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Bestie Allways making other planss!?
Hi 15/F. So a few weeks ago me and "̮м̣̣̣̥γ̥"̮ best friend made plans to go and drink some milkshake ((just us 2 because she and her bf would be togheter the whole wEekend)) and she braught him with so *̩ told her he can't allways come with us when we want to do girl stuff and we were °̩n a huge fight. A few weeks later we made up and a week later she and her bf broke up. Its been 3 days since and she already have a new one ((21y old! *̩ keep telling her its to old)) so we decided to go play hockey and chill and again she wanted to bring him with and *̩ said no so she told me her mother said no she couldn't come. So *̩ found out so didn't even ask her and that she and her new bf *̩s going to play paintball. ps. She swore she would never do it again. Any help??
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Yep, been there, done that and been on both sides of this.
to me it seems the bottom line to solving this is not not give just one person the label of "best friend" because people are people and in the end, their going to make choices that you may not like and then that results in built up resentment and hurt feelings in some cases. what ive always done is said "you dont have to have ONE best friend in life" there can be a FEW people who you feel are on the same level as what a "best friend" would be you just may not have given them the chance to be close enough with you for them to show you that they are just as capable of being a really good friend. so if you loose one youve got more to fall back on. see? its perfect. lol
secondly. like the other poster said. people can get totally blinded by love. (i was not one of them because im a people pleaser and i love to have many people around me) im a: the more the merrier type of person. I knew how important my "girls" AKA friends were, that were there before a guy came around and thought i couldnt stand the heart break of them pulling that kinda thing on ME. so i had the fore sight luckily to make sure i didnt leave people out and we still had tons of fun doing things as a group. there will more than enough time to have "alone time" with that special person later if they really care about you.
I currently STILL have a friend thats doing this NOW to ME. now shes having a kid with the kid soon and its been THREE YEARS. so i very much understand your pain there. im waiting for MY friend to "wake up" too! but at this point im not going to hold my breath.
try to understand that sometimes you just come to the end of the road with some people too. It doesnt mean that you have to stop caring about them or missing them or hate them for doing what they did, but you DO have to move on because the world will keep spinning regardless. I would say that right now, you should just try to love her from a distance, hope that she realizes what she did, and if she DOES come back ever, you will be entitled to open up to her about how you feel you were treated because she opened herself up to it in trying to come back and pretend like everything is just same old same old and she didnt wrong you. until then, just keep on going with your life. i know its hard, it was for me too.
im always gonna miss my friend but ill be ok.
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Fact is that some people have no idea how to balance all the relationships in their life. Some are addicted to the feelings one gets in a new relationship and go from one to the next. While intoxicated by these feelings, which is like being on a high with drugs because it is an actual addiction for some, the person spends 100% of their time with that one person and drops all other relationships. This energy wears off after a while, in weeks or a few months and if the couple are fairly stable and happy emotionally, at this point they pick up again relationships like family and friends that they dropped previously. At this age range (in the teens) young people may continue to repeat the same thing, remaining stuck, ignoring friends because frankly they still are emotionally immature yet. Our brains aren't fully done growing to adult maturity until our mid twenties. So the sad news is that it could take that long for her to mature and realize what she's doing to you and really care. It could happen sooner, or perhaps never. If you've had a boyfriend before, you know that you can feel like this do for a while in the beginning to where you exclude others for a short while as you focus just on your boyfriend. If it hasn't happened to you, perhaps it will one day. Then you'll understand how the draw to be with a boyfriend can be so strong to cause you to leave others out of your life, swear you wont do it again and yet do.
There's isn't anything you can do but be willing to accept her back as a friend once she comes to her senses.
I do have a suggestion for a little different action you might take in this situation than you've already done, or with any situations in the future where you don't like what someone close to you, family or friend is doing. You are stating your frustrations in a way where you are 'telling' her what she can and can't do. Perhaps you didn't but thats what you stated twice in your message. No teen or adult likes being told what to do by someone else. Most people what the choice to make their own decisions, whether they are the best or not, rather than giving up their decision making rights over to the control of another...which is not a healthy relationship dynamic for either to be engaging in. I hope this helps give perspective on whats going on and why there really isn't anything you can do to change it.
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