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a failing friendship
I'm a guy from America and I have a question about someone. See there's this girl `that used to be my friend but we slowly started to drift apart,acknowledging each other with nods or hi's. Then after about 6 months I gave her a note. The very next day she only glanced at me once and we avoided each other for like 8 months. I just want to be friends again. What do I do?
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Im so sorry that your feeling that pain that happens to alot of people when it comes to this kind of situation. The bottom line is that you just come to "the end of the road" with some people. it doesnt mean you cant still know each other, or that you have to hate each other either.
as long as you still both have a civil, level of respect for each other, then whos to say that later down the road you cant become close again. your friend might just need some space right now for whatever reason. You dont have to go in and try to help them with it, but you can let your friend know your always there to just talk if she needs even if you guys drift apart. then be friendly and walk away.
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While you acknowledge what the content of the note was you do not say why you have been avoiding each other. You also do not say what your ages are today. From your writing I would say you are at the very least in high school now.
Taking what little I know in to consideration along with what I am assuming; here is what I can advise you.
As we grow older we all change. While it is possible that friends we had in elementary school will still be our friends in High school and beyond. It is also not unusual that those same friends drift away from us as they change and we change. These changes do not happen overnight but more are more subtle and happen over a period of time as we learn and grow. Our interests change, or outlook and perspectives as well as our goals in life change.
It is our change in goals and perspectives that cause people to draw apart. Her interest may be more in arts and science where yours may be more in math and mechanics. This will cause the two of you to drift apart and seek friends with similar interest.
Know this may or may not be your problem as I am guessing since you have not said. What doesn't change in this situation is someone has to make the first move. It appears to me that you are looking for her to make the first move or give you some signal that she is interested in some friendship with you.
If you are waiting for her to give you a signal or make the first move you could be waiting a very long time for something that possibly will never come. Instead I suggest since it is you that wants the friendship to be resumed, that you go up to her and talk to her. You could say something to the effect; "Hi Sally I've really missed talking with you." "I'm not sure how or why we lost the great friendship I know I have enjoyed but for whatever reason it happened I would like to try and repair our friendship." Of course you use your own words but that is the gist of what you could or should say to her.
Now the ball is in her court. She can now blow you off, tell you why she thinks you grew apart, tell you she is no longer interested in being friends or hopefully want to be friends and willing to start over.
This is the best I can offer with what you have given us. If you would like to write back in a private message to me with more information as to why you feel you two have drifted apart I may be able to give you more specific help.
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As we grow older we change and some of those changes can be in the type of friend we are now interested in. Someone who appealed to us in grade-school may not in middle/or high school, or college.
You didn't share if you knew what caused this drifting apart...and avoiding each other is not a 'cause of drifting apart' but the effect of what ever caused it. Was there a misunderstanding, did some big changes occur in her life or yours that caused you to no longer have the same things in common? All I can say is ask if you can have one good in depth talk with her for old friendships sake. If she agree's ask if its that one or both of you have changed enough that she's feels she has nothing in common or ask if you've said or done something to upset her. If an apology is needed, do so. But that still may not bring her back as a friend. This is one of the hard things in life. A friend I was real close to in school has kept in touch thru facebook after finding me there 7 yrs ago. Through what she posts and what she's written to me, I can see that life events have taken us in different directions and we no longer have anything in common. We don't hate each other, neither did anything to make the other hurt or upset, its just one of those envitable changes that come over time.
If she shows no interest to pick up the friendship, accept it but don't consider it a final thing. Keep the bridges open in case she rethinks this in the future and for whatever reason she comes back into your life, just welcome her back and continue on with the friendship instead of closing the doors on her because she stopped the friendship previously.
Good luck.
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