about

I'm Jessie. I've been on here on and off for about 7 years. I'm 22 :) I am currently in my final year of college studying English and new media
I'm from Ireland I dye my hair way too much. I've been blonde,brown,brown with blonde,black,red,and blonde again!I love helping people I found advicenators when I was just 15 and didn't understand the world! I feel I have matured with this site. The people on here are amazing and I love coming on here in my spare time to be there for people in need. I won't tell you what you want to hear because that's not advice it's just fooling yourself. I try to help in whatever way I can I try not to judge and try to relate to a situation if I can. :) If you don't like honesty then you won't like my advice.
If you're kind enough to rate me please leave a comment letting me know if I helped! I love hearing that I have!
Please try to use proper grammar and be coherent.


I have been featured 4 times. :)

advice

Hi,

I have been reflecting on a few times in my past of which I don't really understand my behavior.

I went through major depression when I was a teenager - maybe that has something to do with how crazy I got?

Anyway, I recall times where I went to parties and I acted really crazy. I remember getting really excited whenever I arrived to a party and I remember always having the idea that I'm going to have a lot of fun tonight. Most of the time I related fun to acting absolutely crazy. I feel embarrassed by how off the wall I would get. I don't think many people would invite me a second time to their party no matter how close we were. I don't understand why I would act the way I did. I just know I had adrenaline inside of me bursting at the seams. I feel that same sort of speed whenever I get really upset. Even now, I struggle controlling myself. Sometimes I get so heated, I do something really stupid and at times, I throw tantrums. I have gotten better at restraining myself - I can stay absolutely calm whenever another person is trash-talking me. Although calm, I still feel the pressure building up inside of me. I know at moments I can appear insanely crazy to people. Other than those once out of a blue moon times, I am a very relaxed normal person. I wanted to know if there's a diagnosis for my behavior or is it just bad nerves?

Hey there, :) I can relate to how you feel. I had similar out bursts a while back when I went through a rough time after my drink was spiked. What I did was I went to see a pyschiatirist as my behaviour was out of the ordinary. I know its scary to think about but they are really only there to help! The mind is a fragile thing and like any other part of the body when its broken it needs fixing.I'm not insinuating youare crazy by any means. But I really think you should see someone who can better understand your symptoms and help you. None of us here are doctors,so unfortunately we cannot give you a diagnosis. If I was to hazard a guess it sounds to me like you.could be suffering from ADD (attention deficit disorder) or ADHD attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Of course this is a mere guess as I am not actually qualified to say. If you are a little apprehensive about seeing a pscyhiatrist I would suggest visiting your dpctor first who mighy be able to give you.peace of mind about going :-) Best of luck and I hope I.helped some how. Much

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I met this guy named C.J. about 2 weeks ago. I have seen him almost everyday since and he recently asked me out on a date. The only problem is when i first met him i told him I was 22 (I'm really 20). the only reason i lied was because he is 29 and i didn't want my age to get in the way of getting to know this great guy. I also told him i had a degree in political science when in reality i didn't finish :/ (i dropped out 3 semesters short of getting my degree). i had no idea I was going to be seeing this guy so much and like him as much as i do. i feel so childish for having lied but i want to make it right but i need to think of a good way of telling him. Thank you in advance if you take a minute to give me advice:).

P.S. i have always dated older men and my parents are 100% on board with the age difference

Hey there, Okay the good thing about this situation is you didnt prolong it for months.You have realised your mistake and are ready to come clean. Just be honest with him. Tell him you panicked just blurted it out. Tell him you didnt intenionally try and lead him on. I have lied about my age once before and it turned out okay once I told the truth. Tell him you are truly sorry for having lied, but that you like him a lot and if he can forgive you hopefully you can make a go of it. Im not saying he will just forgive you but theres a chance he might. If not well then you will have learned a valuable lesson for the future. The only thing you can do at that point is move on.and not make the same mistake. He might understand and respect you for telling the truth. Eith er way you are going to have to. Good luck and much

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Ok so yesterday me and my boyfriend were together, he is not circumsized, and we were havving dry sex really crazy like it was really hard, but we did not have sex, after we did it i was jerking him off and i noticed that the tip of his dick was redish.. I wanted to know if this is normal or not? PLZ HELP.

Hey there, Well this depends. Every man is different. Was it always that red? Ask your boyfriend. If it was then you have nothing to worry about. Its probably just the way he his. If not and it is causing him some discomfort then it could be some sort of infection and he should see a doctor immediatelly. Good luck.Jess 18/f

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Hi my name is Janie and I am almost 18 years old and going into my senior year of high school. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 8 months now and everything has been fine. Since I started high school some of my friends have been going further and further with their boyfriends (sexually) and I made a promise to myself and God that I would never go that far. I never had a problem with making out but before I knew it my shirt was up and my boyfriend went further than I wanted him to go. I still have my virginity but I can't shake this feeling like I'm dirty. I didn't know how to stop him and now whenever I think about him or see him I just feel uncomfortable, upset and well, for lack of a better word, like a slut. I know he enjoyed it and I'm positive he will be upset when I tell him to slow it down. How should I approach a conversation with him that I don't want anything similar to happen again and that it was too far for me? I know he isn't like me and hasn't made a promise to chastity and waiting until marriage. Should I break up with him if he doesn't agree with my boundaries?

Hey there, Okay firstly let me say well done for not doing something just because your friends are. So many teens give into peer pressure these days. If your boyfriend went further than you wanted him to,then you should have spoke up. I know its scary but its your body and you werent comfortable. You shouldnt feel like a slut however. There is nothing actually wrong with what you did but I can understand why ypu feel that way when.you didnt want it to happen. Ypu need to speak with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel. Explain that you are simply not ready to have sex or engage in any other sexual activity. If he truly cates about you and loves you,then he will understand that sex isnt everything and be patient and wait until you are ready. He should respect your wishes. If he doesnt understand then yes,absolutely you should break up with him immediately! You shouldnt be with someone who is selfish enough to force you into doing something you do not want to do. Ne ver let anyone do that to you. You have free will for a reason.stay true to yourself and your beliefs. Dont abandon them for someone who is only interested in you for sex. good luck and much

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I am really not sure of their friendship I mean we hung out and stuff but I've only dated my ex for 2-3 weeks so it's not like I know my ex well enough to figure out who his best friend is...

All I know is they play football sometimes, go out to eat... and yeah... friend from high school...

Oh by the way I am 21/f...

Hey there, hmm well personally I don't see a problem with liking your exs friend. It's not like you guys went out for years. It really shouldnt be a problem. If its weird for him thats something he would have to take up with the friend as you shouldnt be made feel bad seeing as you guys are not going out anymore. So if you like him go for it in my opinion. Much

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okay, I've had this friend for almost 4 years on and off;

well about three weeks ago, she came over and stayed the night; and everything was fine. I took her home the next morning; and we talked a little bit after that;
which is normal; we don't talk every single day; just here and there.


well, today I get on facebook and I was going to tell her I missed her on her wall; and when I did, I realized we weren't friends on there anymore.

So I texted her, and I asked her how come we weren't friends on FB anymore, and NO TEXT BACK.

I sent two more about an hour apart; and nothing.


Well, I found out that she has a new facebook because she is still friends with my mother; and her status said 'new facebook, had to get some people off my other one-add me'

and I sent her a message saying 'idk if you got my texts, but im just curous as to why you deleted me; everything was great between us; and I know I haven't done anything to you; I would like an explaination and than I will leave you alone'


and nothing.


Idk what the hell happened; and I obviously can't ask her because she won't talk to me..

any advice?

Hey there, Hmm that is a little strange alright. I hate to say it but she obviously isn't a real friend if she just goes and deletes you off facebook without an explanation! Her actions were selfish and immature not to mention inconsiderate of your feelings. You don't need people like that in your life. I know it hurts but she isn't worth it. I know you really want an explanation.but you have done your bit and she refuses to reply. It just shows she is a coward who slyly deleted you off of facebook becase she can't handle confrontation. I would not text her again. its only giving her ammunition. You dont wanna come off desperate. Dont buy into her crap. What you cold do is ask another friend do they know why she deleted you and wont text back. Other than that I would say move on people like that are not worth your time or energy. Good luck and much

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Will you rate these names in order of your favorite to least favorite. Or just tell me your favorites of these names. I think I've got them in the order I would use them, but tell me what you think. I know that Aaron and Gabriel are my favorite boy names because they are after somebody. I'm not sure whether I like Addy or Alexia better for a girl name, but they're for sure my two favorites

Aaron Bennett
Gabriel Heath
Christian Phillip
Matthew David "Matt"
Adam Paul
Connor Paxton
Anthony Joseph "Tony"
Jude Daniel
Luke James
Nicholas Andrew "Nick"
William Trent "Will"

Addison Teresa "Addy" (Teresa is my mom's name)
Alexandria Iris or Ann (Ann is after my late grandmother) "Alexia"
Gia Elizabeth or Gia Danielle
Tatum Danielle
Ruby Ann (Ruby is after one of the biggest influences in my life)

Hi there:) Aw you have some lovely names picked. Out of the voys names I love Aaron Luke a and nicholas. Personally I am not sure about Gabriel or Jude. But the rest are nice. I absolutely adore Addison its beautiful but so is Alexia. I think combining them would also be quite nice :) I agree with LM about Tatum I wouldnt name a girl that. best of luck. muxh love Jess 18/f

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What does this expression actually mean? 'Let alone make love'

Hey there, I think let alone means besides or aside from so aay the sentence was "it was the last thing I wanted to do,let alone make love" Replace that with besides aside from or other than. And of course make love refers to sex. thats my interpretation anyway. Hope it clears it up! Jess 18/f

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I got off of my period during the end of memorial weekend, last Sunday, June 10th, I engaged in risky sexual activity with my boyfriend. We didn't have sex and he didn't go inside AT ALL. He rubbed his penis against my clit, he did not cum and he did not do it long either. But I'm really scared the Precum will cause me to become pregnant. Im pretty sure it was the day after ovulation too. PLEASE HELP ME

Hey there,
If he didn't actually enter you then you are fine! :)
He didn't even come either. The odds are in your favour. If you're really freaking out there is no harm in taking a pregnancy test to ease your mind. But honestly I think you are just stressing over nothing. Stress will make your period later so just try to relax! :)
Good luck and much

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I'm 14 and I have an 18 year old sister. I love her, that I know. But I feel like I can't trust her. Everytime she comes home from college I am very careful about what I say when talking to her. Everytime we fight (which is often), I can never defend myself or fight back because I know that whatever I "trust" her with, she threatens to tell everyone. I talked to her about it already, and she said she's more mature now and she won't do it anymore. But we just had an argument and it ended the same way I thought it would end, with her saying "I could say so much about you, don't mess with me." I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to live my life not being able to confide in or trust my sister.

Hey there,
I understand where you are coming from.
Unfortunately that's how siblings can be at times.
I remember when I was younger my older sisters would always threaten to tell my secrets. Thankfully now that we are older we have a more trusting relationship with one another.
Try and talk to her one more time. If she doesn't understand then just don't tell her things. I know that sucks because we all love to confide in our sisters as they understand what we are going through. But if she can't be trusted then it isn't worth it. You don't want to live your life in fear of what she might say or hold against you. Confide in a friend instead.
Hopefully when she gets a bit older she might mature a bit and stop threatening you then you can have a close and confiding relationship.
good luck and much

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How can I dress the way I like without driving people away or becoming an outcast? Not to mention my family too. They are very religious people -not that it's bad- and don't like some of the stuff I like. I would never change them or try to change them in any way... But they can't really change me either. Should I just feign that I like stuff that I don't like? PS. It's not that I'm homo OK? I just like the color black a bit and like goth and punk like things.

Hey there, okay firstly you should never pretend to be someoe you're not. just to make others happy your own happiness comes first. Dont pretend to like stuff you dont. You will just become fake. People will call you out on it and be miserable. There is nothing wrong with liking black or goth and punk things. In fact there are many that do! The only way you will become an outcast is if you become withdrawn isolated and reclusive. Some people wear black to make a statement that they are depressed and reclusive. But it doesnt have to be that way. Be outgoing and friendly. Real friends wont be driven away by your choice of clothing or lifestyle :) always be yourself serously never worry what anyone else may think. Life is too short. Good luck and much

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I have had a crush on the same guy all my life (and no, that is not a dramatic exaggeration) and now, he has a girlfriend. I am surprizingly not bothered by this, why? All I really care about is if he's happy. Does this mean I've given up?

*EDIT* In response to your feedback. Thank you for your rating and comment.I understand that,I appreciate how hard it is to get over someone. I have been there it took me a good 3years to get over a guy properly before. I wasnt trying to be passive or disrespectful by suggesting you move on. Its just hard given the circumstances. He has a girlfriend and i can understand how hard that can be to see him with her. But i firmly believe if its meant to be it will be. My current boyfriend liked me for a lot longer than i did him. He had to watch me be with countless people before i realised he was the one for me. So of course there is a chance you could still end up together. But im just saying try not to put your life on.hold for someone. Like i said if its meant to be itl be. Thats not to say you will never lose feelongs for him or truly get over him it just means youl get on with life. Thats my opinion and i hope i havent offended you. Hey there, it doesnt necessarily mean you have given up.It just means you care for him and care about his happiness. Sometimes we have to put our own feelings aside for the sake of others.I think the time has now come for you to move on. He has a girlfriend you are happy for him. Now its time to make your own happiness.keep busy and before you know it someone else will come along and take your interest. Its always hard moving on and it takes time but its mageable. Good luck and much

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Long story short, I chose to stay at home the first year of college. At the end of the first year, my grandmother (who lived in town) got sick and I decided I couldn't leave because my family needed me. She died in October of my junior year and I really couldn't leave then. Now, I've gone after my masters and I'm finally done with school. I feel it's past time to move out of my parents' house, but now my granddad is sick and the doctors say his heart could go out at any time. I feel bad because I still want to move out. I need to be on my own for a while before I get married next summer and want badly to have that experience. My worry is that my dad won't want me to or that he'll feel bad that I stayed home for my mom when her mom died, but not for my dad when his dad died. What should I do?

Hey there,
I understand your predicament but it's time you start living for yourself.
Staying at home all those years was an extremely selfless thing to do. You could have been out making it on your own and having the college life experiences but you chose to stick by your family during a difficult time. The thing is though there are always going to be hard times.
Yes its nice to be with your family and support each other through them but you can still do that without living with them.
Have a talk to your dad. He should understand that this is a time in your life where you need your independence and it just happens to be falling around a tricky time. He is a grown man he is not going to begrudge you. It would be extremely childish and unfair of him to throw it back at you that you stayed for your moms mom. Circumstances were different at the time.
You can't continue to be held back. Because there is always going to be some reason or another that will stop you from going.
Your family should understand you can still visit and be there for your granddad.
Good luck and I hope this helps
Much

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F. In order to practice safe sex (avoiding it for as long as I can) I have decided to try to masterbate. People say that everyone has done it before but I'm almost 19 and I haven't ever tried it yet. Sure I'll feel really horny but I wouldn't actually try it. Until today. I was wet...but I felt nothing. Maybe it's because I have nails that I was scared of scratching something inside of me but either way I felt nothing when I stuck my pointing finger inside me, Inside it curled around something. I don't know if I'm just out of touch with my body or what.

Hey there,
Okay firstly what you must take into account is that masturbation is different for everyone. What works for one might not necessarily work for another.
Some people find instant pleasure from simply fingering, others need more stimulation.
Most women need clitoral stimulation first.
So try rubbing your clitoris and then fingering. Or you might find that just rubbing your clitoris does the trick. I myself personally find that fingering does absolutely nothing for me.
Also you need to be completely relaxed and at ease whilst masturbating otherwise it won't work and you'll get yourself worked up.
Make sure you are alone have time and are not rushing to get done!
It's great that you are experimenting and exploring your body. It will make it easier to communicate with your partner and show him what works for you when the time comes!
Good luck hope this helps
Much

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Okay, so. I have always had paranoia and hypochondria. But recently, every time I get so excited for something, my mind wanders and I start to think something negative will happen. I'm going to miss life if this doesn't stop, so how can I make this stop?

Hey there,
I went through a phase of this a few months ago when I had a lot going on in life. I just couldn't allow myself to become excited or motivated about anything.
I Would come up with the most irrational possibilities to arise in a situation.
You need to just take a deep breath calm down and think for a second. Be realistic. Every time you have a negative thought counter act it with a positive one. I developed a technique where I literally talked myself out of it. I would get anxious and paranoid over the most smallest of tasks. Like seeing my friends for example became a struggle because I developed this fear that we would have nothing to talk about and it would be awkward. So I just had to keep reminding myself and reassuring myself that things would be Okay. That we had plenty to talk about and we would have a great time.
If you're beginning to psych yourself out too much it really helps to talk to someone about your fears and negative thoughts. My mum was the person I confided in and she really helped me see things in a positive and clear light. She calmed me down lots and reassured me.
Another example would be back in October my sister who lived in England at the time invited me and my boyfriend over to stay for two weeks. At first I was so excited but then all the negativity crept into my mind. First it was what if the plane crashes..Next it was what if they loose my luggage? Then it was what If we miss our stop on the bus?Or get on the wrong tube? Any time I had one of those thoughts that I couldn't counter act I would talk to someone.
If you keep it bottled up it's just going to eat away at you to the point where you can't enjoy life. I am also a hypochondriac. If I learn someone is ill I automatically worry I might get it too.
But I have learned to think differently. If you worry about that kind of stuff then you are never really going to live or experience life.
There are SOO many bad things that can happen to us of course but there are also SOO many good things.
Sometimes it doesn't always seem that way but good is always around the corner. I firmly believe that after having an ordeal of a year things have finally started to look up.
Definitely confide in someone. Reassurance can really help! Why not think about counselling either? A good counseller can really change your outlook on life. They can help you combat your feelings of paranoia hypochondria and negativity.
Its just about being brave and facing your fears and life head on.
The only way to do it is to get through it head on.
Whenever you have a negative thought think of a positive straight away and remind yourself of that. Reiterate it again and again until it sticks. Think what's the worst that can happen?What is the probability of such a thing actually happening? I am probably ten times more likely to really enjoy myself.
:) Best of luck and I hope I helped.
My inbox is always open if you need me.
Much

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how to stop my periods after its started

Hey there,
Unfortunately you can't. This is a natural process and it happens for a reason. It's your bodies way of getting ready for a possible pregnancy.
Your uterus thickens up with what's known as an endometrium lining to help the egg stick if fertilised. If not this lining sheds and this is known as your period.
Like the rest of us girls its a just something you will have to grin and bear and get on with.
If your periods are quite heavy and uncomfortable I suggest going on birth control if you are not on it already. This helps regulate your periods and you will experience a lot less pain and discomfort. Your periods will also become a lot lighter.
It's only once a month keep that in mind!
Good luck and much

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We are currently living together. We both have full time jobs, and I go to school fulltime for Nursing. Well, I work 10 hours a day, and he works the typical 8 hours.

The problem is my fiance is so lazy!
WE've been living together for almost 10 months and he never cleans. If he does I have to ask him to do things, for example:

I have a dry erase board on our wall in our bedroom, and I'll leave him messages before I go to work telling him what needs to be done when I get home.

(I work 8am-6pm && he works 8pm-5am && he sleeps ti'll about 2:30pm---He works at a factory and I work at a daycare with toddlers)

Well when I get home, NONE OF IT IS DONE. So I end up doing it. I've got to the point to where I'll clean up after myself, but not him; and it kills me because it'll be weeks before he even touches it. Matter of fact, there is laundry that has been in the hamper for almost a month!!!

It's driving me insane. I told him how I feel like we both should be putting in effort equally, and I'm not his mother, so he shouldn't rely for me to pick up after him; but he still doesn't!

He is an adult, and yet he is so messy! When I get home from work he is on his video game, and when I ask 'how come you didn't pick up the house' his reply is, 'idk, i forgot'.


Ugh! I shouldn't have to ask him to do any of this; if its messy, he should just pick it up. Like dishes, he leaves them in the sink- I, on the otherhand, I do them as I mess them up; he never does his dishes!


what do I do?

Hey there,
Ah as the age old saying goes "If you want to know me,come live with me"
Unfortunately we tend to find out these annoying habits,flaws and mannerisms in people when we decide to live with them that we may never have known before.
It's obvious he was molly coddled as a child. Meaning that his mother probably did EVERYTHING for him. Which is annoying because in later life they just expect it to be done for them. Which of course is not on. You are not his mother.
He obviously doesn't see anything wrong with this as he is so dead set in his ways. It's a tough habit to break but it can be done. My sister had the same problem with a now ex of hers. His mother used to travel to his college to clean the house and do his laundry. When they moved in together he was such a slob. But she stuck to her guns and eventually he began picking up the slack.
You need to be firm. Tell him it's absolutely not on. That you do not want to come home to a pig sty.
It's not hygienic to leave dishes and clothes that long.
The house can become infested with bugs and other nasties. You're more likely to become ill and such. Tell him this.
Threaten him that if he doesn't change his ways then you simply cannot live together. Maybe a few months living on his own will give him the shock into action that he so truly needs.
Surely he will wise up.
Good luck and much

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Hi I've been together with my boyfriend for almost a year now and I wanted it to be special. Since the only thing I'm good at is singing, I don't know any perfect song to sing. any suggestion??? please.

Hey there,
Aw that's sweet :)
Hmm Okay well it depends on what type of music you're into.
But what about I'm yours by Jason Mraz?
Or Bubbly by Colbie Calliat?
Use somebody kings of leon?
Run snow patrol?
Your song ellie goulding (original Elton John Ellie's version is lovely though)
Make you feel my love Adele
There is just a few of my personal favourites.
If you don't like them you can always google top 100 love songs :) You will get a bunch of classics.
Or if you have a specific genre in mind just sift through youtube :)
Good luck hope you like these suggestions
Much

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I know it's kind of personal but how did you know when you were in love? What things did you notice? Do you feel good knowing you were in love? How old were you the first time you were in love?

I am using these answers to help figure out my own feelings. Thank you!

Hi there,
Being in love is of course different for every single person. Many confuse feelings of love and lust.
For me true love is the most amazing feeling there is.
I knew I was in love with my boyfriend after about 8months- a year. He confessed his love for me at an earlier stage When I was still trying to figure my feelings out. It took time for them to grow and develop into something more.
It's hard to describe but I would just get this over whelming feeling around him. One of pure happiness. I would a feel a closeness to him I had never felt with anyone else. I would think about him 24/7 want to share everything with him. Want to know everything about him. I could picture myself with him for the rest of my life and it felt really good.
We would sit up and talk for hours on end without getting bored or tired or running out of things to say. Part of being in love for me is being able to hold these immense deep and meaningful conversations.
The most important thing is laughter. He is the ONLY person who can make me laugh non stop. No matter how crappy I might be feeling. Same goes for smiling.
Love is when you suddenly care more about the other persons feelings then your own. I would literally do anything for my boyfriend as would he me.
Its feeling completely comfortable around someone. Lighting up every time you see them or call them or text them.
Being in love is the best feeling I have ever felt.
I was 16 when I fell in love.
Don't listen to what any body says,love has no age limits. You are NEVER too old or too young to fall in love. That's just pure nonsense. Love is an emotion a feeling and everyone is capable of falling in love. :)
Good luck and I hope I helped :)
Much

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I lied to my boyfriend about a certain thing. During our conversation, he asked me about my ex and I told him that I broke up with him on a certain day at a particular place.. Meanwhile on that day at that place I was with someone else not my ex boyfriend and my ex boyfriend I broke up with him a week before that day... Now my current boyfriend found out I was lying, and also found out about the guy I had a fling with and he called me a fucking retard I told him the truth but he still calls me names and he doesn't wanna talk to me... Pls help me what should I do I don't want to loose him...

Hey there,
Okay to be brutally honest I think it's gone past the point of salvageable. It may not be what you want to hear but its the truth. You broke his trust and hurt him really bad.
Whether or not he decides to give you another chance is up to him. You lied and cheated. You made a mistake but now its time to learn from it and never do it again in the future.
Think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed? Talk to him and let him say everything he is feeling. Tell him how deeply sorry you are and that you made a mistake,and if he is willing you promise to spend the rest of your relationship making it up to him and gaining his trust back. Its a long shot but you can at least try.
The fact is if you really loved him you would have never have done what you did. The consequences of those decisions you made you're going to have to live with. If that means losing your boyfriend.
The ball is in his court. You hurt him so don't expect too much. Try and move on and learn from this.
Good luck and much

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