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advice on adoption


Question Posted Sunday March 12 2006, 10:16 pm

im 13/f and my familie had a foster to adopt child for six months. we were planning to adopt her but it didnt work out for behavior probs. Anyways I am so lonely without her-not that we were close or anything, actually we fought all the time and stuff. Its just that Im SOO bored now. Nothing is exciting to me anymore. And with my older bro at college, I feel like an only child. Also, without my foster sister, It seems like my parents nag at me for everything like they expect me to be perfect. I really need another sibling and I love to help little kids. My parents are considiring it, but its going really slow and alot of times I come home and just lay on the couch until i go to sleep. I feel like my life is ending or something. Also, even though I would NEVER try this, i think about how much easier and peaceful it would be to die. I would never commit suicide but it makes me sick just thinking about it. I really need help fast before I get depressed or something. Ive started to have bad mood swings and stuff. Like one min. ill be happy and the next Ill yell at my mom for no reason.

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Nallie answered Monday March 13 2006, 8:33 am:
Even though the relationship with your foster sibling was rough, it was a form of excitment. Now that you don't have that, I can understand having an empty feeling. As far as having mood swings, it would be a good thing to talk to someone about them. Perhaps your Mom can take you to a Dr for an evaluation. While it may be a normal part of growing up, you want to make sure that's all it is.

What I suggest to help with the lonliness is to volunteer your services to help children in some way or another. You might help in a church nursery, volunteer at a day care or even another foster home that has small children. If your parents are foster parents already they may know others that would enjoy the help. If not ask to speak to a social worker that can make suggestions for volunteer work.

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TheTeenGirl answered Monday March 13 2006, 2:17 am:
I'm really sorry that everything feels wrong right now.

Your parents need to know the way you feel about this, because when you use them to yell at and never try to talk, they won't listen to a word you say because you are acting like a child.

If you sit down with them, and explain that you've been feeling really sad and lonely, then they'll listen to you. I think that is probably making you really lonely when you fight with your parents, and theres no siblings to go talk to about it.

I understand that you think that if you were gone, every problem would be vanished, but that isn't true. Your parents would never find a way to cope with a loss of a child. And, they'd spend the rest of their lives wondering why you took your own life and end up blaming themselves. I think their world would end if yours did. You'd be hurting a lot of people around you, and if you think otherwise, then you definetly need to spend more time bonding with your parents, because theres nothing worse than feeling like nobody would care if you were gone.

I know you said you never would take your own life, but I was just letting you know what would end up happening.

Just talk to your mom or dad, and tell them calmly that you've been really upset lately. You don't have to tell them everything, but if they know that you've been stressed out and a little depressed, then I know they'll go easier on you and you can find a way to bond again.


-TheTeenGirl

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