to do about it other than to change more often. I was wrong.
I was talking to my boyfriend one day and told him about the irritating pad rash I experienced during my cycle. He had previously looked at my pads before (curiosity, I'm sure) and mentioned that he thought the covering on them weren't very soft in his opinion. I changed to a few different pads (and tried the more expensive Always brand) but the pad rash never fully disappeared.
Then I was reading on a vitamin and health care website and read something about pads with no chlorine additives. See, to get the pads white in color, pad companies use some chlorine on the product. Chlorine on this sensitive area is not good, really, and had been thought of to even cause cancers and other female reproductive problems.
Anyway, I decided to try the pads. I figured they were about the same price as Always and if they didn't work then I didn't have to buy them again. They claim to be better for the environment, more biodegradable, and healthier for the female body. They are called Seventh Generation Pads.
So, I purchased the Seventh Generation maxi pads (for overnight and with wings, just for reference) and found that my pad rash didn't appear that cycle. I've since purchased more and have completely done away with this irritating rash that comes with the usage of pads! My guess is that I was sensitive to the chlorine that the other companies had added to their pads.
So, yes, try the Seventh Generation pads for awhile. It's really nice to not have the irritation :)
I buy mine from Vitacost.com too. Vitacost seemed to have the best deal. Here is the link to the Seventh Generation pads that Vitacost sells:
http://www.vitacost.com/productResults.aspx?Ntt=seventh+generation&Ne=3&N=32+1000091+4293134366&previousText=seventh+generation&Ntk=products&x=0&Ns=P_SoldQuantity|1&y=0
Try them out! They solved my problem and hopefully they'll fix yours too :D
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so is it bad for a guy to give a girl oral if she has herpes and hasnt had an outbreak? (link)
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When a person contracts HSV-1 or HSV-2, the virus actually lives in the body for the rest of the person's life. There is absolutely no cure.
Because the virus sleeps sometimes, it is unknown when you will have an outbreak. Sometimes people have a few symptoms of an outbreak (the area can be sore, itchy, tingly, etc.) and sometimes people have no idea that they are about to experience an outbreak.
Outbreak or not, our bodies are constantly shedding skin cells all over--including lips and genitalia. Sometimes the virus will be shed out of these areas (HSV-1 usually from the lips, HSV-2 usually from the genitals). This being said, you never know when the body is shedding some of the infected cells. Nobody can tell when they are shedding the skin cells because it is so natural your body does not react to it. There will be no "signs" to shedding the cells, you see.
When the skin cells are being shed, this is when the virus is most contagious. It is true that they are shed a lot more during an outbreak (which is why it's VERY important to never engage in sexual activity during this time). In short, an infected person is always shedding a virus that is highly contagious--sometimes more than others.
This is why it is very important to inform sexual partners of any kind about your condition so that they are aware of the possible consequences. There is no guarantee that someone will pass it on just as there is no guarantee that someone won't pass it along.
Now, it is very possible that someone can transfer herpes onto the genitals of a male or female if giving oral. HSV-1 (oral herpes) can definately be contracted on genitals; however, because it is still the HSV-1 strain it is not considered genital herpes even though it would occur on the genitals. Just as some people have contracted HSV-2 (genital herpes) on their mouths, the two strains are different and cannot morph into each other.
Condoms can lessen risks of infecting someone but are not considered a preventative. Also, you can spread oral herpes onto other areas of your body so it's very important that you wash your hands before and after touching the sore (which you should do as little as possible anyway). Make sure you inform your partner about his disease so he takes special precautions.
The first outbreak usually occurs in or around the [infected or exposed] area between 3 days and 2 weeks after exposure to the virus. Typically between 10 and 14 days though. To be certain if you have been infected you will need to make a doctor's appointment for an STD test. They will need to take blood to test to see if the virus had infected your cells.
Any other questions you have, PLEASE feel free to ask me! I am fairly well educated about herpes, including some treatments for it (no, it's not curable yet). I want people to be as educated as they possibly can be about this because it's serious business. SO, please feel free to see a question to my inbox if you have any you want me to answer.
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I heard of someone who their boyfriend had cold sores on his mouth and he ate her out. Then one day she saw sores on her vagina and they turned into the STD herpes. Is that true? (link)
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You, most certainly, can contract herpes on any area of your body. Many people with herpes end up with sores on their fingers because they touch an open sore even! So, yes, you can contract herpes all over your body if you're not careful.
You can actually contract genital herpes (HSV-2 strain) on your mouth and oral herpes (HSV-1 strain) on your genitals! Now, that makes things very, very confusing but it is really common now. So, if someone has oral herpes and gives their partner oral sex, their partner may end up with herpes on their genitals. The same goes with genital herpes being contracted through oral sex onto the lips.
Note that the virus cannot mutate into other strains. This means that if you have oral herpes and you spread it to your genitals (by unwashed hands or something) then you still have oral herpes on your genitals--NOT genital herpes. Genital herpes is strain 2 while oral herpes is strain 1.
The virus for genital herpes lives in a different area of your body than oral herpes does. Genital herpes locates itself in your spinal cord (and is shed from wherever you contracted it) while oral herpes is located in your facial structure (and is shed from wherever you contracted it). Genital herpes is said to cause a lot of nerve pain through the back and legs. Neither strain can mutate into each other so, technically, you can have TWO different kinds of herpes.
Herpes is highly contagious so you have to wash thoroughly if you're experiencing an outbreak to lessen your chances of spreading it all over your body.
Herpes also can be spread even if there are not visible signs or symptoms! This means that if someone has the virus inside of them they can spread it to you even if you don't see it on their skin. See, your skin cells are constantly shedding and the virus likes to come to the surface randomly--so it can be shed out at any time and you not know it.
The only real way to find out if you have herpes if to make a doctor's appointment specifically to be STD checked (request for herpes in case they don't usually test for it). They may scrap a sore if you currently have one and do blood testing to find out if you have any strain of the virus.
There is no cure for herpes so one you contract it, you will have it for life. If this really happened then the girl does indeed have herpes from her partner who gave her oral sex while having an outbreak.
If you have more questions about herpes please feel free to ask me and I will answer your questions to the best of my ability. :)
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question on herpes.
there are different types
so if someone has non-harmful type 1 where they get
blisters/sores on their mouth and they go down on someone else, will that do anything? because isn't genital herpes caused by herpes type 2? (link)
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You, most certainly, can contract herpes on any area of your body. Many people with herpes end up with sores on their fingers because they touch an open sore even! So, yes, you can contract herpes all over your body if you're not careful.
You can actually contract genital herpes (HSV-2 strain) on your mouth and oral herpes (HSV-1 strain) on your genitals! Now, that makes things very, very confusing but it is really common now. So, if someone has oral herpes and gives their partner oral sex, their partner may end up with herpes on their genitals. The same goes with genital herpes being contracted through oral sex onto the lips.
Note that the virus cannot mutate into other strains. This means that if you have oral herpes and you spread it to your genitals (by unwashed hands or something) then you still have oral herpes on your genitals--NOT genital herpes. Genital herpes is strain 2 while oral herpes is strain 1.
The virus for genital herpes lives in a different area of your body than oral herpes does. Genital herpes locates itself in your spinal cord (and is shed from wherever you contracted it) while oral herpes is located in your facial structure (and is shed from wherever you contracted it). Genital herpes is said to cause a lot of nerve pain through the back and legs. Neither strain can mutate into each other so, technically, you can have TWO different kinds of herpes.
Herpes is highly contagious so you have to wash thoroughly if you're experiencing an outbreak to lessen your chances of spreading it all over your body.
Herpes also can be spread even if there are not visible signs or symptoms! This means that if someone has the virus inside of them they can spread it to you even if you don't see it on their skin. See, your skin cells are constantly shedding and the virus likes to come to the surface randomly--so it can be shed out at any time and you not know it.
The only real way to find out if you have herpes if to make a doctor's appointment specifically to be STD checked (request for herpes in case they don't usually test for it). They may scrap a sore if you currently have one and do blood testing to find out if you have any strain of the virus.
There is no cure for herpes so one you contract it, you will have it for life. If you fear that you have put yourself at risk for herpes I hope that you will make a doctor's appointment soon to confirm. There are medications that can make the outbreaks less severe and more manageable.
I hope all is well and once you are tested you find that you are healthy. If you have more questions about herpes please feel free to ask me and I will answer your questions to the best of my ability. :)
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okkkay so 4 days ago I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It wasn't his first He'd gotten blowjobs before but He's still a virgin. But anyways Now I have a small cold sore in the corner of my mouth WHAT COULD THIS BE FROM ! ?
could I have gotten a disease from it ?
HELLLLPP !
pleaaaase & Thank You (: (link)
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First of all, I am shocked that some Advicenators don't understand that ALL coldosores ARE herpes. Yes, ANY time you have a coldsore then you are experiencing a herpes outbreak. I am so sad to see people still spreading lies about this disease around. Your coldsore IS herpes, believe me, there is absolutely no doubt about it.
People like the columnists below is probably why we have a 80% herpes infected population in the United States alone. Seriously, people in denial of serious disease should really not answer questions like this. Spreading false information does nothing good.
Herpes goes by various names now. They are referred to as coldsores, fever blisters, and in some cases even canker sores. Typically, oral herpes is the HSV-1 strain, while genital herpes is typically the HSV-2 strain. Yes, you can get the genital herpes strain on your mouth and vice versa. It can be a little confusing but just know that there are TWO different strains of herpes that can infect any area of the body. That makes it a lot simpler.
When a person contracts HSV-1 or HSV-2, the virus actually lives in the body for the rest of the person's life. There is absolutely no cure. The virus can go dormant sometimes, meaning you can go YEARS without an outbreak!
Because the virus sleeps sometimes, it is unknown when you will have an outbreak. Sometimes people have a few symptoms of an outbreak (the area can be sore, itchy, tingly, etc.) and sometimes people have no idea that they are about to experience an outbreak. It's just a mystery for most, really, as it IS a disease and is unpredictable to some extent.
Outbreak or not,our bodies are constantly shedding skin cells all over--including lips and genitalia. Sometimes the virus will be shed out of these areas (HSV-1 usually from the lips, HSV-2 usually from the genitals). This being said, you never know when the body is shedding some of the infected cells. Nobody can tell when they are shedding the skin cells because it is so natural your body does not react to it. There will be no "signs" to shedding the cells, you see.
This being said, you could have had herpes for a very long time and not known it. You could also have shed these infected cell onto your partner's genitals if you were infected prior to the encounter.
When the skin cells are being shed, this is when the virus is most contagious. It is true that they are shed a lot more during an outbreak (which is why it's VERY important to never engage in sexual activity during this time). In short, you are always shedding a virus that is highly contagious--sometimes more than others.
For informational purposes, people usually experience herpes outbreaks when their immune system has been lowered. Immune systems lower over various things like from having upset stomach, being under a lot of stress, or even not sleeping well one night. There is no way to "know" why you have suddenly had an outbreak if you have gone a long time without having one before. It's simply just what happens when you are infected.
This is why it is very important to inform sexual partners of any kind about your condition so that they are aware of the possible consequences. There is no guarantee that you will pass it on just as there is no guarantee that you won't pass it along.
Condoms can lessen risks of infecting someone but are not considered a preventative. Also, you can spread oral herpes onto other areas of your body so it's very important that you wash your hands before and after touching the sore (which you should do as little as possible anyway). Make sure you inform your partner about your disease so he takes special precautions and can be prepared for the worst if he had previously not been infected..
The first outbreak usually occurs in or around the [infected or exposed] area between 3 days and 2 weeks after exposure to the virus. To be certain if you have infected your partner (or, simply, if your partner has already been infected, thought you won't be able to tell how long the virus has been living in the body) will need to make a doctor's appointment for an STD test, probably having to specify to test for herpes strains. They will need to take blood to test to see if the virus had infected cells.
Do not kiss your boyfriend now. Do not perform any more oral sex on him. You are very contagious right now--and for at least the next 3 weeks. You see, you are highly contagious about 2 to 3 weeks before you actually have an actual outbreak and then 2 to 3 weeks after the outbreak has cleared away. See, you could have very well had this long before performing oral sex on your partner. You could have actually given him the virus, especially if you have EVER experienced a coldsore.
So, yes, you have herpes. No, there is no way to tell if you contracted it from your partner or not unless you know you have experienced these sorts of sores previously. You need to inform your partner immediately (yes, he can sue you for bodily damages if you infect him without informing him). You should take care of yourself and try to avoid kissing, sharing drinks, sharing eating utensils, and performing oral sex for the next few weeks to lessen the risks of spreading it. Even if your partner has it (and has had it) you can spread it all over him and yourself. Next time you given oral sex you should also use a condom to lessen risks--not PREVENT them, just lessen them.
Any other questions you have, PLEASE feel free to ask me! I am fairly well educated about herpes, including some treatments for it (no, it's not curable yet). I want people to be as educated as they possibly can be about this because it's serious business. SO, please feel free to see a question to my inbox if you have any you want me to answer.
Lastly, I have TONS of information in other questions I've answered. If you need the links to any of them, please feel free to ask. I've covered just about EVERYTHING before--including ocular herpes, believe it or not. I wish you well in healing from this outbreak and coping with this life-long illness.
P.S. I'm not sure if I would call your boyfriend a virgin. I would probably say, "He hasn't had penis-in-vagina (aka PiV) sex though," or even, "He hasn't had penetration yet," but not actually claiming he is a virgin. Receiving oral SEX is still having some form of sex. To me, he is just fairly inexperienced, but not a virgin by any means.
I mean, if he had to go to the doctor and they asked him about being sexually active he would have to say yes and tell them how many partners he's had--even if it was JUST oral sex. STDs and STIs can be spread through ANY type of sexual contact.
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Hi everyone,
So in about a month, I'm going to the clinic to get a sonogram of my ovaries, and they gave me the instruction to drink A LOT of water (16 oz an hour before, and 16 oz 30 mins before) and to not urinate. The problem is, ever since a child, I do NOT drink water. I absolutely hate it, and no matter how much I try, I just can't get myself to even drink a cup of water. My question is, do I HAVE to drink plain water, or can I put something in my water? Specifically this:
http://www.riteaidonlinestore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=150886&catid=28336&trx=PLST-0-CAT&trxp1=28336&trxp2=150886&trxp3=1&trxp4=0&btrx=BUY-PLST-0-CAT
Crystal Light. I've never tasted them but I was wondering If adding that to the water would affect anything in any way...
Thanks in advance! (link)
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The reason you have to drink so much water is just to fill the bladder. Once the bladder is full it is much easier to find the ovaries and get the proper sizing of them on the sonogram.
When I was 14 or so I had to have the same thing done to check a cyst that was on one of my ovaries. If you do not drink water, you will probably have to drink more fluids than they have listed. I ended up having to drink over one gallon of water since I wasn't use to drinking water and my body was dehydrated (and, yes, I had absolutely no idea my body needed so much WATER).
If I were you, I would try very hard to drink enough water. Just gulp it down. You don't have to sip or taste it, you know?
Whatever you decide to drink, drink a lot of it. Drink until you HAVE to pee. Otherwise, they will send you back to drink more and you might have to come back another day.
Yes, when you have to GO is when your bladder is full and that is what they are wanting to happen. So, drink whatever you can until you have to pee. If they aren't taking a urine sample then any fluid will be acceptable. They are very unlikely to take a urine sample in this case because when you get off the table you will need to make a mad dash to the restroom! (Seriously, with all of that fluid sloshing around in the bladder as they move equipment on it--ugh!)
For note, try to stay away from the Crystal Light. It has artificial sweeteners in it--something that is actually deadly if taken in high dosages. It actually ends up storing FAT in your body too. It's unhealthier to drink these things with artificial sweeteners in it (in this case Crystal Light) than it is to drink a regular Coke or something equivalent.
I hope everything turns out to be okay! :) If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me.
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19-female
what are the chances of me getting pregnant if i am on birth control, have been for about three years now and i take it at the SAME time every day and the guy uses a condom? (link)
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With typical usage, the hormonal birth control pill is actually only 92% effective preventing pregnancy. The 99% claim they advertise is actually for perfect usage--something that could probably only be seen in a laboratory setting.
If you were perfect, the birth control pill would be 99% effective. As it is, our weight fluctuates, some of us are still growing, we sometimes experience stress (sometimes more frequently than others), we eat different foods, some days we get more exercise than others, etc. All of these things (and more) cause the pill to drop in effectiveness. In addition to the above mentioned, if you are off by just a half hour on taking the pill then the pregnancy prevention percentage drops. We are far from perfect beings, you see.
The birth control pill does not protect against sexual transmitted diseases or infections. Please keep in mind that the condom does not protect against such illnesses either and that some of these disease can cause life-long problems, including infertility and pain.
In short, the answer is 92% effective with TYPICAL usage. This takes into account some of the behavior such as alternate eating and small lifestyle changes, but nothing major or time variations as to when you take the pill.
So, let's see...out of every 100 sex acts while relying only on the pill, about 8 babies will be conceived. Some of the babies will be aborted, some will be miscarriages, and some will actually be born so the number is never visually seen since you cannot calculate how many women have miscarriages and what-not so early on. Personally, it sounds way too risky for me. If I were you, I'd just use the condom and the pill together for safety's sake. What is the old saying? It's better to be safe than sorry--well it's better to be extra-cautious about preventing pregnancies than to end up with an unwanted pregnant while you're unmarried and in a transitional phase of life.
NEVER double up on condoms. The friction created between the two condoms will cause both of them to tear 99% of the time. It is practically going into a war armed with a gun and absolutely no bullets. Don't double up. One condom will be just fine.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me!
P.S.
Condoms are 88% effective on preventing pregnancy with typical usage.
The "pull-out" method varies between 30% to 70% effective on preventing pregnancy with typical usage.
Neither of those help to prevent disease or infection transmission either.
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