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My partner almost punched me
My partner and I have been together for just over 3 years and in that time things havent been bad but havent been the greatest. I am 26 he is 22, from the beginning I saw signs that something was up. When we first started dating if I didnt want to do something with him one night he would drive by my house several times asking if I want to see him - or just appear at my door. if I said no - he would get upset and not talk to me for hours.
We moved in together 2 years ago - and things have been getting worse...and I am starting to realize it now (everyone can see it). I am told when to get out of bed, when I can go to bed, when I can do everything, calling me stupid blaming EVERYTHING on me - He has a very short fuse - to the point i am scared to say anything to him. Just the other night we got into an argument (he wanted me to call someone and I didnt want to) he got VERY angry - got in my face clintched his fist and swung - stopping it less than an inch from my face. and stormed away. I have never been so scared - he has never done this kind of a thing before. and about 50 mins later he apologized and wnats to move on. But i dont know if I can. It scared me. Is this abuse? Should I leave??
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look my mom has been in that sutiation a lot
of time but my stepdad really hit her bad
and thats how it stared by almost hitting her
so i think yall should seperade for a little
bit
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Though adviceman49, Voiceofreason, and Zane have responded, I feel I need to put my two cents in.
First, I don't usually use links, but this is one I think you should see:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
A good friend showed this to me when I was with my last abusive ex, and I realized the only thing he didn't do along that wheel was use our children. That was because we didn't have any. If we had, he'd have used them, too, as a tool to control and manipulate me.
In short, yes; what you are experiencing is abuse. The driving by or appearing at your house is stalking behavior, unwanted and invasive. Now he doesn't have to do that - you're under the same roof. He's got even more access to you. You already recognize that telling you when to get up, when to go to bed, and calling you names is not okay, nor is blaming everything on you. There's never just one side to a fight, and I'm glad you see that.
When people like him don't get their way, no matter how small of an issue it is, they get violent in one way or another - verbally or physically. Both are equally not okay, whether he apologizes or not.
The man who choked me and swung me around by my neck apologized to me, too.
You're asking complete strangers if you should leave your boyfriend; you're seeking validation because you want to leave. It's okay - consider yourself validated. You should never, EVER, under any circumstances, be afraid of your significant other. If nothing else, think about it - you're afraid to talk to him. You're afraid to be yourself with this guy. You don't trust him not to explode, or hurt you in some way. Relationships are built on trust. If you don't trust him, what kind of relationship could you have, even if he never raises a hand to you again?
The line he's been crossing isn't between whether or not he's hit you, but whether or not you're happy and safe. Read what you wrote to us. You're not. You need to end this toxic relationship before he seriously hurts you. What if he hadn't stopped himself? What if he grabs a knife next time, or a gun?
I know it sounds dramatic, but really - if he went as far as to "almost" punch you, and you forgive him, he might not stop next time. How far would you let it go?
Now, you didn't specify your gender, but according to my research, somewhere around 3 million women are reportedly abused by their partner each year; more are hospitalized several times from injuries caused by a domestic violence incident before they leave - if they leave. Imagine how many more don't report it.
Please don't let this go any further. As adviceman49 mentioned, there are many resources for survivors/victims of domestic abuse (which, by the way, includes emotional abuse). Use them. Get out. You are not safe.
If you need any other advice, have any questions, or just need a kindred spirit to talk to, feel free to inbox me, or message me on AIM - SirenCytherea. I'll help you any way I can, even if it's just brainstorming.
You're stronger than you think.
Siren
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You need to leave as soon as you can!! DO NOT let yourself be one of those women who are controlled by a man. There is a man out there who will treat you like a queen and love you the way you deserve to be loved!! Just because he has not hit you (yet) does not mean he is not being abusive. My last relationship was full of emotional and mental abuse and i just didnt realise till it was over. But then i had had his child and now he is in my life forever!
So my advice - Get away from this guy before you're just another statistic!!!
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Your boyfriend is an abuser. Break up with him.
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You are in a very dangerous situation, both physically and mentally. You are from what you have written being mentally abused and in danger of being physically abused. You need to get out now.
If you need help in getting out of the house there are three numbers you can call. The first of course is 911.
If you call 911 and even if he pulls the phone away from you an officer will be dispatched. The officer(s) will need to speak with each of you separately. This is your opportunity to ask for help in leaving.
The second number is a hotline for an organization called RAINN. RAINN stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. The volunteers who answer the phone will help you contact a women's shelter in your area and other professionals you may need who can help you. Their number is 1-800-656-HOPE.
The third number is for the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Like RAINN this organization will help you find a women's shelter and the professional help you may need: Their number is 1-800-799-7233.
Your partner is controlling you or attempting to do so. This is the worst type of abuse. He may have caught himself from hitting you this time. What about next time. There will be a next time there always is. Please for your own safety get out now.
If you must leave everything behind do so. There are safe ways to retrieve your belongings safely. The organizations I've listed will show you how. No one deserves to be abused, controlled or physically harmed by another. If you need help it is out there for the asking. Get out before your partner physically harms you.
I'm not only old enough to be your grandfather I am also a volunteer with a volunteer rescue squad. I all to often have seen the results of situations such as yours. Please take my advice and that of the others and get out now.
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First don't listen to zane its not physical abuse as you stated, Secondly listen to zane pack and leave, that simple or you could learn krav maga and
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You need to pack up your stuff and get out of the relationship asap. You are being mentally and physically abused by your partner as well as being controlled.
Seriously, If someone loved you then would not put you down, abuse you or call you names. Abusing someone IS NOT love. You deserve better, You will find better but in order to move on you have to take the steps to get there.
This is what you said "But i dont know if I can. "
Yes you can but as long as you allow him to abuse you then you will never give yourself time to heal and get over it. I would dump him, pack your stuff and cut all contact with him. That old saying "The more you suffer, The longer you prolong your pain"
Forgiving someone that abuses you is letting them know that what they did is okay, It is NOT okay. NO you can't just move on from it and you shouldn't. The only person that can help you is YOU and people like that do not just change on their own he needs professional help and you need a man that will treat you the right way. Please do yourself the biggest favor you can do and leave the relationship. It will get easier in time but you owe it too yourself to move on.
::Responding to the person above me::
It is physical abuse if someone comes close to hitting you, That was a threat and YES that threat should be taken seriously. Love is not intimidation or is manipulating someone. I know what it feels like to be in an abusive relationship as I was in one for 5 years. To the "Genius" above me before you insist someone is wrong trying being in their situation first.
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No... Pleease do not take any chances with this guy. You may love him and he may love you to but its pretty clear he has anger problems. If he loves you alot he would join a anger class to keep you. Just dont tell him face to face you want him to do this or you will leave because that could cause him to really get abusive towards you and thats what you dont want. Do not keep forgiving him for these things they well just get worst as they go. Hes just trying to see how weak you are. Us females need to sand up strong and we start by helping one so dont let him control you your way to grown for this. God bless and good luck
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