I am a real live adult who couldn't care less about ratings. If you want intelligent advice or an educated opinion, I'm here.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Microbiologist
Age: 24
Member Since: May 3, 2006
Answers: 670
Last Update: September 8, 2006
Visitors: 29021
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What do you think about a guy that you ask over on a date, and he continually disses you?
I invited this guy over that I had liked for a long time.
I have a small but clean and nicely decorated appartment. Well he would say mean things about it, like when his tea got cold I told him I could zap it in my microwave and he said sarcastically "oh you have one of those"? Then when I asked him if he wanted to watch one of my movies he said "oh, it's the movie queen,". But the way he said it wasn't complimentary. Then he started asking me questions about my finaces! I kept trying to enagage him in conversation by showing him pictures but he looked completely bored. I felt very uncomfortable. I thought if I guy was into you he would say things to make you like him better. But the way he was acting it's like he was purposely trying to make me not like him.
Why do you think he was acting like this? He's still trying to be my friend. What should I do? (link)
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Whats wrong with you? Cut off ties and show yourself some respect.
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I have been involved with a guy for over 2 years. We have a near perfect relationship. He is my best friend and the person I know God sent to me to spend the rest of my life with. My boyfriend says he feels the same way. We recently graduated from college and were lucky enough to have found jobs in the same city. We have been living together for over eight months and especially the last three months, we couldn't be happier. I now find myself constantly thinking about marriage and looking at dresses and engagement rings. Is that normal?
He says that he is ready to marry me but he doesn't want to spend the money it cost to buy me an engagement ring. The ring that I have chosen cost $3000 and he claims that is too much to spend on a ring. I told him that I don't care how much he pays for a ring as long as he puts a lot of thought in the ring he chooses. Lately, he constantly reminds me of the $3000 ring and makes me feel as if it is my fault that engagement rings are so expensive. What should I do or say to him to convince him that I just want a nice ring? Also, what can I do to convince him that this is not a time to be a cheap-skate and that a decent ring will cost over $1000? (link)
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He can't pay $3000 for you engagement right? Yeah, it's all about your love and all that is whats important and blah blah blah, but darling let me tell you: if you aren't worth $3000 now, what are you going to have to be settling for later?
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What I'm dealing with here is an 8-month relationship with a girl 6 years younger than me. I'm 26, she's 20... I treat her with a lot of respect and am always there when she needs me, and she is always there for me, too, up until this point. Prior to what happened, our relationship really seemed 50/50. Her mother, who is in bad health, has decided that I'm "controlling, possessive, insensitive, lacking all social manners" and has told this girl that if she ever thinks about marrying me, she will not approve, and if she gets pregnant by me, she'll be disowned.
I feel this is totally wrong. My parents would not do this to me, and I am at a loss to understand it. She and I are happy with each other, at least that's what she tells me. She says she loves me "more than you know," but cannot be torn anymore. She says she wants to be friends, and "maybe someday" things can be different. She says she doesn't want her mother to die resenting me, because that would make her resent me. She also says she "cannot function" without her family relationship and needs "space and time."
What's strange is her mother doesn't have a problem (or so she says) with us being friends and going to a movie now and then. I'm totally confused. What are your thoughts on the matter? (link)
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He mother has issues with jealousy, narccisism, attention, ect. You don't want to deal with this. Especially if your girlfriend feeds into her mothers issues and doesn't stand up to her. If you were her first priority then she would have chosen you right away.
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I am a married man who a few months ago was asked to go to lunch by a female coworker. She's 23 and I am 36 and she has a boyfriend and if it means anything we are both considered very attractive. I initially didn't take her up on her offer, but then agreed after she asked me a few other times. We went to lunch and we talked about work and stuff and she paid. Well this is now a regular occurrence and she now brings up things besides work, like sex with her boyfriend and when and how they do it. She also just recently asked me to go play tennis with her after work. Needless to say, I think we're becoming close friends. I'm just not sure what her intentions are if any. What's even more confusing is that a bunch of us went out to the bar the other night and she didn't even talk to me, spending most of her time talking to another male coworker. I would think that if we were friends she's act normal around me and talk to me in an outside work setting. But it's almost like she was afraid something may happen. I guess my question to you is am I just a victim of different generations? Is it normal for a twenty something female to hang out with a coworker, talk about sex, ask him to do extracurricular activities, and not want to be with him on a more intimate level? I'm thinking I should nip this in the bud before we do something we both will regret. (link)
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Yeah it's normal. For her. Obviously it isn't normal for you and you can't seem to deal with having a friend like that and keeping it completely platonic. If you were capable of that, then you wouldn't have written this letter. Nip it in the bud.
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for one and a half years. He still has his exgirlfriend's engagement ring in his drawer. When I ask him what he is going to do with it he just tells me he don't know. He says, "what should I do with it?" I am sick of looking at it. She has caused so many problems for us. I just want the ring to be gone. He says he doesn't want to just give it away because it cost too much money. At this point I am ready to throw the piece of metal in the dump. What would you suggest to do with it. (link)
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ebay. He needs to get rid of it, it's disrespectful to keep it around.
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I've been trying to figure this out since I've been with my boyfriend for the past 2 months. It's a new relationship but we feel like we've known each other all our lives. He is the greatest guy I've ever met - handsome, funny, smart, sweet, loving, sexy, treats me like queen. But the thing, before we got together, I NEVER would have thought I was his type. I'm a regular girl, take care of myself, care about people, not a hot babe or anything but I'm alright. So anyhow, I feel insecure to be with him because with how hot and great he is, he's bound to find a hot and great girl. Therefore, I find myself very very skeptical about this relationship lasting. I've talked to him and believe me, he reassures me like crazy that he wants to be with me and feels like he can love me forever. He really does have a good head on his shoulders. But what does add to it, is that he has a lot of female friends as well - all are just long time friends, but these girls are great as well, and I feel like he's bound to fall for one of them soon. It's so frustrating to be with such a great guy and not feel like you're the centre of his world (even when he treats you like it). What can I do? (link)
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Relax, he isn't going to dump you. Not unless you don't stop freaking out over nothing. That'll get on his nerves in time.
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Why would it upset a guy that you're just dating (not living with or sharing any expenses) that you finally found a good job at that you're happy with? I have my own appartment and my bf has his own place. He has a very good paying job in the oil rig camp but with crazy hours. When I told him how much fun I was having at my new part time job he was acting really strange, like he wasnt happy for me. This was really weird because he used to be upset when I was unemployed and encouraged me to find employement. I almost got the feeling that he was even jealous? Or maybe it was my imagination.
Anyways, now he hasnt talked to me in several weeks. What do you think is his problem? (link)
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If he hasn't talked to you in several weeks then you aren't dating and the issue is moot. Sorry.
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Could you date someone who had very different or totally contrary views to your own. For example, if you were a dedicated Democrat and they were a Republican, or if you were quite religious and they were an atheist. Would those sort of things be a dealbreaker for you or would you still want to see them?
Do you think relationships like that are doomed or are disagreements like that healthy? (link)
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Disagreements are healthy as long as you respect each others opinion and agree to disagree.
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My boyfriend and I broke up almost 2 months ago. We went out for 2 and a half years (I am almost 21 and he is 22). I thought I was over him but I realized I still love him. He says he doesn't love me in a romantic way anymore, just as a friend (we are still best friends, the breakup was mutual). We had broken up because we argued alot, but never about anything serious. I realized now that I love him still and I want to get back together with him. We had something great (and we still do) and he even says it was the best two and a half years of his life. He says he doesn't want to be with anyone right now but nothing much has changed since we broke up (we hang out all the time and everything, we just aren't intimate). I want him back so badly because he makes me so happy, he can make me laugh when I am sad. I don't know what to do. I can't get over him (I don't want to either, I want to be with him again) because I love him so much and it hurts to think of him with someone else. What should I do? What do you think about the whole situation? (link)
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It's only been two months and you haven't severed any ties. Of course you still feel this way. Tell him you want him back and want to work out your problems. If he isn't interested then you need a looong break (no contact) to get over him. Trust me, as long as you are "friends" you won't get over it. You can be friends....next year this time. You need time.
(female/24)
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I've been in love with a man for the last 3 years. I've never felt such strong feelings for a guy in my life. I believe that he loves me too. The problem is that he's married. I've never crossed the line with him. We've never even kissed but have exchanged loving glances. He knows how I feel and that I've been suffering in silence. We have so much in common and have similiar values.
He has a very rocky marriage. Everyone knows he and his wife arent happy. They work together at a cafe and they fight like cats and dogs. They have nothing in common and I've heard that she has several addictions, including drugs and gambling. They have no kids together but she has two grown children from her first marriage. They don't respect my friend and steal from him. She is abusive to him and takes his money to gamble or spend on cigaretes.
He is a gentleman and a christian and would never ask me to have an affair. I've already told him I don't believe in extra marital affairs because my dad cheated on my mom. But he has never indicated that he wanted to leave her for me. He is very shy and reserved, and sometimes I think he's in denial of his feelings for me, or scared of his feelings for me.
I am young (mid 20's) and have lots of guys after me. But I don't want to date any one because I am in love with my married friend. I don't want to have an affair either. I feel a lot of guilt because after my dad cheated on my mom I vowed to never do what my dad did. What should I do? (link)
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There is no excuse for cheating, or for your behavior if he cheats with you. Yes, even bringing it up to him is wrong. Don't be a homewrecking slut, respect their relationship and get over it. If he didn't want to be with her then he wouldn't. Seriously, if you take this any further, even in conversation, then you will be that woman who give us all a bad name.
(female/24)
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Alright, I'm 21, and I'm married to a 22 year old Air Force man. We've been married for about a year and a half now. Anyways, we both work. We only have one car, so my hubby often times has to take me to work, and take me home from work. We live off base, and work on base. Sometimes there won't be a whole lot to eat at home, or I'm really wanting to eat out, and I'll suggest it. Then he'll say,"We don't have enough money, just make something at home." And he'll go to work(the same day), and eat out on his lunch break when he could bring something from home, or come home to eat instead of eat out.
It just pisses me off, because I'm always stuck at home eating left-overs, or scraping something together because we need to go shopping, and he gets to go out to eat. I talked to him before about this, but he CONTINUES to do it. I don't know what to do. I'm sitting here hungry, because there's not much to eat(and nothing good). And I packed him something to eat for when he went to work, but he didn't take it, and ate at Burger King instead(after yesterday he told me we couldn't eat at Burger King because we didn't have enough money). I am at my wits end. He doesn't seem at all sympathetic or sorry when I explain to him my feelings.
And there are times even, when we're in the BX that I want to go eat at the food court, and the only place that's fast enough is Anthony's Pizza, but he doesn't want to eat there because he ate there the night before, so he takes me home so I can make something instead, while he goes back to work. I honestly don't know what to do anymore! (link)
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This one of the stupidest BS fights I have ever heard of. What's the real issue here? If you really want to eat out then make your own money and go out to eat yourself. Is it that you don't feel "taken care of" and you need more attention from him?
(female/24)
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A male friend of mine that I've been hoping that one day will become more than friends with me was having a conversation with me one day. We were watching a Dr. Phil show about dead beat parents. I started telling my friend how I would raise my kids if I ever had them one day. My friend was listening intently and seemed to be really interested in what I had to say. Well after this he said to me "so when are you having these kids"? I got a little embarrassed and then told him that I hadn't thought about it (although I had, with HIM being the father) and said that I just knew I would be a great father. Then he said in a really quiet but sweet voice "yes, you would make a great mother some day".
Do you think this may mean he's interested in me as more than a friend, and may be contemplating having a family with me someday? He would make a great father, he's so good with kids.
Oh yeah, I am 28 and he is 45. We've both never had children.
I will rate high! (link)
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You sound like a teenager. Why don't you just ask him on a date?
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This is probably going to sound pretty fucking wierd, but it bothers me.
Ok, Im dating this girl. Shes agnostic/athiest, Im christian, formerly catholic non denominational. Up to this point, with the exception of discussion, Ive not really had any issues with religions shit in our relationship. It doesnt bother me that shes agnostic, it hasnt bothered her that Im christian.
So, today we were talking, and I told her I was going to become a reverend in the universal life church. For those of you who dont know, its an online website where you can actually get legally ordained and become a reverend in the eyes of the law. I find this fucking hilarious, and have wanted to for a while, but never got around to it.
She reacted badly. First, she joked that she didnt want to be involved with a reverend. Then she got serious and basically made it clear that it would bother her for me to become a reverend while I was dating her (expressed so that it was clear she didnt want me to do it)
Then she tells me its "disrespectful towards my religion"
This is coming from a girl who Ive watched the jesus episodes of southpark with. Whom I have made catholic joke after catholic joke (Im entitled, I was raised in it) with and laughed with her. Whom I have had frank discussions about the real failings of certain christian sects.
And now this.
Needless to say, I reacted badly. I was, and am pissed at her, for reasons I cant really say. Given that she doesnt even have a religion (because atheism and agnosticism are no more religions than bald is a hair color) I dont see where she gets off getting on me for being "disrespecful" towards mine or having an issue with it when its not like...
Anyway. Enough impassioned speeches, my question to the masses, is what do you think. Am I out of line? Is she? Because Im going to do this, and shes not going to like it. And I dont like feeling guilty for doing things I know arent wrong. (link)
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You both have issues with the actions of the other...you talked about it calmly and coherantly I presume? Then it's up to you. Is it more important for you to participate in this "joke" or to respect your girls' wishes? No it isn't a big deal but the implications are significant in the choice you make.
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Next week I turn 21. No big deal really, I was legal at 19 were I live.
A while ago me and my boyfriend agreed for a whole bunch of reasons to not focus on our birthdays too much this year, just do something nice for valintines day. Which was totally cool with me. But now my girlfriends want to take me out for my birthday.
The thing is everybody, even myself, wants this to be a girls night thing. I don't even think my boyfriend would want to come to the place they have in mind, but I'm not sure how to tell him that I want to spend my birthday with just my close group of girls. What should I do? (link)
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What's the big deal? Tell him your girls are taking you out. If he bitches, ask him what special night HE arranged for you.
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The guy that I like is about 25 pounds overweight and isnt athetlic at all. I asked him if he wanted to play tennis with me because I have been taking lessons. The whole time we played he critized me, saying mean things like "your stamina is terrible", what kind of lessons have you been taking", and " I thought you would have been way better". He was really upsetting me so finally I said that I was still learning and to give me a break. The thing was that he was a lot worse than me, and I was trying to say nice things to encourage me.
A couple days later he told me that he thought I should lose 15 pounds. I am average, not fat. He is way more overweight than me and I have never said anything to him because I know it would just hurt him. My feelings were very hurt with all his negativity. Should I move on? (link)
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He is projecting his own insecurities onto you, it's classic low self esteem behavior. You must let him know that you absolutely will not tolerate this kind of bashing. This involves speaking your mind right away when he says something, let nothing slide. I would give him one more chance (after bringing this up of course) but just one more negative comment and I would be out. You are worth more then that crap.
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I am a little on the shy and reserved side. I am a nice person and have a big heart. My problem is that I have a really hard time finding a nice bf. It seems like all the nice guys are taken. I'm not and never have been into casuel sex and one night stands. I want to have a permanent partner. How can I find a nice guy? I'm nearing 30 and I really wish I could get married and start a family. But I need to find the right guy first! Does anyone have any suggestions? (link)
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All the good ones are taken? Then start looking someplace new. Seriously, expand your horizens and start spending time doing new things, that's how you meet new people.
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Ok I have this friend who just got married back in september of 2005. Now before she got married her husband was very sweet and all this and after they got married he was for a little while. However, the other day the went on a trip and she started joking with him because he was joking with her. Well he got mad about something she said and backhanded her in the face. I mean He acts as if there is something he needs to tell her or something like that, but he is scared to lose her and so he's being hateful about it. If any of you guys know why he is doing this I would love to know, before my friend loses her life and her unborn childs life! (link)
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Hitting is just like cheating, if he does it once then he will absolutely do it again. It'll just get more and more severe. If your friend is still with him then she clearly has no respect for herself, it would be nice if she had some respect for the baby though. It's her life but you MUST NOT let this go. That is the best way to be there for her, don't let her sugar-coat or deny the problem.
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Help me people, I'm in Limbo.Months and months ago, I briefly dated a forty-seven year old man(I am twenty-two/f) and it didn't really work out. He said he was still in love with his ex girlfriend back in the States(he is American, I am British and living and up until the today we both lived in Britain).
Despite our initial break up, we continued to see each other,and were sporadically sleeping together. The day before yesterday, I got a call from him saying that he was about to get kicked out of the country(long story, but he basically had a dud visa and tried to slip in to the country anyway-result ejection, even in yankee loving Britain)
So we met up-he invited me over to"watch a DVD" (you get it, code for "my c*ck is leaving in thirty-six hours, be on it") and I had the best sex of my entire life. Post-sex, though, I was troubled and sad, as I felt that my need to be close to him was not a feeling reciprocated by him-idk, I'm never sure with him. In the morning he kissed me, was tender and affectionate and promised to call me that night, his last in the country for God knows how long. He didn't call, which hurt me like caustic acid being poured on a wound. I sent him a text which gently admonished him for his failure to call, also telling him that while I was confused in my feelings for him, I thought that I loved him. This morning, just about two hours before he got on the plane he sent me a message apologising for not having called and saying that while he was stressed out, our last night had been a beautiful one for him. The message was lovely except that it in no way responded to my text. I just don't know what to do. I'm miserable and confused-part of me loves him like hell as well as feeling more lust for him than for any of my previous boyfriends, all of whom have been of my own age. But he has a history of emotional difficulties and has made me no promises. He said before he left that he would keep in touch(he is going to try to get back into the country when he can). I guess I just need someone to tell me no you fool, of course it's not going to work. But at the same time, a tiny part of me needs that less pessimistic voice.So what dy'all think? (link)
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You already know it's over, you just have to get used to the idea. Don't talk to him anymore and it'll feel more right as time goes by. It sounds like the typical non-clean break up story. At least you have your closure now and can get on with your life.
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This guy that I've been friends with for a couple of years just got divorced. He told me that he wants to get married to me. He has never had children and said he wants to start a family with me. My concern is that he is 45, 17 years older then me. If we started to have children, by the time my child was 18 he would be in his 60's!! I am also concerned because he is quite old fashioned, and would want me to be a stay at home mom. I just got a promotion at work, and I don't want to have to quit it so soon. I've only been with the company for 4 months. He also has a tendancy to treat me like a child, has a bad temper, and is very tight with his money. He's also very possesive of me. I don't know what to do. He would be a good father, and I know I'd be a good mother, but I don't think I'm ready to start a family. My job is too important to me right now. And he seems really desperate to have a child, he's not getting any younger. Does anyone have any advice? (link)
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You answered your own question. You would have to be really very desparate to settle for this foolishness.
(female/24)
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This guy that I used to want to date is showing some less than desirable qualities. Firstly, I found out he's a gay basher. He says that when queer eye for the straight guy comes on the television he wants to throw his boot through the screen. He's also sexist, and has said to me that men are smarter than woman, and that woman are stupid. He also said that anyone over 30 who isnt married must be gay, and that I'm a prude for saving myself for marriage. He's also made nasty comments about my weight, and I'm not fat, just average.The funny thing is he thinks he's hot but he's really not, he's about 20 pounds overweight and has an ugly hairstyle and outdated clothes. I would love to put him in his place one day but am too "nice". But it makes me mad when he constantly puts me and his other friends down. Should I say something to him? (link)
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Why are you even asking this question? The fact that you still spend time with, talk to, and think about this guy makes you less of a person. I mean it, people are only as good as the people they choose to spend time with, and obviously you are spending time with trash.
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