|
Sneaking my boyfriend into my room
Hi, my boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years now. I sneak him into my bedroom when my parents are at work. Sometimes we have sex and sometimes we talk and then go to sleep. Is this bad?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well I say not at all. Only you can decide what is right and wrong for you. In the end anyone elses input on right and wrong realy won't matter if what you think what your doing is right and they its wrong. If you like it and feel good about it by all means do it.
]
I believe you already know the answer or you wouldn't have written to us. The why of why it is bad is could be two fold.
1) You are doing something behind you parents back that you know you are not supposed to this is wrong. Why, is if you are under 18 and your parents have a house rule no boys over when they are not home, which is a rule I would have for my daughter.
Now if your over 18 and your parents still have that rule no boys over unless their home. The water gets a little muddy here. At 18 you are legally an adult as such you are entitled to a sex life. But, you really have to hate that little word; if you live at home you are still obligated to an extent, at least morally to live by the house rules.
Why? Well for one thing you are an adult and again legally your parents are no longer responsible for you. If you do not wish to live by the house rules then you can leave and get an apartment and have all the sex you want with your boyfriend and have him sleep over all you want. At 18 a parent is not obligated by law to clothe you, feed you, and pay for college or anything else. We do this out of love and the desire to give you a good start in life.
Now if you are over 18 some parent don't know or don't want to let go and let you live your life. We think you’re too young and still need our guidance which is partially true. Some of us believe if you live under our roof you live by our rules. For those of us that believe this the rules have to be more flexible for the adult children.
If this sounds like your parents then you have some work to do in getting them to let go. You may never get them to agree to allow your boyfriend to spend the night in your room and have sex with him. The idea of their daughter being just down the hall having sex is something most parents, especially your dad, just can't fathom.
2) If you’re under 18 and having sex then you know how your parents feel about under age sex, then this is wrong.
We have already discussed being 18 or over and your right to a sex life. If you are over 18 and you are having sex then I suggest you get some birth control pills. If you are over 18 you do not need parental permission for you are an adult. It matters not that the doctors’ visit may be paid for on their health insurance or the prescription is paid for on their insurance. You are now an adult and you parents are no longer legally able to see your medical records, make any medical decisions for you or get any medical information from your doctors without your written permission from your doctor. In fact legally they cannot even make a doctor’s appointment for you.
Who is paying the bill is not relevant at all. I could be paying the bill and that would not give me any rights to any medical information on you.
My short answer to your question is if you’re under 18 what you’re doing is wrong and I believe you know it. If you are over 18 what you are doing is not entirely wrong as legally you are entitled to a sex life. The wrong here is a moral wrong as it goes against your parents’ house rules. For this you need to speak to them and hopefully set up some more flexible house rules, ones more beneficial to someone of your adult age.
]
Well the fact that you said you "sneak him" into the room indicates (at least to ME) that your doing something you know your not suppsosed to me doing. lol. so do YOU think its bad?? cause im pretty sure based on your second sentence, you know it is.
I also say you should mention in passing that you have a boyfriend, casually with your mom or dad so that they will pick up on the hints that you feel your of dating age, and they will most likely decide how they want to go about it. Or if you ask your mom to take you to get some birth control (you can say the pill helps with period cramps, thats a common one) and if shes smart she may start to think "why ELSE could my child need this?" and start the thought process of wanting to talk to you about it. this is a big thing for parents at times, so even if its awkward, try to be patient. parents arent perfect and dont always know how to handle certain situations either. lol.
good luck.
]
If you want to know if the location is bad, well frankly there are very few safe and comfortable places for teens to have sex. So if thats what you meant, its the best place i can think of to have sex when you're a teen. I had an 18 yr old daughter just starting community college, still living at home and she immediately meets a guy and they fall for each other. He still lived at home too. I told her she could have him overnight in her own room if she was comfortable with that, she took us up on it. Most parents aren't that open minded. If your parents don't care what you do in their house, then it should be okay was far as they are concerned. If they have given clear rules that you are never allowed to have boys in your room, then you are going against their wishes and breaking trust with them. Even if they don't know what you're doing, you do and taking yourself out of integrity can and will eat away at a persons conscience.
Is it bad to want and desire a boyfriend enough to have sex with him? No, its a normal human response. But with it come responsibilities, use of birth control, making sure you're of the age of consent so no one can get in trouble with the law or go to jail for sex with a minor. Making sure that you have the okay of the parents, or at least discussing with them that you would like to begin to be sexual with the boyfriend. Its an awkward conversation for any teen as well as for lots of parents. Its easier to never bring up the subject. But that leaves all these questions in ones mind unanswered, thus wondering if it's really okay to be doing. I hate having to worry about a persons reaction because boundaries have never been discussed. If your parents have never discussed dating boundaries with you and such, it may be high time to do so. It could be that they think its too early in your life to be bringing up the subject and have no clue that they're way behind.
It's hard to do, but if you decide you'd rather enjoy boyfriend with a clear conscience rather than worrying of what if's, at least write mom a note to tell her whats on your mind. Good luck
]
More Questions: |