|
I had sex with a friend and my new boyfriend is calling me a slut
I am a female aged 21 and have recently started going out with a guy who regularly calls me a slut, whore, worthless and tells me how he doesn't trust me around any males but yet he tells me he has never loved anyone the way he loves me and he wants to marry me.
Long story short I went out with a guy for 2 years and he broke it off with me as he had been seeing another girl. A month later I had sex with one of my older friends (he knew my ex). A month after that I got back with my boyfriend.
We lasted for a year until I ended it with him for reasons of no trust etc due to what he had done before. About a month later I had sex with the same friend again.
I told my current boyfriend about my past history and he finds it very hard to deal with. He constantly tells me how he can't trust me around anyone. He asks me to send him photos of where I am every half an hour so he knows I'm not lying about my whereabouts.
He sends me messages such as (sorry for the vulgarity in some of these messages):
I bet you looked at his nice hard c*ck and loved it
You f*cked a guy who knew your ex
You wanted him to f*ck you
I find it funny that you aspire to be a mother one day
You really are a dirty sl*t
You used to deserve to get treated better but now you don't
You ruined yourself by f*cking him
Stop saying you're not a sl*t and face up to what you are
You f*cked up and you have to face the consequences
You are a disgraceful human
You are a f*cking whore
You just wanted his c*ck inside you
Do I deserve to get messages like this? I have only had sex or done any sexual activities with my ex, my friend and now my current boyfriend so I always thought I was a very good person.
He also has issues with the amount of guys that I have kissed which is 12. He hates that I have kissed three guys that I met on nights out (separate nights). One I dated for a while but the other two I never spoke to again.
I don't know whether I just hung around with people with no morals but I thought up until now that I was well behaved.
Do I deserve to get treated like this?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You are 21 years old and you really have to ask if this is okay? When I first read this I thought it was a young teen and then I saw your age at the top and it blew my mind!I personally think you just wanted to post the sexual content for shock value because no one at 21 years of age could be this naive!If indeed you are for real get to the nearest counselor's office immediately if not sooner. Your self esteem needs a serious overhaul. My 12 year old grand daughter knows better than this! She would have jack slapped him out of her life before the second text ever arrived! I hope you get some help and drop this loser before you get abused physically as well. Good luck.
]
Absolutely, what hes doing is actually a form of mind control and brainwashing. abusive people do this by treating you like crap and even telling you that no one will ever love you or care about you the same way that they do, and that their just doing it to earn your trust back with them or blah blah blahhh. its all lies.
I have a friend that went through this. she married the guy, and had three kids with him. he STILL treated her like this, and let me tell you what happened to her one day.......he stabbed her 63 times in their home and left her for dead, with their 2 year old, and brand new infant in the house. he casually went and took a shower, changes his clothes and then left the house and fled to mexico while she lay on the floor bleeding to death.
before he never laid a hand on her, then all the sudden ANYTHING she did he claimed was cheating, he would look through her purse, her phone, ask the kids weird questions to try to probe them for something that wasnt there.
Trust me ok....they dont have to psychically hit you at first to start the abuse. it first starts with everything you just named off, and it only gets worse from there sweetie. leave him and dont look back. im begging you as a person who had a best friend that almost died because of her husband who sounds ALOT like this guy. ((luckily my friend made it through after slipping in her own blood out her front door and into the yard where she had her 2 year old yell for help)) but dont let it get to this point.
because if they can say the things hes said to you, hes likely just as capable of eventually striking you.
]
This guy is abusive. It's verbal abuse and you should never stay with anyone who talks to you like that.
You don't deserve to get any messages like that.
Now, even if you did sleep around with a lot of people or kissed tons more guys, you still wouldn't deserve to be talked to like that.
Because even if you did, it was in your past.
But anyways, dump him. You deserve someone who respects you and he just talks to you like you're trash. So find someone better.
]
Short answer to your question is NO! No one deserves the abuse this guy is giving you. I honestly do not understand why you are even seeing this guy let alone having any type of relationship with him, sexual or otherwise."
Kissing 12 guys in your entire life is practically living a cloistered life in High School. I would need another set of hands and feet to count the number of girls I kissed in High School or while in my teen years.
I'll be frank here; what I see in your writing is someone with a low self-esteem to be putting up with this kind of abuse and BS. There is absolutely no way a person should treat another person as he is treating you. There is no way he can really love you and treat you this way. HE is using you for sex and whatever else he can get from you.
You need to get away from him. You are far too intelligent; I can tell this from your writing, to put up with this abuse. There are better men out there who will treat you far better and give you the respect as a woman you deserve.
If as I suspect you have lost your self-esteem, which would be expected going out with someone like this. Then I suggest you see a psychologist for help in regaining what you lost. A psychologist is someone you can talk to in total confidence who can see things you may not and guide you back to where you need to be. IF your employer has an EAP program the EAP program will help you locate a psychologist and may even pay for a select number of visits in full.
]
As others have said, this is just straight up verbal abuse.
Dump this guy, walk away and never look back.
If you have fucked one hundred guys you wouldn't deserve this treatment. His behaviour has absolutely nothing to do with your past, and everything to do with his need to shame and bully you.
In a relationship we don't always agree with the choices our partner made in the past (or hell, even all of their present choices) but when someone crosses the line and starts using the past as a weapon to beat you with again and again, there is no love there and no respect there. He's unlikely to change. Dump him outright.
]
I'm with Annie on everything she said. I was in a verbally abusive relationship. It doesnt get better, I can say that from experience.
Some guys can't handle knowing their girl has a past and it stems from him having a low self esteem. I had a first husband who had a fear of loss issue, starting in childhood when his mom almost died. He saw it as a female important to him was going to abandon him, even though it never happened. He approached all women this way, prophesying that all women would eventually abandon/leave him. He would treat me bad enough in hopes it would cause me to leave him so that his prophecy could come true. Pretty twisted huh? Whats what his counselor discovered. He'd done the same with previous girlfriends. There is nothing a female can do to prove such a person wrong. Some of his actions to get me to fulfill his warped prophecys were to verbally abuse me, order me around, not giving me a choice, but dance to his tune, humiliating me in public, but not much of the controlling yours is doing. All this type of treatment of another human being let alone girlfriend is not normal. Many of these actions point to some kind of mental disorder or mental illness. You do not need to change at all. And you do not deserve this kind of treatment, no one does! He needs to go see a psychologist! And you dear, need to cut things off, as hard as it may be, let time heal any heart connections you have to him. But trust me, this isn't going to get better. In my case, I saw no progress, and in talking with his dr. was told that few people going for treatment improve, many may change very little in their lifetime and some perhaps never at all. I could not face after 30 yrs of living this way, to live any 30 years like that, and left and divorced. I hope it doesnt take you as long as it took me to see that the only remedy is to leave him. But in order for that to happen, you need to love yourself enough to not want to subject yourself to any treatment like this, not for any reason, not a boyfriend, not from a relative/family member, not from a boss at work, etc... If you feel that in some way there may be truth to what he says about you, then I advise you to get in for counseling for yourself.
]
Hi, I agree with the adviser before me! These are all signs of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse! And they will and are affecting you; just seeing as how you are now thinking you might be a "bad person" or a "slut," is enough proof of the damage inflicted from his affect on you.
I would follow Annie's advice and break it off with him, putting your sexual/romantic history aside; you don't deserve to be humiliated or shamed. No one does. This is what he is doing, if you love someone you would not put them down the way he puts you down, you would never call someone you loved a terrible slur the way he is doing to you.
You deserve better than that, clearly he has his own issues to work out with his insecurities, but don't be his punching bag for his passive-aggressive behaviour.
I hope this helped, stay strong and realize just how valuable you are as a person! Wish you the best, cheers (:
]
First I want to say, regardless of how much he says he loves you, from what I've read so far, all the things he says falls under the lines of verbal abuse. Now you might say, what...no that can't be verbal abuse... Some examples of verbal abuse are as follows: Calling you names and putting you down, Telling you what to do and wear, name calling, accusing and blaming, and even checking up on you due to trust issues. Sound familiar? I'm not trying to be rude here, but I just want you to see that what he's doing isn't normal and is abusive. It may not leave physical scars, but he is hurting you emotionally. No one deserves that... Honestly...I would say to get out of your relationship because this man is not treating you right at all. You should NEVER be with someone that constantly hurts you or makes you feel bad. You're worth so much more than that. Don't you dare let what he says influence how you see yourself. You don't deserve this kind of treatment. You need relationships that makes you feel happy and improve your life. I would say to end the relationship and block his number...if he's this way to you now...it's not going to get better. Will it be hard? Yes, but you need to take control of your life and you need to be happy.
Feel free to message me anytime for more questions!! Good luck, and remember it's not your fault and you're awesome :)
]
More Questions: |