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(I am fifteen, girl, sophomore. He is seventeen, boy, junior). So me and my ex have been broken up for about nine ish months? We dated for eight and had a reeeeally messy break up. While we were dating he, yes, had me pretty whipped. It's something I'm really not proud of. But he took advantage of that in a lot of ways and really hurt me... To sum it up he pressured/guilted me into physcial stuff, dumped me in a text, and told me he only stayed with me for so long cause he liked hooking up and he never actually liked me. Yet yeah, he had me whipped cause he reallly had me fooled that he loved me. He would actually force me to look him in the eye while he said he loved me... Didn't really think someone could lie to my face like that but ugh that's another story. Point is, I found out after we broke up that'd he'd talk a bunch of shit to his friends/baseball team. Just really disrespectful stuff you shouldn't be saying about your girlfriend. Anyway. Even though we’ve been broken up he will still mess with me. I’m pretty sure he gets enjoyment out of it. He'll just rip on me cause he knows I used to take it and he thinks I still will. Which okay... truth time: I'm not a very assertive person, he knows that, I don't know I'm just... a doormat. Or I used to be. For example, last week:
Him: Put some clothes on you look like a whore.
Me: You’re a dick.
Him: You love my dick.
Me: (quietly) Stop.
Him: Make me.
Me: Come on.
Him: You know what?
Him: I think I still have you whipped. I’m pretty sure I could get you do anything.
Me: You’re an idiot.
Him: If I dropped my pants right now would you suck me off?
Me: (attempted to push him away, he stopped me)
Him: I’m not gonna lie sweetie, you’re a tiny little thing. That’s probably not a good idea.
Me: Just let me go.
Him: I can’t take you seriously. You’re just so cute when you’re mad.
This is where he tries to pinch my cheek and I smack his hand away but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me up to him.
Me: Let go.
Him: (Laughing)
Me: Seriously, stop.
Him: Okay, okay. But remember, as much as you deny it you know you’re still mine.
UHM CREEPY?? Like I don’t even know what that means and I’m just so pissed off at him right now, like I honestly don’t even know what to do!! He’s basically dating this other girl so what the heck does he think he’s doing…? I want to talk to him but every time we talk he just has this way where as you can see from above, I can never find it in me to just REALLY tell him off. Sometimes I think he’s right. He gives me all this shit and I can never just yell at him. And it really takes a toll on me… I don’t want to talk to the school and I don’t want to get anyone else involved because I feel like I’m never gonna solve this problem until I can handle him myself. I need to do this for me. That last line has been in my head 24/7 for the past few days because I think he’s right. I need to talk to him and tell him I’m not his toy anymore but I’m scared I’m not gonna have the guts. Please help me… Tips, things to say? Anything.
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i had a boyfriend to treated me bad too.... but he did it in a whole different way... basically has he ever made you have sex? is he touching you in ways you cant handle? you do realize you can call the cops on him right? he will either be sent to jail or joovie (probably jail) for his actions and you will get off clean.... then if you ever see him outside of prison then you can scream and cuss at him.... but you also got to get over that being weak crap, like that is bullshit and i know you can do better.... i got bullied for about 3 years in a row and the dove into a bad relationship, i have no problem telling someone to fuck off or cuss them out, i mean, even my mom knows i cuss and she's fine with i because i dog cuss someone if they are a total ass.... it isnt that hard, once you do it you feel better, and you might as well hit him down low too but i really suggest calling the cops during school and tell them the deal, is how i got rid of bullies a few years ago.... and do not be afraid to tell someone... could bite you in the ass for years to come!!!! good luck girl!!!! :)
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Stop talking to him, completely, and inform someone at your school. If the school doesn't listen to you, you speak to the cops.
The only victory you are going to have over him, is the victory of removing him from your life. (and best case scenario: the message that if he keeps behaving this way, he'll end up in the prison cell.)
His language alone is sexual abuse AND he physically assaulted you AND and he threatened to rape you.
This isn't a 'Oh I can handle it, he's just being a jerk." situation. This is a "He grabbed me and threatened to rape me!" situation.
He needs to be reported to someone with authority. For your own safety, for his girlfriend's safety, for the safety of every other female he might speak to in his life. He needs someone to come down on him hard for this behavoir, and that someone isn't going to be you.
There is nothing you can do, by yourself, to stop him from thinking it's okay to abuse women like this.
If you were an adult woman at and he was your co-worker, he'd be fired and you could press charges. If he were your boss, you would sue and he'd likely be fired and you could press charges. If he was a stranger who walked up to you in a public space and said anything like that, you could call the cops and he'd spend a few nights in prison at least and you could press charges.
The way you take control and solve it, is by speaking up and refusing to be his victim any longer. You must tell someone you can trust to take your report seriously.
It doesn't matter if you don't yell at him. If you don't scream or bite him. It doesn't matter if you started the conversation. He can't LEGALLY treat you that way. It's a crime.
Even if you wont report him (and you should) stay the hell of away from him and never speak to him again. Don't respond to messages. Don't say Hi. At least then you'll be removing him from your life.
And if he ever lays his hands as you again, break his nose.
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He seems to think he has control over you because you have no one to defend your honor. He thinks that he can still bother you as long as your still single. Males find themselves thinking they are superior over women and he is one of them. I understand that standing up for yourself is a lot harder than you think. Hes saying your in his control until you say otherwise. Either by getting a boyfriend who won't put up with that, getting a restraining order, suing him for both sexual, verbal, and physical abuse, etc. If you have to go to extremes say something like, "oh my the only reason I stayed with you was because I was waiting for the next best thing and I got it when you dumped me" or if he says that you still want him say something like "whatever helps you sleep at night". If he grabs you say either "quit abusing me" or "let go of me or i will sue your butt for assault". I realize your point for wanting to do this on your own, but sometimes looking towards others is the best scenario.
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Okay, that's straight-up, textbook emotional abuse, right there.
The girlfriend he has is completely beside the point. What he's doing right now is making himself feel powerful. He's doing it by sucking the life out of you, basically. This is NOT your fault. He's being a manipulative bastard.
In a situation like this, as much as you might feel the right thing to do (for yourself) is to tell him off, the best thing to do is to turn the tables.
Here's what you do:
Next time he approaches you, act like he's not even there. If he physically grabs you, do not look him in the eye. Attempt to keep walking. If he hurts you, or gets physical in any way, say loudly enough for another person to hear, "LET GO OF MY ARM," and nothing else. Now this is important: DO NOT respond to anything he says. Do not ask him to stop - he knows you want him to. Do not physically attempt to get him to stop. Just keep walking as if he doesn't exist.
THAT will be a big blow to his ego. Now here's the catch...you've gotta keep it up.
The first time you do this successfully, he may not take it seriously, and he may try again. You have to go through all the ignoring-him stuff stubbornly until he figures out himself that you're not his toy anymore.
However, he should figure it out pretty quickly if you just pretend he's not there. If he doesn't exist as far as you're concerned, how can he hurt you? 'Cause all he wants to do is hurt you and manipulate you and control you.
When you respond in ANY way, even if it's calling him a dick, you're giving him attention. From you, for him, that's good, regardless of what kind of attention.
If you give him no response, you give him no attention. He has nothing, then, to feed the fire except his own stupidity.
Don't even bother telling him you're not his toy anymore - show him.
Good luck. :)
Siren
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