Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
Answers: 822
Last Update: June 30, 2016
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adviceman49
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What are the symptoms of pregnancy?when do you start feeling that you are pregnant?
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you really should just look on google all the signs are on there, and you might even get more then what the people here can come up with because not everyone gets all the signs of pregnancy as each other. everyone is different.
with mine (my child was planned) so i knew that by a certain date if my period didnt come that i would be pregnant. this is when we were actively trying.
The symptoms I GOT, where first extreme sleepiness, spotting in my underwear and when i wiped myself (it was obvious and not just a little brown stuff) then the morning sickness and extremely sore breasts, and some cramping on one side because of implantation. that is the most OBVIOUS first signs, but like i said everyone is absolutely different so i doubt anything that you would get here would be all that different from just googling it. good luck = )
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My brother is 21. He works for a small company not many friends doesn't ever go out unless with my father he's not made it threw college 3 times. My parents separated and divorced in 2007. He took it pretty hard. He is very controlling pretty much his way if you argue for example if you he'll want to throw something that is yours away you so your not throwing it away he'll start cussing shut the blank up etc. This was his recent conversation father it's like this all the time. I feel he may be bi polar but I'm not a doctor I don't know Ho to how help him (link)
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Ok heres one idea firstly, did he start acting this way right after the divorce? he could be feeling like his world is spinning out of control since the divorce and hes still spending most of his time trying to control the few small things that are going on around him because of it. He might need some counseling to deal with things.
Have you tried just calmly trying to talk to him and asking him if everything really IS ok lately? tell him he seems a bit on the defensive side at times and let him know if he needs to just talk that your there for him. i know thats not exactly the \"guy code\" between dudes at times, but he IS your brother therefore that entitles you to offer a hand of support.
Maybe hes feeling depressed? or like no one cares about him? heres some tips that might help if you have someone like that in your family:
Try while your out or near a grocery store, bring home a little something you know he likes, tell him you were at the store yourself and saw them on your way out so you decided to pick him up some of (whatever it is he likes) while you were there.
little things like this might not only get you on his good side, but show him that someone DOES think of him from time to time and that might change his attitude a little more. does he live with you and your family still? offer him chances to go places with you sometimes? even if their quick little errands.
some of these tips will ALSO show you if hes bi polar because if you tried to do a nice thing for him you get to see his reaction and weather it is \"off\" from how you know he would generally act.
theres a difference between arguing with you or his father, and someone being bipolar. it sounds like you may still need to figure out the difference. Is he literally himself and kind and chill one second and then does a complete 180 degree flip the next?
does he ever get manic? have trouble sleeping, become paranoid, anxious over recent interactions with people? (i have a friend of about 10 years thats extremely bi polar but i love her to death and ive been through it all with her) so i know my bipolar people.
usually they\'ll respond to \"whats wrong? is everything ok??\" or acting as though your showing concern over whatever it is their going through works pretty well in getting them to REALLY tell you whats going on in their head at that moment.
anyways try some of these tips and it might help you build a clearer picture of things.
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I was seeing this guy mostly on and sometime off for about 7 months. At first he seemed like the perfect boyfriend, but then his ex interrupted our picture. The thing is, he has a daughter with her, who is adorable I may add. His daughter is going to be 3 this year and they basically are in a custody battle over her because the Mom would rather party then raise her daughter and though he works full time, he says if he got custody he would make it work so he's with his daughter even more than he is now (everyday after work). He's a great father at 27, his ex is 19 right now and I'm 22. See, the only trouble is that when he sees his ex, his attitude completely changes for the negative... but he doesn't realize it, which caused little disagreements between us and now we've stopped talking because I know I can't fix whatever is going on between his ex and him. I'm not saying I've tried to fix their situation as that is purely between them and I can only be supportive, but he never wants to talk about it.. he'd rather be bitter. So now we are in limbo with eachother and I found out I'm pregnant. I have never believed in abortions, so I am keeping it. He once told me if I got pregnant he would support us 101% like his current daughter but now I'm not so sure and he may have deleted my number. I was thinking I might wait until I know I won't miscarry to tell him since I have some health issues. Part of me says he'll be excited to be a Dad again and the other part... (link)
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ok firstly you dont have to try to \"fix\" the issues he has between him and his babys mother, for you to be able to fix the way he acts towards YOU. Your not her and he needs to remember that when he comes back to you.
You can also be supportive by acting neutral when he starts acting the way you dont like. you mentioned negative and bitter. you might just try asking him how his day with his daughter was (if they often go off together so spend daddy and daughter time) and when he acts snotty or whatever it is your talking about, just try something along the lines of \"hey are you ok? you seem a little tightly wound right now? did everything go ok with so and so??\"
if he says no, say im sorry what happened??
(sometimes if you give the person a chance to get things off their chest and offer to allow yourself as an outlet for them to confide in they\'ll loosen up way more) simply because they feel you care so much that youll listen without judgement and that your genuinely caring about their feelings. idk if your already passed this point with him but some people just dont think to remember these little things.
On a personal note i dont know if i would tell him at first that i was pregnant because i wouldnt want him hanging around and pretending to care about me or us as a couple with a baby on the way if it wasnt real. i would try to work out the problems first and see if there was room for potential progress then let him know. Obviously not too long after that though.
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ok so i have been texting a guy i already know tht he likes me and i like him back but i dont think we have established tht we r "dating" yet we dont even call each other nicknames or bf and gf i am 13 and he is 15 and he does not go to my school i know i am not ild enough to have sex and doo not want to do so for a while but i still want to "tease" him and "turn him on" with out being too raunchy please help me what should i text to him? (link)
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Well heres your problem, if you want to in the end anger him and make him hate you, then keep teasing him because boys that age only think about one thing and i think you know what it is. He may expect you do stuff in person that you did over the phone, so that kinda stuff just isnt a good idea.
If you want to get things straight with him just JUST SAY, im looking to date guys not \"play around\" and that will either get him serious about you and lead to a long term relationship or it will make him face reality and know that your serious about your life and where you wanna be and with who you wish to do it with.
I told guys i knew straight up and it ended up scaring away the guys that were just trying to keep me around to use me in the future and kept the real men around because they respected that i was honest enough to say what i wanted.
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My brother keeps yelling at me. What do I do? (link)
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ive been through this before i have an older brother. To what degree yours yells are YOU i dont know, but what you DONT wanna do is provoke him MORE. just let him get it all out or you can try walking away and giving him some space (unless hes coming into yours) go in your room and shut the door. (maybe lock it if hes the type to come after you.
If hes really pissed, give him about an hour at least to calm down.
no one here can give you much advice because you havnt given us enough detail for us to work with, like what he yelled at you about or how the whole thing got started.
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I'm a guy from America and I have a question about someone. See there's this girl `that used to be my friend but we slowly started to drift apart,acknowledging each other with nods or hi's. Then after about 6 months I gave her a note. The very next day she only glanced at me once and we avoided each other for like 8 months. I just want to be friends again. What do I do? (link)
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Im so sorry that your feeling that pain that happens to alot of people when it comes to this kind of situation. The bottom line is that you just come to \"the end of the road\" with some people. it doesnt mean you cant still know each other, or that you have to hate each other either.
as long as you still both have a civil, level of respect for each other, then whos to say that later down the road you cant become close again. your friend might just need some space right now for whatever reason. You dont have to go in and try to help them with it, but you can let your friend know your always there to just talk if she needs even if you guys drift apart. then be friendly and walk away.
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There's this really nice girl I've known for awhile and we've been good friends for a long time. Now I think I might love her, what should a girl do in this situation. (link)
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ok so your saying that YOUR a female and that your in love with another female?
ok if this is the cause you might want to make sure she is also lesbian. has she ever said or pointed out to you things she likes about other females or made any hints that she is lesbian also?
Your question is a bit vague so im not quite sure how to answer this, but bottom line your going to want to make sure she is of the same sexual orientation as you so that you have a better chance of not ending up heart broken because shes actually straight or something.
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so m 17 n i hve a bf...we love each oder v much..we often go fo mvie.n we do dat lyk wid clothes on...we gt d feelin as if we r havin sex bt actually we r nt hvin it in real ...we both hve our clothes on...he jst mves back n forth as if he z doin sex wid me....wen dat happens der iz a watery discharge frm me..so cn dis mke me pregnant ? (link)
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your not pregnant you were just dry humping with your clothes on and you got turned on.
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19 Year Old Female
I met a guy in the beginning of the year of college. We started talking then at the end of the semester it kind of stopped out of nowhere. We came back the next semester and he had a girlfriend. Of course I was mad was mad, but eventually I got over it. I'm not going to lie it took a while but I did. He eventually broke up with her, and I was fine with where we were. Out of nowhere he sent me a text and we started back talking. Then one night he came over and he asked why we stopped talking. We found out that night that for some reason we both thought we did something wrong so we started back again. Trying to make a long story short (even though it really is) I was a virgin and I wanted to have sex with him. From the moment we started talking I knew he was the one. He was everything I wanted head, to toe, to personality. This happened the last month of us being in college. We had great times, and we had no label but we knew what we were. Nobody knew, and thats how we wanted it. But then he told me he wasn't coming back the next year and my heart sunk a little, but I pushed it to the side. But now it really happened and we said our goodbyes and I miss him like crazy. I'm tearing up while writing this. He was like my first everything and I knew this might happened but not this hard. I know long relationships really don't work, plus the temptation is a little more frequent when your apart. But I want to know is it because he was my first or can I really have feelings? I was use to waking up with him by me at least 5 times a weeks and now I probably won't ever see him again. How do I get over this? Do I let this ride out, or is there anything I can do? Any suggestions are appreciated. This is so hard. Thank You. (link)
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Hey, you never know maybe after a while things will change and you can at least be friends again, but you both at a point in your lives where things change (and sometimes in ways that dont always feel good) but thats the beauty of life. It can take us all in a million different directions, and if the two of you are meant to be and your both still in each others hearts down the road, then whos to say you cant be together later on down the road?
I wouldnt chalk him off, just keep in touch, make sure he knows that you always care for him, and if he knows that, then if its possible, the two of you will be able to make it work somehow. ; )
good luck
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Im 16. so my ex boyfriend is dating another girl and she believes in no sexual stuff before marriage and he was the one I lost my virginity to when I was 14 and he was 17. i wanted to ruin the relationship so I told her that we had sex. So anyway she got really insecure. I said " I hear you're dating my ex, how do I taste?" Every time they kiss I think it's funny cause his mouth was on my vagina before and how shes getting my leftovers. every time she kissed him my friends said its like her kissing my vagina. Was that mean? do you think it stopped them her from kissing him? i had a boyfriend after him so I have moved on I just want to make my ex mad because he deserves it cause he is my leftovers. (link)
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Clearly your NOT \"over\" him if you had sex with him when you were 14 and your not currently 16 because you had the time and energy to waste, to go and text or call his current lady and tell her some shit like that.
If being around him and his new lady in anyway (even because you have the same mutual friends still) you shouldnt be around him at all, and ask your mutual friends to stop bringing him up to you.
Hes an ex for a reason, stay away from him first off. Secondly, i dont even know why your over here asking us if you know whats wrong when im pretty sure you already know what you did wasnt right.
and i agree with the other posters that you need to stop this, i DO understand that your ARE doing what a 16 year old would best, cause i was that age at one point and i get the strong urge to do something that vengeful. this kind of thing also leads me to believe that not only are you not over him but you ended things with him on bad terms, because had you not, you wouldnt have felt the need to take the time to do something like this.
Save yourself the bullshit and just let it go. Let the relationship hes in with that girl (if its bad) go bad on its OWN, you dont have to intervene and \"help it\" any ok?
the world knows how to take care of people better then you do, so its only a matter of time if things are gonna go down hill for them.
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i am 13 and my boyfriend is 19. he wants to have sex with me ? what should i do ? (link)
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I wanna add something here that i didnt add to my previous post in reguards to this topic.
I understand that you may feel like you have really deep running feelings for this guy, and he may really have them for you, and you may be of the mind set to where in YOUR head, no one will change your mind and tell you that you "cant be with him because of this or that" i know this feeling well because when my NOW husband of 13 years FIRST MET, i was 13 years old and he was newly 21. so i REALLYYYY really DO get it. i understand. BUT (and this is what you need to keep in mind ok???) should anyone find out that you two have been messing around, not only will you not even be able to be with him in a casual sense, but he will go away for a LONGGGG long time. so if you really love him and he REALLY loves you, and you both REALLY want to make things work in the long term, then you need to talk to him about NOT doing this right now.
My husband and i both knew this law at the time, and took that long period of time to just get KNOW one other really well. so well that i got to marry my best friend. He waited for me for as long as it took because he loved me (and im not gonna lie it was difficult) but in the end, as the years went on, we both got to meet each others parents first, spend holidays with both our familys TOGETHER even! and our familys just messed so well that when it WAS finally OK, it was just so right.
i guess im just trying to say if he loves you then you should be able to talk to him and he should be able to understand that this just CANT happen right now, but that you care and want things to work (if thats what you both want i mean) give it some time to get to know each other on a level thats really really deep without the sex first. if he cant handle that then he was just using you and you dont need him anyway. ; )
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Hey everybody as you probally know mothers day is next Sunday and I have no idea what to get my mom for mothers day because she is allergic to almost everything that has a scent to it snd I don't want to get her flowers be cause I just got her flowers for her birthday 2 weeks ago and I don't want to do the coupon book thing because I DLdid that last year for mother's day . If anybody could give me some ideas it would be greatly appreciated thanks in advance and I am a 25 year old female if that helps any . Thank you so much. (link)
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ok what you can do is go to google and type in \"unique gifts\" ive found some there that dont even require you to buy much of anything from the store! you can make it from home if you have just a few supplies.
i just made an amazing gift for a friend of mine whos a mother of three and (although it was her b-day but mothers day) this could still work as a mothers day present.
does she like nail polishes at all? or like to do her nails? buy a wide mouthed mason jar at an arts n crafts store, some thin metal wire to make a handle, then pick her out a nail polish color you think she\'d like, some cotton balls, a bottle of nail polish remover (for mistakes) and a pair of toe separators for polishing feet!
put it all in the jar and tie a ribbon around it to fancy it up a bit and boom! manicure in a jar, and its old fashion looking because of the mason jar! ; )
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Hi, my boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years now. I sneak him into my bedroom when my parents are at work. Sometimes we have sex and sometimes we talk and then go to sleep. Is this bad? (link)
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Well the fact that you said you \"sneak him\" into the room indicates (at least to ME) that your doing something you know your not suppsosed to me doing. lol. so do YOU think its bad?? cause im pretty sure based on your second sentence, you know it is.
I also say you should mention in passing that you have a boyfriend, casually with your mom or dad so that they will pick up on the hints that you feel your of dating age, and they will most likely decide how they want to go about it. Or if you ask your mom to take you to get some birth control (you can say the pill helps with period cramps, thats a common one) and if shes smart she may start to think \"why ELSE could my child need this?\" and start the thought process of wanting to talk to you about it. this is a big thing for parents at times, so even if its awkward, try to be patient. parents arent perfect and dont always know how to handle certain situations either. lol.
good luck.
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Hello, I'm 18/F and my boyfriend is 21. We've been dating for almost two years now and we are deeply in love with each other. He wants to get me a promise ring but I think it's a bit childish and I want an engagement ring instead. What should I do? (link)
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Firstly, is your 21 year old boyfriend READY for that kinda thing? i hope your not trying to pressure him into it.
a promise ring and an engagement ring are basically the same thing, only a promise ring isnt as expensive (or doesnt have to be) as an engagement ring would be. a ring is just a symbol that you are betrothing yourself to someone and that you will ONE DAY (hopefully whenever you guys can both afford it) be having a wedding.
I was engaged to my now husband of 13 years, for about 5 years! just because you have a ring doesnt mean there has to be a set date either! me and mine didnt have one. we just knew that once we were BOTH ready money wise and had finished school that we would start planning a wedding. theres not shame in wearing either a promise ring OR an engagement ring with no set date. Infact the only thing MY engagement ring did for me was put pressure on us to set a date and start making plans from his side of the family and mine! ((and hes seven years older then me!) so you could obviously gather from THAT, that we were not both in the same place for that yet >>>points at myself
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Hi I'm Liv, 15 and I've met this guy named Barry (going 17) on xbox 360 live. And our friendship started when we started chatting on facebook. We've been chatting for a year and 3 months. We are quite far he is in New York while I'm in Hawaii. I never moved Hawaii since then. We planned to meet but my mom won't allow me. He is very nice guy and I'm inlove with him. I know that he likes me too. What should I do with this? Is it wrong to be inlove with someone you don't even see? And I really want to see him. (link)
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Yup i have to agree with the other posters here. although my husband is 7 years older than me, and we met when i was 13 and he was newly 21 years old, he came from a good family, had his life together, a job, and car, etc. and came to see ME and my family and kept with traditional early dating rituals, even bringing a member of my family or his with us at first. (maybe its an asian thing idk as we\'re both pacific islander)
The older \"more established\" person, should be the one to make the leap and visit the other. you are too young and in some cases (like here in california) it is illegal for a minor to cross state lines without parental consent anyway. Plus if HE came and visited and tried to \"take you on a trip\" somewhere HE could get arrested for illegally taking a minor across state lines.
If you were to meet with him, DO NOT go alone, have a girlfriend you trust or someone with a car that can chaperon so that incase something happens, they can get help. not that he isnt to be trusted but you have to remember hes still technically a stranger. someone can hide who they are as a person online EASILY. almost anything can be misinterpreted depending on the mood your in or him as well.
good luck.
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Hi 15/F. So a few weeks ago me and "̮м̣̣̣̥γ̥"̮ best friend made plans to go and drink some milkshake ((just us 2 because she and her bf would be togheter the whole wEekend)) and she braught him with so *̩ told her he can't allways come with us when we want to do girl stuff and we were °̩n a huge fight. A few weeks later we made up and a week later she and her bf broke up. Its been 3 days since and she already have a new one ((21y old! *̩ keep telling her its to old)) so we decided to go play hockey and chill and again she wanted to bring him with and *̩ said no so she told me her mother said no she couldn't come. So *̩ found out so didn't even ask her and that she and her new bf *̩s going to play paintball. ps. She swore she would never do it again. Any help?? (link)
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Yep, been there, done that and been on both sides of this.
to me it seems the bottom line to solving this is not not give just one person the label of \"best friend\" because people are people and in the end, their going to make choices that you may not like and then that results in built up resentment and hurt feelings in some cases. what ive always done is said \"you dont have to have ONE best friend in life\" there can be a FEW people who you feel are on the same level as what a \"best friend\" would be you just may not have given them the chance to be close enough with you for them to show you that they are just as capable of being a really good friend. so if you loose one youve got more to fall back on. see? its perfect. lol
secondly. like the other poster said. people can get totally blinded by love. (i was not one of them because im a people pleaser and i love to have many people around me) im a: the more the merrier type of person. I knew how important my \"girls\" AKA friends were, that were there before a guy came around and thought i couldnt stand the heart break of them pulling that kinda thing on ME. so i had the fore sight luckily to make sure i didnt leave people out and we still had tons of fun doing things as a group. there will more than enough time to have \"alone time\" with that special person later if they really care about you.
I currently STILL have a friend thats doing this NOW to ME. now shes having a kid with the kid soon and its been THREE YEARS. so i very much understand your pain there. im waiting for MY friend to \"wake up\" too! but at this point im not going to hold my breath.
try to understand that sometimes you just come to the end of the road with some people too. It doesnt mean that you have to stop caring about them or missing them or hate them for doing what they did, but you DO have to move on because the world will keep spinning regardless. I would say that right now, you should just try to love her from a distance, hope that she realizes what she did, and if she DOES come back ever, you will be entitled to open up to her about how you feel you were treated because she opened herself up to it in trying to come back and pretend like everything is just same old same old and she didnt wrong you. until then, just keep on going with your life. i know its hard, it was for me too.
im always gonna miss my friend but ill be ok.
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I have diff. Color eyebrows than my hair. I have dirty blonde hair and brown eyebrows. It makes my face look weird and my nose long which by the way is almost as big as my forehead!!!!!!!!!! Idek makeup looks weird on me and I just want to feel pretty for once. Ideas??!?!?!? (link)
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if you feel like your forehead is big that get longer styled cut bangs! like taylor swift, with the little piece of hair on the side of the bangs. it will frame your face.
if you dont like your eyebrows being a different color then your hair then dye your hair a darker color. you can do yourself right at home without having to pay a salon, and if the shade you pick doesnt work out then you can always dye your hair black to cover it up! see? its perfect!
if you go to the mac store, they will find a good shade of foundation for you, and thats a great place to start! then look on youtube and check out some make up tutorials where they show you HOW to put on the make up in such a way that it will make you look great! good luck. = )
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Ok I'm 11 and I have a crush but I don't know if he likes me I ask him and he won't tell me what am I doing wroungh (link)
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at this age i had alot of \"male admirers\" too, and because i didnt want to put them in that awkward place or myself, i would just be really good friends, invite him to go places and do stuff with you (with or without friends is fine) but SHOW him that youve invited him into your inner most circle of people so he gets comfortable.
Then slowly over time talk to him and make sure he knows that he can talk to you about anything! be playful, and pull little innocent pranks on him, so hes always surprised by you! boys seem to like that at least in what ive experienced. Just REALLY turn yourself into his best female friend without over whelming him or smothering him. invite him to do stuff but if he says no or that he cant, dont act hurt, just say you were thinking of him and thought he might have fun but that its ok if he cant and that you understand and maybe next time. ; )
boys at this age are usually pretty simple creatures and if you can build a deep emotional bond, then you will stick with him alot of times for life. (im 27 and married and i STILL have guys that i knew from that age that still deeply care for me) they still make really good friends years later down the line too, even if your with someone else they\'ll still always want to be there for you. ; ) good luck sweetie.
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I am a female aged 21 and have recently started going out with a guy who regularly calls me a slut, whore, worthless and tells me how he doesn't trust me around any males but yet he tells me he has never loved anyone the way he loves me and he wants to marry me.
Long story short I went out with a guy for 2 years and he broke it off with me as he had been seeing another girl. A month later I had sex with one of my older friends (he knew my ex). A month after that I got back with my boyfriend.
We lasted for a year until I ended it with him for reasons of no trust etc due to what he had done before. About a month later I had sex with the same friend again.
I told my current boyfriend about my past history and he finds it very hard to deal with. He constantly tells me how he can't trust me around anyone. He asks me to send him photos of where I am every half an hour so he knows I'm not lying about my whereabouts.
He sends me messages such as (sorry for the vulgarity in some of these messages):
I bet you looked at his nice hard c*ck and loved it
You f*cked a guy who knew your ex
You wanted him to f*ck you
I find it funny that you aspire to be a mother one day
You really are a dirty sl*t
You used to deserve to get treated better but now you don't
You ruined yourself by f*cking him
Stop saying you're not a sl*t and face up to what you are
You f*cked up and you have to face the consequences
You are a disgraceful human
You are a f*cking whore
You just wanted his c*ck inside you
Do I deserve to get messages like this? I have only had sex or done any sexual activities with my ex, my friend and now my current boyfriend so I always thought I was a very good person.
He also has issues with the amount of guys that I have kissed which is 12. He hates that I have kissed three guys that I met on nights out (separate nights). One I dated for a while but the other two I never spoke to again.
I don't know whether I just hung around with people with no morals but I thought up until now that I was well behaved.
Do I deserve to get treated like this? (link)
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Absolutely, what hes doing is actually a form of mind control and brainwashing. abusive people do this by treating you like crap and even telling you that no one will ever love you or care about you the same way that they do, and that their just doing it to earn your trust back with them or blah blah blahhh. its all lies.
I have a friend that went through this. she married the guy, and had three kids with him. he STILL treated her like this, and let me tell you what happened to her one day.......he stabbed her 63 times in their home and left her for dead, with their 2 year old, and brand new infant in the house. he casually went and took a shower, changes his clothes and then left the house and fled to mexico while she lay on the floor bleeding to death.
before he never laid a hand on her, then all the sudden ANYTHING she did he claimed was cheating, he would look through her purse, her phone, ask the kids weird questions to try to probe them for something that wasnt there.
Trust me ok....they dont have to psychically hit you at first to start the abuse. it first starts with everything you just named off, and it only gets worse from there sweetie. leave him and dont look back. im begging you as a person who had a best friend that almost died because of her husband who sounds ALOT like this guy. ((luckily my friend made it through after slipping in her own blood out her front door and into the yard where she had her 2 year old yell for help)) but dont let it get to this point.
because if they can say the things hes said to you, hes likely just as capable of eventually striking you.
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What do you do when your significant other is kind of a jerk but knows it and is depressed about it and trying to change?
My boyfriend is a complicated person. He is extremely smart, logical and straightforward. He is loyal, honest, and fair. But these qualities make him terrible with people and relationships. He just doesn't get niceties, emotions, or how to relate with people. He is kind of dry and very serious. He can't pretend to enjoy something is he doesn't.
This brings me to my problem. He has slowly been losing his friends because he's been depressed and realized that people don't like him because of the way he is. Everyone is put off by his nature and they think he always has a stick up his butt. I don't know what to do because to me he opens up about how much he doesn't want to be the way he is but he just doesn't understand/trust/believe in people. He's always gotten bad reactions from them. He is extremely afraid of ending up alone and clings to me because I'm the only one who understands.
Slowly my friends started noticing this and I've noticed they contact me less to hangout. It was minimal and I tried to ignore it until the other day they told me I wasn't allowed to invite him to hang out with them because they don't want him there.
I don't know what to do. I know he has issues but he is a good person that just doesn't get people. He is not disrespectful or rude or anything. I feel bad leaving him because I know he's good but I feel like I am losing all my friends because I'm choosing to stay with him.
I don't know what to do. They do understand he's difficult but it's not their problem to stick by him or me until he changes. I'm stuck. Help? (link)
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Ok, ive actually been in this situation because my husband of now 13 years was this way almost exactly.
heres what i did. and my thoughts behind it.
first off, he must not be all that cold and misunderstanding of people if he is still with YOU. he HAS the option of walking away from you but doesnt, so i used that to my advantage. I slowly introduced him to situations, and showed him that even if he is self conscious about being around people (even in large groups) that he doesnt know them and they dont know him, and the chances of ever seeing ANY of these people again are very slim so it doesnt matter what he does or says while hes infront of them he\'ll probly never see them again anyway. ; ) thats option number one i used for when he said he didnt want to go out and do things because of his supposed fear of people or whatever.
secondly when he pissed me off because of issues that were tied to this, and he had previously said that he didnt want to end up alone. i would tell my husband \"well if he keeps on acting the way he does with people then hes going to and that he needed to take a step back and look/think about what hes doing and saying to people before he says them. he since HAS and is wayyyy better for it. hes way less quiet and hostile with people because he knows that if i cant stand him (and im a VERYYY very loyal and understanding person) then NO BODY was going to want to be around him LET ALONE ME. so its time for a change and thats that.
This will not happen over night, my husband did not \"come out of the box\" like that and it took yearsss of training for me to slowly get him to where he is now. so stay strong with him when it comes to his anti-social behavior. you may have to put your foot down at times, but if your going to do that, then you need to lead the way even when it means him following behind you like puppy dog first so that he can see how to deal with things. i basically did a \"lead by example\" type plan, and he now handles things REALLY well, like a normal person. = )
sometimes they LITERALLY, need you to TELL them what to do one step at a time in order to be able to handle things. then when they come back you praise them for it and say \"seee?? now how easy was that?!? you did great!\"
if you need more help in the future i will be happy to help out, just pm me. ; ) good luck sweetie.
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