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What Age Should I Be Allowed To Do These Things?
I am 12 yr old girl and want to no wen I should be allowed to do things. First I'm responsible , get good grades, and reasonable. I
Makeup: I have acne so I want to conceal and start putting some on in a yr or two. My mom thinks 15/16
Babysitting / tutu ring: I wanna do it now to prove I'm responsible but my mom thinks 13
Dating: I think dances should be ok in high school and to start real dates jr yr with approval of the boy . Mom thinks 17.
Alone: I want to go shopping and movies with a friend or by myself. With friends I think now and I'll call my mom every hour. Alone I think high school. Mom thinks 15
Shaving legs : I think now . Don't wanna ask mim.
Am I being unreasonable? Is she? What is a good middle ground for a good girl like me? Can u help me convince to that middle ground? Thx
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Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
Hello!
Makeup: I think you should use makeup at around 14/15. You don't even need to use makeup to cover up your acne you can always moisturize, and wash your face with a face scrub.
Babysitting: I think you should start babysitting at the age of 15/16, because babysitting at age 12 is way too young in my opinion.
Dating: I think you should start dating in your sophomore or junior year of high school, because dating at this age again is way too young (in my opinion), because there's too much drama, and I'm in middle school all my friends are dating, and there's always some kind of drama, and they only date for around a week. The longest was around 3 months. I believe that at this age dances are fine.
Alone: At the age of 12 is when your mom should consider you to be a little independent. In my opinion I think you should be able to go out with friends alone, go shopping alone, but you also have to gain your mom's trust, so when you're going out call her every hour or so, don't have her call you.
Shaving legs: In my opinion I think you can shave at any age just because it's your own body, it's a temporary thing, and it's not something you should really freak out about.
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Hi,
I will give advice to your questions in the same order you asked them. Sorry if this is too long.
Makeup: You say in a year or two, which would make you 13/14, and mom says 15/16. Those two are very close together, so it might happen that mom lets you when you are 14. Make up can make acne worse, which it did for me, I wouldn't suggest putting it on your acne anyway. Try washing your face with face wash/pimple wash. Anything you can buy at a shop could help; you don't need a fancy TV-only $100 cream to help.
Babysitting/tutoring: Babysitting is a big responsibility for anyone, especially a 12, 13 or 14 year old. However, mom has said 13, which is only a year away! Hang in there, it will come sooner than expected :)
It is great that you want to show you're responsible, but one of the most responsible things you can do is listen to your mom.
Dating: I am from Australia and not the USA, so I don't understand everything about high school dances. But if you're not in high school yet, you still have a few years before you need to start worrying about the dances.
Boys can be trouble, as you have probably heard about and seen on TV, they can cause a lot of tears and heartbreak! You're mom mistrusts the boys, not you. She is worried about a boy hurting you, not worried about you being irresponsible. Try see it from this point of view, and you'll understand your mom's reasons.
Alone: You sound like a reasonable and responsible girl, but even bad things can happen to responsible girls. There are bad people in the world, and I am sure your mom is just worried about something happening to you while you are at the mall. 12 is a young age to go shopping with just your friends. I didn't start until I was 14, and that was with a big group of friends, straight from school together, and then I stayed with friends until my mom picked me up. And the Mall I went to was filled with other school kids because it was a popular place. But even at that popular mall there were weird men every now and then. One followed my sister around and she had to get a security guard when she was 16!
Shaving legs: Shaving is different for every girl. Some girls who are something like Indian or Italian may start earlier because they naturally have thick, dark hairs on their body. I have light hair and didn't start shaving my legs until I was 14, but I knew girls who started at 13 and 12. Every culture is different though, and maybe it is normal in Australia to shave at 13, but not in the US.
You sound embarrassed to ask your mom, but she was the same as you at your age. All girls go through the confusing stage of "To shave, or not to shave?". Shaving can make the hairs come back more noticeable, so once you start you can't stop (unless of course you decide to stop, which is perfectly OK). She has been through what you're going through, with all these problems and questions. Ask her when she started shaving her legs, and ask for her advice on when you should start too. Your mom is a great source of advice, some things you can't rely on the internet for.
If you feel like your legs hairs are getting noticeably long and dark, and you want to shave, tell your mum. She can buy you the stuff you need and can help you if you're confused. A lot of girls try to hide it and accidentally cut their skin. If it is a small cut, it doesn't hurt too much but you will be able to see red dots on your skin. It is also possible to give yourself a big cut if you slip or shave the wrong way, so ask your mum for help :)
Good luck, you sound like a smart girl so I know these issues will sort themselves out throughout the years.
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Well I do have to say your parents are pretty strict. I was aloud to wear makeup at any age, but I wasn't aloud to over do it. Around your age I could hangout with my friends alone to. I had a boyfriend in 7th grade. Like people have said your parents are doing this, because they love you, I would sit down with your parents and talk to them about this situation. I would suggest asking them how you can gain their trust and responsibility. Hopefully then your parents can help set ground rules. Most likely if everything goes well the can trust you with the little things until they know they can trust you with the big things. I hope this helps.
BTW Im 15 and I want a permit to drive. So im in a situation of my parents being able to give me extreme responsibility so hang in their. Soon you will be asking to drive to.
:)
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Your parents obviously have rules because they love you. They want the best for you. They have experienced more and no better than you.
If you have a legitimate point to make, parents—might be willing to hear you out.
The secret to success is how you present your case! The following steps will help you to do so more effectively:
1. Identify the problem. Below, write the issue that you and your parents can’t seem to agree on.
2. Identify the feeling. Below, write a word that describes how your parents’ stand on the issue makes you feel—whether hurt, sad, embarrassed, distrusted, or other. (Example: Your parents’ strict curfew leaves you feeling embarrassed in front of your friends.)
3. Think like a parent. Imagine that you have a teenager who is facing the same issue that you named in Step 1. Assuming the role of a parent, what would be your biggest concern, and why? (Example: Your parents might feel fear for your safety.)
Reassess the issue. Answer the following questions:
What merit can you see in your parents’ point of view?
What can you do to address their concerns?
1. Discuss the matter with your parents and brainstorm solutions. By applying the steps outlined above—and considering the suggestions in the box “ Communication Tips”—you might find that you can communicate with your parents on a more mature level.
COMMUNICATION TIPS
“Listening will get you a lot further than yelling. If you listen to your parents and try to understand their viewpoint, they’ll likely do the same for you.”— Read Philippians 2:3, 4.
“Don’t talk back! I did that repeatedly until I finally realized that an argument (and punishment) could have been avoided if I had just controlled my tongue!”-Read Proverbs 17:27; 21:23.
“Wait until things are calm, when you know that your parents will be willing to listen.”—Read Proverbs 25:11.
“Your parents need to know that you respect them and that you’re really listening to what they’re saying. So before you tell them how you feel, assure them that you heard what they said and that you understand it.”—Read Proverbs 23:22; James 1:19.
For example, suppose they are reluctant to let you attend a certain gathering. Instead of arguing, you could ask, “What if a mature, trustworthy friend came along with me?” Your parents may not always grant your requests; but if you understand their concerns, you have a better chance of suggesting an acceptable option.
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just always do what your mom says. You sound like a very good person, you are on the right track. But your mom tells you things for a reason, she is wise and has been where you are. She knows the world and how it works. Please just do as she says and I promise you will one day look back and see she was right, and she is.
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yes some of the things here you speak of are not totally unreasonable, but your mom also has to try to look out for you in a time where the world isnt the safest place anymore. Almost any younger woman is a walking target for kidnapping, rape, purse snatching etc. So i understand as a mother how you going out alone would scare her.
Going with a a couple of girlfriends would be your best option, and maybe have her pick you up and drop you off at the mall or where ever so you get time with your friends, but she can be somewhere else not too far away and just pick you up again when you or she is done running errands or something.
as for shaving your legs, i want to address something here that i noticed someone else say that is a complete myth. Shaving your legs does NOT make the hair grow back in thicker. what happens is because your shaver is cutting the hair at an ANGLE, and not taking the whole hair out by the root. it grows back again looking like its thicker when in fact is it NOT. so if thats your moms argument for not letting you shave your legs then thats excuses and not true at all. i know this. i went to cosmetology school and learned how to professionally wax people. i myself shaved for years and now wax because its just way easier.
If your leg hair is bothering you now that your getting older then you should let you mom know so that she can prepare you for starting to shave, if not just let it go until you have to. I know that some things older women do might LOOK cool because its a sign of being mature, but trust me when i say that shaving legs every few days is really just a pain in the but that you wanna put off as long as possible. ; ) lol.
makeup: this can be tricky, makeup is meant to bring out your natural beauty, not cover up acne, if you have acne like the others said you should talk to your doctor first because lots of make up like foundations and what not can just clog your pores more and make everything worse. if you wanted to wear just some eye liner and some eye shadow though (very subtle stuff) that might be do-able. but no full facial stuff until that acne is taken care of. its just too risky, and im sure you dont want permanent scares on your face either.
good luck. = )
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As a parent it would not be right for me to impose my belief on your mother. Though there are some of your questions I can answer without imposing on your mom.
1. Makeup: You have acne. I would suggest you ask your dermatologist what he or she thinks of you wearing makeup. It is possible that some makeup will make you acne worse rather than just conceal it. In other words make sure you won't do more harm to your face before you argue with mom.
2. Babysitting: As a general rule most states require a babysitter to be at least 13 or 14 before they can baby sit for a non-family member. Some states are now also requiring babysitters to register and take a babysitting course which I believe the red cross is giving.
Being 12 you most likely have at least a year to wait during which time you can take the babysitting course if required.
3. Dating: This has to be mom and dads decision. As parents we only have our own experienced to fall back on as kids don't come with owners manuals. Mom is not all that far off in so far as going on a date with just one guy. She may be more agreeable to a group date or double dating at an earlier age as their is safety in numbers.
4. Shaving your legs: Once you start shaving your legs you have to continue as the hair grows darker and thicker. While there was no strict rule as to when a girl should start shaving. I felt puberty should be the guide. As a girls body changes and she goes from leggings to stockings is when shaving should be allowed. Just when this age is differs with each girl.
5. Shopping alone. I hope you mean without mom and not just by yourself. Because of how things are to day no woman should ever go anywhere alone. It is horrible to say but unfortunately it is the truth. Never go anywhere unless you have someone with you.
As to what age you can go shopping without mom? This is something best left up to mom as she knows you best and best knows where you wish to go.
I can't say you're being unreasonable or that mom is either. For your part your a preteen in a hurry to grow up, your normal. For moms part she is trying to deal with a time in your life she is very uncomfortable with. She knows she has to allow you to grow up, which is a good thing. This is a good thing but as I said earlier as parents we are flying by the seat of our pants here really not know the when or how to do this. She is trying and she very likely will adjust her times as you grow older and show her your maturity level.
Right now you say you are responsible and hopefully you are. Responsibility and maturity are two different things. You may be very mature for your age, still you are only 12. IF you continue to bug mom on these things what in essence she is seeing is an immature child and will probably not adjust her time table. For now accept what she has said as for the most part for the questions you have asked you are too young to do any of them with the exception of maybe a little makeup.
If you really want to wear some makeup suggest to mom you see your dermatologist and see how the doctors feels. You never know the doctor may support you in which case mom will give in because the doctor is suggesting so. By suggesting to see what the doctor says is a way of showing your majority by asking for an outside opinion. Just be ready for an answer you will not like if the doctor say no make up as it is harmful.
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Most places have laws that say young people can only babysit children (that aren't their immediate family members) once they are 13, or sometimes 14. So on that one, your mom is probably right even if she doesn't know it: A lot of people may ignore these rules, but you should really only start babysitting when the rules in your state our country say you can. Do some googling and find out what the rules are where you live.
Make up: If I were you, I'd push a little. Save up and buy your own. Ask for her help. If she wont give it, ask friends and figure it out. The worst she can do is throw your make up out, and that would be pretty unkind of her. Obviously I don't know your mother, but many parents come around when they are confronted with these things, and concerned their daughters will look goofy without their help.
Dating: When a school dance comes up, ask to go. It's really that simple. Frankly, I'll bet she'll say yes. Just ease her into it by asking on a case by case basis.
Frankly, depending on where you live, it's possible that you just shouldn't go shopping alone as a teenager. Without knowing a thing about your environment, I would suggest you let your mom have this one. Calling her every hour or so seems like a reasonable middle-ground for the time being. Insisting on shopping alone seems unreasonable to me.
Shaving your legs? If you want to start, talk to your mom.
It sounds like your mom is a pretty reasonable lady, but you are both getting trapped into these negotiations way before they need to happen! That might cause her to throw out random numbers, or to assume the worst. Some of these things, like dating, can be tackled as they come up. Talk to her honestly about the one person, or one event, or one set of friends you want to go out with and what you think would be a reasonable limitation or boundaries as those things come up in your life. When you are talking about actual situations - rather than distant hypotheticals - you might find your mom is much more flexible with you.
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Taking personally to your mum can be hard but I think she will be understanding and work with your feelings. Give her reasons why and try to understand her reasons as well. good luck
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You do sound like a very mature young lady! I am sure your mom thinks so to. I'll bet if you continue to show her how mature and responsible you are she will be a little more agreeable to letting you do some of these things a bit sooner. As far as your acne goes you do need to ask mom for some medication for that, maybe even a doctors appointment if it is very bad. Unfortunately trying to conceal it with make up usually just clogs the pores and makes it worse! It also wouldn't hurt to have a mature talk with mom about starting to shave your legs. She might agree to it sooner than you think! No matter what she decides just remember she loves you very much and she is doing what she thinks is best for you so please appreciate her for that. Some kids have moms who really don't care what they do. You may think that sounds great but it isn't. These kids would much rather have someone who loves them enough to help them make good decisions. I think you have a great future ahead of you! Don't forget to tell your mom thanks for caring and Happy Mothers Day!
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