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A Guy With Potential?
I was seeing this guy mostly on and sometime off for about 7 months. At first he seemed like the perfect boyfriend, but then his ex interrupted our picture. The thing is, he has a daughter with her, who is adorable I may add. His daughter is going to be 3 this year and they basically are in a custody battle over her because the Mom would rather party then raise her daughter and though he works full time, he says if he got custody he would make it work so he's with his daughter even more than he is now (everyday after work). He's a great father at 27, his ex is 19 right now and I'm 22. See, the only trouble is that when he sees his ex, his attitude completely changes for the negative... but he doesn't realize it, which caused little disagreements between us and now we've stopped talking because I know I can't fix whatever is going on between his ex and him. I'm not saying I've tried to fix their situation as that is purely between them and I can only be supportive, but he never wants to talk about it.. he'd rather be bitter. So now we are in limbo with eachother and I found out I'm pregnant. I have never believed in abortions, so I am keeping it. He once told me if I got pregnant he would support us 101% like his current daughter but now I'm not so sure and he may have deleted my number. I was thinking I might wait until I know I won't miscarry to tell him since I have some health issues. Part of me says he'll be excited to be a Dad again and the other part...
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Your letter disturbs me on several different levels. First of all I did the math and this guy at 24 years of age got a 16 year old girl pregnant(and HE'S bitter!) I can't believe he's not in jail but let's continue. He then after already having fathered a child with a teen chooses NOT to use birth control and discusses the possibility of a pregnancy with you! Do you honestly NOT see a problem here?!!! This guy sounds whacked at best and possibly deviant! If you are not pregnant for heaven's sake run! If you are then I guess you have to tell him, but he doesn't sound like the kind of person anyone would want for a husband or a father! If you do end up getting back with him and I DON'T advise it, please try to get both of you to some counseling, you are going to need it!
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In most relationship where it didn't end well, there ARE going to be bitter feelings when you see each other or hear about each other. That's normal.
But he shouldn't be bitter towards you. You're not the reason why he's bitter, so he should bring it out on his ex.
Sweety, listen to me. No matter what he's going through right now. Either hell or not, he DESERVES to know that you're pregnant. It takes two people in the act of making a child. So, he should know. Don't hesitate to tell him due to his problems with his ex. If you do, the one whose going to be miserable is you. Do yourself and the baby a favor and TELL HIM.
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ok firstly you dont have to try to "fix" the issues he has between him and his babys mother, for you to be able to fix the way he acts towards YOU. Your not her and he needs to remember that when he comes back to you.
You can also be supportive by acting neutral when he starts acting the way you dont like. you mentioned negative and bitter. you might just try asking him how his day with his daughter was (if they often go off together so spend daddy and daughter time) and when he acts snotty or whatever it is your talking about, just try something along the lines of "hey are you ok? you seem a little tightly wound right now? did everything go ok with so and so??"
if he says no, say im sorry what happened??
(sometimes if you give the person a chance to get things off their chest and offer to allow yourself as an outlet for them to confide in they'll loosen up way more) simply because they feel you care so much that youll listen without judgement and that your genuinely caring about their feelings. idk if your already passed this point with him but some people just dont think to remember these little things.
On a personal note i dont know if i would tell him at first that i was pregnant because i wouldnt want him hanging around and pretending to care about me or us as a couple with a baby on the way if it wasnt real. i would try to work out the problems first and see if there was room for potential progress then let him know. Obviously not too long after that though.
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I wouldn't wait. I'd just let him no hey I am pregnant it is yours I'm not very far along right now but I thought you'd want to know. Just if things don't work out between the two of you never stop letting him see his child I know in your mind your like ya I'd never do that. It's not easy always I have two children and sometimes it'd be do much easier just to cut them out they are so much drama good luck and congrats on the pregnancy
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