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Why can't guys say "No?"
I do not understand the double standard that a guy cannot say, "No" to sex with out the being deemed as having problems.
In my last three relationships the women have left me because I have wanted to take the relationship slowly. Each time it has centered around the fact that I have said, "No" to intercourse.
In the last two relationships I explained before it went anywhere that I would not engage in intercourse until I felt our relationship was solid and committed. Each of the women said they thought this was wonderful and understood. I made it clear up front because the first woman I said no to was hurt and rejected. We talked about it and she said she was ready and that she had never had anyone say no to her. This is why I explained to the next two, up front, front how I felt. I do not want to hurt anyone.
When the foreplay began and it went no further than oral sex they become upset and angry with me. In the second and third relationship this has happened after only two months. I do not want to have intercourse until I am sure that we know each other well enough and that the possibility of a future exists. One that might lead to marriage. I am at that point in my life where I would like to settle down and have a wife and family. It seems as though they do not believe I am serious because they attempt to take it further each time we are together. I have to keep saying, "NO". They have asked me if I was gay, impotent, or just didn't like sex. Each time I am made to feel as though I have a problem or something is wrong with me. None of these things are true. After this happens a wall builds between us until no communication takes place and then the relationship ends.
Please help me understand why it is wrong for me wanting to wait just because I am a guy.
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There is nothing wrong with wanting to wait. The girls were the wierd ones, not you. and if they can't respect your wishes then they aren't worth your time.
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Women are just not used to guys turning them down. Most of the time, when a guy goes into a relationship, that is half of what he is looking for. Don't feel like anything is wrong with you. I think it's great that you want to wait. There aren't that many men out there willing to wait to have sex.
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It's not wrong at all. My boyfriend is the same way and has had problems with it in the past. I think that abstaining from sex for the emotional as well as physical consequences is a very mature decision and a very good idea. You just need to find a girl that wants you for who you are more than she just wants sex. Just as there are guys out there that don't want sex just yet, there are girls out there who care about nothing else. You will find someone don't worry. Don't change yourself, you're a great guy, I can tell. Good luck!
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Your ladies are getting confused.
How could they not be? You seem to be comfortable with every level of intimacy except sex. So they assume you have an issue with intercourse.
I doubt they meant it as an insult; some of them might not even have been trying to pressure you at all. They were trying to learn about you and understand you. If they were looking forward to a long-term relationship with you, understanding that facet of you personality would be very important.
Who can blame them for not understanding, your behavior is baffling.
Lay off the foreplay and oral sex, you are being a tease. It almost seems like you are looking for sexual release without the level of emotional intimacy that intercourse represents to you. As a woman, I would take that as a bit of an insult, excuse the crudeness but "I'm good enough to blow you but not good enough to make love too?"
There isn't a double standard there: If a woman played that sort of game she would be dumped too.
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You issue isn't the double standards. If a woman doesn't want to have sex, then she shouldn't be a tease. Same thing goes for men. If you mean "no" then don't take it any further than a good-night kiss.
It's good that you are telling women up front now that you want to take things slow, and that you don't want to have sex until you are sure the relationship is going to last, that it might even have to be a marriage-matieral long-lasting relationship before you'll have sex. Everyone needs to place those thoughts and criteria on the table at the beginning of any relationship.
However, you really shouldn't let the relationship get to the point of oral sex(especially so quickly) if you're not planning on having sex with them. Oral sex is still sex, even though there is no intercourse involved. You're letting these women get turned on to the point where they want to have sex, and where they think you want to have sex. And after they are turned on, you stop.
It's not fair to them, and it's not fair to you. There's nothing wrong with wanting to wait. But just make sure you don't send them the wrong signals.
Sincerly Yours,
Tipsy Gypsy
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If you are getting oral sex then it is sending a mixed signal.
Sex is sex. A lot of women aren't crazy about oral sex. They don't understand why that is okay and intercourse is not.
I hope you are at least returning the favor? If not, therein lies your problem. :)
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