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My fiance is lazy?!?!?!?
We are currently living together. We both have full time jobs, and I go to school fulltime for Nursing. Well, I work 10 hours a day, and he works the typical 8 hours.
The problem is my fiance is so lazy!
WE've been living together for almost 10 months and he never cleans. If he does I have to ask him to do things, for example:
I have a dry erase board on our wall in our bedroom, and I'll leave him messages before I go to work telling him what needs to be done when I get home.
(I work 8am-6pm && he works 8pm-5am && he sleeps ti'll about 2:30pm---He works at a factory and I work at a daycare with toddlers)
Well when I get home, NONE OF IT IS DONE. So I end up doing it. I've got to the point to where I'll clean up after myself, but not him; and it kills me because it'll be weeks before he even touches it. Matter of fact, there is laundry that has been in the hamper for almost a month!!!
It's driving me insane. I told him how I feel like we both should be putting in effort equally, and I'm not his mother, so he shouldn't rely for me to pick up after him; but he still doesn't!
He is an adult, and yet he is so messy! When I get home from work he is on his video game, and when I ask 'how come you didn't pick up the house' his reply is, 'idk, i forgot'.
Ugh! I shouldn't have to ask him to do any of this; if its messy, he should just pick it up. Like dishes, he leaves them in the sink- I, on the otherhand, I do them as I mess them up; he never does his dishes!
what do I do?
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ok my perents fight all the time and what my mom does is she just walks away she says nothing to my dad just walks away so the best answer i have to give you is just walk away maybe you can spend some time at a friends house or something go shopping just walk away thats the beat advise i have to give you
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Edit: I didnt mean you, I meant he doesnt pick up after himself.
Hm, maybe seeing its your parents house it would be effective if they set some rules seeing he is a guest in their home? I know this may sound like a hassle in a way but perhaps he needs to hear it from the ones that own the house...
I really hope things get better for you :-( wish I could help more.
You now have found out things you didn't know about your fiance. Jess is right, That old saying is very true.
Your fiance can change but he has to want too. Working long hours is not a good excuse to not pick up after yourself. I suggest talking to him about it. Let him know that the house needs to be picked up and you both now have responsibilites as you both live together. A relationship is about teamwork and if he is not willing to put his fair share into helping you out then this is what marriage life will be like for you. If it keeps up you WILL get burnt out.
My fiance had the same problem and for months I struggled to get through so here is what I did;
I went out and bought a erase board just like you said
I talked about it sternly and explained that I was getting fed up with the way WE did things and it needs to change. Never say him or he will feel attacked. Explain to him that if he eats to clean his dish afterwards it would be much less stressful. When you are home alternate, one day you take out the trash the next day he does. My concern though is a habit like this is hard to break and if he doesnt shape up soon then you probably want to rethink about things or try counseling maybe that will give him a push.
My advice to you is if he doesnt listen then move out for awhile and show him what life will be without you. Sometimes you got to show them tough love for us to get it.
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Hey there,
Ah as the age old saying goes "If you want to know me,come live with me"
Unfortunately we tend to find out these annoying habits,flaws and mannerisms in people when we decide to live with them that we may never have known before.
It's obvious he was molly coddled as a child. Meaning that his mother probably did EVERYTHING for him. Which is annoying because in later life they just expect it to be done for them. Which of course is not on. You are not his mother.
He obviously doesn't see anything wrong with this as he is so dead set in his ways. It's a tough habit to break but it can be done. My sister had the same problem with a now ex of hers. His mother used to travel to his college to clean the house and do his laundry. When they moved in together he was such a slob. But she stuck to her guns and eventually he began picking up the slack.
You need to be firm. Tell him it's absolutely not on. That you do not want to come home to a pig sty.
It's not hygienic to leave dishes and clothes that long.
The house can become infested with bugs and other nasties. You're more likely to become ill and such. Tell him this.
Threaten him that if he doesn't change his ways then you simply cannot live together. Maybe a few months living on his own will give him the shock into action that he so truly needs.
Surely he will wise up.
Good luck and much <3
Jess 18/f
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You need to inforce how you feel about it. agreed you are not his mother. and it is normal to leave stuff for a while. but leaving dishes and dirty laundry for a month is discusting. tell him. if you two are going to get married this has to change. you are not his mother nor will you be. Tell him you have talked to him. let him be. but make it clear to him. you will not allow this to continue. It's either the mess or you. Don't worry he will pickyou
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