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What problems can occur when there is a vast age difference?
I'm 19 and he's 27. We've been dating for 4 months, we're in love and I can't picture my future without him. Though, I'm afraid problems will occur regarding our age difference. Not so much what people think and say, more of me worrying if it will cause problems between us.
Whenever we go grocery shopping, he can't buy alcohol with me. I can't go with him to any event that is serving alcohol. It makes me feel utterly indifferent, I have 3 more years until I can drink. That's just one problem that has occurred regarding the age difference.
I would just like know, do any of you fellow Yahoo users know of any cliche and or very real situations that can occur because of a vast age difference in a relationship? I'm not looking for relief, I would just like to know of what could come and prepare for it.
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One bad thing that could happen in this situation is that you might grow up too fast. You are at a stage of life where experimentation is important, finding a career/field of interest is important and discovering yourself is important. At 27 he has already discovered most of those things. He may not be as interested in this type of self-discovery. Also, he may push you into settling down and starting a family before you are ready.
Alternatively, he may be interested in you specifically because you are younger. This presents a whole new set of problems. Maybe he has commitment issues, so he wants to date somebody younger than him who probably isn't looking to get married right away. You don't want to become somebody's plaything.
That being said, follow your heart. If you love the guy, stick with him. You are both adults even if he is quite a bit older than you.
Miss Piggy
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this is a very good, and REAL question. Well lemme give you a little back history on ME first. I started going out with my man when i was 14 and he was newly 21 (so if you think your situation was bad think of mine) lol.
Now REALLY what you want to think about is if what you have here really is love first off. Because if it IS, then none of what your asking about will matter to him when it comes to this stuff because he will just want to be with you no matter where you are.
What you want to think about is, your stages in life. Are you and him at the stage places in your lives to where you can make it work? for example: is he willing to wait until YOUR ready to marry and have kids in the future, or will he grow to resent you because your not old enough to be at that stage in life yet. ((i know that this totally sounds off the wall btw. i realize that)) but with having an older man, this can really be a relationship damper.
He cant take you out and show you off to friends his own age, because you cant even be around his older friends who might wanna drink.
And if your together long enough, he will want to start a family and have kids sooner then you might be ready to, which might mean giving up on going to school (depending on what you want to do obviously) so youll want to try to prepare yourself for that, because there comes a point in a mans life (normally) where they start to think "ok its time to stop dicking around and settle down and get serious about my life" and this WILL probably include a wife and children. so that at least in my mind will be your biggest issue. As long as you can grow WITH him and allow him to work on his carrier or do whatever it is he needs to do when it comes to building up a life in the future for the two of you in the long term, you should be ok.
(youll also need to make sure you allow him to go out with his buddies still to have fun even if its without you and not get all jealous or weird about it because he may start to think that a female his OWN age "wouldnt be like this") also try to make sure you keep your own life and go do fun things with YOUR friends as well.
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I personally donot think you should start worrying about it now.. you are barely 19. Take things the way they come.. donot look into other people's words, just analyze the sitautions which occur and will occur in your daily life..as for known cliches due to age difference let me tell you..couples can only be together on their mutual understanding.. Age can only act like any other factor which causes tubulance in mutual understanding..not a big issue otherwise..
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Well I don't think your age difference is a problem. The only thing I can see being a problem out of this is that people would judge you despite your age difference between you and your boyfriend. I don't think there's any other reason you should be worried about unless your parents would have a problem with it.
Hope I helped
Latoline ^__^
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Other than him looking significantly older than you maybe later on in life....
Unless you're worried about that theres not much.
I'm from the UK
Drinking age is 18!
But to be honest, the age gap will only be a problem if say...
Your boyfriend wants kids and you aren't ready.
But since the woman getting older is the problem with natural birth then its not that much of a problem.
You have an 8 year gap. That's not a 10 year gap. Not a 15 year gap like my grandparents. Not a 50 year gap like Bernie Ecclestone and his current wife!
You'll be okay.
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Well I'm not a Yahoo user, but I'll help you out. First, I want to say that your age difference may seem pretty big now, but 20 years from now it won't be that crazy. One thing that can result from a big age difference is that you have experienced different things in life so far and you might want to do things he's already done or he might want to do things you don't want to do yet. For example, he's probably already done that whole college party scene and might not be interested in that any more whereas you might be looking forward to that kind of freedom and fun. Or he might want to have a kid soon and that's not your plan for a long time away. I would try to not act irrationally. All relationships have things to work through. What's important is that both of you are happy. I would urge you to express your feelings to your boyfriend to see what he thinks as well.
Good luck!
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age is just a number that is how you should view it.
yes there is the issue where you can not drink but there are ways around that you both need to sit down and chat about it! I have been there done that the only issues i had was the maturity levels will be different the fact that you are seeking advice and shows that you are mature enough to cope with whatever situation that may come up. Dont worry your self over your age difference its just a number
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8 yrs is a big difference to you now but in a few yrs it will not make much of a difference. As you get older the age gap doesn't seam as much as a gap then before. Big difference between 7 &15 or 10& 18 but not that big of a diffence for 20 &28. Or 35 & 43
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I don't think there will be a problem with it unless you go looking for one. If either of you place this much importance on whether or not you can purchase alcohol I am not sure age is going to be the major problem in this relationship! Are you seriously saying that he can't go without alcohol long enough to get through a date? And if he wants to buy alcohol in the grocery store then why can't you wait in the car while he gets it? I had a good relationship with a man 18 years my senior(we have two lovely daughters but sadly he passed away at the age of 57) and these things you are mentioning seem trivial to me but then we didn't drink alcohol, so go figure!
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Your about 8 years younger than he is. As you get older the age gap matters less and less. For example, if you were 30 and he was 38 it would probably be fine. However because your only 19 there are some pretty common problems that can come with this age gap.
First of all you are very inexperienced in terms of relationships and sexuality. (Not to say anything about you personally, we all were at age 19.) Most 19 year olds have not found themselves as adults in the world yet. You are going to learn a lot about yourself in the next four years. You might discover what you want to do in terms of a career. What types of crowds you like and what types you don't like. You'll start developing opinions about things that never crossed your mind before. Young adulthood is for finding the yes's and No's of life. Yes I like this, no I don't like that, I'm curious about this, ect.
Your BF has already gone through this. This gives him a lot of power over you in most ways. For example, rather then letting you decide how you feel about something he might just choose for you. When your dating someone your own age you go through this process of discovery together so one persons opinion won't dominate the others so much. One thing that happens in these situations is that the younger person becomes more like the child of the older person rather than their equal partner.
Try and be attentive of this. Does he let you make up your own mind about things? Does he encourage you to explore, learn and discover? If the answer is yes, then maybe it's okay to date him despite the age gap. Does he seem controlling and possessive over you? Does he try and isolate you so you don't interact with people your own age or your family? If the answer is yes, then this is NOT a healthy relationship. The power dynamic is abusive and you should not date this guy!!! If this is the case advocate for yourself and break up with him! You deserve the experience of young adulthood don't let him take it from you!
People that like being controlling and abusive in relationships are attracted to dating young adults (18-21). Not everyone that dates a young adult is looking to abuse the power dynamic but many of them are. Be aware of this. People that want to abuse power like personalities that are naive, inexperienced and looking for guidance. This is why the age gap matters so much for you at your age.
Yes you are in totally different places in life! He can't take you to participate in most of the social activities in his life! He won't be able to for three more years! For most people this is a deal breaker in a relationship. Why would date someone when you can't share social experiences together? This makes the motives of the older person very questionable. Have you met his friends? Does he tell people about you? Is going to the bar as a single man trying to pick up women? Have you two had a discussion about this?
I hope this helps,
Good luck honey
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The biggest challenges will be the one presented by entering different stages of life. The difference in needs and desires between a student, and a young worker for example, but not everyone goes through those stages at the same time. It's good to know that those times, when your lives are in drastically different places, are going to be the biggest challenges, because you'll be preparing and doing different things. He may be saving for a house, while you are still taking out debt to go to school. You'll need to be able to talk about, and agree on how to handle, those very important differences in your life stages. People who are the same age, and doing the same things (in school, starting careers) can make certain assumptions that you and your boyfriend shouldn't.
The other thing - which no one else really mentioned - is you need to watch out for older people who prefer dating younger than themselves because it gives them power. A lot of people do choose younger partners because people their own age have more experience, and are more likely to call them on their bullshit.
Watch out for being treated like your choices or opinions aren't as valid as his are. Watch out for being talked down too, or isolated from your current friends or support group. Watch out for someone who uses their age and experience as a way to invalidate or shame you when you express unhappiness or opinions that are different from theirs. I dated a lot of older guys when I was in my twenties, and even some of the otherwise good ones had moments or issues where they failed to treat me as a complete equal because of my age. If you are in a relationship, you have to be respected as an equal, even if you are younger and less experienced. You want advice and support from your boyfriend - not instructions on how to live.
Four months in is still pretty early days... you want to make sure that this is a guy who can treat you as his equal and his partner, despite the fact he is older than you. Keep your eyes open.
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As far as I'm concerned you are both adults and your ages are just numbers. It is really up to you two as to whether or not you let the difference in the numbers be a problem.
Yes there are some establishments that do not allow people under the legal age to drink on their premises. There are just as many that do allow under age adults on their premises, they just do not serve them. The law provides they not be served; it says nothing about the underage person drinking from their date’s glass. This is a loophole in the law that some owners are willing to take a chance with, others are not so they exclude those under the legal drinking age.
As for other problems you might face, those are really up to you. My in-laws were 6 years apart in age with my father in-law being the younger person. Yes my mother in-law was teased that she robbed the cradle. Her answer was, "so what." She believed as I do that their ages were just a number, if anyone had a problem it was their problem not hers. They married, had a loving relationship that produced a son and daughter. I married their daughter and got the better end of the deal as I got her mother for a mother in-law.
There is nothing to prepare for. If you love each other then any obstacles people might throw in your direction can be overcome. The only warning I will throw out is he being 27, has already sown his wild oats and is ready to settle down. At 19 you have not experienced many of the things young adults will experience in their early 20's. If you can reconcile fore going these experiences then you can have a wonderful life together.
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what could possibly happen is that he will 1. get annoyed by not being able to go places with you because of age 2. start to feel embarrassed because of your age or 3. allow his friends/family to make him think you are the wrong girl for him.......... in my Opinion your age is no issue. drinking should not be the main topic of a relationship, if he wants to drink or go out for drinks take his friends and just understand that you cannot. if he loves you and really wants this relationship to work he'll he okay. GOOD LUCK. With Kisses, Kiera XOXOX
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