|
Am I overreacting about a recent sexual experience?
I'm going to try to keep the back story brief. About six months ago I got out of a long and tumultuous relationship with someone I really loved, but we just couldn't make it work.
Recently, I've decided it was time to start dating again. I met a guy at a party, asked him if he'd like to go out sometime and he accepted. Our first date was fun and pleasant - I was excited for the second. The second was fun, but something felt off, I think primarily I was tired and should have just gone home after dinner. After some thinking and an awkward interaction on the third date, I told him that I wasn't trying to be in serious relationship at that moment and just needed something very un-serious and slow. He seemed let down, but I explained that it wasn't him, I just couldn't commit to anything. I stated I didn't want to go on more than one date a week. I felt I was very open, reiterating that if that sort of situation didn't work for him I understood and that perhaps in the future - many many months down the line - if things were going well, I might be interested in having something more serious.
Okay, so our fourth date was great, we fooled around and all-in-all I had a great time. He texted me a few days after to see if I wanted to hang out on the weekend, and I said maybe and then decided I didn't want to. He didn't responded to a text for ten hours and was pretty chilly in the texts following.
The night of our fifth date I had a sad (not bad) interaction with my ex and was feeling emotional. I considered cancelling the date, but decided I could rally. My female friend ended up stopping by to check on me and was there when he came over. As we were hanging out I sort got the feeling they were flirting, but decided I was reading too much into things because of my emotional state. We all ended up going to the bar together and he and I didn't end up talking much. We both got very drunk and ended up having a long conversation in which he admitted he was flirting with my friend to make me jealous and I admitted that I felt pressured to hang out more than I wanted because I felt when I said no he got upset. We seemed to work things out and agreed a casual, but sweet sexual relationship was good for both of us.
On Sunday he came over and we attempted sex, but he couldn't in the beginning maintain an erection because he was nervous. I completely understood and we just fooled around. (quick note: I am really strict about using condoms because I'm not on birth control and I don't really know the guy). He offered to give me a back rub which clearly I accepted after rubbing my back for a minute I could tell he had begun to jerk off, which was fine and during this time I thought he had put on a condom. He proceeded to enter me and we started having sex this lasted for about 5 minutes until I looked on my dresser and saw the condom. I immediately stopped and asked if he had put one on to which he responded "no, but I was going to." I was little irritated and wasn't really in the mood after. We laid around talking after and he told me he felt like perhaps he masturbated too much which is why he couldn't perform and I agreed that could have something to do with it. So he asked if we could hook-up twice a week rather than just once because though he didn't want to masturbate as much - if he didn't it messed with his head. I again said I couldn't make that promise, but we could see.
Okay, this is so long, and if you made if this far, thank you. My question is: is the guy kind of a creep or am I just being too hard on him? I've been feeling a little icked out by him since the no condom thing and thought the comment about his sexual needs again seemed some what pressuring...thoughts?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Among the many other issues that are jumping out at me the main one is, you can't trust him! When he chose not to wear that condom without telling you that should have been the end of it right there, point blank period dot! He could have given you God knows what disease(because apparently he chooses not to wear condoms!)or he could have gotten you pregnant!Then there is the masturbation till he can't perform issue, the flirting with the girlfriend issue...He sounds like a first class creeper to me!
]
Nt all guys are trustworthy, not all guys wear condoms and many guys pressure women. These are great reasons not to have casual sexual relationships in the first place. When you choose someone you don't know well as a sexual partner, these are things that can happen.
Ditch him and take the time to find someone who is more respectful. And remember, if anyone ever makes you feel unsafe, don't be afraid to use karate.
Au revoir,
Miss Piggy
]
Do you want to keep seeing him?
I mean really, it drives me a bit wild reading questions like this, that obsesses over what the guy may be thinking, and what he might be feeling, and if maybe she's just expecting too much or being mean... and leave out the most important piece of information:
Do you want to keep seeing him?
Is this someone whose company you enjoy?
I don't like tossing 'creep' at a guy anymore than I like tossing 'whore' at a girl, but the condom thing was not okay. For me, that would be a deal breaker and I'd probably end any sort of sexual relationship right then and there.
The sexual needs comments may have been putting pressure on you, but it was also a frank and honest comment about what works for him sexually. That's not an inherently bad thing.
At the core of all this, we return to my first question:
Do you want to keep seeing him in any capacity?
A guy doesn't have to be a total creep for you to decide he's just not a good match for you. If I were you, I'd look at his behaviour, and his expectations around sex, shrug my shoulders and say "This isn't the guy I want to be with in any way. I don't trust his judgment and think his approach to sex is a bit warped."
He doesn't have to be a bad, bad evil creep for you to choose not to have sex with him! Maybe he's a really lovely guy. There are lots of really lovely guys I don't want to have sex with. Feeling just 'ick' or 'meh' about someone, is an entirely valid reason to not date them, or sleep with them, or have any sort of casual thing with them!
Just decide if this is someone you want to spend more time with, or not. Then do that.
]
More Questions: |