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Im ruining everything. i really want a boyfriend but as soon as they like me back i stop liking them! why?
I'm 14 years old.I liked a boy that was 15 but as soon as he liked me back i stopped.So he stopped too.When i realized he stopped i liked him again.. so he did too and then again i stopped.He thought i was playing him but i really wasn't.This happens to me all the time and because of that now he hates me.He likes another girl now and i don't really wanna admit to myself that i like him because i know he will never like me again and if he does i will stop liking him.I played him for like 4-5months and i feel really bad now.I don't understand i even cried for him i thought that i really like him but i quess i didn't.This happened with my ex boyfriend too..What should i do.. i really want a boyfriend but as soon as they like me back i stop..Please help.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Time for a bit of soul-searching, I think. It might be best if you took a little time off from the whole 'boyfriend' thing. From what you're telling me, you push away anyone who expresses an interest in you. For a lot of people, this comes from fear. Fear that you're not good enough, fear that you don't deserve the attention, fear that you're going to be hurt, fear of rejection. People who think this way tend to hurt the other person first so they don't get hurt themselves. (Of course, there are those who just like hurting others for fun, but I'm pretty sure that's not the case with you.)
Ask yourself a few questions: what am I good at? What really makes me happy with life? What makes me worth knowing and spending time with? What's the worst thing that could happen if somebody breaks up with me?
If you can be happy with yourself, and you can face the idea of rejection without falling apart, then you'll be a better partner and friend. (Remember: 'boyfriend' includes 'friend'. Too many people focus on 'boy' or 'girl' and leave out the friend part.)
Hope this helps!
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You shouldn't do anything. Maybe you aren't ready for a boyfriend yet!
Take some time for yourself. Have a bubble bath, eat a nice dessert and enjoy some "me" time. There will be plenty of time for frogs later.
Miss Piggy
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This is what it means to 'not be ready to be in a relationship'.
You just aren't there yet! There is nothing be ashamed of, but stop giving yourself a hard time about it. Being honest about that might help boys not feel 'played' as well. It's okay to be attracted to guys, and develop feelings for some of them, but if you are wigged out by the idea of being in a relationship right now, then don't be in a relationship.
You aren't 'sabotaging' a relationship if you aren't interested in a relationship! That's fine. Some times, in your life, you'll only want to have a crush or a little fling, but when it becomes more than that, you loose interest. It's okay not to want every guy you might like a bit, as a boyfriend.
Don't pick on yourself. You might want a 'boyfriend' the way you want a new phone, but that's not enough. When you are ready to be in a relationship, you'll want it. If you don't want it, you aren't ready, or they aren't right match for you.
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The only real obvious difference between having a girlfriend and a boyfriend is that with males, there is the romantic aspect of the relationship, and since you;re of an age that puberty has brought those normal feelings of finding attention from a guy special and exciting, thats all that is different.
When it comes to being in a relationship, it is just as important to have a guy be like a close friend or best friend, as it is for the girls who are your friends.
Do you have problems making friends with girls dear? Do you stop liking them the moment they like you? I hardly think so. How you become friends and stay friends with a girl should be the same way and for the same reasons with a guy.
Even adults who are single really need to do the same thing. Of course there should be that tingly special feeling and attraction to the opposite sex, but the friendship part is the other thing important to a healthy relationship with the opposite sex.
The problem is when two people get together only for the kissing and exploring their sexuality type stuff and they have nothing in common and are not good friends. The other problem is when a guy ends up friend zoned. They are really good at being best friends and have much in common and he likes the girl and is attracted to her but she is either afraid of being used for sex, and likes or loves him but doesnt realize it cus those feelings kinda snuck up on her later.
My guess is that something deep inside your mind is what you fear and this fear is causing you to sabotage any possible relationship. If you don't discover what you are afraid of, or if you know but choose to never deal with it, then you just may end up being an adult who never finds romance, marries and has kids. That is okay if thats what you want. But since you say you really want a boyfriend, I am guessing not.
Do you know why you want a boyfriend? Most teen girls want one cus its a social thing, they want to look like one of the bunch, doing the same thing. Because other girls have a boyfriend, they want one just to look cool, normal and feel they fit in better. Others want a boy at their side like an accessory, to look good. Like the shoes, or purse they have with an outfit, or the necklace they wear with a certain outfit. The fewest amount of girls at your age get it right and actually become friends with the guy and they develop strong feelings for each other. They respect each other and take things slow and never pressure each other for more than is appropriate at their age or what limits parents have set or ones personal comfortability and self set limits.
I can't help but think that you are afraid of not having control over any limits or boundaries in a relationship. If a guy likes you and you like him, its important to spend enough time hanging out with him to discover if you are not just attracted by looks but have things in common, and if your initial attraction to his looks fade and you feel no special chemistry to him. When you start out with a guy by telling him you like him, make sure he understands you like him enough to spend more time together to see if you will like him enough to spend more time with him, exclusively, thats another level of being 'boyfriend-girlfriend', dating relationship...where both people realize they are very happy with each other and don't want to keep looking for anyone else, this then is a commited relationship. At your age, this kind of relationship doesnt last too long, months sometimes, or maybe up to a year. The option of dating is to learn something from each person you like and date and improve on that with the next person. You also need to discover what you don't like about a guy.
So when you first have a guy say he likes you, if you are remotely interested, then say you have interest in him too but need to spend more time with him to get to know him and decide if you like him enough to want to go from just friends, to BF/GF. You also let him know at the beginning what boundaries you will not allow to be crossed, cus if he does, you'll break up. Take control like this in the beginning and you shouldnt have any reason to worry, fear or stop liking a guy.
Here's an example of setting a boundary: If we're going to be BF-GF, I want to say that I expect you to honor my wishes and boundaries I discuss as things come up, and treat me like a lady. For anything else we aren't sure about, I will ask you questions when I am not sure what you mean and I want you to do the same.
Remember, a boy is a human with feelings too that can be hurt. Don't treat him in any way you wouldn't want him to treat you. You do realize that if it wasn't you having commitment issues, then if the guy liked you and stopped liking you, back and forth, You'd get tired of putting up with that yourself.
All teens just starting the dating thing have no experience, everyone starts somewhere. It's okay to not know how to go about it and that shouldn't keep you from trying.
Perhaps you've seen other kids break up or have witnessed your parents or other adult couples with difficulties or who break up. Just because they have issues does not mean you will. You may not have had a good example growing up to model your behavior after when it comes to getting into a friendship or relationship with a guy, but you can't always read up on it on the net, in books, watch dating and relationship video on the net. PUt in a phrase like "dating do's and don'ts for girls" You'll be able to tell who video is just silly goofing off stuff, or someone who is a true relationship expert with many helpful videos.
Good luck dear. If you have anything more on this you wish to share or discuss, just write me.
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