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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I have been thinking about joining a live cam website to let others watch us do it. What are the pros and cons. What are some good websites. Or anything else you can think of. Thank you.
The Answer
Blackmail, public shame, and other forms of harassment. Those are the cons.
I'm all for two consenting adults doing basically whatever the hell they want when it comes to sex, and since you are interested in this, I'm sure you've already thoughts of all the pros. The pros are simply that it turns you both on.
The cons though, could be catastrophic for you, so you need to consider them carefully. Once something exists digitally, it's simple to reproduce. Maybe some people who are watching you would simply record it for their own repeating viewing, but others will upload it to sites either to make money, or purely for kicks. There are entire websites devoted to those secret recording of cam sessions and amateur couples.
Other still may simply threaten to upload it to a site, and then to tell your family, or employers where to access it, in order to get money, or more sexual acts out of you. Some people also just straight up like to harass people because they are crazy and/or because they think because you are camming, you wont report them out of fear of being exposed.
Depending on what you two do professionally, any of those situations could be career-ending. Not to mention the stigma that this sort of behaviour carries that would almost definitely upset your friends and family if it came to light.
Don't tell yourself you can do this anonymously with 100% safety. That's nonsensical. All it takes is the right asshole, or a small slip up, or a bit of bad luck to expose your identities in some way. If you do this you must accept that there is always a very real risk that someone might find out who you are and what you are up to, or someone may put videos up where the public can find them or might harass or try to blackmail you. You and your boyfriend need to know that and accept that risk.
Frankly, I'd never take those risks in my life. As much fun as it may be, it's not worth it.
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The Question
hi, I'm 26 year old girl. i had an medical abortion on 2nd may. i used misoprostol for it. it almost bleeds one and half week. after that a little bleeding and brownish dischrage continues at the interval of 4-6 days which start n stops several time. all sympotms of pregnancy were gone. after three weeks on 24 may i took home test and it was positive. My last menstrual date was 23 april. and on 24 may i was feeling little pain in my pelvic same as on my period.....bleeding is also continue from 23 may and it is still going on...but the amount of bleeding is not so heavy....it soaks hardely one pad in a day. im confuse is it my period aur what???? i heard that after an abortion in next period bleeding will go heavily. im also confuse that termination is worked or not?? i dont want to go for an ultrasound....plz suggest me something. I'm suffering from so much stress.
The Answer
You'll need the advice of a doctor.
It's certainly possible that everything is just fine. Your cycle after an abortion can be totally normal, or much lighter, or much heavier. Some people will skip a cycle, some will have spotting for weeks. Your body has been thrown for a loop, and it's not going to behave in the same way it always does.
You shouldn't be at all concerned about the pregnancy test. Home tests look for a pregnancy hormone called HCG and it can remain in the body for up to 60 days after an abortion. The test you took three weeks after the abortion should have come back positive. The hormone was still present in your body, even if the abortion was effective.
You need to talk to a doctor. Although, in my total layman opinion of what you've written here, you are probably fine, but if you aren't fine that's a big-ass deal that could cause you serious health problems. You need to see a doctor. Basic post-abortion heath care should include a follow up visit to a healthcare provider. As safe and reliable as medical abortion is, it's nothing something to go through by yourself.
Some cites and countries have free hotlines run by Planned Parenthood, or by Registered Nurses. You may start there if you want some better, personal advice than you can find online.
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The Question
I'm 14 years old.I liked a boy that was 15 but as soon as he liked me back i stopped.So he stopped too.When i realized he stopped i liked him again.. so he did too and then again i stopped.He thought i was playing him but i really wasn't.This happens to me all the time and because of that now he hates me.He likes another girl now and i don't really wanna admit to myself that i like him because i know he will never like me again and if he does i will stop liking him.I played him for like 4-5months and i feel really bad now.I don't understand i even cried for him i thought that i really like him but i quess i didn't.This happened with my ex boyfriend too..What should i do.. i really want a boyfriend but as soon as they like me back i stop..Please help.
The Answer
This is what it means to 'not be ready to be in a relationship'.
You just aren't there yet! There is nothing be ashamed of, but stop giving yourself a hard time about it. Being honest about that might help boys not feel 'played' as well. It's okay to be attracted to guys, and develop feelings for some of them, but if you are wigged out by the idea of being in a relationship right now, then don't be in a relationship.
You aren't 'sabotaging' a relationship if you aren't interested in a relationship! That's fine. Some times, in your life, you'll only want to have a crush or a little fling, but when it becomes more than that, you loose interest. It's okay not to want every guy you might like a bit, as a boyfriend.
Don't pick on yourself. You might want a 'boyfriend' the way you want a new phone, but that's not enough. When you are ready to be in a relationship, you'll want it. If you don't want it, you aren't ready, or they aren't right match for you.
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The Question
My parents have left me in charge at home while they are away of my sister 15 and brother 12.
Yesterday I caught my sister wearing a bikini(sliding triangle top and small side tying bottoms)that she is not supposed to have and taking SELFIES of herself in it, that she was going to send to the guy that bought the bikini for her that is nearly as old as me.
What do I do
1. Give her the bikini back, pretend I know nothing about it and possibly land myself in trouble if my parents find out about the bikini.
2. Keep the bikini give it to my parents on their return and tell them about the SELFIES and the guy, my sister will be in big trouble.
3. Give my sister a chance but insist the bikini is destroyed as part of the deal.
The Answer
Tell your parents.
Unless you think your parents are going beat her, or abuse her, then tell them. She is 15, keeping her safe is your parents business and their job. Whenever she can't do that herself, they have to step in.
She is not entitled, at 15, to a 'private life'. She gets the privilege of the private life, so long as she can act responsibly.
What she did may see simple enough - even relatively normal and innocent - and maybe your parents rules against bikinis aren't really fair, but what she did can get dangerous quickly and even illegal. It can leave her open to bullying and abuse from other people and if communication with an older guy is happening completely behind your parent's backs, that only makes it more likely she'll be taken advantage of or treated poorly. When a person who likes to prey on young people knows those young people can't go to their parents for help, they know they can get away with a hell of lot. If you parents aren't monsters, than give them the information they need to be effective parents.
The only case where I would even consider not telling my very reasonable parents about this sort of thing, would be if my little sister expressed a whole lot of regret, and promised me to never put herself in that kind of danger with a strange guy ever again. If your sister can't see why this was a deeply unwise choice from speaking to you about it, then let your parents help her out with that. When she can't show good judgement, it's your parents job to step in and show her what good judgement looks like. When she is 18 she can pose for as many photos as she'd like, as naked as the day she was born and there is little anyone can do to stop her. For now, she can't.
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The Question
Recently i got a new teacher and i find him really odd(not sure if he is flirty). the way he talks to me is different. He stares at me while taking class. He even comes and sits near me if the desk is empty. And i usually sit in the first bench so he pulls his chair and puts it near my bench and sits. he also stares at me. Mostly i dont look at him i put my face down when he is near. He doesnt look at my face alone while teaching or clearing doubt. i feel very uncomfortable. even if i have doubt in the subject i feel uncomfortable to ask him. he is married and 30+.
The Answer
Stop sitting in the front of the class.
It's impossible from your question to determine if this teacher is, in fact, doing anything even the slightest bit wrong! They may simply have a different manner than you are used too and comfortable with. Your question isn't even clear - I'm not sure if you feel he is looking at you too much, or not at all. I'm not even entirely sure if you worry he is flirting with you, or if you have a crush on him.
Either way, no matter what you gender or situation is, when you sit in the very first row it sends the teacher a message that you are willing to engage with them more than the average student. Many teachers 'play', or deliver their message to the first row or first few rows, because that is where they find the most receptive and attentive students (and everyone wants to feel they are being listened too!)
So, simply move back. If there is no real issue here, that will probably address your discomfort. If you'd like to be less close to him, just move yourself further away.
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The Question
I have been feeling super jealous lately. I don't know why, I'm not usually like this. It all started when my boyfriend said he was going to get drinks with co-workers after work last friday. Most of them women. And I just didn't like that he was going without me. (I work late and couldn't go) What's more is that he didn't even tell me he was going until I asked him to do something after work. Also he carpools with this girl, who almost never pays him gas money, and I find out that she went to the bar after work two Fridays ago, and he bought her nearly $30 in drinks.
Anyways, I told him that I really dont like what's happening and I would prefer he doesn't go for drinks after work. Carpooling is one thing but alcohol doesn't need to be involved. And he said in a nutshell, too bad you need to trust me. Like, I do trust him but what he's doing makes me so uncomfortable, and he just thinks I'm overreacting.
Btw, I'm 21 my bf is 24. Together 5 years.
I need some advice here. Should I be feeling like this? Am I overreacting? Or am I right to feel this way? I just don't know.
The Answer
It sounds like you are mis-reacting, and over-reacting, but that doesn't mean what he is doing is perfect.
He should be free to go out with co-workers after work, without seeking your permission first. He knew you were busy, so he made plans. There is nothing at all wrong with that.
You may prefer he not go for drinks after work, but frankly, that's a pretty controlling position to take. That's something he gets to choose for himself. If you don't like the way he spends his time, maybe he's not a great match for you, but you don't get to lay down rules on that.
He's also free to give a ride to a coworker, even if she doesn't pony up gas money as much as you might like her too.
What you can, and perhaps should, point out to him, is that going to a bar and buying a girl a bunch of drinks send a certain message, to that girl, and to his other coworkers. If I were a coworker, or his boss, I'd think less of an employee who I know had a girlfriend, clearly and obviously giving that sort of attention to another girl - even if it was totally innocent, it looks bad. He shouldn't do things like that, out of respect to you, and to her. If he owes her money or wants to treat her - hand her the cash. Don't buy her drinks or pay her tab. That just looks bad.
By all means trust him not to cheat, but also ask him to avoid the appearance of dishonesty. Buying one girl a bunch of drinks APPEARS dishonest, and that's as bad for him professionally, as it is for your relationship. He needs a better sense of boundaries.
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The Question
I'm going to try to keep the back story brief. About six months ago I got out of a long and tumultuous relationship with someone I really loved, but we just couldn't make it work.
Recently, I've decided it was time to start dating again. I met a guy at a party, asked him if he'd like to go out sometime and he accepted. Our first date was fun and pleasant - I was excited for the second. The second was fun, but something felt off, I think primarily I was tired and should have just gone home after dinner. After some thinking and an awkward interaction on the third date, I told him that I wasn't trying to be in serious relationship at that moment and just needed something very un-serious and slow. He seemed let down, but I explained that it wasn't him, I just couldn't commit to anything. I stated I didn't want to go on more than one date a week. I felt I was very open, reiterating that if that sort of situation didn't work for him I understood and that perhaps in the future - many many months down the line - if things were going well, I might be interested in having something more serious.
Okay, so our fourth date was great, we fooled around and all-in-all I had a great time. He texted me a few days after to see if I wanted to hang out on the weekend, and I said maybe and then decided I didn't want to. He didn't responded to a text for ten hours and was pretty chilly in the texts following.
The night of our fifth date I had a sad (not bad) interaction with my ex and was feeling emotional. I considered cancelling the date, but decided I could rally. My female friend ended up stopping by to check on me and was there when he came over. As we were hanging out I sort got the feeling they were flirting, but decided I was reading too much into things because of my emotional state. We all ended up going to the bar together and he and I didn't end up talking much. We both got very drunk and ended up having a long conversation in which he admitted he was flirting with my friend to make me jealous and I admitted that I felt pressured to hang out more than I wanted because I felt when I said no he got upset. We seemed to work things out and agreed a casual, but sweet sexual relationship was good for both of us.
On Sunday he came over and we attempted sex, but he couldn't in the beginning maintain an erection because he was nervous. I completely understood and we just fooled around. (quick note: I am really strict about using condoms because I'm not on birth control and I don't really know the guy). He offered to give me a back rub which clearly I accepted after rubbing my back for a minute I could tell he had begun to jerk off, which was fine and during this time I thought he had put on a condom. He proceeded to enter me and we started having sex this lasted for about 5 minutes until I looked on my dresser and saw the condom. I immediately stopped and asked if he had put one on to which he responded "no, but I was going to." I was little irritated and wasn't really in the mood after. We laid around talking after and he told me he felt like perhaps he masturbated too much which is why he couldn't perform and I agreed that could have something to do with it. So he asked if we could hook-up twice a week rather than just once because though he didn't want to masturbate as much - if he didn't it messed with his head. I again said I couldn't make that promise, but we could see.
Okay, this is so long, and if you made if this far, thank you. My question is: is the guy kind of a creep or am I just being too hard on him? I've been feeling a little icked out by him since the no condom thing and thought the comment about his sexual needs again seemed some what pressuring...thoughts?
The Answer
Do you want to keep seeing him?
I mean really, it drives me a bit wild reading questions like this, that obsesses over what the guy may be thinking, and what he might be feeling, and if maybe she's just expecting too much or being mean... and leave out the most important piece of information:
Do you want to keep seeing him?
Is this someone whose company you enjoy?
I don't like tossing 'creep' at a guy anymore than I like tossing 'whore' at a girl, but the condom thing was not okay. For me, that would be a deal breaker and I'd probably end any sort of sexual relationship right then and there.
The sexual needs comments may have been putting pressure on you, but it was also a frank and honest comment about what works for him sexually. That's not an inherently bad thing.
At the core of all this, we return to my first question:
Do you want to keep seeing him in any capacity?
A guy doesn't have to be a total creep for you to decide he's just not a good match for you. If I were you, I'd look at his behaviour, and his expectations around sex, shrug my shoulders and say "This isn't the guy I want to be with in any way. I don't trust his judgment and think his approach to sex is a bit warped."
He doesn't have to be a bad, bad evil creep for you to choose not to have sex with him! Maybe he's a really lovely guy. There are lots of really lovely guys I don't want to have sex with. Feeling just 'ick' or 'meh' about someone, is an entirely valid reason to not date them, or sleep with them, or have any sort of casual thing with them!
Just decide if this is someone you want to spend more time with, or not. Then do that.
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The Question
Hello, I'm hoping you can give me some advice in regard to my almost 9 year old daughter and her "best friends" tumultuous relationship that has me concerned. . Just recently my daughter came to me crying and very upset because her best friend was mean to her via instant messaging (I went and read the messages to make sure my daughter wasn't lying about what happened and verified that what she said was the truth). The best friend was absent from school so my daughter messaged and her said "Hi, why weren't you in school today" and her best friend replied with "none of your business". My daughter quickly left a reply saying "I hope you aren't mad at me. I'm sorry and please don't be mad at me". I asked my daughter about this situation and she told me she just doesn't want her friend to be mad at her ever so she always apologizes to make things better, So after my daughter apologized, the best friend then called her and neither one of them brought up the fact the best friend was rude for no reason and they talked as normal until the best friend soddenly said to her "I don't want to talk to you anymore" and hung up on her. This situation is one of MANY of very similar situations that I overhear when their together, read over messaging or see happen via email. I try to always teach my daughter to stand up for herself and to make her see that she is allowing her friend to treat her badly and she shouldn't let anyone walk over her. I also tell her that this girl isn't being a real friend if she's doing this to her all the time but saying these things just makes my daughter more upset because then she thinks I think she's being a wimp. I told my daughter she should have asked her friend why she replied in the rude response of "None of your business" and hung up on her or at the very least she could have told the friend her feelings were hurt. My daughter responded "it will make her more mad and meaner to me". Seeing my daughter be walked all over and treated badly is BREAKING my heart and making me STRONGLY dislike this girl she is friends with. Being friends with this girl is making my daughter's feelings very hurt and it's breaking down her self esteem too because since she has been friends with this girl, her confidence has dropped and she isn't near as outgoing as she once was because she's afraid of the best friend always being mad at her. Do I say something to this girls mom, do I stay out of this and let my daughter deal with it or do I keep trying to teach my daughter to handle it in the way I think best so she isn't being treated badly? Please help - I really don't know what is best.
The Answer
I don't think there is too much to do besides what you are doing.
I understand why you might want to talk to the girls mother, but frankly, this sort of mean behaviour is likely rooted what is going on home. If there is an underlying problem (beyond this little girl going through a stage of being very rude) then talking the mother is unlikely to help much.
You are giving your daughter the right messages, but you might reconsider phrasing them as questions, rather than statements. Ask her why she feels this person is a good friend if they act like this. Ask what sort of things she thinks good friends should do.
At nine she is probably ready for a bit more dialogue, and a bit less instruction from you. Asking her the right questions might be the best way to help her come to conclusions you both know are correct.
You might also ask her teacher's what they have observed, and if they have any concerns, or any insight into what is going on when you aren't there.
You might also find some organized activities for her where this friend isn't present: A club like the Girl Guides, or sports team or an after school class catered to her interests. If she feels she has only one friend, and can't find more, that will make it more difficult for her to stand up for herself. Sometimes we get unlucky as children, and there is just no one in our class or grade we really click with. If that is the case for your daughter, helping her to met more people her age may help her see her options outside of school.
I firmly believe that children should be given a hell of a lot of leeway to choose their own friends - and parents should really only end a friendship if it's dangerous - but as a parent you still have enough control to introduce her to new people and choose activities for her where she can make better ones.
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The Question
Someone is blackmailing on kik. I sent him nude photo of mine, he want me to send again if I will not he said that he will post it online website wherein all country can see it. I dont know what to do. He said that he will spread it and all my friends can see it. Im afraid Im fron Hungary. Need help
The Answer
Block him. Never reply or contact in any way at all ever again.
Do not send any photos.
Of course you should never send anyone any nude photos - even people who you actually know. It's just a bad idea, but let's get past that.
These creeps exist, especially on services like SnapChat and Kik where they think they can get away with it. Even if you hadn't sent him a image, there are people who will threaten to photoshop you normal images onto phonographic images. They blackmail people like you for money, or for more photos.
That is why you have to stop responding, at all, right now. This man is predator. He's only doing it because he wants more naked photos of you. If you don't give him more photos, he's actually unlikely to go through the work of putting the photo you did give him online. It's more likely he'll just move to the next victim who might give him what he actually wants.
Then you need to tell your parents, and the police. A bunch of these horrible people are now being caught, and put to trial, all over the planet because some young people are brave enough to come forward and tell the police what has happened. The only way you can really make sure that photo never ends up online, is to give the police all the information you have about this person, and hope enough other people also come forward that he can be caught.
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The Question
21/f, 27/m
I posted a question up about a guy that I met online and was giving me mixed signals at first. We spoke about giving mixed signals and stuff afterward. I mentioned that I am not a "booty call" and that if he was looking for one, to look elsewhere. He told me that he hasn't done a "booty call" in years and that he does not know if we would work out or not, he just wanted to try it out and see.
Ever since that talk, things went back to normal. He was still a gentleman and we still spent time together. We went wine tasting but I apparently was a bit off because I had a lot on my mind. But technically, I felt like he was not sure if he was actually being truthful to me. Long story short, we had sex. I wanted to see if he was going to stop talking to me right afterward, he didn't. He told me that he still liked me and wanted me to stay the night. He still spoke to me everyday.
The last day I saw him was two days ago... He brought me back a rose from his trip. And hours later we went to his friend's house warming party. He kissed me, held my hand, etc in front of his friends. To be honest, I'm awkward in big groups of people. It takes me a while to warm up to them since the only person I knew was him. After the party, he told me it was okay that I was quiet and he understood.
He invited me to come in, when I did, we spoke, etc. I can tell that he wanted to have sex again but I told him it was a bad idea because 1) I needed to go home to take my birth control since I left it at home, 2) My sister came home this weekend and kept asking where I was along with her boyfriend, and 3) I could tell that he was tired and sleepy. I told him these reasons and his response was, "so what?" .... But I eventually did leave and he gave me a kiss before I walked out the door.
The next day, he did not text me at all. Which was strange because he always texts me. So, I texted him asking if he was okay and if I did anything wrong. He told me that he thought I said I was busy that day and I said, "not really." And then I asked what he was up to and he said, "working out. You?" I told him that I just got done having dinner with a friend and he was taking me somewhere. He said, "probably back to his house." And i said, "no. he's picking something up from his friend's house." and he said, "lol, ok". I asked if he was worried, he said "no" then "I'm going to sleep. Have a good one" which threw me off because he never says, "have a good one" he always says, "sweet dreams" with a kissy face.
I asked him if he was SURE that there was nothing wrong and he said he's sure and that he's great actually. It's become the second day and he still hasn't spoken to me. I noticed that he's become more active on the website that we met on so I was thinking maybe he met someone else? Did I do something wrong? Or was it true the whole time? I was just a booty call?
The Answer
You didn't do anything 'wrong', but you need to be honest with yourself:
Did it really seem like you two were right for eachother?
It's unlikely that he 'just wanted sex', and you've given no reason for us to assume the worst of him. It seems like he was a pretty nice and understanding guy. What is does sound like is that you two struggled to get on the same wavelength, weren't really terribly excited about each other, and just generally didn't 'get' one another in that easy way people look for at the beginning of a relationship.
It's unfair to assume "Oh, he was just after sex." Most people, guys and girls, aren't trying to use other people like that. He probably was, and is, looking for a relationship, but just because both you are looking for a relationship doesn't mean you should be in a relationship with one another. It takes much more than that.
Do you really want to keep seeing him? Honestly? Don't imagine the person you think he might be with you months or years from now, think about the person is he now: He's affectionate and bold in front of others, he has different ideas and expectations about sex than you do, and the two of you obviously don't have complimentary communications habits.
You may like him, he sounds like a basically good guy, but is he really the guy for you? I'd put my money on 'no, he's not'.
I do need to agree with misspiggy a bit here: It does sound like you are taking this a bit too seriously, and are being insecure. It's not respectful or reasonable to think that every guy who might enjoy dating you, or sleeping with you is either going to love you forever, or else he was just using you. That's a bit crazy.
You are also way too focused on what he may be thinking or feeling (so focused you don't even believe him when he tells you!). Don't be that girl - that girl who is just grateful for any guy who shows interest in her and tries to 'keep' him no matter what. Instead, set standards for what you want in a guy and look for that. Don't always ask guys over and over again "Did I do something wrong?!" or "Is this working for you?", instead take a look at yourself and start telling saying "Okay, I like what I'm doing. Do I like what he's doing? Is this working for me?"
And when you do ask a guy those questions, believe what he says to you. That's just basic human respect.
A connection like this one, which seemed fine and good at first glance, but never really clicked, is exactly the kind where you should be able to say "Nope. Not working for me!" and let it fizzle out.
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The Question
Hello, I'm 19/F. I know for sure that my bf ignores me sometimes. When I talk to him about it he always say that ignoring someone is very disrespectful and he would never do that but still he does. I've ask asked him tons of times if he ever ignores me and he always say no but I'm very sure he does sometimes. The problem is I'm sick and tired of asking him because he would think I'm an insecure person or something and no one what's that. What should I do?
The Answer
Believe him, or break up with him?
You haven't told us WHY you feel your are being ignored, which makes it particularly difficult to respond to you. Without any reasons given for why you feel this way, then it does end up sounding like you are just being insecure.
It also sounds like your bigger problem is that you are sick of always picking at him about this. So stop. Believe him when he says he's not ignoring you, and just let him know if there is something you felt he missed, or didn't hear, or wasn't paying attention to. There are lots of entirely innocent reasons he might have missed something you were trying to let him know - assuming he's 'ignoring' you is become destructive to your relationship.
So either check your own bad behaviour on this subjects (the constant questioning and distrust), or break up with him.
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The Question
I'm not delusional, and if you don't believe me, leave now. I will only ignore your answer if you don't believe what I'm saying, don't waste your time and typing. For example, someone I just met and only interacted with once and never spoke to again. I suddenly had a hunch on her relationship with a girl and found out every last detail was correct. At school a woman was talking about her spinal cord injury, and said she cracked her neck, and a back bone got broken or whatever. Then my neck and spine inexplicably started hurting. Happens for everything. Is this weird? Mom says I'm an empath or something like that…
The Answer
Not weird. Totally normal to feel other people's pain. Doesn't require a spiritual connection or any special powers. It's just part of being human.
When we observe another person being touched, or when they describe physical sensations to us, our brain mirrors what they are describing. These 'mirror neurons' simulate the experiences of others in our brains, even though we aren't experiencing the physical pain.
At a basic level, it's the reason we flinch when we see someone else fall or hurt themselves. Our brains literally go through the motions as though we are the one who have been hurt.
Some people have much more nuanced or intense experiences than others, but to some degree, all healthy human brains do this.
'Mirror neurons' are a relatively recent scientific discovery, but they have helped to explain a whole bunch of how people learn by watching others, and how people develop empathy and a moral code. It's even helped to uncover what happens when those mirror neurons aren't doing their jobs correctly - like for people with autism who dislike being touched and struggle to learn things the rest of us find simple by observation.
As deeply cool and special as these things aren't, t's not magic or telepathy. Your brain may be practically skilled at these sorts of things, but it's still all in your brain.
It's also totally normal to sometimes make absolutely correct assumptions on the details of another's person's life - and think you have some special sort of insight - but that's not really the case. It's just that you are far more likely to remember when your assumptions were right, then to remember the thousands of assumptions you make each day that turn out to be wrong. You are also probably experiencing something called Confirmation Bias - which is one of the ways our brains are prone to making incorrect assumptions - and it's what happens when you have a cool idea like "I'm an empath" and you start to pay extra attention to the information that confirms your initial idea and your mind just ignores the evidence that doesn't. We all have the desire to prove ourselves right, and we can't help but pay selective attention to the ideas we like, more than the ones we don't.
I know you have absolutely had the experiences you're describing, and they are awesome experiences, but they aren't magical. They are pretty well understood, natural phenomena, because you are lucky enough to have a truly awesome device to use: a human brain.
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The Question
So my boyfriend is still a virgin & i know hes a clean guy. I gave him head the other day and i swalled. Now im paranoid because i read that HIV can be passed through oral. Is that true even though hes never been sexually active?
The Answer
Yes, HIV can be transmitted during oral sex.
But that\'s only if one of the people involved actually has HIV to begin with. If he doesn\'t have it, you can\'t catch it from him.
Chances are your boyfriend doesn\'t have HIV, but even if you are both virgins, it\'s a good idea to go and have an STI test before you become sexually active with a new person. It\'s a good, respectful habit to get into, and it\'s a good idea to go through one, and learn what STI tests are like, before you have a scare!
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The Question
I'm Catholic/Christian (not sure the difference) and I've heard of these evil cults, who worship devils and help demons, the devil, and other evil spirits to harass innocent GOOD people such as Jews, Christians and Catholics, and unsuspecting atheists who I don't support but are most vulnerable since they don't even think it exsists so don't know that they need to tell a preist, and I've heard a group of occult practicers have kidnapped 200 girls from school and started selling them for sex. How horrible! Despicable, evil runts! Why? They isolate and torture they're children, raising them without running water or electricity, never letting them leave, poor tortured helpless children, I hope they run away! And they teach them you'll go to hell if you masturbate or have sex! Plain awful! They do unspeakably evil, horrible thing and have the nerve to call Christians and Catholics evil, those who are happy, peaceful and loving, and the Jews who they seem to hate and torture the most, but are actually loyal: always having each other's back, rich and smart with money, and have great education. They should be the one being killed and suffering, those hideous cults! God bless those who suffer from they're evilness.
The Answer
Well, the simple answer is - that although some people are evil and do harm to others - most people who are in occult faiths or practitioners aren't and don't. Also, occult and 'cult' are two completely different things. The word cult has many different definitions in different fields of study. Many occult beliefs are not cults in any sense of the word - and many Christian have been, by definition, cults.
The vast, vast, majority of people who are followers of one of the many occult traditions or belief systems (likes Gnosticism, Hermeticism or Wicca and other neopagan traditions) don't worship demons or evil spirits at all, and would actually be very offended by hearing their beliefs misrepresented in that way.
Just the same way you'd be offended if I said Christians all bombed abortion clinics, or beat their wives and children because they bible says they can. Of course there are a few Christians who do hateful and violent things because they interpret their faith as demanding those violent or hateful acts, but the vast, vast, vast majority of Christians don't bomb the people they disagree with, or beat women and children just because some passages in the bible say it's okay.
It's the same thing for literally, every other religion on the planet, even the ones you've been told are are 'evil'. Even Satanists, don't actually wish harm or evil done to other people as part of their religion. They just have a very, very different philosophy and perspective on God, and the idea of a devil, than you do.
Some crazy violent people may use occult faiths or practices as excuses or as part of being evil to others (just like some Christians have used their faith or practices to be evil to others). Just because some crazy, violent people are followers of the occult doesn't mean all people who embrace the occult are evil.
Frankly, you need to stop so easily believing the things you read - nearly every topic you ever come across deserves more investigation than what you've shown here. Of course torturing and kidnapping people is horrible! There were lots of stories about occults and devil worship in the 1980s and almost every horrible news story turned out to be completely made up! Even if something horrible really did happen, often, religion and faith aren't the core motivation.
If what you have been reading about is Boko Haram in Nigeria, those aren't devil worshippers at all. Those are Islamists extremists, and Islam has many of the same roots and holy texts that Christianity and Judaism have. Many Muslims, just like many Jews believe that the Christian, Jewish and Muslim 'God' are the same entity - just that the other two religions got a lot of the important details wrong. Members of Boko Haram believe in God, and believe that God doesn't want women educated, but as obedient wives. They also want to trade those girls they kidnapped for the members of their group that the government has caught, and put in jail. That whole situation in Nigeria has to do with religious extremists who worship God - not the devil - and political power and terrorism. It has absolutely nothing at all to do with the occult.
People aren't as usually as simple as good and evil, and your generalizations about people of different faiths - both bad and good generalizations - are just stereotypes and myths. Some stereotypes (like the idea that all occult has to do with demons or the devil) are very, very wrong, very hurtful and frankly, even based in hatred. Christianity in particular has a long history of hatred and discrimination against pagans and other people who were interested in the occult and claimed they were evil and devil worshippers even when they weren't. Lots of people were killed because of those false stereotypes. You should approach other faiths, even those that seem to be in opposition to yours, with respect and remember that damn near everyone - even people you utterly disagree with - are trying to be a good people. Even the members of Boko Haram - who are doing trule awful, horrible things and should absolutely be stopped - most of them probably do feel in their hearts that they are doing the right thing for others. The truly evil people out there come in all stripes and all religions. No one group is immune to having crazy, evil people pervert their beliefs for power and violence.
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The Question
Ok so i need advice so me and my gf been together for bout 3 years well on and off and we have a beautiful 2 year old son i love him to death well me and gf have talked about getting married and etc.. but i feel da same way but idk like we argue a hell of alot and she dont trust me and i dont trust her but its not really dat i recently talked to my ex that i dated in 2009 to 2011 and we was sooo in love but it was long distance so we never seen each other in person but we video chatted all da time so now that i got a good job and able to pay for da trip see her now and idk what to to be honest she was da only girl i ever trusted and she knew better den anybody and we had so much in common but now all i think about is what if i had seen her just once in person how wud it been like wen i talked to her tonight we both just lit up and just talked bout how we used to be and we broke up cause we was far away but i wanna know if i should go or not like i know if i tell my gf she just gonna get emotional but i just wanr this thought to be gone out my head please help
The Answer
You can\'t have it both ways.
Either you leave your current girlfriend, break up, and give it a shot with the ex, or you accept that your time with the ex is over, and be committed to your girlfriend. (or of course, you could choose to be with neither of them.)
There is no in-between where you get to have both. No sane woman is going to sit on her ass and wait for you to take a trip to see your ex, just to see if maybe you really want your ex instead of her. If you take this trip, your current relationship is over. You'll always be co-parents, but it's unlikely she'll ever forgive you or trust you again. I wouldn't. If a the father of my child left me for his ex, he would never get a another chance with me. All love and trust would be dead forever.
You know how you get thoughts gone? You stop thinking about it. There is no fucking magical trick. Make a choice and live with you choice! Don't be a dumbass or a floundering child. If you choice is to go visit your ex, then go do that in a honest and respectful way - break up with your current girlfriend first. You don't get to drag them both through drama just because you can't figure your shit out. If you really can't get your act together, then be alone.
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The Question
I'm 19 and he's 27. We've been dating for 4 months, we're in love and I can't picture my future without him. Though, I'm afraid problems will occur regarding our age difference. Not so much what people think and say, more of me worrying if it will cause problems between us.
Whenever we go grocery shopping, he can't buy alcohol with me. I can't go with him to any event that is serving alcohol. It makes me feel utterly indifferent, I have 3 more years until I can drink. That's just one problem that has occurred regarding the age difference.
I would just like know, do any of you fellow Yahoo users know of any cliche and or very real situations that can occur because of a vast age difference in a relationship? I'm not looking for relief, I would just like to know of what could come and prepare for it.
The Answer
The biggest challenges will be the one presented by entering different stages of life. The difference in needs and desires between a student, and a young worker for example, but not everyone goes through those stages at the same time. It's good to know that those times, when your lives are in drastically different places, are going to be the biggest challenges, because you'll be preparing and doing different things. He may be saving for a house, while you are still taking out debt to go to school. You'll need to be able to talk about, and agree on how to handle, those very important differences in your life stages. People who are the same age, and doing the same things (in school, starting careers) can make certain assumptions that you and your boyfriend shouldn't.
The other thing - which no one else really mentioned - is you need to watch out for older people who prefer dating younger than themselves because it gives them power. A lot of people do choose younger partners because people their own age have more experience, and are more likely to call them on their bullshit.
Watch out for being treated like your choices or opinions aren't as valid as his are. Watch out for being talked down too, or isolated from your current friends or support group. Watch out for someone who uses their age and experience as a way to invalidate or shame you when you express unhappiness or opinions that are different from theirs. I dated a lot of older guys when I was in my twenties, and even some of the otherwise good ones had moments or issues where they failed to treat me as a complete equal because of my age. If you are in a relationship, you have to be respected as an equal, even if you are younger and less experienced. You want advice and support from your boyfriend - not instructions on how to live.
Four months in is still pretty early days... you want to make sure that this is a guy who can treat you as his equal and his partner, despite the fact he is older than you. Keep your eyes open.
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The Question
I'm a 15 year old female and I'm a Christian. I grew up in a Baptist church, though my family isn't baptist nor are we nearly as strict and legalistic as some Christians.
I am homeschooled and my workbooks/PACE'S(ACE Curriculum) sometimes have stories and/or comics of kids in different situations and teach Christian morality and thinking.
But as I was reading one of these stories, it was about a girl who became Christian and it was talking about how she was changing her life. One of the things it mentioned was: "She began to find new joy as she replaced her former friends and ways with new Christian friends and activity's that helped her grow spiritually."
I understand having new Christian friends and distancing herself from bad things like drugs and alcohol. But why would she need to remove her old friends from her life? Didn't Jesus sit and eat with the non-Christians and sinners?
Wouldn't we WANT to be friends with them so we could possibly influence them in a good way instead of cutting them off?
I guess I just don't understand why you would do that...
Could someone explain this to me? Or tell me if I'm right and their wrong? Or the other way around?
The Answer
Christianity covers a whole host of different sorts of beliefs. There has never been a commonly accepted, agreed on way to be a \'good\' Christian. In fact, the various Christian groups (Catholic, Puritans, Baptists, Protestants) used to utterly HATE each other. They disagreed so strongly on subjects like the one you are asking about, that it regularly led to violence. In some parts of the world, it still does. It\'s only a very, very recent phenomenon in the States that Christians of all different churches have banded together and called a truce - largely to preserve their political power as a voting group.
So, you have some Christians would see a benefit to spreading their faith to others. Some Christians who would even call that their highest calling. Other Christians would see the behaviour of others as a threat to their own soul or standing with God.
You'd have to unpack thousands of years of theology and debate to understand where those ideas come from.
The truth is, when it comes to questions like this one, there is no one authority unless YOU choose to accept that authority or interpretation of your faith. You aren't wrong, but you also can't really be right. Just like any religion, there is too much opinion, too much disagreement, too many interpretations and too much nonsense out there to know precisely who has the ultimate truth. Just do the best you can and enjoy the company of the people whose company you enjoy.
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The Question
Last year, I fell and had a concussion. After I was released from the hospital, my best friend offered for my girlfriend and I to crash with him for a while, until I was 100% again. Due to the stress of my injury, he told my girlfriend and I to just sit back and relax for some time. He has cooked large and delicious meals for us since Day 1 and he encouraged us to "get lazy".
Well now its been about a year. I have recovered and we are still staying with him. My girlfriend and I have been sitting watching TV everyday while he has cooked on demand. We have both gained about 60 lbs and started wearing stretch pants and slippers around his house, which he thinks looks bad.
Anyway today, my girlfriend and I were sitting on the couch with our feet up, each holding a bucket of chili. He comes home, sees us, pushes my GF's slippers off the end table, tells us both we cant eat chili on the couch, and screams at us to get up. Then comes the abuse. He asks if the TV remote is under my belly. When we get up, he points out the impression left by my girlfriend's butt on the couch. He then kicks us out saying we've become a couple of gluttons that overstayed our welcome.
The Answer
You are fucking with us.
He was kind to you, and you are now blaming him for making you get lazy. Bullshit.
If this question is true - and I struggle to believe that anyone who could string these sentences together is actually this stupid - then you are a couple of gluttons that overstayed their welcome. Hell, that's about the kindest thing a person could call you in this situation, assuming this situation is anything more than a weak attempt at short form fiction.
I don't know what is going on with you. Maybe some sort of feeder fetish? Maybe a perverse interest in slippers and stretch pants? Whatever it is, you aren't going to get people to take you seriously, even online, when you behave this way.
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The Question
I am 12 yr old girl and want to no wen I should be allowed to do things. First I'm responsible , get good grades, and reasonable. I
Makeup: I have acne so I want to conceal and start putting some on in a yr or two. My mom thinks 15/16
Babysitting / tutu ring: I wanna do it now to prove I'm responsible but my mom thinks 13
Dating: I think dances should be ok in high school and to start real dates jr yr with approval of the boy . Mom thinks 17.
Alone: I want to go shopping and movies with a friend or by myself. With friends I think now and I'll call my mom every hour. Alone I think high school. Mom thinks 15
Shaving legs : I think now . Don't wanna ask mim.
Am I being unreasonable? Is she? What is a good middle ground for a good girl like me? Can u help me convince to that middle ground? Thx
The Answer
Most places have laws that say young people can only babysit children (that aren\'t their immediate family members) once they are 13, or sometimes 14. So on that one, your mom is probably right even if she doesn\'t know it: A lot of people may ignore these rules, but you should really only start babysitting when the rules in your state our country say you can. Do some googling and find out what the rules are where you live.
Make up: If I were you, I\'d push a little. Save up and buy your own. Ask for her help. If she wont give it, ask friends and figure it out. The worst she can do is throw your make up out, and that would be pretty unkind of her. Obviously I don\'t know your mother, but many parents come around when they are confronted with these things, and concerned their daughters will look goofy without their help.
Dating: When a school dance comes up, ask to go. It\'s really that simple. Frankly, I\'ll bet she\'ll say yes. Just ease her into it by asking on a case by case basis.
Frankly, depending on where you live, it\'s possible that you just shouldn\'t go shopping alone as a teenager. Without knowing a thing about your environment, I would suggest you let your mom have this one. Calling her every hour or so seems like a reasonable middle-ground for the time being. Insisting on shopping alone seems unreasonable to me.
Shaving your legs? If you want to start, talk to your mom.
It sounds like your mom is a pretty reasonable lady, but you are both getting trapped into these negotiations way before they need to happen! That might cause her to throw out random numbers, or to assume the worst. Some of these things, like dating, can be tackled as they come up. Talk to her honestly about the one person, or one event, or one set of friends you want to go out with and what you think would be a reasonable limitation or boundaries as those things come up in your life. When you are talking about actual situations - rather than distant hypotheticals - you might find your mom is much more flexible with you.
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The Question
My boyfriend's best friend of several years is a female. She lives several states away and he rarely sees her anymore, but constantly "likes" her photos on Facebook and comments on her posts, etc. I know they talk and text a lot, too. I asked him once if they had ever dated, and he replied that they were like brother and sister.
I found some old photos of them on Facebook where they appear to be somewhat physically intimate. In fact, until I knew who she was, I assumed she was an ex girlfriend. He's giving her hugs, picking her up, giving her piggyback rides, etc.
I know that men and women can be platonic friends, but I don't go beyond hugging my close male friends (not as a rule, it just doesn't happen). She's an attractive girl, and I'm sure he sees that. I simply don't believe that he has no desire to be physically intimate with her given the photographs that I've seen. I've never met her but she's expressed desire to meet me soon. I have absolutely nothing against her, but I just want to know if my beliefs about their relationship are justified; and if so, what should I do about it?
Thank you :)
The Answer
It's pretty unkind to make these sorts of decisions about your boyfriend and this person who is very important to him, who you have never actually met.
If all that is bothering you is pictures on Facebook, I think you might be giving into insecurity and jealously.
Has he probably thought about having sex with her at some point in his life? Sure, but the same can probably be said for most reasonably attractive women he meets in a given day, including cashiers and teachers. Being a in a relationship is not about never being attracted to other people - even friends - it\'s about trust and respect.
If you trust and respect your boyfriend, and he respects you, there is no danger in him being good friends with a pretty girl.
Besides that, what would you say to your boyfriend about your opinions?
Would you tell him he is now forbidden from anything more than a hug with her? Or that he's a dummy who doesn't know how to manage his own friendship with his best friend? Would you tell him this friendship he values so much is abnormal and wrong?
I\'m not sure what you could do to express your opinion to him, and not have him very fairly take offence. You don\'t have the evidence to start saying these sort of things, that will sound very much like accusations or insults.
Meet her. It''s good that she wants to meet you.
Meet her and spend time with them together. If something bothers you about what you see when they are actually together, that might be worth asking your boyfriend to change his boundaries with her, out of respect for the fact he in a relationship. But if you go on the offensive without even meeting her, based only on Facebook photos, you run the risk of treating a good guy, very badly, without justification and loosing out on someone who simply has an attractive female friend.
It's good to keep your eyes open in a new relationship, but stop assuming the worst of your boyfriend. That would kill a relationship just as surely as cheating would.
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