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restarting a relationship
Is it possible & worth cleaning the slate & restarting a 15yr relationship when he has cheated & lied about it to your face for 6yrs that you know of! And you ALWAYS believed him when you ask him questions,and he also tries to avoid or stay on the question. Basically BROKE my trust & faith in him! And other issues in relationship but KNOWS he cares & have tried to breakup before but ALWAYS drawn back! THERE IS A COSMIC LIKE CONNECTION BETWEEN US lim 35 he is 37
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
There is a rumor floating around that all relationships need to be built on trust. This implies that if we plan on dating someone, we have to trust them. This is simply not true. It is hard to find honest people in this world. Sometimes we fall in love with liars.
Follow your heart. There are lessons to learn from dating people like this.
It is okay to date a rotten liar as long as you are not afraid to admit that the guy is a rotten liar. Don't make excuses for him. Don't pretend that he will change. Tell it like it is. Tell him you want to get back together with him because you love him but that he is a rotten liar and that he does not even try to be a good boyfriend.
If you take him back, don't let him off the hook.
And in the meantime, treat yourself to a nice dessert. You deserve it after all of the garbage you have been put through.
Good luck,
Miss Piggy
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Hi,
This must be very difficult for you, as you feel like you two are connected.
I will be honest, if I were in your situation, I would not go back to him. He cheated for 6 years! That shows me that he is comfortable with and capable of lying, cheating, and hurting you for 6 years straight!
You say you know he cares, but to me it sounds like he doesn't care about hurting you.
On the other hand, you have to make the decision, not me. So you have to ask yourself; am I OK with being cheated on and lied to again? There is a possibility of it happening again, so think about it seriously before giving him another chance. If you're not OK with it, and you think it is not worth it, don't let him come back to you. Maybe you're more than he deserves.
Good luck
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I can make this one short and sweet. Is it possible to restart it? Yes. Should you? NO. Wait, maybe I didn't make myself clear. NO. There is no cosmic connection so please don't romanticize it. He doesn't care about you and he just wants to use you some more. You just don't realize you deserve better that's all.
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I wish you had provided a bit more information about your relationship. Are you two married, do you have children? Is his cheating a long term affair or with several different affairs.
The reason for the question is that for questions such as yours. I feel it is not our place, generally, to tell you what to do but to give you guidance as to what you might want to do. There are times when it is best to end a relationship; most of this time it is when the wife or person writing to us is being abused.
When one party in a relationship cheats there is a reason for it. Sometimes it is the fault of the other party and sometimes it is not. Most of the time it is the result of some insecurity on the part of the person cheating.
You ask; "Is it possible & worth cleaning the slate & restarting a 15yr relationship." I really cannot answer this question as I do not know you, but you can answer this question by honestly answering these questions:
1. Do I still love him?
2. Can I learn to forgive him?
3. Will I ever learn to trust and respect him?
These are three very important questions for which I believe the answer must be yes before you can move forward.
If you do not love him anymore, can you learn to love him again? If you cannot forgive him why can't you. Last why can't you learn to trust and respect him again? These are the questions you need to answer to those questions you have answered no to. When you have answered this question or questions then you have one more question to ask yourself. Will counseling help resolve these or these issues you have?
I have gone through this process of self-questioning with you for I believe you are on the fence of whether or not to go through the effort and pain of the process of cleaning the slate & restarting. I believe when you go through this process you will have the answer and it will be the correct answer for you.
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Honestly? No, it doesn't sound like things will change. You may feel like you are being drawn back to him but this may simply be because it is what you know having been with him for so long. Don't stay with someone who lies and cheats on you all the time; you can do better than this.
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NO! if for 15 years 6 of them he has put you through all of that then let it go. Regardless if you love him and care about him vice versa DOESNT mean you both are meant to be. He broke the trust and faith , sometimes thats a deal breaker , at 35&37 you both should just move on to see what else could possibly be out there. I think you should weigh your options GOOD LUCK!
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