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He says he loves me. I'm sure he thinks he does, but...
My boyfriend is away at college. I am a high school senior. We have dated for almost a year and a half.
He says he loves me. I'm sure he thinks he does.
Our relationship has changed. We see each other once a week, usually - he comes home every weekend to see his mommy, not me - and he makes no effort to call me during the week. If we Skype, its my suggestion. All of our conversations are superficial. We're just texting "I love you"'s back and forth maybe 5 times a day instead of actually saying something meaningful or sharing stories. I try, but get nothing back. I used to ask him what he was doing as a conversation topic but because it was never returned I felt as if I was prying and stopped. Now we don't talk about anything via text.
The college he's at is not THAT competitive at all. That said he has a 5-class workload plus two labs. He's pretty lazy and I don't think he's handling freshman year well. I know he's busy, but shouldn't he have/make time to give me a 15-minute call at least once a week? Is that too much to ask? Should I break up with him?
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Wow, this sounds exactly like the situation I was in with my high school sweetheart when he went away to college (the worst part is I encouraged him to go and follow his dream). To make a long story short, I wound up breaking up with him because we completely lost the connection that we'd had after two years together - he just didn't try hard enough. By the time I told him I felt this way, it was too late, and I had already given up.
That said, no, it isn't too much to ask. Yes, he should make the time to talk to you for 15 minutes once a week. He should make the time to talk to you once a day, even. Should you break up with him? That's up to you. Read this first:
The fact of the matter is that a relationship is a two-way street. That is, both parties need to make an effort, ESPECIALLY with a long distance relationship, or it just won't work. Right now, it seems like you're the only one trying.
Have you told him how you feel? Have you asked him outright to make more of an effort? If you haven't given up yet, and you haven't spoken to him, you MUST. He needs to know that this is why a lot of long distance relationships fail. Whether you have a very physical relationship or not, touch is important. Studies have shown that babies need touch to survive (you could tell him that, but the word "babies" might scare him).
I suggest that you tell him what you told us, including the idea that if something doesn't change, this won't work. Hopefully that will scare him into changing his ways. As much as he loves you, he needs to show it better, and you need to show him that you love him, too, by asking for his help with fixing this problem.
I wish you the best of luck with this, and I truly hope that you two don't suffer the same fate that we did.
Siren
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I think you should try to make it work until you can't anymore, don't just give up . Maybe something's wrong with him . But then again maybe not . You should try and speak with his mom . & to him , tell him all of this, try on skype first face to face or text him all of this calmly, try to figure things out. Tell him yr not here to be hid stuff from , yall are in a relationship because of something yall shared, and everything should be shared , and that yr there for him , so he should just talk to you . & if nothing gets better then... consider breaking up .
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I know it doesn't help much but it looks like you've annalyzed the situation pretty well.... It's up to you now. What do you think? Is he really worth it? What does your gut say? Is he worth stressing out? What about a guy you've been friends with since you were little? If you have a guy friend and hes perfectly single... You guys would know eachother well and it might work out better. Hope i helped!
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