From a legal standpoint, not in most states, no. 16 and up is typically the age of consent. Any younger than the legal age of consent means, even if your partner is the same age, you could be charged with statutory rape (as in, raping each other).

13 is far too young to be making the kind of life-altering decision that is losing your virginity. If you don't use the right protection, you could end up pregnant, and that's a whole 'nother situation. A few minutes of intimacy is not worth a lifetime of having a baby you weren't ready for, having to go through an abortion, or having to put a child up for adoption.

I lost my virginity to my high school sweetheart. I was sixteen. I have no regrets, but I also no longer have the luxury of telling a new boyfriend that he's not the only one, or only the second one, that I've been with, and that the first guy was just a mistake. Of course, I would never be able to be with someone who required that of me. Compatibility is important, as is trust. Having sex the first time hurts a LOT unless your hymen is already broken - and believe me, you'd know. I had been playing sports, riding horses, using tampons, and all that, before I had sex, and it wasn't. Anyway, you want to have someone who really cares about you to share that special moment with. At 13, no matter how mature you are or he seems, I doubt that's the case.

At 13, you're going through lots of changes. The boys around you are also going through changes. They (and you) are going to want to experiment. When you're LEGALLY old enough, if you're okay with the possibility that you won't be the last girl that he sleeps with (and no matter how much you may think otherwise, it's unlikely), go for it.
If you're really in love, and that's really what you want with one another, BE SAFE. Use a condom, use birth control. Get on the pill. More than anything, don't ever let him pressure you to have sex if you're not ready.

If you have any hesitations at all, say no. If he really loves you, he'll wait until you're ready.

Siren

Rena and Zane have good ideas.

I would like to add that while you may want to avoid centering your diet around processed carbohydrates (white bread, rice, pasta, etc), complex, whole grain carbs are actually good for your body - they cause it to work harder to burn what you put into it. Carbs are sugars that you need. They're to your body what gas is to a car. (You can function without carbs, but not well. I tried the South Beach/Atkins type diets. I did lose weight, but I had constant nightmares and was extremely irritable.)

I want to also warn you that as you lose weight and get closer to your "ideal," you may plateau - that is, you may get stuck. The best way to get through this is to just keep on truckin', and change up your gym routine a little bit.

The best diet is a lifestyle change, which is what I did. Anyway, once you get to working out and building muscle, remember that even lean muscle is heavier than fat, so you may appear to gain weight at first, if you look at the scale. Judge by the way your clothes fit, instead. :)

I can't give you a restrictive diet because the best diet doesn't actually forbid any certain foods, or groups of foods. Your diet should include bits of everything, but healthy portions. You're young enough so that you can still speed up your metabolism. You want to aim to eat six small meals - or three meals and two snacks per day. Doing this will teach your body to burn what you put into it more quickly.
If you're working out consistently (at least four times a week), make sure you have a lot of lean protein in your diet (poultry, fish, even lean red meat and pork).
Most importantly, be patient, and love your body. Those two things will get you where you want to be. :)

Siren

I'd like to add to Adviceman and Zane's responses. One thing I want to mention is that no matter what you stick up there to try to break your hymen, that's what you're doing: breaking your hymen - tearing a thin piece of skin in there. Chances are it's going to hurt. You might even bleed a little. You might bleed a lot. It varies from person to person, but unless you find yourself bleeding more than you would for a period, it's all perfectly normal. I remember being almost in tears my first time (which was when my hymen was broken).

Also, if you've tried with your fingers and found them too short, chances are you won't hurt yourself or accidentally pop it until you have sex or use a vibrator/dildo. You may actually find that difficult, depending on how thick that piece of skin is. Just know that it isn't necessary for your goals.

Good for you, though, for looking to do it on your own rather than just boy-hunting.

Siren

I can absolutely try, but I need a little more specific information before I can give you any useful tips... What kind of singing do you like to do? Classical, musical theater, rock/pop/modern, etc?
Do you have any specific things that you run into trouble with?
How old are you? Male or female?
If you'd rather chat than post here, you can message me on AIM (SirenCytherea). Otherwise feel free to respond and I'll do my best to help you out. :)

Siren

Though adviceman49, Voiceofreason, and Zane have responded, I feel I need to put my two cents in.

First, I don't usually use links, but this is one I think you should see:

http://www.turningpointservices.org/Domestic%20Violence%20-%20Power%20and%20Control%20Wheel.htm

A good friend showed this to me when I was with my last abusive ex, and I realized the only thing he didn't do along that wheel was use our children. That was because we didn't have any. If we had, he'd have used them, too, as a tool to control and manipulate me.

In short, yes; what you are experiencing is abuse. The driving by or appearing at your house is stalking behavior, unwanted and invasive. Now he doesn't have to do that - you're under the same roof. He's got even more access to you. You already recognize that telling you when to get up, when to go to bed, and calling you names is not okay, nor is blaming everything on you. There's never just one side to a fight, and I'm glad you see that.
When people like him don't get their way, no matter how small of an issue it is, they get violent in one way or another - verbally or physically. Both are equally not okay, whether he apologizes or not.

The man who choked me and swung me around by my neck apologized to me, too.

You're asking complete strangers if you should leave your boyfriend; you're seeking validation because you want to leave. It's okay - consider yourself validated. You should never, EVER, under any circumstances, be afraid of your significant other. If nothing else, think about it - you're afraid to talk to him. You're afraid to be yourself with this guy. You don't trust him not to explode, or hurt you in some way. Relationships are built on trust. If you don't trust him, what kind of relationship could you have, even if he never raises a hand to you again?

The line he's been crossing isn't between whether or not he's hit you, but whether or not you're happy and safe. Read what you wrote to us. You're not. You need to end this toxic relationship before he seriously hurts you. What if he hadn't stopped himself? What if he grabs a knife next time, or a gun?

I know it sounds dramatic, but really - if he went as far as to "almost" punch you, and you forgive him, he might not stop next time. How far would you let it go?

Now, you didn't specify your gender, but according to my research, somewhere around 3 million women are reportedly abused by their partner each year; more are hospitalized several times from injuries caused by a domestic violence incident before they leave - if they leave. Imagine how many more don't report it.
Please don't let this go any further. As adviceman49 mentioned, there are many resources for survivors/victims of domestic abuse (which, by the way, includes emotional abuse). Use them. Get out. You are not safe.

If you need any other advice, have any questions, or just need a kindred spirit to talk to, feel free to inbox me, or message me on AIM - SirenCytherea. I'll help you any way I can, even if it's just brainstorming.

You're stronger than you think.

Siren

It did go to my inbox. Thank you for giving me more information, but I still have more questions for you. Do you have a screen name on AIM/would you be comfortable chatting with me on there? If not, it's okay. This'll just take a little longer. :)

Have you talked to her about this previously? Is that why you know she's in denial?
If you've approached her about this and she's gotten defensive, that's a good indication that she might have a problem.

She was able to purchase the medication at two different pharmacies for the same amount within a week...That is strange; however, the research I've done doesn't speak much to clonidine being a habit-forming substance, meaning it isn't controlled. The pharmacy, then, maybe wasn't being as cautious regarding the dates. When it's prescribed at my office, it's prescribed as a sleep aid, or sort of a "come-down" aid for kids with ADHD. So your family member using it to sleep, yes, is off-label, doesn't necessarily mean she's abusing it.
Fioricet and Lortabs, however, are both definitely risky meds as far as abuse and addiction are concerned.
Know, though, that those two are completely different classes (barbituate and opiate, respectively), and usually they don't negatively interact, but a large amount isn't ever okay to take...that's a good way to damage your liver, and possibly other parts of your body and brain.

So, from her side of the story (I'm speculating here, but this is what I think she might say if you were to ask her to explain herself): She had a bout of really bad insomnia. Five days without sleep is AWFUL (The longest I've ever gone, I think, was three days, and whoa, was I in terrible shape). Not thinking clearly and probably scared, she tried to put herself to sleep with what drugs she had access to (I'm guessing she didn't have access to a sleep aid). A cocktail of Lortab and Fioricet would definitely knock you out. It's interesting that she (theoretically) tried to be smart about it. She didn't just take a handful of Lortab or Fioricet; she took two different things - I don't think she was trying to overdose. Perhaps in her hallucinating, foggy state, she forgot what she had taken because it wasn't working, so she took more. Anyway, I'm guessing something like that is why those two were in her system.

My question is, why did she have access to those? Does she have a pain problem as well? That would keep someone up. How old is this person?

I can understand being afraid of the insomnia and using the Clonidine to help her sleep, but I wonder if she's doing that on her own, or if her doctor suggested it. She should really have some kind of sleep medication to help her with her insomnia instead. Has she ever tried anything like that? Ambien/Ambien CR, Lunesta, even Melatonin - anything?
Did these issues just suddenly appear, or is the insomnia common for her? Has she overdosed before/does she have a history of drug abuse?
I know I'm prying for a lot of information. I'm just trying to help you figure out the reasoning, and maybe the best way to approach this whole thing, if it even needs to be approached. The questions you send to my inbox will only show up on my column, if that helps.
Thanks for responding. I look forward to hearing more from you.

Siren

Let me preface this response with both a disclaimer and my level of knowledge:
I am by no means a physician of any sort. I do, however, work very closely with the psychiatrists at my counseling office, one of whom specializes in addiction medicine. One of my best friends is a substance abuse counselor, and I'm going to specialize in that (and domestic violence) myself.

Yes, it's possible to have multiple prescriptions at multiple pharmacies from the same doctor or from multiple doctors.
I'm not sure what state you're in or if your state has a system like this (I imagine it does) but mine has an Automated Prescription System that all/most pharmacies have access to that records when controlled medications are filled and picked up (and therefore presumably taken).
Also, if your family member has insurance and uses it to help pay for the medications (most people do; medications are expensive), if they try to fill a prescription too soon, no matter which pharmacy they use, the insurance company won't fill it. Most insurances give a two- or three-day grace period to prevent people from running out of medications, especially because the controlled ones can cause serious withdrawal side-effects if suddenly stopped.
Now, if you think your family member is getting these medications off the street, that's a different issue, and potentially a bigger one.

So. If you suspect abuse, the first thing to do is to talk to the family member, alone. Sit him or her down and let them know that you're concerned about their health, that you've noticed [this, this, and this] happening, and you think he or she might have a problem. Encourage him or her to take a second look at the way he or she is using the medication(s) and to come to you. Emphasize that you just want to help, not get them in trouble of any kind (that's the biggest fear of most drug abusers. That, and realize that there's a ton of shame often associated with this issue, even though there shouldn't be).

Those two medications, though, aren't typical for abuse. Clonidine is prescribed to children at my office in 0.1mg and 0.2mg doses. Fioricet, yes, is in the barbituate class and can be habit-forming, but it is also safe to take and to be prescribed in normal doses. Just because someone takes prescriptions to a couple different pharmacies doesn't necessarily mean that these medications are being abused, especially if they're from the same doctor. I guarantee that this doctor is keeping track of when the prescriptions are written, when they are filled, and when the patient runs out. We're insanely careful about that where I work, and I've personally called more than one person out on abusing their prescriptions...but I've also had them realize their problem and get the help they've needed, and then thank me.

Let me ask you this - what exactly makes you concerned that your family member is abusing these medications?

That information is absolutely crucial. I'd love to give you more detailed suggestions, but I need more detail from your end.
If you want, you can message me on AIM (SirenCytherea) or send more detail to my inbox here. You can even add more information to this question - however you'd like to do it, but we'll all have trouble giving you the right advice without enough information. Help us out so we can help you out. :)

Siren

***DISCLAIMER!!!***
I am not a doctor.*
*******************

Okay. Continuing...

Xanax is not a sleep aid. It is an anxiolytic - an anti-anxiety medication. Using it for sleep is not uncommon, but it IS off-label. If you had bad side effects on it, chances are it's because it wasn't the right medication for you. Your doctor needs to hear about these side effects, AND that you stopped the medication in order to assess the situation and give you the right medication.

In response to your question, yes. If you were on the Xanax for any significant, steady time period, and suddenly stopped, you could be suffering some withdrawal symptoms. It sounds to me like you could use something for anxiety, though, if you're having paranoia. Was that a symptom you were having before you started taking Xanax?

Are you under the care of a psychiatrist? If not, you may consider looking into it, particularly if you're getting into psychotropic medications. Therapy can also be very helpful in learning techniques to relax before bedtime, to quell your paranoia/nervousness.

My best advice is to seek better treatment - a psychiatrist or a therapist, not a general practitioner.

Siren

You're not going to like what I have to say, given your additional info, but you need to read my response to your situation. I am a survivor of domestic violence.

Listen. About a year ago, I was gearing up to marry him. At first it was just emotional abuse, and then it became physical violence. Now I have chronic neck pain because in the heat of an argument, he lost his temper, as he had many times before. This time was different - I was really scared of him, and for good reason. When I tried to get away, he grabbed me by my throat and swung me around the other direction as I choked. The second my feet hit the ground, I head-butted him, but he held onto my arm. I screamed at the top of my lungs, praying someone would hear me, but no one did. No one did anything. I planned things out and left him as soon as I could.
If he had grabbed me a little differently, if he had jerked just a little harder on my neck, I could be dead.

See where I'm going with this?

No matter what he says, or what his excuses are, it is NOT permissible to frighten, hurt, or threaten your significant other. EVER. Just the fact that he ALMOST hit you, even if he stopped himself, is abusive. You may not label him an abuser (I'm going to continue to call him one), but how else, exactly, would you describe what he did?

Rarely, also, by the way, does the abuse not escalate, particularly when victims return to their perpetrators over and over again, because they didn't do this before. But of course, who would fall for an abuser if he was abusive right off the bat? The problem is, though, that every time we go back to the guy, the fact that he can treat us like shit and we'll come back is reinforced. I moved out completely once before I left him for good, and tried to break up with him before that. He apologized and hugged and kissed me for a good hour and promised things would be better...and they were, for awhile. Then they got worse.

I'm glad to hear he didn't directly blame you for his violence, but I find it interesting that you're actually blaming yourself, here. "If I hadn't been bothering him, he wouldn't have done that." Sorry, but I call bullshit on that one. When my boyfriend annoys me, I say "Honey, you're driving me kinda nuts, here. I really need to concentrate on this, but I keep wanting to pay more attention to you. Let's hang out a little later," or if it's REALLY bad, "I REALLY need to concentrate on this. I'll talk to you later."

My point is, his reaction to you speaking to him should not have been to pin you to the wall and almost punch you. Whether it's abuse or anger control issues, he needs to get his shit together. You already forgave him, so there's no point in wondering if you should've done so. If you feel you aren't ready to end the relationship over something like that, then don't. But don't sugar coat it to yourself.

He should NOT have done that.
That is NOT okay.
EVER.

I hope for your sake and his that his actions here were just a one-time adrenaline-induced reaction, and that he never experiences that loss of control around you again. But the reality is that once an abuser shows his true colors, even if he suppresses them, they WILL resurface.

Nearly 3 million women are reported to be abused by their intimate partners each year, and those are only those who report the violence. Imagine how many more there are who don't. These are real, researched statistics.

Please be safe. Please be smart. Please don't become a statistic. You're eighteen - you have your whole life ahead of you. Two years is nothing, once you find a man who doesn't abuse you.

You made the right choice for yourself. When you can't forgive him next time, you know what to do.

If you need someone to talk to, ever, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. If I don't hear from you, I wish you the best of luck, and strength.

Siren

Hi.

First - You really think you're going to get what you want by being short with us?

Being that Zopiclone is a sleeping pill, it works on the central nervous system to impair certain functioning and induce sleepiness, hence the common problem of amnesia.

In case of an overdose..."Exaggeration of pharmacologic effects, impairment of consciousness ranging from somnolence to coma, and death."

Basically, if someone were to take that much sleeping medication, they'd probably wind up in a coma.

http://www.drugs.com/search.php?searchterm=zopiclone This is the most reliable website I know as far as drug information goes.

Siren

What's wrong with that? I have blond highlights, wear a lot of pink, and I love metal and hard rock.
I also sing opera.

Pretty sure you're just fine. :)

Siren

Guys like your boyfriend make me angry. You're not going to like what I have to say, but you need to hear it.

My ex boyfriend took me out a lot, too. He called me multiple times a day just to tell me he loved me, and that I was beautiful. He also had a temper problem. One night his temper scared me to the point that I wanted to get out of the house. When I was trying to run away from him, he caught me by the throat. If he had grabbed me slightly differently, he could've broken my neck and killed me. He never talked about hurting me or joked about it. He only told me how much he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

Abuse is NOT funny, period. He should not be joking about hitting you, and he should not be throwing things around. Among other issues, that is very dangerous. What an immature thing to do...How is breaking his house further going to help him fix it?

Anyway.

You're feeling lonely here because he's not giving you what you need. Scratch that, he's not giving you anything you need. He sounds like a very unstable person. There are different kinds of instability, and his is the kind that scares me.

He's doing one of two things:
He occasionally loses control completely, thus resulting in things being thrown and people potentially being hurt. He may not be aware of what he's doing. He may be slightly out-of-body when this happens.
OR
He's completely in control, and he chooses to be destructive. Unfortunately this means he's choosing to be dangerous to you and everyone around him. He may be covering up other emotions with anger (I've known a lot of guys who did that), but that's a very immature thing to do, and he may not realize the consequences if he "accidentally" hurts you.

Now, it's sweet and romantic that you want to be there for him through thick an thin, but that thought alone is what keeps 1 in 5 women in abusive relationships. "You don't leave someone just because they're mentally ill - you support them." That's true, but only to a point. You support them when they are a mild (or even severe) danger to themselves, NOT when they are a danger to YOU. When they are a danger to you, if you are not married, or blood-related, you walk away.

You may think his throwing things around and joking about hitting you is just a joke, but I can tell you from experience that this stuff happens every day, to so many people you'd never believe it. It's real, and you're in a dangerous situation.

Please don't let yourself become a statistic. You are not stuck with him. He may have been your first whatever, but that does not mean you have to stay with someone who doesn't make you happy. Even if he isn't hurting you. If you're not happy, you can leave. You HAVE the option, and you're clearly considering it right now.

Regret is always scary. I was afraid of it, too. I loved that guy. We bought a house together and wanted to get married, and everything. But, I had to leave. I needed my life back, and my safety. I'm still hopeful that my prince charming is out there somewhere. :)

There are SO many guys out there...there are even guys who agree with you on the "abuse is not a joke" thing, who deal with stress like a normal person instead of throwing tantrums like a six-year-old. There are guys out there who will be in heaven when they kiss you and love it so much they can't stop. There will be a guy who will look you in the eyes and want to dive into their beauty. This guy isn't treating you right, and you know it.

I know how you feel. If you need someone to just talk to about this, my AIM screen name is SirenCytherea.

Your prince is out there, too. The only thing keeping you from finding him is you. Be brave.

Siren

Frankly, a guy like that is bad news. Who is he to have any kind of a say in who you hang out with, or who you call?
No matter how long you've been together, if he's not giving you any freedom, take it. He has absolutely zero right to control you like that. None. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

Catch my drift?

Not to mention, if you're so ambivalent about your relationship with this guy that you're asking a bunch of strangers on the internet if you should stay or go, you already know the answer. You KNOW he's not treating you right.

I don't know how old you two are, but you should be aware that controlling, jealous, possessive guys can easily become physically abusive when they don't get what they want.

Just remember that you deserve to be treated like a person and an equal, not a pet or a possession.

He's an asshole. Get out now.

Siren

Disclaimer time!
I don't have a medical license. I do, however, deal with a lot of psychoactive medications, and I'm very familiar with this one. So I'll give you my two cents.

Just because it makes you feel better and you want to keep taking it doesn't automatically mean you're addicted. What you're doing is called self-medicating. You have a problem, you found a solution, albeit not the best one, and took it upon yourself to help yourself, since no one else was helping you.

Adderall is a stimulant, yes, but it's more commonly prescribed for ADD or ADHD than depression because it stimulates a part of the brain that helps with focus. In someone without one of those disorders, it can act as a mood elevator. As with any drug that gives you a high, when you come off of it, you'll probably experience a lower low. This is HOW people get addicted - people are afraid of, or cannot handle, the low that comes after the high, so they take more of their drug of choice to avoid it and keep the good feeling coming. That's both a physical and a psychological addiction. If you want to stop taking the drug but can't handle the crappy feeling that comes with the low, that's more of a physical addiction. A psychological addiction is more like the way a person can get addicted to food, or something, where there's no physical risk of withdrawal, but there's a desire for the drug (or Twinkies, as it were).

All that said, what you're doing by self-medicating is neither smart nor legal. It isn't cocaine or methamphetamine, but Adderall is, indeed, an amphetamine. It just isn't illegal in and of itself. At this point, you have two options:
1) You've already run out, and you're going through withdrawals. You can either stick it out and the withdrawals will eventually stop, but it'll suck until they do, or you can get your hands on some more (this is not the best idea, of course) and wean yourself off by starting where you were as far as dosage and decreasing your dose by small increments every five days or so. The increment kind of depends on how much you were taking.

2) If you think that this medication really, honestly helps you, come clean. Either tell your mom about your experience (emphasizing how it helped you, of course), or if you think she really won't understand (and she might not, if she won't let you take medication), go back to the shrink and tell him about this. Your mom might listen to the information if it comes from a professional, AND he doesn't have to tell her that you've been getting Adderall illegally.

That's the thing, though - you say the Adderall helps you and you "don't need to do illegal things to feel good about yourself," but you're STILL doing something illegal. You've gotta find a way to get what you need, and do it right.

Like I said, I don't have any kind of medical license, but it sounds to me that if you're addicted to anything, it's the feeling/adrenaline that comes from doing illegal things. The fact is that there's nothing to make you "need" to break the law. Lots and lots of people around the world are bored on a daily basis and don't do illegal things to entertain themselves, or to make themselves feel better. I'm not going to pick on you about that though, because chances are if you're doing something like this, you do have some kind of psychological problem.

So. The first thing you should probably do is figure out what you want to do about the Adderall. I suggest you get a prescription. To treat your condition/disorder/issue properly, you need to be under a doctor's care, no matter how much you know about the drug. You don't say how old you are - if you're 18 or older, in most states, you don't need a parent's consent for medication. If you do decide to stick it out and get through the withdrawals, don't start taking it from your friends again. No matter what, it is NOT smart to continue getting it illegally. I highly recommend getting a second evaluation either from the same shrink or a different one.

Hang in there. If you have any other medication questions, feel free to send a question to my inbox or IM me (SirenCytherea on AIM) and I'll do my best to answer quickly.

Best of luck if I don't hear from you.

Siren

Wow, this sounds exactly like the situation I was in with my high school sweetheart when he went away to college (the worst part is I encouraged him to go and follow his dream). To make a long story short, I wound up breaking up with him because we completely lost the connection that we'd had after two years together - he just didn't try hard enough. By the time I told him I felt this way, it was too late, and I had already given up.

That said, no, it isn't too much to ask. Yes, he should make the time to talk to you for 15 minutes once a week. He should make the time to talk to you once a day, even. Should you break up with him? That's up to you. Read this first:

The fact of the matter is that a relationship is a two-way street. That is, both parties need to make an effort, ESPECIALLY with a long distance relationship, or it just won't work. Right now, it seems like you're the only one trying.

Have you told him how you feel? Have you asked him outright to make more of an effort? If you haven't given up yet, and you haven't spoken to him, you MUST. He needs to know that this is why a lot of long distance relationships fail. Whether you have a very physical relationship or not, touch is important. Studies have shown that babies need touch to survive (you could tell him that, but the word "babies" might scare him).

I suggest that you tell him what you told us, including the idea that if something doesn't change, this won't work. Hopefully that will scare him into changing his ways. As much as he loves you, he needs to show it better, and you need to show him that you love him, too, by asking for his help with fixing this problem.

I wish you the best of luck with this, and I truly hope that you two don't suffer the same fate that we did.

Siren

This is about money?

Okay, here's my perspective:
There is a LOT more to life than money. Yes, I realize that money is a necessity to survive, and yes, at the moment, I have a full-time job with benefits that I quite enjoy. However, I make $9 an hour, and my checking goes down to nearly zero monthly because I have a cat to take care of, I'm trying to finish my second Bachelor's, and my parents and I agreed that they wouldn't pay for anything else, as they're struggling financially as much as I am, if not more. They also fronted me some very important money to help me get out of my ex boyfriend's house and rebuild my life, as he took a great deal of what I had in my account.

No, I wouldn't kill myself, period. I would take a whole lotta deep breaths and figure out how to move forward. In your first question, you complained about no one caring about you - are you homeless? You're on the internet, but you could've gone to the library or a coffeeshop, or something, so I can't judge by that.

Enough with the vagueness. Tell me how you lost everything. Convince me that there's no way to fix the mess you're in. I'm not saying I'm in a bigger mess, but there's ALWAYS a way out, and it's never suicide.
I know you're reaching out for help, whether or not you think you are. You're back on here threatening to find a painless way to kill yourself, but asking us questions.
Maybe if you give us some more details about what's going on in your life, we can brainstorm up a way to get you out of this hell.
Please, indulge me. Let me try.
What've you got to lose?

Siren

Okay, that's straight-up, textbook emotional abuse, right there.
The girlfriend he has is completely beside the point. What he's doing right now is making himself feel powerful. He's doing it by sucking the life out of you, basically. This is NOT your fault. He's being a manipulative bastard.
In a situation like this, as much as you might feel the right thing to do (for yourself) is to tell him off, the best thing to do is to turn the tables.
Here's what you do:
Next time he approaches you, act like he's not even there. If he physically grabs you, do not look him in the eye. Attempt to keep walking. If he hurts you, or gets physical in any way, say loudly enough for another person to hear, "LET GO OF MY ARM," and nothing else. Now this is important: DO NOT respond to anything he says. Do not ask him to stop - he knows you want him to. Do not physically attempt to get him to stop. Just keep walking as if he doesn't exist.
THAT will be a big blow to his ego. Now here's the catch...you've gotta keep it up.
The first time you do this successfully, he may not take it seriously, and he may try again. You have to go through all the ignoring-him stuff stubbornly until he figures out himself that you're not his toy anymore.
However, he should figure it out pretty quickly if you just pretend he's not there. If he doesn't exist as far as you're concerned, how can he hurt you? 'Cause all he wants to do is hurt you and manipulate you and control you.
When you respond in ANY way, even if it's calling him a dick, you're giving him attention. From you, for him, that's good, regardless of what kind of attention.
If you give him no response, you give him no attention. He has nothing, then, to feed the fire except his own stupidity.
Don't even bother telling him you're not his toy anymore - show him.
Good luck. :)

Siren

You're 22. You're old enough and probably smart enough to know very well that no one here is going to tell you how to kill yourself.

Just by writing this question, you're reaching out. You're even daring us to try to help you, telling us to "shove it" and that nothing has worked. That alone means that you haven't given up yet. You may think you have, and you may have run out of ideas, but maybe we haven't, and maybe it doesn't have to be over yet.

I'm 23. I've had crohn's disease since I was 12, and an undiagnosed and still uncontrolled chronic pain problem for about two years. At least you know what's wrong with you. I was abused by the man I wanted to marry, kicked out of a degree after my first two years of college, and am only independent because I have to be.
Not comparing our lives, just letting you know that in a way you're not alone in your pain.

Now, I'm not going to say a thing about God or the people in your life because we don't know anything about either of those.
Have you tried therapy? I know it seems like a dumb idea at this point, but seriously, having someone to talk to, even someone who can help you kind of "reframe" your way of thinking.
Or even try a psychiatrist - someone who can prescribe medications. Maybe you have a chemical imbalance. I work in a psychiatrists' office. It happens.

You say you've done things that other people have suggested - what about you? Aside from ending it all, which you know deep down is not the answer, what do YOU want to do? Do you have a job? Are you in school? You say no one cares about you, and that's why you want to kill yourself. Are you really going to base your life or death on whether or not other people care? If that's the case, you already have a few people. We responded - we care enough to try to stop you. So I guess you'd better live...right? Frankly, you haven't given me a good enough reason to kill yourself.

This is a little unconventional, but...during the most difficult times in my life, I had my job. There, I had the opportunity to help other people, and it gave me something to live for, to keep going for. One client even sent me a Christmas card one year, thanking me for helping her. I'm just a receptionist. Knowing that I made a difference in someone's life, even if it was just that ONE person, helped.
Try volunteering somewhere. If nothing else, you may be able to say, "At least that's not my life." Put yourself in a position to help someone else. You may find that there are things in life worth living for even in the most unlikely places.

I'm just gonna put this out there - my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. If you want someone to talk to, bounce ideas off of, or anything, IM me. I'm always on line.
If I don't hear from you, please try to get yourself some help.

Be strong. Keep going.

Siren

NinjaNeer is correct about the trimming thing - I have very long, thick, but fine hair, and I tend not to cut it for months and months, but I cave and get a trim when I can't keep it untangled for a whole day.

I used Garnier products for quite some time as well, but my friend and I discovered www.lush.com. Lush cosmetics are a line of all-natural pampering products that range from head to toe, literally.

My hair tends to be too dry if I wash it too often, and it fluffs out and statics everywhere, and I can't do a damn thing about it. I now use Godiva solid shampoo by Lush. http://www.lushusa.com/shop/products/hair/solid-shampoos/godiva
It smells wonderful and helps my hair lay down a little better. My hair is also quite a bit less tangled, a LOT softer, and shinier. They have products for oily hair, curly hair, straight hair, etc. Their products really work.

http://www.lushusa.com/shop/products/haircare/solid-shampoos/
^That's a link to all their solid shampoos. They also have conditioners and cleansers. I highly suggest wandering around their site and trying a product or two. I have yet to find any products that top theirs, and I used to be an avid Bath and Body Works fan.

Good luck!

Siren

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren

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