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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

My boyfriend has collected California unemployment for the last 6 months after being laid off and it recently ended. He got something in the mail asking if he wanted to continue his claim. Thing is, he is starting his own business with a friend and just getting it together. It will obviously take time to build clientele and acquire all the necessary supplies and such. He has done two small jobs already. They have not gotten a business license yet. My question is, can he not continue to receive unemployment benefits because he now has started his own business? even though they will not make more than 0-200 dollars a month until things get going or perhaps even not pan out and they have to give up? We do not know how to go about this, anything helps thanks

Each State has specific Law concerning unemployhment. Most likely your boyfriend would now be considered sef-employed. He should check with the Department of State Employment for their ruling on this.

what is the easiest way to commit suicide

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
If you are feeling suicidal at this time call 911 KNOW or go to the nearest hospital Emergency Room for help.

Suicide is not the answer to your problem(s). If you have not already done so I would like you to call the National Suicide hot line. There number is: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They operate 24/7 and are totally free and confidential. They have a network of crisis center around the country they can refer you to for help, probably one right in your home town or close to you. The call takers are trained professionals who are volunteers and are there to help you; so please give them a call, they can and will help you through this.

You do not say what is bothering you to cause you to think of suicide. Whatever it is it CAN BE RECTIFIED or mitigated that I am certain of. Please call the hotline or go to the hospital for help. I know there are people who love you and would miss you if you were to do this.

for a 19 y/o and a 15 y/o to date?

ive already told them that its wrong (at least in my opinion) for them to "do stuff" with each other

but is it wrong for them to just date, if they dont take it further?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Is it wrong for a 15 year old to date a 19 year old? The answer has to be yes both for moral and legal reasons.

Starting with the legal reasons: Depending where they live the 15 year old is considered to be minor; the 19 year old can be charged with Statutory Rap, Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor and if they Live in the U S and cross a State Line, The Mann Act which is a Federal Crime. Sex does not have to happen or can happen and be consensual the 19 year old can still be charged with these crimes as the 15 year old cannot legally consent in the eyes of the law.

In today’s world, while it would be a stretch, it is possible that the 19 year old could be seen as a child predator. It would all depend on the State Prosecutor and what charges the Office feels they can win convictions on in court.

The moral issue is that for a 15 year old love is more of an infatuation as the 15 year old is not mature enough to make this rationalization. What you are seeing as wrong is a 15 year olds infatuation with the fact that a 19 year hold has taken an interest and this is mistaken for love.

Unfortunately there is not much you can do about it. It is wrong for them to just date. If the parents of the 15 year old are not aware of the age of the person their 15 year old is dating, you might consider telling them. It is in the best interest of your friend.

I want to be a social worker when i grow up. I would like to volunteer at an Abuse Child Care center but it has to be in Colorado.

If you can help me, i would be very appreiciative!

You may find this website help ful. Good luck and thank you for volunteering.

http://www.volunteeringinamerica.gov/

im a teenage male.
i want sex, how do i get it.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Your question tells me your teenage hormones are raging. To be blunt you are horny.

Sex for the sake of sex is wrong and truthfully not very enjoyable, especially when it is done in a wham, bam and remember to say thank you mam style. By this I mean; in the backseat of a car, in your room hoping your parents do not come home before you finish. For all the pleasure you get from this type of sex you may as well just lock yourself in your room and masturbate.

Speaking of masturbation; there is nothing wrong with masturbation. That is of course what your girlfriend does for you what she gives you a hand job. Everyone masturbates at sometime in their lives and may people, married couples included, still do so today. There is nothing wrong with masturbation, a recent study by a West Coast News Paper Reports that most religions do not condemn it as most people think. You will not go blind and you will not grow hair in the palm of your hand.

What you will do is relieve the sexual tension brought on by the changing hormones in your body caused by puberty. With the sexual tension relieved you will be better able to enjoy the company of a young lady and wait to have sex when the time and place is safe and right. At 15 years of age the time really is not right as you are too young. You may be physically capable of sex but not fully mature enough to understand. I know this sounds like a load of bull; you will just have to trust me here that since I am old enough to be your grandfather I know what I am talking about.

So my suggestion is you swipe one of dad’s girlie magazines or fire up your computer, lock your bedroom door and let Miss Thumb and her four friends relieve the sexual tension. This does not mean you should not make out with your girlfriends; what it means is keep it to and stop at the heavy petting stage.

is it okay for a 19 year old to date a 24 year old? just curious to everyone's opinions :) thanks!

A five year age difference is not unusual; in fact on a maturity level it puts you about equal as girls mature faster than boys.

I'm a 20 year old transexual FtM[female to male]. I met this boy, whom I've seem to have fallen for. The only problem is, he thinks I'm a boy. Worst part is, he's gay. He likes me a lot, but I'm too scared to tell him the truth. He has no interest in females, what-so-ever. I don't know what to do. I know I need to tell him, but how do I do it? How do I tell him that I'm not that amazing guy he thinks I am? I'm worried. He hurts himself; cuts himself. He injured himself because he has a boyfriend and can't be with me. I'm afraid that he'll do a lot worse if I tell him I'm not a boy. What do I do?

I have to tell you this question is out of my experience for answering, other than the fact that yes you do need to tell him that you were born a girl and now you are a man.

I mean if you had the gender reassignment surgery then you are a high intensity transsexual under the Benjamin scale. (I did some research) If so you are fully a male person. If you have not had reassignment surgery then your friend probably will have a problem taking you for a male no matter what your feelings or how you explain it to him.

If you have had reassignment surgery I would think your friend might find it easier to accept you as a male then you might think. Recently the cable networks have done a lot of television on the subject of transgender and transsexuals which has brought the subject more out in the open. The more open a subject the easier it is for a person to recognize his or her feelings and deal with them. Whereas when a subject is hidden we do not have to deal with our felling on the subject.

You might also look on the web at www.PFLAG.org for more help.

my best friend died about 2 months ago on father's day so that had to be really hard for her dad but anyways we were best friends for almost 10 years and she was the only friend I had in the world so I feel like nobody loves me so i've already tried to commit suicide twice since her death. all I want is to be happy again is that to much to ask? How can I be happy again?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

I’m sorry for your loss.

Suicide is not the answer to your problem(s). If you have not already done so I would like you to call the National Suicide hot line. There number is: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They operate 24/7 and are totally free and confidential. They have a network of crisis center around the country they can refer you to for help, probably one right in your home town or close to you. The call takers are trained professionals who are volunteers and are there to help you; so please give them a call, they can and will help you through this.

As someone who has suffered with depression myself I know the pain it can cause. My depression was caused by an auto accident that has left me partially disabled. Pain causes depression and depression cause pain, so for me it is a vicious circle, as my disability is chronic pain caused by my injuries.

I believe the depression you are feeling is the root cause of your suicide attempts. After each of these attempts you should have been sent to a doctor for treatment which may have included medication and talk therapy. If you have stopped the medications or stopped the therapy sessions, or both, you need to see the doctor and get back on your medication and go back to your therapist.

Just one little aside here, sometimes a patient and a therapist do not always work well together; that happens. I went through three different therapists before I found one I was comfortable with. Even though I was not at fault in the accident I still had to deal with Workman’s Compensation, three different Insurance Companies, three different hearings, depositions, trial preparations and my lawyer. My therapist helped me from falling into the deep depression I was in when I first met her while going through all this. I also had to deal with several surgical procedures during this period. I do not think I could have gotten through any of this with either of the first two therapists I had. I have told you all of this because it is important that you are comfortable with your therapist. If you are not, find another therapist; interview them just as you would a future employee, which in essence they are.

Fell better soon, there is life after depression.

My ex-boyfriend is convinced he has to kill himself because I broke up with him. He lives in an 18 story apartment building with EASY roof access. He wants to do it as soon as possible. I don't have either of his parent's numbers, but I sent his mom a message on facebook. I don't think she'll get it in time though. Help me, please. I have no clue what to do!!

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

This may be your ex boyfriends way of keeping your attention. Since you cannot be sure of this and you cannot reach his parents the only responsible thing to do is call 911. Explain to the call taker what your ex boyfriend has said and why you feel he is serious.

The most likely response will be to send the Police and Fire and EMS Service. If your ex boyfriend is under 18 years of age and a parent is not at home the police can force him to go to the hospital with the EMS personnel for evaluation. If his parent(s) is home then the parent(s) will have to agree he needs to go to the hospital.

It is possible this is nothing more than an attempt by your boyfriend to keep you from leaving him. If it is; this is the wrong response to the situation and he is in need of help in how to respond properly in different social situations. Unfortunately, as he will find out, his threat by fact that you cannot locate his parent(s) has to be taken seriously. So call 911 and let them handle the situation from here.

I would suggest once the Police and Fire Department sort this out that you stay away from this young man now and in the future. No matter how this turns out; meaning he was never intending to hurt himself or he did intend to hurt himself. The fact is he is a danger to himself and others and you will be much safer away from him.

15/f
first off, i go to one of the top 50 schools in the country, so basically its EXTREMLY hard and you have to be a major nerd and study 24/7 to be even in the top 50%. this is a public school, mind you.
i hate it. ive always hated it. im a sophmore and this is my second year here and i think im gonna scream if i have to stay at this school any longer. i have alot of learning problems and my school doesnt accomidate them whatsoever, they only accomidate smart people.
so ive been talking to me mom about switching to a private school. BUT THERE SO EXPENSIVE!
and my friend who is in the same position as me is wanting to do the same thing as me, shes already been accepted to a school.
should i take the plung? should i leave my school, all my friends?
i know it will help me, and i will get better grades, but idk. but i hate me school right now so much! so i need to!
does anyone know any good Texas private schools?
is it weird to switch in he middle of the year?
thanks in advance.

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Last question first; you need to whatever is required to get the education you need to make your way in today’s world. If that means changing schools in the middle of the year, then that is what has to be done. The thing is you cannot do it alone. You need your parents support and help to do so. The school system will not change your school just because you want too. They may change some of your classes if your class advisor thinks it is the correct thing to do.

If as you say your school system is not doing enough to accommodate your learning problems, then they are wrong. Former President Bush had Congress pass a Bill Titled “The no Child Left behind Initiative”. I am not totally familiar this Bill, what I do know that in this Bill School systems are required to see to it that all students are capable of passing standardized tests. If your learning problems prohibit you from passing these tests then the school system must take proactive measures to help you pass these tests.

This is where your parents come in, as you cannot take on the school system yourself. Your parents may even have to find an advocate to assist them. What you can do is go on line a research the Initiative and find out just what options are available and present them to your parents.

You did not say what your learning problems are or what the school system is doing to help you. It is possible they are doing everything they can do and are required to do. So I would be remiss if I did not ask you this question. Have you done everything you can to get better grades? Are you doing what is asked of you to overcome your learning problems? Are you putting in enough study time?

If the answer to any of my questions is no; then changing schools will not fix your problem.

19female.

last year i went to a university, commuted because it was only about 20 minutes away but it made my anxiety so bad to the point where i was blacking out, felt like i couldnt breathe and my heart would start racing. went to the doctor; got put on medication. talked to the advisor at school, talked to my doctor, talked to my family and decided i should try online school this year. well i have started it and its great. my anxiety isnt as bad as it use to be. alot less stress. but everytime someone asks where i go to school and i say online theyre always like; "lame" or "..like thats hard" the day before my classes started i was like awh my school starts tomorrow and they were like "yeah not like its hard, its online" i feel like people look down on me and dont give me credit for what i do. its actually alot of work, you bascially teach yourself. its just annoying that people think its sooo easy. i know i shouldnt care what people think, but they think i can go hangout with friends and do what i want but its not like that at all!

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Since I am old enough to be your Dad or Granddad I am going to give you that type of advice.

Why should you care what anyone thinks about where and how you get your education? Lame, I do not think so. If I were to interview you and one of your friends for a job, who are going to a more traditional college, with everything else being equal I would offer you the position. Why?

Going to school online tells me a lot about you and your character. The first thing I see is a self starter, someone who can be handed a project to and not have to worry about it or over supervise you to get it completed. The next thing I see is someone with the grit and determination to get the job done no matter what it takes.

In today’s overly competitive job market employers are looking for something that sets a prospective employee apart from the pack. There is no reason to tell the future employer why you chose to go to school on-line, other than this is what worked best for me.

The stress of obtaining a higher education is bad enough, add in the stress of commuting and it was more than you could handle. You made the right choice in switching to an on-line school. I do have one suggestion for you: The real world stressors can be nothing compared to the stress you have experienced to date. I would suggest you contact a good therapist to help you develop coping skills to both deal with stress as well as ways to help yourself in relieving stress related anxiety.

The best advice I can give you is this: Do not worry about what other think or do; do what is best for you.

On friday 9/11/09 I was sitting on my couch web surfing and watching t.v. all of a sudden i started to feel tired and lightheaded. Well I thought ok let me put my laptop down and relax for a little but then I fot so dizzy it was as if I was on a fast merry go round ride. I got nausea and pain in my neck and just plain like I was dying. When the dizziness slowed down I went to lay down for a while but the room kept spinning. All of a sudden I got really hungry but still very nausea. I got a peice of bread as I tried to eat the bread I was shaking and feeling my lips and cheek numb and tingly and cold rushes on my face. I went back and layed down cause my head started to hurt really bad and fell asleep. Since then I feel lightheaded and headache and very tired. Also the following day all my musles on my left side of my body was so sore as if I was exercising. No cold sweets but I was very cold. I am still puzzled on what could have it been.

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Those of us who answer questions on this Website are not Doctors and should not be giving medical advice nor should you be looking for medical advice on this type of website. The type of advice you are looking for should come from a Doctor.

What you have written about what happened to you last Friday evening tells me you need to see a Doctor as soon as possible. Do you need to go to a Hospital Emergency room or can you wait to see your family doctor? I would suggest you call your family doctor as soon as you receive this, even if it is after normal office hours. Let the doctor decide if you can wait for normal office hours. If you do not have a family doctor then I would suggest you go to the closest Emergency room or after hour’s clinic as soon as possible.

What you described is not normal and needs to be checked out. Nothing says the event was a life threatening event such as a heart attack or that it will happen again. Only a doctor can perform the necessary tests and evaluations to say what has happened to you and how serious it may be. So see a doctor ASAP.

i am 18 years old and i me and my brother brian who is 22 have a perfect relationship. on august 28th we had sex and now i am pregnant. we are really excited and i am going to keep the baby but what i am asking is i do not know how to tell my parents that my brother and i are exspecting our first child

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

I am trying to think how I would feel if my children or grandchildren came to me and said they had created a child together. Without experiencing such a situation I do not think I can adequately express what my feeling would be. The very best you can expect is that you parents are going to be extremely shocked and angry with both of you.

Your parents will most likely ask and want answer to some tough and embarrassing questions. You owe them the courtesy of answering as many of their questions as you can. I cannot think of any reason I would willing disown or ask my children to move out of my home; not knowing your parents this is a possibility you and your brother must prepare for.

Carnal Knowledge of an immediate or close relative is considered Incest. Most civilized societies find this disgusting and many Countries and some of the States in the U S have laws making it illegal. Once members of your family, other than your parents, and friends find out about your incestuous relationship and resulting pregnancy, you can expect a variety of reactions from them. The one reaction you should not expect is for them to be happy for you.

Now as to how to tell your parents; you do it together. You start by saying; “Mom, Dad we have something to tell you that is going to shock and probably upset you.” “We will do our best to answer all your questions.” Then tell them what you have to tell them and the decision the two of you have made. Then sit quietly while they absorb what you have just told them. Try and remain calm even if they do not and be prepared for the worst from them.

While I do not approve of what has happened and also do not approve of continuing the pregnancy I will not judge you. What is done is done and I feel you know the consequences of your actions. In the end you, and your brother are of legal age and are responsible for your actions; meaning no one can force you to terminate this pregnancy any more than they can force you and your brother to live apart.

Good luck and best wishes for a healthy baby.

I'm 21 years old
I have penis girth problem.
My penis in hieght is 5 inches less then 2 cm.
and it errects normaly.the problem i'm only facing is that my penis is thin.My Penis is not fat it's thin plese advice me about this problem.

You don't have a problem you are in the normal range

so this may be a little long but i am practically begging for help here. okay so living here with my parents is making me really stressed out and making me do things that I would of never thought of doing to myself. example: i overdosed a couple months ago because of all the stress i was going through because i thought it would help and it did. it made me feel careless and i really liked that feeling. but then someone told my councilor at school and she called my mom and i had to go the hospital. at that point my parents were very generous towards me for about a week. then everything went back to the way it was. they wont let me hang out with the friends i want to hang out with. they wont let me spend the night at any of my friends. they make me go to church which i dont mind but then they make me be involved in every little thing which irritates the crap out of me. and so on and so on with all the things they wont let me do. well now i am taking ibprofen a pretty high amount everyday. and i know its wrong to please dont tell me that. i just like the way it makes me feel. so anyways to get to the point, ive been looking at things on the computer on how to be emancipated, but its really confusing. so i was wondering if anyone could help me with some information on being emancipated without my parents consent which i know i can do. and please dont tell me to try and talk to my parents, because i have tried talking to them over and over and over again, but they just don't listen and they don't understand at all. and they don't know how bad their mentally hurting me with their words and not letting me live my life. so if anyone could help that would be the greatest thing ever!
please and thanks
-cuttechick24
(if you need to know anything else just ask and i will add it on here.)

I find that I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Taking high amounts of Ibuprofen can be seen as trying to hurt yourself. Abusing any non-prescription drug is a form of self-inflicted harm. I am saying this even though you asked that we not do so as it is important to the question you are asking. A big part of emancipation is, are you capable of caring and supporting yourself. Judging from your abuse of Ibuprofen the answer to that question would have to be no. So the first thing you have to do is stop abusing the Ibuprofen. If you have been doing so for any length of time you cannot just stop as you will suffer from withdrawal. What you need to do is taper off slowly, with a doctors consultation would be best.

As for Emancipation; it is not as easy to get as it may sound. From what you have written your parents may be somewhat over protective. Being overprotective is not something the courts will view as a reason to Emancipate you. The court may even see it as good parenting. The courts will look at a number of factors, I am not aware of what all of the factors may be, among them will be are you capable of caring and supporting yourself? What is causing you to seek Emancipation? Are these reasons valid? I do not believe any of us on this website are lawyers and only a lawyer can tell you if you qualify for emancipation and file the legal filings required by the courts.

I have a suggestion for you; the fact that you have overdosed and that you are currently abusing Ibuprofen says you have some suicidal tendencies. I would like you to call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-784-2433 or Girls and Boys town Hotline 1-800-446-3000, both hotlines are open 24/7. Talk to the trained counselors at either hotline. They can help you find people in your own town to help you. If Emancipation is not the proper option the people they refer you to will work with you to resolve the issues at home.

hey im 18/f i've been dating my current boyfriend for almost a year. For the last 4 months everytime we have sex it hurts like i cant continue with sex because it hurts. It burns like it feels like theres a cut at the bottom on the "hole" We are always well lubricated so that isnt the problem. I had a pap smear and the doctor never said anything about it and said that everything was normal. I've talked to a couple friends about it and they said just wait and let it heal. I do but then when we have sex again it gets cut again kind of like "ripping" and i cant continue with sex after that. I dont know whats wrong. But also when i have that cut if he puts even the head inside of me it just burns and hurts. Its never happened with any other boyfriend but him and it just started happening. Like i said i got a check up and they didnt find anything wrong. We usually do the missionary position because thats usually the only comfortable one for me, hes only about 5 inches and not too thick. Can anybody give me any type of advice? Ill rate!

Thanks again!

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

Being male I cannot truly understand your question. Logic tells me, given your boyfriends size, that he should not be the cause of any tearing. I would also thing your GYN may not have seen anything during a routine Pap smear as the speculum would be covering the area you are complaining about.

I would suggest you schedule another visit with your GYN. If possible the night before your appointment you have some type of intercourse with your boyfriend, using a condom, so whatever is happening is fresh for the doctor to see. By some type I mean you need not complete the act if it is too painful for you. You need to use a condom to make sure your vagina is clear of any semen should you complete the act.

Make sure you tell the doctor everything you have written here, especially the part that it is only happening with this boyfriend and he is of normal size. Even though it may be embarrassing for you; the doctor needs this information in making a diagnosis.

Only your doctor can truly diagnose what is going on. Those of us on this website are not doctors and should not be offering medical advice. While some of the columnist may have had similar experiences as you are having, nothing says the cause is the same. You need to see your doctor and tell him/her exactly what is bothering you as well as the when, where and how of the problem.

i am 13 years old, i am 5'8 and i weigh 123 lbs. and i desperatley need help hiding not eating from my friends. i am not looking for some lecture, because trust me i've gotten many of them from friends. can someone just please tell me how i can hide it, dont waste your time lecturing me because i'm not going to listen. my mom notcied a bit that i'm not eating but my dad didnt notice anything, but one day i was talkin to my friend and she said "how come you dont eat, is there a reason?" and then i regret saying it, but i said "no, you know i am just anorexic because i feel like it". and now some of my other really close friends know and they think i am eating now but i dont know how much longer i can hide from them. they want me to go see a docter and to get help and to tell my parents. someone please help me here!

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

I am going to try not to lecture you; the other two Advisers’ have done a good job at telling you what you are doing to yourself. You know the name for your problem so you must also know that this is an illness not a lifestyle. You also must know that if this illness goes untreated you could die.

Your body is for the most part a chemical reactor. It turns the food you eat in to chemicals, mostly electrolytes, the body needs to operate properly. If you do not supply the proper chemicals the reactor (your body) becomes unstable. Your reactor will do all it can to save itself shutting down different systems in an attempt to provide the diminishing chemicals to the most vital organs. First your Kidneys will shut down, then your Liver and finally your Heart.

At some point there will be a medical intervention as you will no longer be able to hide your condition from your parents. There is no guarantee this intervention will be successful; it all depends on how badly you have damaged the vital organs of your body. The long and short of what you are doing is you are committing a very painful form of suicide.

You have not said why you are anorexic? Most anorexics have a reason; what is yours?

Please do not hide what you are doing to yourself from your parents. Instead tell them, tell them why and let them get you the medical help you need.

I found a lump in my breast last week. It is still about 2 square centimeters big and I believe it is still in stage 1 if it is cancerous. I did some research and I found that if I choose to leave it untreated, I have about 1-2 years left to live. I'm 15, a sophomore in high school. I've had cysts in my ovaries and the lump may be just a cyst too, but I don't want to tell my parents in case it is cancer. They have to put 2 other kids through college, so I don't want to take my siblings' futures away as well. Breast cancer victims normally die, despite all efforts and amount of money. I don't know what to do. Could you help?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others

First; your assumption about Breast Cancer always being fatal is wrong. Caught early, it is one of the most treatable forms of Cancer. Second; your parents need to know now about the lump in your breast so that they can take the appropriate action to have you treated. If your parents do not have medical insurance there are government programs in place to cover children. You should not be concerned about the financial aspects of medical costs; that is a parent’s responsibility.

You are playing the martyr this is wrong. I am sure your parents love you as much as they love your siblings and want you happy and healthy for as long as possible. So tell your parents now, today.

One last thing; the worst thing anyone can do is self-diagnose a medical problem you are not trained to do so and you do so with a preconceived notion of what is wrong so you lock for facts that fit what you have already decided. Only your doctor can make a proper diagnosis. If he determines you were correct in your assumption then you, your parents and your doctor can agree on a treatment plan; if you are wrong, which you probably are, then you can all agree on whether the cyst needs to be excised or not.

Do not delay any longer talk to your parents today.

So I was raped like a year and a half ago... well the last thing the guy said was if you tell anybody you dont want to know whats gonna happen. Well I ended up telling someone which got me nowhere. I havent had a nightmare about is for a while now and today I woke up and shaking and crying for a dream that he came and got me. He made me call my mom when I had a gun pointed to my head and tell her I love her and I am sorry we wont be able to see each other anymore. Well my mom called the cops and someone ended up stopping him before he shot me.... right before i woke up he said... I will be back. Im so scared and depressed and I thought I moved on? What does this mean?

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.

I am so sorry you have gone through something like this. Please understand you did not do anything to bring this on yourself. There is NOTHING a woman does, con do or they way she dresses than can justify being raped. Your rapist wants you to believe otherwise as this protects him from you going to the police.

You may think you have put this all behind you, your dream says otherwise. It is not too late to report the rape to the police. As I said above the rapist counts on your guilt in not being caught and made to answer for his crime. By reporting the rape to the police you will not only start the act of closure for yourself but you will prevent other young women from going through what you have. It is not too late to report the rape; as a Felony the crime has a Statue of Limitation for reporting. While this varies from state to state for rape it is generally five years.

I would also like you to contact an organization called, RAIN, www.rain.org. They are the Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They also operate a 24/7 hotline – 1-800-656-HOPE. The trained volunteers will put you in touch with a RAINN center in your community to help you. They will work with you to find a therapist to help with the trauma, depression and any self doubt you may be suffering.

While you have not said I have a feeling this may have been a form of date rape. Meaning you know the person who raped you. If I am correct you are probably conflicted about reporting the rape and the trouble it will cause him, his family and you. Think about what I first said above; think about what you have suffered. What he may suffer is nothing compared to what you have suffered, also think about the other women who you will be saving from what you have suffered by stopping him from possibly raping others.

Please contact RAINN, contact the Police and if you want you could talk to your parents as well. I am sure they will be supportive of any decision you make.

i'm 19 years old, female. my cousin is 17.

me and him are really close. we hang out all the time and just always have a good time together. the dumb thing is that people think that we are dating! uhm hellooo? he is my COUSIN. people keep telling me, "you need to stop hanging out with him, people are starting to think you two are dating" and tonight my uncle was like youre not dating him are you? and i started laughing because how rediculous is that? and he was like see you cant even look at me and say youre not! i was like honestly, do you think i would ever ever EVER do that? its not like we flirt with each other, thats disgusting. we're just always together. whats so wrong with that? apparently there is something....

I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
I read your letter and immediately saw my son and two nieces. The three are nine months apart in each direction with my son being the middle child. Living as close as we did to them they grew up almost like brother and sisters. My son has always been very protective of his cousins and has challenged several others both bigger and smaller than him who has dared to hurt them. Today they are all grown and live in three different parts of the country. They communicate daily on facebook and email. When they were younger and didn’t have a date for the evening they would all or in twos go out together. Even today when they are in one place together they rather spend time together then do anything else. They all have significant others all of whom get along with the others when they are together.

I write this to tell you your relationship with your cousin is not unique. Neither is the reaction you are seeing from seeing from some of the adults and friends. Personally I don’t understand how people, especially adults can have this type of reaction, for in the end all we have is family. What really counts is that you and your cousins know what you are to each other and you are not anything more than two people who enjoy each other’s company.

Just for the record the U.S. is virtually alone among developed nations in outlawing marriage among first cousins. European countries have no such prohibition. There are a variety of reasons for this among them being a higher incidence of birth defects among first cousin marriages. Scientists have since disproved this thought finding that the incidence is no higher than a 40 year old women giving birth for the first time.

For what it is worth; you have a very unique relationship with your cousin, one few people get to enjoy. So enjoy your relationship with him and don’t let other peoples dirty thoughts ruin a treasured friendship.

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