ask Peeps

"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn

I came to this site for advice about a man and love. That very question turned my entire world around and I have had my eyes opened to things I never noticed before.

I've stayed here so that I can share the knowledge I do have. I know I'm not changing the world but I do hope that I spark others to open their eyes.

"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." - Oscar Wilde

So, if you learn something from what I say then repeat it to someone else who can use it.

I hope that if you see an answer of mine that you enjoy it will inspire you to go out of your way to give good, solid information. Provide links for further information, detail your responses, encourage people to seek out professionals when it's needed, and stop sugar-coating responses and just say the truth.

I hope that even if you absolutely hate my answer that it'll kick start your brain. Hopefully you'll begin taking your time to respond instead of hurried answers that are useless to an already confused person.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
Gender: Female
Location: WV / KY / ND
Occupation: Technical Account Management
Age: 24
Member Since: October 12, 2007
Answers: 1511
Last Update: August 15, 2011
Visitors: 144184

Favorite Columnists
karenR
DangerNerd
russianspy1234
GilbertMar
ThirdQED
mikesadvice
Eldritch
my2cents

Why does it hurt more to take out a tampon when it hasn't soaked up enough blood?? sorry if that sounds really stupid.. _(link)

I definately recommend pads for your menstrual cycle. Pads can be worn during light days, heavy days, and even simple discharge days. Tampons can only be worn during your actual period or your risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome increases dramatically. You also do not need to worry about waking in the middle of the night to change your pad if you're not a heavy bleeder; however, with tampons they MUST be changed every 6 - 8 hours or bacteria will multiply so quickly it can cause some severe problems.

Symptoms of TSS include high fever, vomiting or diarrhea, severe muscle aches, a feeling of extreme weakness or dizziness, and a rash that looks like a sunburn. If you ever have these symptoms while wearing a tampon, remove it and tell an adult immediately. Have someone take you to the nearest emergency room as soon as possible.

When I tried tampons I ended up passing out over and over again within seconds of insertion. My body was obviously screaming at me that something was terribly wrong although nothing was painful at all. I often wonder if some other women have experienced this and thought it was normal because it definately is not okay to experience. I really believe it dramatically shocked my body and that's why I passed out.

My first gynecologist I had actually told me that tampons increased my risk of cancer. My mother had cancer before in her vagina area and was told to NEVER wear tampons again because if there is any cancerous cells in there it will irritate them and cause them to begin multiplying if they aren't already. My mother was also told to tell her female children this too since we are higher risk for that sort of cancer. I asked my first gynecologist about it and he definately recommended not using tampons because of the increase cancer risk.

The longer you leave a tampon in, the higher risk of TSS you are taking. Bacteria begin to grow in the warm, moist environment of your vagina. These bacteria can grow within the tampon, enter the body from inside the vagina, then invade the bloodstream, releasing toxins that can cause a very severe, life-threatening illness.

Tampons also pull a bit of your vaginal lining out when being removed, believe it or not. This is why many women who use tampons aren't as sensitive as they once were inside of their vaginas and why many tampon-users suffer from yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis. The tampon also can leave particles behind from it, causing bacteria and yeast to grow on it. Another case is that women are frequently needing to purchase personal lubricant for sexual activities because their bodies have stopped producing enough natural lubricant to engage in such activities without problems.

The ripping of your flesh and leaving particles of material behind cannot be avoided when using tampons and could very well be why you experience discomfort with removal. I would be big money on that being the reason it is painful to remove tampons from your body. This will not go away until you become somewhat desensitized down there--and what woman truly wants that?! Please consider switching products for your own health and safety.

Here are some good websites about why women should stay clear of tampon-usage. Theses sites are pretty darn interesting:

http://www.thekeeperstore.com/dangers-tampons/

http://www.thebody.com/content/art497.html

http://www.earthisland.org/journal/tampons.html

http://www.frontiernet.net/~ruthb/Tampons.html

As a very last note, you may want to check out menstrual cups. Here is a link to a question about some and my answer is pretty thorough when explaining them:

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=533850

If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)

is it supposed to hurt when u take out a tampon .. cause when i do it hurts really bad.. _(link)

Actually, there is a science to it. It really is harmful to you body, even if it doesn't feel harmful.

User above me, obviously you cannot read or follow links or you would grasp this concept.

Here, another link that can clearly explain to you why tampons DO cause your body harm:

http://www.xomba.com/are_tampons_supposed_hurt

If cancer is a risk then...how can it be a person by person thing? Again, please read for your own health! Wow.

---------------------

I definately recommend pads for your menstrual cycle. Pads can be worn during light days, heavy days, and even simple discharge days. Tampons can only be worn during your actual period or your risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome increases dramatically. You also do not need to worry about waking in the middle of the night to change your pad if you're not a heavy bleeder; however, with tampons they MUST be changed every 6 - 8 hours or bacteria will multiply so quickly it can cause some severe problems.

Symptoms of TSS include high fever, vomiting or diarrhea, severe muscle aches, a feeling of extreme weakness or dizziness, and a rash that looks like a sunburn. If you ever have these symptoms while wearing a tampon, remove it and tell an adult immediately. Have someone take you to the nearest emergency room as soon as possible.

When I tried tampons I ended up passing out over and over again within seconds of insertion. My body was obviously screaming at me that something was terribly wrong although nothing was painful at all. I often wonder if some other women have experienced this and thought it was normal because it definately is not okay to experience. I really believe it dramatically shocked my body and that's why I passed out.

My first gynecologist I had actually told me that tampons increased my risk of cancer. My mother had cancer before in her vagina area and was told to NEVER wear tampons again because if there is any cancerous cells in there it will irritate them and cause them to begin multiplying if they aren't already. My mother was also told to tell her female children this too since we are higher risk for that sort of cancer. I asked my first gynecologist about it and he definately recommended not using tampons because of the increase cancer risk.

The longer you leave a tampon in, the higher risk of TSS you are taking. Bacteria begin to grow in the warm, moist environment of your vagina. These bacteria can grow within the tampon, enter the body from inside the vagina, then invade the bloodstream, releasing toxins that can cause a very severe, life-threatening illness.

Tampons also pull a bit of your vaginal lining out when being removed, believe it or not. This is why many women who use tampons aren't as sensitive as they once were inside of their vaginas and why many tampon-users suffer from yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis. The tampon also can leave particles behind from it, causing bacteria and yeast to grow on it. Another case is that women are frequently needing to purchase personal lubricant for sexual activities because their bodies have stopped producing enough natural lubricant to engage in such activities without problems.

The ripping of your flesh and leaving particles of material behind cannot be avoided when using tampons and could very well be why you experience discomfort with removal. I would be big money on that being the reason it is painful to remove tampons from your body. This will not go away until you become somewhat desensitized down there--and what woman truly wants that?! Please consider switching products for your own health and safety.

Here are some good websites about why women should stay clear of tampon-usage. Theses sites are pretty darn interesting:

http://www.thekeeperstore.com/dangers-tampons/

http://www.thebody.com/content/art497.html

http://www.earthisland.org/journal/tampons.html

http://www.frontiernet.net/~ruthb/Tampons.html

As a very last note, you may want to check out menstrual cups. Here is a link to a question about some and my answer is pretty thorough when explaining them:

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=533850

If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)

okay so for some reason my tampons hurt when i pull them out...is this normal. and this is the first period that i've actually used a tampon _(link)

ok whenever i go number 2 its been hurting and there is even blood when i wipe..and sometimes even in the toilet. trust me , this is not my period. this didnt just happen once or twice, its been happening for awhile.
whats hemroids? is that what i have because doesnt it have to do with something like this?
what are the dangers if i dont tell anyone (it would be mortifying if i had to go to a doctor and have him look at me because im not 10 anymore, im 17.
has anyone had this problem before or known someoen with this problem?
what should i do?
_(link)

A hemorrhoid is like a very irritated bit of vein from your rectum. It can be very painful and can be caused by many things (pregnancy, heavy lifting, constipation). Roughly, 50% of Americans will suffer from having a hemorrhoid in their lifetime so it really isn't as gross or embarrassing as you first thought.

Up your fiber intake. You can buy products such as Benefiber, Metamucil, and ColonPure (from GNC) to help you get more fiber if you're not getting enough from fruits, vegetables, and grains.
Do NOT take laxatives for this though as diarrhea can upset the hemorrhoid further.

Make sure to drink your 8 glasses of water a day to keep hydrated.

Do not push as hard when you go to the bathroom. Pushing hard from constipation and lack of fiber is one of the main causes.

Try not to "hold it in" any longer than absolutely necessary. Go when your body says to.

Soak in a tub of warm water for about 10 - 15 minutes each day.

Many websites have suggested wiping after you poo with flushable wipes. There are many different kinds like the Kleenex Cottonelle, Charmin Fresh Mates, and Equate brand from Wal-Mart. These websites say it helps to keep the area clean and soothes it a bit.

Here is a little more information about hemorrhoids and it also has some tips to help relieve the pain (if you are experiencing any) in the meantime:

http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/common/digestive/basics/090.html

There are creams (such as Preparation H) and wipes (such as Tucks Medicated Pads) you can buy for such a thing but personally I'd go see a doctor before doing anything like that just for confirmation. Most hemorrhoids go away in a few days so it's probably best you get checked out by a professional.

If left untreated, hemorrhoids may sometimes develop into a serious and dangerous condition that requires surgery for treatment. An internal hemorrhoid can become prolapsed where the inflamed vein extends outside of the anus. Usually this vein can be gently pushed back up inside the anus but there is the possibility that it will become further swollen and become entrapped. Once the vein is entrapped, the blood supply may get cut off and the vein will die, often becoming infected. Once infection sets in, it is possible that it will spread through out the entire body and cause dangerous illness.

Please try to see your doctor if possible to make sure everything is alright with you. It's better to be safe and well-informed about your body than to go down the road and find out it's progressed to something major.

it's always been really important to me to be kind and considerate to others, but recently I feel like my compassion for others is completely fake. I work with kids and when one of them falls and cries I act sincerely worried for them and cheer them up, but in my head I want to just tell them to suck it up! And my boyfriend's family is really important to him and they are all very nice to me, so I always act like I love them and talk to his mom when in reality I hate them all and think the mom is an idiot. When my boyfriend gets upset over things I act supportive, but after he is feeling better and he leaves I laugh at him. LAUGH! THAT IS HORRIBLE AND I KNOW IT!

I absolutely hate being around close families too. If I had a choice, I wouldn't ever meet anybody's family. And my boyfriend and I have been on break, so we are just friends who hook up now. he says he is so in love with me and wants to be my boyfriend again, even though we're still having sex and such on a regular basis, and I couldn't understand why. He's allowed to do whatever with any girl but he doesn't want to. I don't hook up or even flirt with anybody else because i still feel loyal to him, and I do love him, but I just prefer the hook up and leave thing way better than a real relationship (btw nobody knows I have sex or any of that either).

This is not who I want to be, and I have never let anybody see that side of me because it is aweful and I hate it - but I can't help how I feel about things sometimes it's just my reaction! I feel like I am becoming a miserable b***h and I hate that I am that way. I act so sweet and caring, and I would love to genuinely care about other people. I think I'd be happier if I were genuinely a good person. what can I do to stop these horrible feelings? I haven't always been like this, I don't know what happened. I just want it to go away. _(link)

Thinking, "Suck it up!" to a child when they're injured--even just slightly--simply isn't normal. It isn't normal for any person (adult or otherwise) to think those thoughts. I couldn't imagine thinking something like that even if the child had a scraped knee and I am a grown woman. It sounds like you had an odd childhood in which you were missing something fairly vital in the emotional standards. Whatever it is, PLEASE know that it is NOT NORMAL for an adult, especially, to have those thoughts!

Yes, it's a child and you understand that the bruise is going to heal and they're going to be OK but when ANYBODY--child or not--is hurt and you have those thoughts there is absolutely no reason you should feel that it's an acceptable way to think. Thinking things will eventually lead to outbursts of those thoughts in some way. You already understand your ex feels pain emotionally and your "natural" response is to laugh about it. This is not OK.

You, obviously, know something is wrong and that is a step in the right direction. Acknowledging a problem is the basis of personal improvement. Please, strive to improve yourself.

Next, it's totally fine to not like someone but talk to them anyway. Many people dislike their partner's parents for one reason or another. There are plenty of reasons to dislike someone and still communicate with them civally. You're not doing anything wrong by interacting with people you dislike as if you were OK with them. I would go as far as to say that majority of the population does this sort of thing.

Not feeling emotional connection is something that is a very serious matter. You're happy to engage in sexual activity to receive physical fulfillment but have no desire to further that interaction on an emotional level. This is very abnormal, especially for a woman. We have the biological need to emotionally connect with our mates. This is why so many women end up in broken, "friends with benefits" types of relationships--because they, deep down inside somewhere, believe there will be an emotional fulfillment to come. By the way, I do not feel that engaging in sex is your "real problem" in this situation. It is a big problem that you are mentally harming others because of your own emotional problems but it is by far the major point of your problems.

Although it doesn't sound like it from your description, you could be "harming" yourself emotionally and psychologically by engaging in this sort of relationship with your ex-boyfriend. It, most definately, is psychologically damaging him. It is possible that you are doing this to yourself to make yourself FEEL something, though you have not described having any more emotion about the situation other than not wanting emotional attachment or fulfillment from your ex. Any way it is, it's MUCH healthier for you and him to break this sort of mess off. He is going to develop a very bad sense of self-worth if you continue this course and you are likely to worsen.

You're not going to stop those horrible feelings and thoughts without long therapy. There is something unresolved from your childhood. Someone you trusted, looked up to, or needed was not there for you. They were not the appropriate role model for you and have damaged you greater than anyone could have imagined. Being uncomfortable about "close families" is a MAJOR sign that something happened when you were growing up that was not normal. It's possible that you may be able to list a few things that may have disrupted your emotional growth and it may be possible that you grew up not knowing that something was wrong. Either way, it's time to get help now while you're still young and able to mature into someone mentally healthier.

These thoughts will continue if you do not seek help with working those out. Acting as if you feel one way is not going to magically change things one day. Pretending that you're normal is not going to MAKE you normal. Pretending that is you "distance yourself" from these situations that you make you uncomfortable will make everything OK again is completely absurd.

Please seek a therapist immediately. What you're feeling isn't normal and you should not continue to live this way. You want to be a good person and that is great--the only way you're going to achieve this is if you seek PROFESSIONAL help.

I do not want this earth anymore, i want to go, i do not belong here, I do not like pain, so i have to do it painless. _(link)

There is no "best" way to commit suicide.

Every way causes pain.

Pain for you.

Pain for the people that love you.

Pain for the people surrounding you.

Pain for the people that interact with you or see you regularly.

There are many different suicide hotlines that you can call toll-free. Here are a few, varying by state:

http://www.suicidehotlines.com/

And you can always call the national hotline if you're unable to call locally.

National Suicide Hotlines (USA)

Toll-Free / 24 hours a day / 7 days a week

1-800-SUICIDE
(1-800-784-2433)

1-800-273-TALK
(1-800-273-8255)

1-800-799-4TTY (4889)---Deaf Hotline

And here are a few more about suicide:

Suicide & Crisis Hotline
1-800-999-9999

Suicide Hotline - (National Adolescent)
800-621-4000

[[For our teen readers: There are also many teen help lines nowadays that you can call and talk about many different problems on:

Teen Helpline
1-800-400-0900

TeenLine
1-800-522-8336

And here is a neat link to something called Boys Town:

http://www.boystown.org/hotline/index.asp

In which they have a hotline number (1-800-448-3000). They claim to they can help:

"...with suicide prevention, depression, school issues, parenting troubles, runaways, relationship problems, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, chemical dependency, anger and much more."]]

The best way to commit suicide is not available. There isn't a painless way to commit suicide. There really isn't a quick way to commit suicide. It doesn't exist because we're not suppose to be doing that sort of thing to ourselves. Many people have suggested that overdosing on things like sleeping pills are effective on a quick, painless death but it isn't so:

"Many people who have overdosed on various pills live later to tell how painful it was. Overdosing is not as simple as falling asleep and never waking up. Many people break out into cold sweats, have seizures, severe stomach pains, and so-on. Overdosing is painful and is not a "quick, painless way out" of life.

Overdosing on any type of pill is definately not painless and quick:

http://www.intueri.org/2007/05/02/suicide-by-overdose-is-not-painless/

Overdosing usually leads to messy, painful and long-drawn-out consequences, including slow poisoning. There is not really a pain-less way to find death. If you attempt suicide, be aware that you will probably be in pain for the last bit of your consciousness, no matter what method you choose.

Imagine suddenly having problems breathing and feeling very dizzy and weak. You have to sit down in the floor and before you know it, things are spinning around you and you break out in a sweat. You have to lay down on the floor because you're so weak. Your stomach is hurting--it feels like something is going to rip out of your flesh and eat you alive. Your body starts to shake on it's own, but your muscles hurt so bad you just can't stand it. It's hard to breath now, you're gasping for air, but you can't see anything around you. You lay on the floor, in a puddle of your sweat, while you pray the pain stops. You begin to lose control of normal body functions, maybe you just urinated yourself. You slip in and out of consciousness, in and out of feeling jolts of extreme pain throughout your body that you can no longer control. You finally lose consciousness completely.

You wake up 6 months later. Someone, through a miracle of God, had found you in your very unpleasant state. You scared them deeply and they rushed you to the emergency room, where you spent hours of some group of workers time while they prayed they could save your life. A little 3-year-old boy died because they had to work on you before they could get to him but you won't ever know that. You're awake in a hospital bed you've been taking up for the past 6 months. You've lost your job in this time. Your friends and family have became ill from worry, and a couple have begun thinking of suicide themselves for "pushing you" to it. You now have a slew of medications you have to take daily or you become ill. You've lost control of coordination and will have to have physical therapy in HOPES you regain the ability to walk. You have problems talking and your words are slewed--you'll have to go through speech therapy too.

You cannot hold a decent job if you wanted to now. You cannot even walk from to the restroom without falling twice. You cannot communicate clearly enough for most people to understand you. If you aren't up with your medication, you wet yourself, so you have to constantly be wearing Depends. Because of your medications and your physical disabilities now you have lost your license and are unable to regain the privilege of driving. Your friends and family treat you like an infant--afraid of every move you make. You no longer can live on your own because you need physical assistance. You cannot even hold a pot up long enough to get it to the stove so you don't have one at all. Your neighbors have their eye on you now--just in case--and they talk about how strange you are and that they heard this and that from why you are disabled now.

Which is better? Your life now or the possible outcomes of your life after trying to commit suicide?

I'm sure you'd rather be alive and decently well than to wake up in 6 months, alone, confused, and impaired in some way.

Bad times always get better. You don't want to be left in a painful state, even if you got your stomach pumped if a family member found you is not a pleasant experience and you WILL remember it for a long time."

Now, for my advice...

Make your life meaningful.

Many people seem to be having this sort of problem now and I truly think that it's because we have lost the right path in life.

I don't mean this to be bad but I'm not sure how to put it: you need to start focusing on other people other than yourself all of the time. If you make your time useful and helpful to others, you will gain a sense of care about yourself. You will soon realize that you HELP others and that other people need and appreciate you.

Many people now are so busy with their own lives that they lose sight of what it is to be loving and caring. You see, knowing that you are helping others does great things for the self-imagine. You soon realize that you aren't useless and just a blob of flesh bobbing along through life.

It really seems that the problem is our current lifestyles. We no longer "have time" to help others. Nobody volunteers now because they feel that they should be paid money for their time. Nobody goes out of their way to show care for others because that time could be used for something else. Both of these are common and we're taught (it's drilled into our heads) that we are the most important in our lives. This is not true at all: the people surrounding us are the most important.

The people who surround you create your sense of belonging though. Those people help you to see yourself as useful. Those people are the ones that can show care back for you. Without those people, you aren't anything anymore.

The media keeps telling us to only worry about ourselves. Sure, it's find to tend to your own needs--but what happens when everyone is too busy with themselves? What happens when everyone stops worrying about caring for others? They become depressed, wondering why they don't belong somewhere and why they feel lost in society. That is what is happening to you, most likely, whether you realize it now or not.

What's strange is the more we focus on ourselves and stop helping others, the less we feel good about ourselves. As humans, we NEED interaction. We NEED acceptance. We NEED to know we are important in life. Most of all though, we desperately NEED to help others to gain all of that plus more.

I highly suggest that you stop focusing on yourself. Yes, still continue to get help but try to put your excess time/energy/efforts into others. Find places to volunteer regularly at.

Am I right in this? I bet I am...:

*You feel worthless, unimportant, and useless.
*You feel like you simply cannot do anything right.
*You do not feel needed, and maybe not even loved.
*You feel like people wouldn't miss if you if you disappeared, or that they would get over your departure quickly.
*You feel empty inside--like something huge is missing but you cannot pinpoint it.
*You feel like your best will never be good enough because YOU are not good enough.
*You feel like nobody is genuinely interested in you and what you have to offer (though you may feel that you don't have much to offer)

All of this is exactly what I'm talking about. You need to make more of your life. By giving to others, you are creating your sense of worth. You will soon realize that YOU DO make a difference and that people appreciate and care about you. You will realize that when you have to skip a volunteer day for a doctor's appointment that many of the people you have been helping will ask what happened to you--Ah-hah, there's your sense of belonging! You will begin to realize that being involved with the care of others can be very fulfilling spiritually.

Spend time at soup kitchens helping the hungry, volunteer at shelters, visit the elderly in homes so they're not as lonely (not everyone has visitors and just about everyone has neat stories to tell), read Bible passages to younger children, volunteer at local animal shelters, donate your time to what needs you, and do whatever you can with that time. You may even consider doing random acts of kindness:

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=546646

If you feel like you don't have time now--make time. Alter your daily schedules to fit a few hours in for volunteering. Instead of being on the computer for an hour, log in only for 15 minutes and do what you NEED to do. Instead of sitting at home for dinner every day, take one day a week to eat at the soup kitchen after volunteering there.
Focus on who needs you. In essence, this is all for YOU so this is important. Helping others will help you.

I suggest you grab a phone book and make a few calls. Sit down with a calendar and set up one or more days a week to volunteer your time at certain places. Don't stress yourself out trying to fit things into busy schedules, but move things around so that your schedule won't be hectic but will have the fulfilling volunteer time in it.

It isn't your fault that you feel this way. You have just been fooled all of these years into believing that you are number one. Relax and focus on taking time for others and you will eventually find what is missing, trust me.

I hope that you find your way through this struggle quickly. I know it can be a hard road to travel and if you aren't willing to open up to your friends and family it's going to be a lot harder. Remember that they are there to help you, not hurt you. They may be helpful at giving you advice or finding you some reliable help so you don't have to journey alone.

I hope you take my advice and improve your life before things get worse. If you have any further questions regarding this subject please feel free to ask me!

P.S. Anywhere you volunteer your time at, you will happily fit in :) I promise, you'll see.

what does it mean " boys like you are a dime a dozen" and yes i know its from a song _(link)

It is quite the insult, actually.

IF you COULD purchase 12 things (12 = a dozen) for one dime then how much would those things be worth? Not very much. They would be worth less than a penny, obviously. They might also be referred to as "cheap" or, what we might call now, fake.

This also means that you can replace this person very easily if you wanted to. They are worthless in your life, see?

People are suppose to be invaulable, right? We are all unique and special in our own ways and, thus, we are WORTH a lot. Saying that someone is worth less to you than a penny is might not be so nice. I don't think I'd want to be friends with anyone who told me that!

"Boys like you are a dime a dozen" is part of the lyrics from You're So Last Summer by Taking Back Sunday. They just mean that the boy is absolutely worthless. It's an insult in all forms.

If a guy cums on your clitoris and you are a virgin, What are the chances of you being pregnant?

_(link)

Yes, you can become pregnant if a guy ejaculates near your vagina. You could also become pregnant if the guy had ejaculated on the bed and you placed your bare vagina on it or it soaked through your underwear. Being a virgin doesn't mean you cannot get pregnant, believe it or not.

The hymen usually has a small hole in it as it is. A hymen is made of very thin tissue and it is fairly easy to tear or stretch. It's located at the entrance to the vagina so, actually, it isn't inside of the vagina. The hole is there to allow menstrual blood to escape the body and is usually too small to accommodate an entire penis to enter the vagina.

It is rare but some females are born with an imperforate hymen--or a hymen with no opening. A doctor will do a simple surgery to create a hole in the hymen of these newborn females so that blood from later menstrual cycles does not back up into the body.

Anyway, since women have a small hole in their hymens anyway things can go into the vagina and, obviously, come out of the vagina. This being said, if a guy got his semen on your vagina in some fashion then there IS a chance of pregnancy to occur.

So, technically, even if there is not penile penetration but his fluids come in contact with your fluids there is a chance pregnancy could occur. Any time a guy's semen even remotely comes in contact with your vaginal fluid there is a chance of pregnancy. It only takes one sperm to fertilize one egg and they are created to do whatever it takes to accomplish fertilization.

If you do have vaginal intercourse and you do not completely break/tear your hymen it will stretch out and create a larger hole, just as your vagina will naturally stretch out to accommodate the penis. Some hymens are elastic enough to permit a penis to enter without tearing, or they will tear only partially, and there may be no bleeding at all.

Engaging in sex means always taking the risk of becoming pregnant since no contraceptive is 100% effective. Please get yourself completely informed before deciding to participate in such activities.

Is it possible to have a STD if your a virgin? _(link)

Yes!

Virgins can have STDs. People can be very well be born with STDs or contract an STD (you can contract herpes and HPV just by getting it under your nails and then masturbating--you don't even have to be sexually active) and never know it during their entire life. 80% of the U.S. has herpes but do you hear many people admitting to that? No.

Many parents accidently 'infect' their infants with diseases like herpes during harmless diaper changes. Unwashed hands can spread diseases just as fast as sexual activity.

Babies can be born with HIV, herpes, or any other illness and grow up believing that their symptoms of the illness are normal to experience. If nobody tells you're that you're ill and you've been ill you're entire life then how do you know it isn't normal, right?

For note, you can never be 100% sure that someone is "clean" even after being STD/STI tested because HPV (and, NO, Gardasil only helps to prevent 4 out of over 100 strains so you are NOT safe) cannot be detected in men--ever--and it may take a long time before it is detected in a woman.

It is always best to be safe. Always ask your partner for a full STD screen that includes herpes and read the results for yourself. Always use condoms to help reduce the risks of contracting an STD. Condoms do NOT protect fully against STDs or pregnancy but they do help to reduce the risks.

If you have any more questions please feel free to inbox me! :)

Okay i'm 12/f about to turn 13 in 2 weeks =] ! I really like this boy and yesterday i went to his house to hang out and i d k if this is slutty or what ? Well we was over there watching the Grudge and i was just laying by him, then we like moved to the floor and all the sudden he leaned over and we started making out. I like got on top of him and we like started having dry sex with are clothes on. Well he knew my turn on spot is my neck so he was kissing my neck and i just got really in the mood so he rolled over on top of me and we kept on doin it. Well then we stopped cause we heared someone upstairs so we were just laying there. And i let him finger me. And i was giving him a hand job all night !! Like every minute. Then hes like how bout you suck it for meee ? and i was like omg i never sucked one before soo yeah.. but we went downstairs but then we came back up after we did some more stuff.. okay now heres where it gets bad. We were laying on the couch and i like sucked his dick about 3 times and he wanted moreee. but we didn't have a condom . Well he fingered me again and left a huuuge hickey on my neck. Wow thats alot of stuf. Do you think thats slutty and just give me some advice on what i just told you . I feel slutty and guilty and i feel like hes useing me. _(link)

I think you know if it's slutty or not and you really need to reach inside of yourself to discover this.

Obviously, it feels very wrong to be doing this or you wouldn't have been concerned about being perceived as a slut. From here, you should take the time to decide if you want to do the right thing and discontinue these activities or if you want to disregard your gut feelings and pretend it is acceptable behavior.

It is a fact that when people feel slutty/dirty/whorish they reach out to people they feel will accept their actions and tell them that they are not doing anything wrong. The fact that you are questioning this tells a lot and I hope you do understand that. I also want to note that just because someone here claims it is not slutty behavior does not make it alright--YOU know what is really going on. To put it simply, your conscience is screaming at you.

You obviously have been jumping into some things you are not well-prepared for and your conscience knows it. I suggest you take time to look at yourself and where you are now headed in life. It is not healthy or intelligent to rush into sex knowing that your sex-partner is attached to another person. It is not right to help someone betray their partner, of course.

What I'm saying is, the next time some guys says he really likes you or loves you it doesn't mean that sex needs to follow. It doesn't matter if he gives you attention or not because this is the WRONG type of attention you need to be able to blossom into a wonderful human.
Prostitutes have sex every single day with various men/women and never feel any emotion for them so that alone tells you that sex doesn't mean anything.

When you interact sexually with a person without getting to know them at all then it does put a stigma on you. The person will perceive you as sexual and empty. They see that you will make them feel good physically but have nothing else to really offer them. Most, if not all, of these sort of relationships burn out quickly.

So, yes, it is slutty behavior. Yes, you should discontinue sleeping around because it is totally wrong. Yes, you should start listening to your conscience and following what you KNOW is right and not what the media and your peers try to feed you. Yes, if you are questioning your actions then they are, most likely, very wrong and you should discontinue them.

In addition, people do care if you're a slut. I care. I don't want you to become a statistic. I don't want to see you here feeling worse about yourself, falling deeper in the hole. I want to see you grow as a person and KNOW that you are better than these activities.

You'll feel better about yourself when you know you have changed. Work on yourself and don't fall into this dark hole of having sex whenever a guy seems interested and pays attention to you. You are worth something right now, don't make yourself worthless to others. Resolve this with yourself, make sure it never happens again, and learn your lesson from these experiences. With all of those met, you will be able to overcome this and will only carry it as a burden to tell others about your experiences--to help enlighten them on what you had to learn through heartache.

What you have been doing has serious, even dead, consequences. Here are some examples:

Oral sex consequences (wow):

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=544009

Herpes information (yes, you can be born with herpes and it can spread even if there are no sores present):

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=543782

Mutual masturbation consequences (hpv, herpes):

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=495933

Proof that condoms are not 100% effective on preventing STD transmission:

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=537694

You CAN get pregnant while on the pill:

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=539701

STDs are extremely common; 80% of Americans have herpes:

http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm

(Graphic) Photos of what STDs can do to your body:

http://www.healthac.org/images.html

The financial costs of a pregnancy:

http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php

Who cares about virginity anyway? You should!:

http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm

...seriously!:

http://www.prolife.com/LICKONA.htm

ANYONE can have an STD, even if they are a virgin:

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=542086

I hope you do what is clearly appropriate for you and take steps to work on yourself. If you have other questions like this, please feel free to ask me! :)

what is the best non painful way to commit suicide? _(link)

what would be the best way to commit suicide _(link)

I was wondering how birth controls works.. is it important to take the pill before you have sex or the next day? And also how long does it take to become affective once you begin taking birth control? _(link)

It usually takes about one month of taking your hormonal birth control pill every day at the same time. It's important to use a back-up method when using oral contraceptives because they are not 100% effective on preventing pregnancy. Condoms are the likely back-up method.

Condoms, typically, are only 88% effective on preventing pregnancy. Hormonal birth control (the pill) is actually only 92% effective on preventing pregnancy with typical usage. The "pull-out" method is only about 75% highest effective on preventing pregnancy. The number actually fluctuates between 29% and 75%. NONE protect against STDs/STIs at all. You will ALWAYS be at risk for pregnancy no matter what sort of "protection" you choose to use.

As I said, with typical usage, the hormonal birth control pill is actually only 92% - 93% effective preventing pregnancy. The 99% claim they advertise is actually for perfect usage--something that could probably only be seen in a laboratory setting. It is important to not rely specfically on the pill for your protection.

If you were perfect, the birth control pill would be 99% effective. As it is, our weight fluctuates, some of us are still growing, we sometimes experience stress (sometimes more frequently than others), we eat different foods, some days we get more exercise than others, etc. All of these things (and more) cause the pill to drop in effectiveness. In addition to the above mentioned, if you are off by just a half hour on taking the pill then the pregnancy prevention percentage drops. We are far from perfect beings, you see.

That being said, it's very important to take your pill at the same time each day. Try to remain regular on times that you eat, sleep, and exercise. Your regular routines will help to keep your pill active. NEVER forget your pill and, if you do, you are able to take a "double-dose" when your next coming pill is due. Never take more than two at a time though. If you miss 2 or more of your pills then you NEED to restart a new pack.

I hope things go well and you are cautious when relying on birth control pills. If you have any more questions please feel free to inbox me! :)

hey there,
i have a weird tongue..
it is white and yellowish at the top and i have this SUPER deep cut in the lower middle.. i've had that for a while, a couple of years.
i have sores on the sides of my lower tongue.. i have no idea what is happening!

some advice would be great thanks!
_(link)

There's really no way to know unless we were educated in oral health and had a good chance to examine your mouth. This could to be ANYTHING from an on-going oral yeast infection to herpes to severe bacteria overgrowth to a symptom of HIV. Having sores in your mouth coupled with the yellowing sounds pretty severe though. If your tongue did not have the "deep cut" until a few years back then something major may be going on within your mouth.

The best advice really is to make an appointment with your local dentist and describe the problem as the reason for the visit. Let the nurse know your symptoms when making the appointment. A dentist IS a doctor and has gone to school for years so that they can help you. They would be able to look at your mouth and make an educated judgement, take samples for testing, and prescibe you some medication to keep this cleared up. The longer you let this go, the more harm it may do. Sometimes infections can spread from the mouth, down the throat, and in the stomach if they are severe enough or left for long periods of time.

Look in the phone book and choose a dentist. Call around and ask for the soonest appointment you can get so that you can restore your health. This isn't something that Advicenators can specifically can help with, but, then again, this isn't something someone ONLINE can help with without being able to exam the problem area.

I hope that all goes well and the doctor/dentist is able to treat you before things get worse.

okay so i have a cold sore, but its not like a sore or anything yet, its just a bumb on my lip, and i know its going to become a sore soon, and i want it to go away like now. i dont want to go to school with it tomorrow because i am very self concious about the way i look and i dont want this on my lip for everyone to make fun of me and say i have herpes when i dont! so does anyone have any home remedies that they have used that will work? i am using abreva, ice and rubbing alchoal now. so anything else?
please and thank you.
-cuttechick24 _(link)

I wasn't acting like a doctor at all. Doctor's are not the only people that are educated about this sort of disease. In addition to saying that, doctor's can be wrong. You seriously need to go back to your doctor (or find a different one) and have a swab done on the sore itself as well as blood taken if you don't believe me.

If your doctor said you don't have herpes because you had an STD test and came back "clean" then that's laughable because no STD test screens for herpes unless you SPECIFICALLY request it.

Coldsores are herpes.

Every time.

Every single time.

Sorry.

Oh, yeah...and if you STILL don't believe me then take that package that the abreva came in. There is a pamphlet inside of it that gives you a little bit of information about coldsores and the specific treatment. Don't you think it's odd that even they tell you that coldsores are herpes right there? Yeah, because it's a true fact, cuttechick24. It really is herpes. All coldsores are always herpes--even OTC medication tells you that.

-------------------------------------------------

I know you REALLY don't want to hear this but it REALLY needs to be said.

Coldsores (also referred to as "fever blisters") ARE herpes. They are, typically, HSV-1, or commonly referred to as "oral herpes". All coldsores. Yes, every single one of them. You can contract herpes at any stage of life through many harmless activities.

Relax though. It isn't the end of the world if you take care of yourself. About 80% of the United States population is infected with one of the herpes strains (HSV-1 or HSV-2). You're not alone.

A way to help clear up an outbreak is to take care of yourself better. Take a good multivitamin and keep up with it. Herpes symptoms are shown when your immune system drops, allowing the virus to shed more rapidly than normal and create a sore. Stress, catching a cold or being under the weather, and even menstruation can "cause" an outbreak to occur.

Take an extra vitamin C supplement to help boost the immune system right now. Vitamin C is good for your skin so it will help to regenerate those damaged cells on your lip. It will also help your skin to heal faster from the outbreak, leaving less scarring.

Pick up a L-Lysine supplement to take during your outbreak. Take 200mg of lysine each day for 7 days and then stop for at least 2 weeks. If you continue to take them past 7 days your body will become "immune" to them and they won't help heal your sore or prevent more severe outbreaks.

Using rubbing alcohol isn't doing your body any help probably. The infection is more inner than a scrape or a wound. The infection is coming WITHIN the body. Putting the alcohol on your mouth is just torturing yourself in the end. It isn't going to keep it any "cleaner" than washing it with warm soap and water and keeping your hands off of it would. It's fairly useless to be doing.

Abreva doesn't work for everyone. When I have outbreaks abreva doesn't seem to even come close to helping the swelling go down. I believed up some Releev once on a whim and have had really good luck with that if I apply it as directed as soon as I realize I am beginning to have an outbreak. You might want to try a few different OTC treatments to see which works best for you and your lips.

Don't kiss anyone during your outbreak or for at least 15 days after. You are at your peak risk zone right now because more of the virus is being shed on those damaged cells. DO NOT share any food or beverages with anyone. I contracted HSV-1 (coldsores) from sharing drinks with my mother when I was a little girl. I didn't even know I "had" anything until I was a grown adult woman!

Make sure to keep your lips moisturized when the outbreak calms down (you don't want to be smearing chapstick on the lips right now because it may help to spread the virus to other parts of your mouth). Keeping your lips hydrated will help decrease the virus shedding so make sure to drink lots of WATER!

Keep using the ice. Ice your lip for 15 minutes and then wait a half hour and do it again. Make sure to wash the cloth you use to wrap the ice in afterwards to reduce the risk of infecting others in your household or other areas of your body.

KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF IT! If you touch the sore then assume you have the virus on your hands. Wash your hands IMMEDIATELY then. People have been known to spread the virus insanely fast by touching the coldsore and then another area of their body, especially the genitals or broken skin (and with this being winter your skin is more vulnerable if it's dry or cracked). Many infants and toddlers contract genital herpes because of their parents not washing their hands before a diaper change! Yeah, really!

Relax and stop panicking. As I said before, stress only makes the outbreaks worse. Relax and go with the flow. You're not the only one in the school with HSV-1 (coldsores). You might be the only one in your classroom with an outbreak right now but don't worry. If you take care of yourself and make sure to keep clean and not spread it then that's something to be proud of and not ashamed about.

This link that I wrote about herpes, and that also includes more of my links about herpes information, might be very helpful to you:

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=572641

I hope things clear up soon so you don't have to be so embarrassed!

I’ve been with my boyfriend, 4 months, and lost my virginity 5 days ago. I’m scared outta my mind. I as gonna wait until marriage but accidents happen. So im kinda going crazy, I’m just scared. Some advice??? _(link)

Chances are you're feeling scared because you did the wrong thing and are regretful of it. There's nothing you can do about making a mistake in the past except to not repeat that mistake again.

Engaging in sexual activity, ESPECIALLY when you're not mentally or physically ready, puts you in such a vulnerable state. You can be changed physically as well as mentally. You can develop life-altering hang-ups that prevent you from enjoying life later.

Many young women who engage in sexual relations when they're not ready go through life looking for some sort of attachment to love. They become confused as to why sex doesn't mean love. Just because you have sex with someone doesn't mean you love them or that they love you. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should have sex with them.

It may also be a good idea to get yourself completely informed before participating in sexual activities again. If you're not completely informed about ALL of the possibilities then you might wind up in the wrong place:

Here is a link about pregnancy costs to know about:
http://www.surebaby.com/costs.php

Here is a link that has some really freaky STD facts:
http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_statistics.cfm

Here is a link to photos of STDs you should research:
http://www.healthac.org/images.html

And here is just something simply for you to read and think about. I read it and thought it was pretty neat and gave some good points:
http://www.tagnet.org/adventist.fm/youth/virgin.htm

Here is also a link on some things about virginity. I think it has some neat points and gives examples to explain what they're talking about:
http://www.prolife.com/LICKONA.htm

You risk STDs/STIs with each sexual contact. These can render you infertile and you won't be able to ever have children. If it doesn't do that, it could hide in you and you could end up spreading it to every partner you ever have without knowing it. Even at that, some STDs can deteriorate the brain and be so severe that they cause a long, painful death years later.

A lot of people have STDs/STIs and don't even know it. Many people don't show symptoms. Even if your boyfriend was a virgin too it doesn't mean he may not have something--babies can be born with STDs and grow up not knowing that their sypmtoms are, well, symptoms!

Here are some amazingly scary facts about STDs currently:

"More than half of all people will have an STD/STI at some point in their lifetime.

The estimated total number of people living in the US with a viral STD/STI is over 65 million. Every year, there are at least 19 million new cases of STDs/STIs, some of which are curable.

More than $8 billion is spent each year to diagnose and treat STDs/STIs and their complications. This figure does not include HIV.

In a national survey of US physicians, fewer than one-third routinely screened patients for STDs/STIs.

Less than half of adults ages 18 to 44 have ever been tested for an STD/STI other than HIV/AIDS.

Each year, one in four teens contracts an STD/STI.

One in two sexually active persons will contact an STD/STI by age 25.

About half of all new STDs/STIs in 2000 occurred among youth ages 15 to 24. The total estimated costs of these nine million new cases of these STDs/STIs was $6.5 billion, with HIV and human papillomavirus (HPV) accounting for 90% of the total burden."

The media feeds us a bunch of stupidity now. We're told that if we use condoms or the pill that we won't get pregnant or have STDs. The media tells us that we should be having sex with as many people as possible to become popular, famous, attractive, and overall liked. The media says that if we love someone that we should have sex and prove this love with that is not at all what we should be doing. We're told that we should give into our urges and that everything will be alright since we can throw away the consequences.

Any way it is, I hope that you realize that the feelings you are having (it is called "regret") are not normal to be having if you are ready and in a healthy situation. Please, try not to repeat a mistake again. Learn your lesson and move on so that you will be able to tell your future husband, "I did make a mistake. It was ONCE and I learned my lesson. I am sorry."

DangerNerd is right. Go get checked out immediately and make sure to continue your follow-ups.

P.S. Four months isn't anything. Please, consider where this relationship is heading if you've already changed your morals so early into things.

Hello there
Well my husband and i have been married a little over a year now. I'm not on any form of birth control and when we have sex we dont ever use condoms and he never pulls out. It has been this way the whole marriage. Well I'm concerned that I havnt gotten pregnant yet. I visited the gyn late last year and tested me for a buncha things (including any stds) Well she says everything is fine with me, nothing wrong. My period has always been irregular so idk, could this possibly be a cause? I've always thought i prolly needed to do some special stuff just to get pregnant.
If we're not able to concieve naturally i dont even know how id feel about it. My husband has also questioned the fact that maybe he doesnt produce enough sperm or something but idk.
Anybody recommend anything??
If anyone has any info on this please let me know.
We def see children in our future & it would be devastating if we found out we couldnt...
_(link)

Before you do anything drastic involving clinics or fertility treatments you need to make sure you're leading a healthy lifestyle. Many times the female's body is not healthy enough to carry a child to full term or the male's body is producing plenty of UNhealthy sperm that cannot survive the travel to fertilize the egg.

You and your husband need to be taking vitamins every single day. You should be on a prenatal for at least 6 months before you conceive and your husband needs to be on multivitamins specifically for men to help keep his prostate working properly. I am taking a liking to Maxi Health Maxi One Prenatal:

http://www.vitacost.com/Maxi-Health-Maxi-One-Prenatal

My husband is really, really fond of Prescriptive Formula Optimal Men's Vitamin Pack by Nature's Bounty:

http://www.amazon.com/Prescriptive-Formula-Optimal-Mens-Vitamin/dp/B000KPTTVG

Stop smoking, drinking, and using recreational drugs. All of these listed have been proven to cause inferlity short and long term. The sooner you stop, the better chances you will have now and later.

Change your eating habits. Stop eating so much junk food and candies and start eating more vegetables. The better nutrition you receieve, the better your body will absorb it. Dump out the junk (and, no, don't try artifical sweeteners because they've shown to produce infertility as well)--the sodas, candies, cakes, etc. You don't have to do anything so strict that you cannot have a little snack here and there but you need to be aware of what you're putting into your body every day.

Stop consuming things with artificial sweeteners in them. In the long run, it's better to drink a can of coke than it is diet coke. The artificial sweeteners in many products cause so many health problems it's ridiculous.

Exercise regularly. You don't have to go out to the gym or lift weights but you and your husband both need to give your muscles a work out at least 3 times a week. Go for a short walk together or do a workout video together that you both are able to do. It's vital that you both work on this.

Make sure to de-stress often, at least once a week. Make time to just relax. Watch your favorite movie together or just have a night out bowling. Whatever it is that you need to do to relax--do it!

Track your cycles. From the day you begin your period you need to keep track on a calendar of what is going on. Mark your first day down as "Start" and 'x' the following days that you are bleeding. After 6 months of this you should get a decent idea of when you might be ovulating. Ovulation, typically, occurs about halfway through your regular menstrual cycle or on day 14 for most women. During ovulation you will have more chances of concieving because of the conditions within your body.

If you cannot track your cycles because they are SO irregular (more than 32 days long, typically) then I hope you have a little cash saved up! Start buying some things at your local Wal-Mart or other store:

OTC Daily Ovulation Predictors
OTC Fertility Tests
OTC Pregnancy Tests

Begin with the fertilty tests so that you know you are able to get pregnant. Use these for at least 6 months so you get a strong idea of the results. Use the daily ovulation tests every day for at least 6 months so that you can grasp a better idea of when/if you are ovulating.

Throw away:

Your sexual lubrication.

Artificial lube hinders the sperm's ability to be mobile and may make them unhealthy. Try to drink more fluids (WATER!) so that your vagina can maintain good lubrication when needed.

Have sex every 3 days at the most. Having sex more often than that can cause sperm counts to go low, dehydrate the body, and dwindle away nutrients.

Ask your husband to NOT wear tight pants. Tight clothing causes circulation problems in the testes and may make things too warm for sperm to develop properly. Let him around around the house in his boxers (or nude)! If you have to go shopping for looser pants and underwear then do it! It's healthier for him in the long run!

Pick up a iodine supplment for you and your husband to take regularly. New research is finding that many Americans are depleted of idoine and are experiencing common problems because of it--diabetes, low metabolism, headaches, fatigue, and temporary infertility! Head down to your local vitamin shop and look around for some kelp for iodine supplementation (along with your prenatals and your husband multi)! Look for, preferably, Norwegian sea kelp or Bladderwrack. Consume 1,500 to 2,000 Milligrams of this supplement each day. My favorite one, so far, has been Nature's Herbs Norwegian Kelp:

http://www.vitacost.com/Natures-Herbs-Norwegian-Kelp

Relax. It really hasn't been that long of a time. Many couples find that when they stop worrying about becoming pregnant and start leading healthy lives together, happy to just be together, they become pregnant. Getting pregnant sounds easy but it's a very complicated thing. Your uterine conditions have to be a certain way to produce offspring. Toxins built up in your body can prevent you from becoming pregnant. Having a stressful job may cause you to miscarriage before you even know you're pregnant! It's possible that you've been pregnant a dozen times already and have never made it past a couple of weeks!

So, most importantly than anything, don't panic. It'll come when your body can handle it. You're young and your doctor has already given you the all-clear. All you need to do now is to make sure your body is at it's peak.

It'll all happen in time. I wish you the best of luck. Please feel free to inbox me more directly if you have any further questions, as I have a LOAD of useful information when trying to get pregnant!

P.S. Don't listen to people who say that it's been too long to have not gotten pregnant or that it's been an "amazing" long time. It really hasn't. Some people get pregnant very easily, very luckily while most of us take a little time, especially if we haven't treated ourselves very well all of our lives. Honestly, it isn't so strange. There are tons of couples who get pregnant after two years even!

im 17/f
hes 19/m
so i've had about 13 or so boyfriends, and hes had about 5 girlfriends. (im not a virgin, he is) we met on a site called myyearbook and we met at restaurant ,had dinner and its been a week and we've hung out/gone out together 4 or so times. we've kissed,held hands,he compliments me,ect. im interested in having a mature relationship with him. not just a high school fling, if that makes sense.
he texted me "how do you like me so far?" and i told him how he was smart,cute,funny, and how i felt being with him, ect. then i asked him the same and he said "i think your really cool. i like that you accept me for who i am and that you want to hang with me?"
sounds like something a friend who say to another friend.
i didnt wanna scare him off by asking bluntly "are we boyfriend and girlfriend" so i texted him " what are you looking for in a relationship, if one at all" he replied "i don't really know right now...what are you looking for?" i fell asleep before i could answer, but he seems really into me when were in person. but we hung out yesterday and we started kissing but then when star trek came back on it seemed like he'd rather watch that.
im trying to be understanding that hes shy, and hasnt had a lot of girlfriends, but i really like this guy, but im so use to having 'in charge' boyfriends, im not use to shy guys.
i dont want to scare him off, its only been a week.what should i do? _(link)

If you're wanting a mature relationship then you're going to have to be mature about this. To overcome the majority of these problems you will have to build a better bond with this guy since he's shy about opening up.

Personally, I think making out is rushing it right now. You two aren't in a relationship, he doesn't even understand if he wants one, and he is too afraid to say anything about it to you in fear that you'll be offended (that is, if he is as shy as you say he is). Making out hinders building those key bonds with eachother before a real relationship can blossom out.

Next, you need to just ask him to be your boyfriend if that is what you want. If this guy is so very shy then his response of, "I don't really know right now...what are you looking for?" might actually be him saying, "I thought you wanted me as a boyfriend. Ok then...I have no idea what is going on. What do you want in a guy? Get the hint. I'm interested." Shy people don't like to put themselves out there on the line. They usually aren't very big risk takers and try to avoid embarrassment, as well as looking like a complete fool. You're the one that may be giving him mixed signals now. Just open your mouth, girl! ;) don't be afraid of what might become of it! If he freaks out then what is there to lose? A guy who is so incredibly insecure you cannot be yourself around, that's what!

Talk to the guy.

Just say, "Hey, y'know...I REALLY like hanging out with you and I want us to go further with this. I was thinking that maybe we should become a couple, especially since we've been going on these dates lately and getting closer. What do you think of being my boyfriend?"

If he says something that is negative toward it then cure your curiosity and say, "Do you think we might be better as a couple in the future once we really get to know each other better or do you think we'll only ever be friends from this point?"

If he says he needs more time then make sure to set regular dates with him once a week and ask again in a month how he feels about beginning a titled relationship. If he turns you down after 6 dates then he isn't feeling what you're feeling and you need to move on for your own mental health.

If you're not open, you're just going to be running around in circles. If you cannot sit down and have a serious discussion with this guy but can make out with him then you're not REALLY after a mature relationship. Maturity is more than kissing, touching, sex, and having 10 previous boyfriends. Maturity is all about a certain mentality and the ability to communicate effectively with your partner in any given situation.

I understand that it's only been a week but you're already very curious of being in a deeper relationship with this guy. If you've known him more than a week then it hasn't been "only" a week. It's only been one week of actually hanging around face-to-face with eachother, that is all. Chances are you already dropped hints about liking his personality by now--he isn't a fool, he probably has picked up some of these hints about your interest! If you are feeling a spark then speak up or get out of it now. He won't want to wait around forever and if he's really shy then he might have problems being more straightforward--you'll have to pick up the slack and bring the more-outward-him out in time.

On a last note, make sure you truly have an idea of who this guy really is. If it turns out that he isn't shy at all then he may be beating around the bush with you to slowly get into your pants. Many men end up doing this in their lifetime and become users, dropping you in an instant when they feel they cannot take any more from you. Women who get sucked into these relationships tend to feel worthless and hang on to every last thread they can of what they feel "might" become a relationship with the guy. Be smart and open your mouth so the guy knows what's going on in your end. If he doesn't seem legit then he isn't and you shouldn't waste your time.

It's really simple to have a mature relationship if you understand that it isn't having a certain title or doing sexual things. It is communicating effectively with one another. It's very obtainable if you understand that.

I wish you well with this new relationship (?) adventure! If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me!

okay so i got off my period two weeks ago, im on birthcontrol, and i had sex the last day i had my period, and i just got it back.. and im not suppossed to till next weekend.. its really light and wierd. I dont know someone told me i may be preganut is this true ? _(link)

You may be describing implantion bleeding, which comes usually just a week or two after having intercourse or coming in contact with semen.

Implanation bleeding is just what it sounds like. When the fertilized egg (ie: your baby) grows to attach to your uterine walls (ie: your womb) there may be some blood to come out. In most cases it seems like a very light period but for some women they experience a "regular" period for them. Many women mistaken it for an early period because of this bleeding.

If I were you, I would pick up a few home pregnancy tests and schedule an appointment with your doctor. Some home pregnancy tests are better than others. According to a couple of studies done, First Response and Early Result Pregnancy Test are the two best kinds to purchase because they are slightly more sensitive than the others. You may want to pick up a couple of those for home usage.

Your doctor's appointment needs to address your unusual period even if you aren't pregnant. Strange bleeding like this can be signs of several illnesses, including STDs or STIs. It's better to have yourself completely checked out in case something has happened down there other than pregnancy.

In short:

Yes, you may be pregnant based on what you have described.
Get some home pregnancy tests and see your doctor.

P.S. With typical usage, the hormonal birth control pill is actually only 92% effective preventing pregnancy. The 99% claim they advertise is actually for perfect usage--something that could probably only be seen in a laboratory setting. I seriously wouldn't put all of your trust within a single pill. Always use a back-up method of condoms + spermicial lubrication. No method (or combined methods) are 100% safe in preventing pregnancy and NOTHING will protect you from diseases.

although your description of an overdose was a bit extreme, it was correct. i have never in my life thought of committing suicide. heck i have wrked in a psych hospt for many years and prevented ppl from doing it. this year i have hit the lowest of low. i made some stupid decisions and got in legal trouble. i was facing 30 years in prison. yeah, suicide crossed my mind. my kids would be in their late 30's when i got out. my family had ME comitted to a hospital. when i got out, cps took my kids and i wasn't allowed to come back home. yeah, again suicide crossed my mind. tried to go back to wrk like nothing was wrong while unbeknownst to me a "rat" called my boss and spoke of my legal trouble which included 3 counts (bogus) of child endangerment in the 4th degree. i get suspended from my job. yeah, suicide has been on my mind more and more lately. yes i see a therapist and take meds but what happens when there's no way out and you really do just need that painless way to die? i cant volunteer, i cant be around kids or the elderly, wrk in a hospt, go back to school or anything else with these charges. i have physical limitations preventing me from standing/sitting for long periods. i'm in pain every day of my life mentally and physically. and i just want it to end. Paging Dr. Kavorkian.... _(link)

Thank you very much for inboxing me this question! I apologize for such a lengthy wait but I have had many things going on with myself.

I understand that your situation is pretty extreme itself. As a matter of fact, nobody knows the outcome of tomorrow so we can't clearly predict what may-or-may-not happen, certainly. This being said, you still should open up to other people about your problems--not just your therapist.

Speak with your therapist that you are seeing about wanting to make more of your life. Ask them if they can offer a few suggestions of things that you are physically, and legally, able to do around your community. Sometimes volunteering to do something doesn't mean going to a shelter or some already-set-up thing. You can volunteer for many, many services that include collecting donations. Let him/her know that you're interested in helping your community and building those sorts of special bonds.

I have done this sort of volunteerism myself and will explain how I went about this. I volunteered for a diabetes awareness organization to collect donations once a month. I contacted local shopping centers and asked if they had an area in which I could set up a table and collect donations for this specific organization. We ended up sitting in front of the local Wal-Mart for 5 hours one day, asking shoppers if they'd like to donate to the diabetes foundation. We didn't collect much but anything is better than nothing and I was able to talk to many people and hand out life-saving pamphlets that the organization had shipped to me for this event. I was able to take breaks on my own time, eat at the table if required, sit down for the duration, and decided when to begin and end (of course, letting Wal-Mart know what my basic plan was ahead of time). I then mailed the funds off to the organization. I didn't have to work with anyone, I didn't have to stand on my feet, I could take breaks if I needed to, and I helped a lot of people.

Sometimes just buying some postcards and sending them to old friends, neighbors, or various community members just to say, "Hey, I was thinking of you and hope everything is going well!" will help you in your quest for wholeness. You can attach your phone number to the cards if you feel it's appropriate in case you'd like them to be able to call. You could even leave this anonymous--it will still bring a smile!

Join a church group if you believe in God. Unity in positive beliefs can really bond you with the community and help you to find your way out of this black pit. You would be able to attend church functions, including volunteering at the local prison ministry if you so desired. Talking about God (or even just about making positive choices in life) to inmates may be something you would be interested in since you have been faced with that sort of situation. You would be able to surround yourself with people who you could tell your past with and be accepted and guided better towards God.

"Can't" volunteer is simply not true. What you mean is you do not understand how to volunteer your time. Sometimes volunteering just means making someone smile. Sometimes it's just mailing your elderly neighbor $20, anonymously, and being happy that they could use that little bit of extra cash this week. Sometimes it's buying the person next to you in line the item they had to put back because they didn't have enough cash. Sometimes it's just talking to the cashier that rings you up and saying, "You know what...you've really made my day by talking to me. Thank you for being so friendly!" Sometimes it's taking a box of canned goods down to the local food drive or shelter and dropping it off.

You feel helpless, just like many of us do at times. You were knocked down after making some poor life-choices and were kicked by the people you trusted when the only thing you wanted was a hand to help you up. I understand your feelings but suicide is not the best choice. Don't make another bad choice, especially one that you really cannot get around afterward. I'm lending a hand out here.

So, talk with your therapist about some ways you can interact with your community. Try to be positive of situations, even if you're not at your best any more. Happiness comes from creating it within others. Figure out how to create some happiness with the people you are surrounded by. You're not a useless person if you make an effort to positively impact one person. Make a goal of trying to make one person smile each day.

As for physical pain, try to make your body healthier. Sometimes mental disorders such as suicidal feelings that are coupled with physical pain are results of not treating the body properly. Begin with a good multivitamin supplement and try to cut out bad-for-you things like artificial sweeteners and pork. I use to suffer from severe migraines once every two weeks (at one point it was more often but once every two weeks was fairly average) and when I changed my life style the headaches stopped and my overall mood improved. It took about six months to realize I had improved but it happened. I've heard SO many stories of people changing their lifestyles and seeing such strange-but-exceptionally-positive results. If you want some more information or ideas on this please let me know in another question and we'll talk about it so that you can get well. I have a ton of information to share but I'd rather leave that for another question if you want to receive it.

On a more personal note, making a final decision to end your life doesn't just stop with you. You affect the people around you in all that you do--suicide included. Nobody likes to remember the man that committed suicide but they do. Nobody likes to say, "My dad/brother/cousin/uncle/nephew/grandson/grandfather committed suicide." Your relatives don't just feel that it is their fault--they feel that the suicidal nature will creep up on them one day and they will do the same. It isn't a good feeling and creates a sense of insecurity within oneself.

I know from experience.

Please, do not give up. I am willing to send you my personal email if you would like to contact me further. I am offering a friendship to you so that you do not have to suffer alone. I am telling you that all hope is not lost. Your life is not over. You can still make something of yourself. You can still be remembered as a wonderful person. Somebody (even if it's just me) cares about your life.

There are still employers out there that will hire you and treat your properly. There are jobs out there that require no physical abilities (I work at home with a great company in which I take personal orders from their clients remotely) and I am able to schedule breaks every other hour if I want. I'm not reading this and giving up on you or saying, "Yeah, that is bad. Ok, whatever." I'm reading this and letting you know that not everybody is turning there backs to you. There is so much hope for you. It isn't your time.

P.S. My previous description of a typical overdose is actually not very extreme. Contact your local hospital and ask them the horrific things they've seen from an overdose. It really isn't like on the shows and the people who live through it have to face a lot of new, unforeseen issues.

« Previous 1 2...35 363738 39...75 76 Next »

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>