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Her mother hates me.
What I'm dealing with here is an 8-month relationship with a girl 6 years younger than me. I'm 26, she's 20... I treat her with a lot of respect and am always there when she needs me, and she is always there for me, too, up until this point. Prior to what happened, our relationship really seemed 50/50. Her mother, who is in bad health, has decided that I'm "controlling, possessive, insensitive, lacking all social manners" and has told this girl that if she ever thinks about marrying me, she will not approve, and if she gets pregnant by me, she'll be disowned.
I feel this is totally wrong. My parents would not do this to me, and I am at a loss to understand it. She and I are happy with each other, at least that's what she tells me. She says she loves me "more than you know," but cannot be torn anymore. She says she wants to be friends, and "maybe someday" things can be different. She says she doesn't want her mother to die resenting me, because that would make her resent me. She also says she "cannot function" without her family relationship and needs "space and time."
What's strange is her mother doesn't have a problem (or so she says) with us being friends and going to a movie now and then. I'm totally confused. What are your thoughts on the matter?
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He mother has issues with jealousy, narccisism, attention, ect. You don't want to deal with this. Especially if your girlfriend feeds into her mothers issues and doesn't stand up to her. If you were her first priority then she would have chosen you right away.
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Hmm that is very rude of her mother. But all I can say is to give the girl space likes she asks. Maybe talk to her about the subject, say its crazy of her mother, but thats about all you can do. Sorry bout that.
<3
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uhmm well, im not sure. just give it time and see what happens. or you could just tell her how you feel and talk to her about that together. hope i helped!
xOx♥
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well being married is way different than being friends. i mean being married is being with someone you love and have a commitment to respect and honor them with love. friends is love but not that strong feeling of love. so yes i see why she wouldn't have a problem with you guys being friends. but it is pretty wrong for her mother to do that to her. her mother is suppost to be their for her and respect her decisions in life. after all she doesn't run the both of them. but yes it is true that you wouldn't want your mother to resent her and disown her. so if you really love her you will wait till when she is ready. maybe you should try and bond with her mother. then you guys could get married evetually. hope i helped and im very sorry about your situation and sad at the same tie because her mother should realize that you guys are in love and that you care for one another. ♥ terri!!! plz rate me thanks!!!
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Normally I'd think the break up talk was BS, but it all sounds pretty reasonable. Though it's not fair of her mother to put you in this position, it's happening and there's not really much you can do to change it. I'd say stay friends with the girl and see what happens. When Cruella de Vil croaks, she might want to be with you again, though if the rest of her family is anything like this I'd suggest moving on. Who wants to deal with that shit for the rest of their lives?
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I'm sorry to say, but it sounds like your lady-friend has made up her mind: her mother over you. I know, it's wrong of her mother to make her choose, but the truth is, she honestly didn't have to choose, but she did. I agree with you that choosing a mate shouldn't be one's family's decision; but have you considered that she may have actually have changed her mind about you?
In any case, when a woman says she needs time and space, then you should give it to her. And plenty of it. So, get on with your life, as hard as it may be, date other women, and leave her alone except for a brief, friendly call every month or two. She's still quite young and may truly need some time to make up her mind about you.
Forget the "movie or two". You want to avoid any limbo status that might crop up between you two(as that will make situations harder for the both of you). And don't spend your time pinning away for her and devising some way to win her back. When she's ready, if she's ready, she'll come back.
Sincerly,
Tipsy Gypsy
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Yes it is entirely wrong.
However she is probably quite right when she claims to not be able to function without her family. Twenty is only a few years out of your parent's home and the ties can be very strong.
I'd also like to ask, has marriage been discussed? Is there risk of a child? Are these life goals you both share? Or are you allowing this relationship to progress more slowly?
If her mother's opinion and fears are baseless and you had no immediate plans to wed or have a child I do think the two of you should try and plow through this opposition. The "But we're only dating. We've made no long term plans." can be a very powerful battle cry and the absolute truth.
On the other hand, if these are your plans, things might look a little different. Her mother sees her daughter being taken away, and taken away at a rather young age for life-long commitment. It is also quite possible that her mother has been hearing a very different tune from her daughter then the one you hear.
It doesn't seem to me like this is worth one more serious conversation with your girlfriend on the causes and 'terms' of this new friendship. But of course, in the end, it is completely her call. You can't fully know her side or her mothers, but her decision still stands.
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And her mom calls you controlling? That's a hoot!
I think her mom may be afraid of her daughter leaving her. Is her dad not in the picture at all?
If mom is in bad health it could be your girlfriend does a lot of taking care of her. If you could reassure her that she won't be deserted she may change her attitude a little.
If your girlfriend is that controlled by mom though, you may be better off letting it go. She didn't make a good choice by picking mom over you. She sounds like she is pretty confused right now. Might be best to let her have time to figure out what to do. :)
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