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January 15, 2006Answers:
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about
I am 48 years old (yes that's old compared to some of you).
I have worked in nursing and/or healthcare management positions for 24 years. Primarily OB, Neonatal, Mental Health, Occupational Health and Geriatrics. In Jan 2008 I started my own business to board horses and do equine/human education. I am also a certified dog trainer.
I've been around the block so to speak and seem to be always helping others. I've been told that the reason people seek me out for advice is that I am approachable and caring. But on the same token even though I consider the person's feelings. I tell it like I see it. I've dealt with people in trouble with the law, dysfunctional families such as those with abuse & marriage problems. Not to mention problems with employees and employers.
I don't ever claim to know it all, and always keep an open mind.
advice
I have a huge depression problem. And it's not a "phase" I've had this problem for almost 2 years. I have bad anxiety and bad guilty feelings all the time. I'm emo, and for the ones that don't know what that is, it's where you have over-emotional problems. And I wont to get rid of the depression. What should I do? I don't want to go see a doctor, or a psychiatrist. I am always having bad thoughts about suicide, and in every dream I have, some one dies. And I can't talk to my parents about it, all they say is "its just a phase, you'll get over it"...they have been saying that for 2 years, and i haven't gotten over it. Please help me. -Chad
By the way, I'm a 14/m.
You know, that's the trouble with others. Those that do not have clinical depression think that you can just get over it. Depression is often a chemical imbalance that affects your brain. A good Dr would know if thats the case with you.
Without medication most that have a true depression can't get over it. Think of it like a diabetic that needs insulin because their body can't produce any. If you had diabetes, I bet no one would say "it's a phase".
Tell your parents you are not feeling well and need to see a Dr. You can discuss your concerns with the Dr. I know you don't want to go, but it's worth it because you deserve to feel better.
Okay, I have just been treated for depression. I have dealt with it for 4 years now, but now Im so happy. I have found God in my life, and everything is fine mentally. But for some reason I am tired all the time, like I can get alot of sleep and still be soooo tired, like it's fatigue, my eyes are so heavy all the time, also right after I eat I usually feel sick or even more hungry, like I cannot get enough, and I feel just blah and Im loosing weight even though I eat alot. Also for more info, my diet is something like this: morning: coffee and cereal lunch: salad/soda/water or pasta, supper is usually anything like pasta or a burger or something, I drink water too and take a vitamin everyday, and I usually walk like 15-20 mins a day.. Sometimes I am weak too, like I cannot even lift something like 10 lbs sometimes, I have no idea what is wrong with me? I know I should see a doctor, but I want opinions first!! Thanks so much for your advice.
Fatigue is a common symptom and it is reflective of many things from infections to depression. If you are taking medications for depression look them up online at rxlist.com and see what the side effects are. Not that I can say there is a correlation, but it doesn't hurt to read about it. I don't know what you quantify as a lot---but your daily diet doesn't sound like it packs a lot of calories. Have you changed your eating habits recently? When weight loss is unplanned most likely a Dr will attempt to rule out the most common causes which would be diabetes, cancer, bowel problems and/or a nutritional deficit. Yes you do need to see a Dr right away.
I just got a dwarf rabbit which is 2 years old. Me and my boyfriend do not know if its a boy or a girl but we want to know what the best way is to nurture him/her. How to call it? How to get him to like us? How to be friendly with him and basically the best way to care for it. Please answer my question the best you can I really like him and I want to be the best owner I can :)
Just a tip: Rabbits do learn by association. Do not feed the rabbit treats from your hand. He/she will learn to associate your hand with food and can possibly bite you.
Do facial piercings cause acne?
Here's my opinion. I think facial piercings could cause a skin irritation similar to acne. Especially if someone is sensitive to the metal. In addition it would be harder to keep the skin clean around the area therefore causing an accumulation of oils which could clog the pores. So while the acne may not be the same as someone who doesn't have the piercings, it could be similar in appearance.
Hi, my name is Vanessa. I am 26 years old. My husband and I met in May 2003. only 4 months after having met, I fell pregnant with my little boy. In the early stages of pregnancy, I bled everytime after sex. This put me off sex for the rest of my pregnancy and my partner Jason had to either satisfy himeself or I would have to do an 'obligatory' act to satisfy him. I had absolutley no sexual drive whilst I was pregnant and everytime my partner tried, I rejected him or satisfied him begrudingly. I convinced myself that it was the pregnancy and theat after the birth of the baby, everything would go back to normal.
After my son was born in June 2005, it went from bad to worse. The first time we had sex was on our wedding night 7 months after the birth of our son. Since then (January 06) I have found excuses and ways of avoiding sex. Everytime I do have sex I find myself crying and wishing that it would be over. My husband (like many men I would suppose) is very sexual and now sits up late looking at pornography on the internet.
I feel as though I can not please him and I really don't want to. My son is now 9 months old and the idea of sex still makes me feel a little sick. I have never really been a very sexual person but I used to enjoy it a little bit. Now everytime I cry, feel uncomfortable and wish it were over!!
Is this normal??? Can I get any help?? Is it sex or my husband that I do not want?? Should I suggest my husband get sexual gratification from other woman. I would do anything to take the pressure off of me!
The scary thing is... I really want another baby!!!
Sorry if this is a bit long :) Can you offer any advice?
Thanks so much for your time. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
Best wishes
Vanessa :)
Hello,
One comment that I especially noticed:
I convinced myself that it was the pregnancy and theat after the birth of the baby, everything would go back to normal.
Here's my thoughts:
Your pregnancy was at risk when you had sex, and that was a very frightening thing. (I know it happened to me too). In turn the protective instincts kicked in, I call it the "Momma Bear Syndrome" You associated sex with risk to your infant, and subconsciously you may still be doing that. In addition some Moms become so focused on their baby that everything revolves around Motherhood. It's a mental association and Mommy doesn't equal sex partner. Nothing is ever the same after the birth of a baby, our bodies and minds change. So therefore you can't go back to the way things were before--because they will never be the same. However, the good news is you can lead a healthy sex life and still be a wonderful Mom. The first thing to do..and I know how hard it is, but it must be done. Is focus on yourself. Buy yourself something that is out of the mommy criteria. Have your hair and nails done. Go out with friends...basically anything that you liked to do before Motherhood, and before you were married. Then the next step is to arrange for an overnight sitter, and take your husband away for a night. Go on a date..don't call to check on the baby, release your anxiety about leaving your baby behind. So initally focus on you..then shift your focus to your husband. The best gift to your child is to strengthen the relationship with your husband. It's not selfish at all, and don't feel any guilt.
As far as your husband looking at porn, at this time in his life it is an outlet for his frustration. Men are stimulated sexually by visual material..women are typically more arroused by the emotional aspect. So if you can get the emotional aspect together, the rest will fall into place.
I wouldn't advise giving him permission to have sex with another woman, this will further cause emotional distress for you and is likely to harm the relationship to a degree that is beyond repair.
You may wish to see your Dr to be sure their are not any physical reasons for your lack of sex drive (such as a hormonal imbalance) etc.
I am 29 and with my tubes tied i have not started my period for about 2 months i took a pregrancy test and it came out negative so now i don't know what else to do about my problem.
Some questions to consider. How long ago did you have the surgery? When was the birth of your last baby? Are you breastfeeding? Have you had a recent weight loss or gain? Are you exercising now, and you weren't before?
The condition you have would be called "Secondary Amenorrhea" Some medical advice says you should'nt be concerned until you haven't had your period for three months. I would say that you must be concerned now or you wouldn't be asking, so of course it might be a good idea to see your Dr just in case.
13/f. Every day, I feel so lonely. It's like I'm an inanimate object. Nobody ever even seems to realize I'm alive. Nobody cares about me at all. I have no friends except my parents---that doesn't count. I try to make friends, but nobody ever gives me a second thought. In fact, I haven't had a single person at my house since I was 9. Nobody ever considers my feelings; if anyone has seen "Chicago," I feel exactly like the person singing "Cellophane." I cry like crazy every single evening at bedtime. It makes me want to do something outrageous just to see if someone would notice. Sometimes I wonder whether anyone would notice if I died. 5's to anyone who seems to emphathize...
I noticed right away that you, at 13 years old, have some excellent writing skills!
Wow, I remember feeling so lonely at certain times in my life too! I know you want to feel better, and if you died, you'd never know what that feels like! Of course people would miss you.
I finally found some hobbies that I liked that caused me to meet others. I also had pets that I enjoyed very much. That's what brought me out of my lonliness.
Join a club, a church group or volunteer at a nursing home, hospital or day care. Since you have excellent writing skills you could write stories to read to others! If you make friends (young or old) it will fill up your time and your life will get better.
Sometimes people treat us the way we percieve our selves. If you build your self confidence, and see yourself getting better...others will too.
P.S. Have you watched the movie Because of Winn Dixie? It seems to me that you would like that movie.
Okay, my knee is terribly, terribly swollen. =( There aren't any (bone) structual problems, since I can walk. This just happened within the past 24 hours, so I will be watching it closely over the next few days.
What I need to know is:
1) Bathtime: hot water or cold water?
2) If showering it not the purpose, should I even bother soaking it? Would soaking it even be of any help?
3) Should I ice it, or is that a waste of time?
4) Keep it elevated, right? If so, how high does it must be?
If your knee suddenly became swollen for no reason you should see a Dr. There is probably nothing you can do at home to cure this condition as you may need antibiotics or other medication.
If you had an injury there is no way of knowing what damage was done without an x-ray or other diagnostic test.
Yes, stay off your feet. Elevate your legs on 2 pillows or in a recliner. Ice is your safest bet until you know exactly what's wrong. Apply ice 3-4 times a day for 20 minutes each. (wrap the ice in a towel)
You may take a warm bath (but not hot) about 105 degrees F. Just don't soak for a long period of time.
Depending on your condition the Dr will tell you if ice or heat is better, but to be safe always use ice when you don't know.
Am I worrying to much?
Question Posted Thursday March 16 2006, 7:29 pm
I will rate high..!
I have posted more questions about my relationship on this site before...
Recently me and my bf(23)are planning a trip to the caribean for december ..you know we want to get to families (has been a long time)and beside he wants to meet his son.
Things are very smooth between
me and him ...But the mother of his kid (his Ex) is working on my nerves ..We only know eachother from msn and yet she is very rude to me sometimes (long story..)
And she do not have to because I am a very sweet and patient person.
But my question is
I am very worried about december because we are going over there to meet his son ..I can imagine this is gone be kinda hard for me because they gone want to be alone (mother ,son and father)what should I do?..Should I just ignore this ..beside his son is gone be baptise december shouldI go to the party (baptise party)with him?
It may seems stupid but I am really worried..I do not know how to act when we go on this trip on december
I even ask him to go alone ..But than that would be unfair to my family because its a long time I haven't seen them
I really want him to enjoy this trip ..he deserve it.....I am gone be like ..: to many people on the table????...(that's a old saying from th caribean when there is people in a room who should not be there)...lol
Please answer me..I really need answer
Thank you!
Hello,
I understand that this is a stressful situation, and there are many details to think about so, no... I don't think you are worrying too much.
I do think you should go on the trip. Your b/f obviously knows what his ex is like, and he is with you now because you are a better person for him.
It's good that he wants to see his son, but you are a part of his life too. If you are not included in the visits with his son, most likely it is because of the ex and not your b/f. In that case I would allow them time to themselves and not worry about it. You will again be the better person for not coming between him and his son. He will see that and be grateful to you. While he is enjoying the company of his son, you should visit and spend time with your family.
As far as the baptism, yes I think you should go. You are a part of your b/f's life and should now be included in the life of the child. No matter how infrequent you will see him, your presence is important.
Act proud that this man wants to see his son, and do everything you can to help them have a nice time. Think of it as you are doing it all for the innocent child that got caught in the crossfire of a bad relationship (no fault of the child)
If the ex says anything to you, or makes you feel uncomfortable, just be polite and smile. She will look like the fool and not you.
Good Luck :-) and have a nice trip.
I dated this guy for like six weeks, feelings got involved mostly on my behalf, but I broke it off because he freaks when he gets close to people and I didnt wanna get hurt, hes too young (17, and I am 21) and I felt like I paid for everything (His train down to see me, cinema, food, clubbing, presents) he only ever got me one thing on valentines day that cost £3.00. He also meets peps for random sex off the net, and is well known as a whore. It gets worse as I HAVE to see him every week in my youth group, and I still have feelings for him. My friends define him as poison, how do I deal with this situation of seeing him every week, and Ijust know hes gonna sleep around the group, and hurt me more...I have been so depressed these past two weeks.
With the little that you've told us, I would describe your relationship as a (Love Hate) relationship. These relationships are often more difficult because they are emotionally confusing. The good feelings often feel like love and are just about as powerful, but the bad feelings such as hate eventually take over.
The best thing you can do is break off all communication with him and about him. Since you have to see him, communicate only what is necessary and make it matter of factly. If someone tries to tell you about him sleeping around. Simply say "I don't want to hear it". If they talk about it in your presence, excuse yourself from the room.
I was once in what I call a toxic relationship and one thing that helped me the most was a book called "Breaking your addiction to a person" I know the book is still avialable because I recently told a friend about it.
Another way of looking at things, you filled up his love bank by paying for everything, and yours was overdrawn because he didn't deposit anything back. You can't continue to function in life when your bank is empty.
For no reason at all, I keep blacking out. It happens very often and I don't know why. What should I do? My mom told me its because I need to excersize more...is she right? Please Help.
No, your Mom is not correct. There are many causes for "blacking out". You didn't describe in detail what exactly happens when you do this, but it doesn't matter because it is not normal. You need to see a Dr. right away.
I'm in high school and my group or friends are really close to each other. So, when one person tells another about something, they run off and tell someone else and then it finally gets around to our whole "group." It always happens, with everything and everyone. And of course whoever told the first person gets upset because they did not want their "secret" or whatever to get out to everyone else.
We go through these arguments about once a week, no joke. We're all guys and girls between the ages of 16-18. We can't just stop telling each other stuff, that doesn't work. EVERYONE has a big mouth.
Any advice?
Sounds like everyone should just take it for granted that if they tell one person they are really telling everyone. So perhaps they should learn to keep things to themselves.
It's nice though to have a confidant--or at least one person you can trust. If someone tells something in confidence it should stay with that person or trust will be broken. Maybe you could be that person that everyone trusts to tell their most protected secrets to.
I just got a new boyfriend the other day, and when we talk our convos usually start and end at "Hey you, how are ya?" ... What are somethings I could say to get the conversation to move on?
If you want someone to talk more, ask open ended questions. Don't ask things that can be answered with a yes or a no.
For example: If you ask "How was your day"? He will probably answer "fine" instead ask "Tell me about your day?"
Sometimes if you leave some space or silence in the conversation people will think they have to fill it, and start talking.
I have a confrontation problem. Meaning that I don't know how/can't confront people. Sometimes this is okay, but I can't even tell people when I'm mad at them and it only ends up hurting my relationships with people. Is there any way that I can overcome this problem? I'll rate high for good answers. Thanks very much.
A lot of people have this problem. It helps to be assertive but not agressive. Yes, there are ways to overcome this. There are a lot of good books out there that teach assertiveness. In addition you may want to read the book "How to win friends and influance people."
For now visit this site:
http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=243&np=291&id=2175
im 13/f and my familie had a foster to adopt child for six months. we were planning to adopt her but it didnt work out for behavior probs. Anyways I am so lonely without her-not that we were close or anything, actually we fought all the time and stuff. Its just that Im SOO bored now. Nothing is exciting to me anymore. And with my older bro at college, I feel like an only child. Also, without my foster sister, It seems like my parents nag at me for everything like they expect me to be perfect. I really need another sibling and I love to help little kids. My parents are considiring it, but its going really slow and alot of times I come home and just lay on the couch until i go to sleep. I feel like my life is ending or something. Also, even though I would NEVER try this, i think about how much easier and peaceful it would be to die. I would never commit suicide but it makes me sick just thinking about it. I really need help fast before I get depressed or something. Ive started to have bad mood swings and stuff. Like one min. ill be happy and the next Ill yell at my mom for no reason.
Even though the relationship with your foster sibling was rough, it was a form of excitment. Now that you don't have that, I can understand having an empty feeling. As far as having mood swings, it would be a good thing to talk to someone about them. Perhaps your Mom can take you to a Dr for an evaluation. While it may be a normal part of growing up, you want to make sure that's all it is.
What I suggest to help with the lonliness is to volunteer your services to help children in some way or another. You might help in a church nursery, volunteer at a day care or even another foster home that has small children. If your parents are foster parents already they may know others that would enjoy the help. If not ask to speak to a social worker that can make suggestions for volunteer work.
well lately my sister has been thrwing away her lunch and buying all this junk at the BP across the road from our school. she has no money cause it is sending her broke andhas been stealing it from me and my mum. I tried to tell mum about it without dobbing her in but mum just syas stop dobbing on your sister and takes it as a joke. i talked to my sister about it but she jut tells me to get lost. i am sruck in the middle cause it is my money getting pinched. i have tried hiding the money but my mum puts our weekly tuckshop money on the bench and my sister pinches it fromm there before i get it. then i dont get tuckshop. what should i do?
Ask your Mom to give the money to you directly. If she will not do that wait by the bench and take your share before your sister gets there. It's a shame that you have to, but you will always have to hide your money from her. You could set up a wireless camera and catch her in the act of stealing the money. Then you would have evidence to show your Mom. Tell your Mom if she doesn't do something about it you are going to the police. You'd be helping your sister, because if she steals from you, she will steal from others someday.
i'm 14/f
my father is taking my mother to court because i won't go to this house.
don't call me a bad child for not going, i mean theres solid reasons.
by law, could they make me go over his house?
&& could they determine if i had to go based on the reasons why i'm not going? hes trying to take my mom to jail bc she is "not allowing me to go over"
but i'm the one who is the reason why i'm not going there!
any help please!!!!!
Write a letter to the judge with the reasons you do not want to go to your Dad's house. Make sure you explain that your Mother will allow you to, but you don't want to. Write the facts and leave the emotions out.
Go to a notary and have the letter notarized (you will have to sign it in front of the notary and have a picture ID). Most banks have a notary of the public.
Keep a copy of the notarized letter.
Go to the courthouse and ask to file the letter as an affidavit in the case of: ___ (your parents names).
The judge will have time to review the affidavit before the court case, and you may be called to testify.
Ok heres the deal my bf has been in a relationship before me with another girl and he was very serious with her and while they were going out he treated me like crap. Then, they broke up and he was all upset bc he said she was the love of his life, blah blah blah. So then me and him start to flirting and stuff and we both like each other and he asks me out well I said I need to think about this and the next day I find out he's back with her. Well he dumped her and then we some how end up together. But now he says he loves me and a part of his always has and was thinking of me when he was going out with her, but how do I know this it feels like he's using lines on me that he used on her and idk if their genuine or not or if he's just saying this and is going to end up changing his mind, P.S. this boy said he had liked me since fourth grade and it's been a while since then and we've dated before, THANKS SORRY ITS SOO LONG!!!!
You were a rebound girlfriend, he's not only using lines on you...he's using you. Give him an ultimatum and stick with it. Such as "I am not going out with you again until you have been away from her for three months" Don't give in..if he really wants a relationship with you he'll do it. If he goes back to her, or finds someone else then it wasn't meant to be.
well i like or liked (i totally dont know what to think anymore? ) this guy named peter! and well i think he liked me back and he always smiled at me and smiled at me but i'm kind of shy so i never smiled back. so once in my bus he sat next to me and talked to me but i was in a bad mood and very mean to him! well not THAT mean but kinda mean lol so then he never talked to me again but sometimes he still looked at me. so i felt bad and i called him today i was like me: hi my name is cornelia can i please talk to peter peter: yeah i'm peter me: oh well hi its me you know that mean girl? uhm yeah so i just wanted to appologize for being so mean! peter:uhu silence.. me: so is everythink ok again? peter: uhh yeah silence me: ok than silence peter: bye me: bye and well that was it and i started grying cause it totally went wrong! i thought he would say like ok i except it or whatever but he said nothing at all? does he hate me now? i am really upset! i think he's gonn atell everybody now that i called him and then there all gonna laugh at me! but i dont get it! he even told me he loved me once (i was kinda mean then 2) but i tried to be nice now! he act like he didnt care! i need advice i'm really upset!!!! oh and please dont delete this cause i really need advice and i dont wanna write the whole question over again.
It sounds like you didn't get anywhere by calling this boy, and you now probably feel like you've made a fool of yourself.
If he tells people about the call and they make fun of you just say "I owed him an apology and if he took it wrong, that's his problem, but it was no big deal really"
You've got to look at this from his perspective, he tried to be nice and you were mean. So you've already sent out the wrong message. Now you have apologized, so at least you tried to make it right and hopefully he realizes that.
The best thing to do now is wait and see what happens. Be polite if he talks to you, say hello if you meet him on the street, but do nothing else. If he was meant to be your boyfriend it will happen someday. If not, someone else will come along.
okay well i have a friend who is 16 and pregnant (about 7 weeks if that matters at all)
well she just started coming to my school at the beggining of this year and i would say im one of the people in the school who is closest to her.
ive havent accually met her bf but ive talked to him online a few times and hes really worried about her and wants be to help her but i dont know how. they have been together for 3 years and i would say they really are too layed back. they have unprotected sex alot and have gotten high and drunk on several occasions and atleast once since shes been preggo (her dad has drug problems as well) and they dont have the greatest background so i really dont expect much from them. but i dont know how to get her to chance her ways! her bf has tried but i guess she wont listen. she doesnt eat well and do what she could to help her baby out..
and she doesnt even have a job or plan on getting one b/c her mom is paying for anything but i think she still needs some resposiblity and so does her her bf (who realizes this atleast)
what can i do?
You have a right to be concerned because what she is doing now will affect the innocent baby. If it was just her involved, I'd say do nothing. Sounds like she needs some prenatal counseling. If you have a school nurse discuss these things with her otherwise call a local OB-Gyn office and ask if they can mail you some brochures on staying healthy during pregnancy. As far as the responsibility after the birth, if her Mom is involved that's a plus and their family will need to work that part out.
Added after feedback: I realize you want to help, and since the unborn baby is involved I didn't disagree with you. You can't change people no matter how hard you try, but you can provide the appropiate education to the pregnant girl. Which may prompt her to change herself. Good luck!