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Am I normal?
I've been living with my family for my 16 years of existence. However I lived with my 2nd parents since when I was born up to age 13 coz they had no child and my real parents' house is just next to ours so I really know them. And now I moved to my real parents' house. It's just really weird because sometimes when my mom talks to me I stare at her and ask to myself who is she and I say to myself I can't believe that this woman is my mom without any reason. She is really good mom. I also unexpectedly do that to my 2nd mom and even my dads. I experienced this i think since last year idk I can't remember much. And now I started to worry because I don't go out to my room I just write stuffs, articles and blog and my mom told me that i have a mental illness when she yelled that I'm so lazy. And also rarely when I look at the mirror sometimes I can't even recognize myself or I doubt if is it me, then I doubt if my body belongs to mine. I'm scared about this. And also when I wash my face I forget to turn off the faucet but still rarely. And also one time, when me and my sister were talking, I didn't comprehend what she was talking because I'm seeing her like I'm on tv because she was a far (i hope you get what I meant) but she was not really far from me, she was just a meter from me i think. and also last time when my dad scolded me while he was cooking, I'm seeing him like he was on a frame because I saw him from a far but still he was just few metres away from me and also there was no frame I saw in him literally, I just saw him like he was on frame. Please help me because I can't understand. I know there is no wrong with me because I'm healthy and I'm smart, yeh I'm different from other teens. I don't want this to tell to my parents because they would think im crazy which is am not. I don't want to see a doctor or a psychiatrist because I'm really really afraid I might not be able to get into the medicine school. However, I'm planning to tell this to my 2nd dad about this because I'm super close to him than any other parents but that would be in 4 months because he isn't here. I've researched something about this and I doubt it is a multiple personality disorder. But i dont want to accept that disorder because i dont have it. Please help me. I dont have any other person to ask to because my 2nd dad isn't home yet. Pls im worried coz im going to college and it might affect me much. Thnk you.
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I have come across this exact thing with another person so I knew what to look up for you. I am no expert but you gave enough details that it matches exactly the definition of 'Depersonalization Disorder.'
When you said: 'I'm healthy and I'm smart, yeh I'm different from other teens. I don't want
to tell this to my parents because they would think im crazy which i am not', that reminded me of the reactions of others with the disorder,(from the link I will post for you to read "Feelings of depersonalization can be very disturbing and may feel like you're losing your grip on reality.
It is this very disorder that makes you scared thinking you going crazy but at the same time you can recognize that you are intelligent and smart and know you are capable of being normal.
Please read this link:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
For something like this that is so scary to you, I would agree you need to discuss it with the person you trust most, someone who won't start placing blame on you, or call you lazy or others ways of labeling you. You don't need unprofessionals to label you. You need someone reassuring and understanding. If there's a way to contact the 2nd dad while he's still away and you encounter what is feeling like a crisis to you, I'd encourage you to do so, just hearing his voice may give you reassurance. Tell him briefly what you're going through and that you need to talk with him and get his help as soon as he returns. When he returns it would be a good thing to go see a doctor. Let the Dr. give you a mental exam but you might share with him that you wonder if you have depersonalization disorder if you agree with whats written in the link.
I understand you dont want to see a doctor dear because of fear you might not be accepted into medical school. I personally dont think that will be an issue. I know many people to whom I am associated through family connections, or friends, or through a past job as a caregiver of those who have mental challenges and see counselors weekly, that at least half the people working in the field of mental health, have mental health issues of their own, have gotten counseling for it and or medication if needed and they will be able to have better empathy for their patients cus they understand. Plus it didnt mean they weren't intelligent, they were able to complete med school just fine.
I think a college would tend to have more possibility of being concerned about you if you have not seen a doctor who can teach you and counsel you on how to deal with and work around the disorder depending on the severity of it of course and if medication is needed and taken regularly, then there should be no issue. Here's a definition of 'mental disorder'. Which I find reassuring...it doesnt mention anything about it being a death sentence on ones future goals.
Here it is:
A mental disorder is a change in an individual’s way of thinking and feeling that impedes his ability to perform his day-to-day activities. There are several forms of mental disorders of which anxiety and depression are the most prominent conditions. A disorder is granted valid whenever thoughts and feelings increasingly interfere in one’s normal functioning or pleasure.
I wish you the best dear. If you think of it, let me know how it goes for you in 4 months when 2nd dad returns and you hopefully see a doctor. I know that you are smart from how you expressed yourself and even tried to do research on your condition on line. I have a feeling you will make a great doctor or nurse no matter if you intend to go after physical or mental health degree.
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