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Cheapskate Boyfriend
I have been involved with a guy for over 2 years. We have a near perfect relationship. He is my best friend and the person I know God sent to me to spend the rest of my life with. My boyfriend says he feels the same way. We recently graduated from college and were lucky enough to have found jobs in the same city. We have been living together for over eight months and especially the last three months, we couldn't be happier. I now find myself constantly thinking about marriage and looking at dresses and engagement rings. Is that normal?
He says that he is ready to marry me but he doesn't want to spend the money it cost to buy me an engagement ring. The ring that I have chosen cost $3000 and he claims that is too much to spend on a ring. I told him that I don't care how much he pays for a ring as long as he puts a lot of thought in the ring he chooses. Lately, he constantly reminds me of the $3000 ring and makes me feel as if it is my fault that engagement rings are so expensive. What should I do or say to him to convince him that I just want a nice ring? Also, what can I do to convince him that this is not a time to be a cheap-skate and that a decent ring will cost over $1000?
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He can't pay $3000 for you engagement right? Yeah, it's all about your love and all that is whats important and blah blah blah, but darling let me tell you: if you aren't worth $3000 now, what are you going to have to be settling for later?
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I realize this is an old question, but I found this on a search and wanted to answer it.
The whole diamond ring thing is a huge scam. The jewelers run ads and commercials to convince women that if their man really loved them they would buy them expensive jewelry... Women are brainwashed to believe this BS. And because of the whole "group mentality" thing, because their girlfriends all believe it too, then they don't even question it.
The poor men are left wondering why the women can't see they are falling for a con job... But ultimately they are left with no choice but to either go along with it, or find a woman who values things that actually matter.
Who really benefits from this? The jewelers. They're laughing all the way to the bank.
What purpose does an *expensive* ring serve? Nothing but EGO. 100% EGO. Something to "show off" to the girlfriends. Other than that, an expensive ring serves NO purpose! You put it on your finger. You look at it. Woohoo. Yeah, that's so worth going in debt for.
"Oh, well it symbolizes our love!" some people will say. A ring doesn't have to be expensive to symbolize love... The amount of love in a relationship is NOT directly proportionate the the cost of the ring!
When we got married, my husband and I found a little place that was having a sale, and for both of our rings, sized and everything, we paid less than $100. That's 2 rings for less than $100. They are simple 12k gold bands. They don't have any protruding parts that snag on things, they are easy to clean, they don't turn our fingers green, they show that we are married and they serve that purpose just fine.
Our marriage would not be a bit different if we had more expensive rings... Other than the fact that if we'd spent that money we would have started our marriage either in debt, or with less money for other, more important things. So we actually benefited from having modest rings.
$3000 can buy a nice used car. That actually has a purpose. That's actually useful.
It could be used as part of a down payment on a house. Or put away for a rainy day. Or used to start a savings account.
For that matter, there are hungry children in parts of the world that can be fed for $20 a month. True, it's mostly rice and such, but it's food! It's better than starving! [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
$3000 would pay to feed one of these orphans for 150 months. That's over 12 YEARS of food for an orphan! Or 2 orphans for over 6 years... etc.
I'm sure people reading this can tell by now that the diamond/jewelry scam is one of my sore points. I hate to see people fall for it, and lining the pockets of the scammers. It's very frustrating. Most people don't want to see the truth because they like things the way they are, and if all their friends agree with them, they must be right. No matter how illogical it is.
While what I've written here may make some people mad, I hope it also makes them think. Maybe they will eventually stop being mad at me, and start being mad at being lied to by people who only want to make money off of them, and count on them being gullible enough to fall for it like all their friends did. :-(
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Consider it a sign of fiscal responsibility. Also consider it a sign that he doesn't feel he needs to woo you with fabulous prizes. He wants you to like him for him, not for some rock.
I'm not saying he shouldn't get you a ring. But when these things came up in conversation before with exes, I couldn't help but wonder why I (as a male) didn't get to have a ring. Just a thought.
You'll find a compromise somewhere in between. Do research on "fake" rocks. Same exact properties as "real" diamonds, except made in a lab. Of course, that bothers some people. ...But not me.
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sweety i cant get more clear then this. it is better to have a good man than a good ring. and if you get both whooooooooohoooo for you. but trust me, the amount of your ring will not matter when you love that person. cause marriage is in the heart not on the hand.
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uhhmm well, tell him that when your going to have a ring on your finger for the rest of your life, you want it to be nice and not a cheapy one. say exactly how you feel about the whole thing and maybe he wont buy you the 3000 dollar one that you wanted but maybe it wont be cheap and he wont act like that!! looking at wedding stuff it proably normal! i wouldnt know yet though!! haha well just tell him how you feel about it! hope i helped
xOx♥
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yes everything is perfectly fine and normal.
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An acceptable and practiced way to do this is for him to go to the jewelry store and have them put out a selection of several rings that are in his price range. Then he brings you in and lets you choose.
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It's very normal to be thinking about a wedding and be looking at dresses, but I think this is more of an issue of a greedy, materialistic girlfriend than a cheapskape boyfriend. $3000 is a LOT of money. It's not the expense of the ring, it's what's it means. I actually told my boyfriend that I don't want him to spend over $100 on an engagement ring and it was his decision if he wanted to spend more. It is his decision what he wants to get you, don't pick out a ring and tell him to get it. Sure, go ahead and look at them, that's fun, but don't tell him he has to get a certain one for you in a certain price range. Is it fair that he has to spend $3000 on you and gets "nothing" in return? Don't say it's his job or his role because that's ridiculous. You guys are young. You just graduated from college. You don't have a lot of money. If you want him to get you a ring that's that expensive you're going to have to wait like 5 years to get it or chip in and help him pay for it since you already picked it out for him anyways. Isn't getting married more important to you than a ring you'll wear for maybe a year? I think you need to rething your relationship and make a list of your priorities. I want you to read what you wrote again and think about how materialistic you really sound. I know you're not a bad person and I understand your concerns. Please though, think about how unrealistic you are being and how this may affect your "perfect" relationship very negatively. I don't want him to break up with you because of this! I hope I helped and I'm sorry if I sounded mean. I think that sometimes the best advice is what people don't want to hear. Good luck. <3
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You said two different things in this question:
1 "I told him that I don't care how much he pays for a ring as long as he puts a lot of thought in the ring he chooses"
And
2. "What can I do to convince him that this is not a time to be a cheap-skate and that a decent ring will cost over $1000"
Do you see the confusion?
Darling, you can't make a man spend more then he wants too on you. That is not a good way to start a marriage.
How about instead of telling him or convincing him you ask him what he thinks would be a reasonable cost for a ring and for that matter the wedding.
These are serious discussions in which you will most likely need to compromise. Take a look at the ammount of money you have and the different ways you'd like to spend it. And listen to his concerns and thoughts. Then go shopping for ring togeather that meets both of your standards.
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It's completely normal to want to marry the man you love and have loved for two years. But you don't have to spend your life's savings to do it.
If he's ready to marry, but not with a $3000 ring, when accept a $500 ring. There are some really nice rings out there that are under $1000. Who says you need an expensive ring? Kay Jewlers? Zales? DeBeers diamonds? Lots of women get married with $200 rings and stay happily married. Maybe they get a more expensive ring for their anniversary, or when they are more financially stable? Or maybe they don't get one? A lifetime of love is worth more than the most expensive ring anyways.
If you want to be get married, stop pining for an expensive ring and keep your eye on the ball. Know your objective. What is it you want? A ring? Or a wedding?
If it's a wedding, get an inexpensive ring. Buy a synthetic diamond; nobody but a jeweler can tell the difference. Find a ring on Ebay or at a pawn shop. Make getting a cheap ring a fun thing that you and your guy do together.
Don't make him feel like a cheapskate, it'll only push him away from the idea.
Hope that helped,
Tipsy Gypsy
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