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Co-Worker Flirt?
I am a married man who a few months ago was asked to go to lunch by a female coworker. She's 23 and I am 36 and she has a boyfriend and if it means anything we are both considered very attractive. I initially didn't take her up on her offer, but then agreed after she asked me a few other times. We went to lunch and we talked about work and stuff and she paid. Well this is now a regular occurrence and she now brings up things besides work, like sex with her boyfriend and when and how they do it. She also just recently asked me to go play tennis with her after work. Needless to say, I think we're becoming close friends. I'm just not sure what her intentions are if any. What's even more confusing is that a bunch of us went out to the bar the other night and she didn't even talk to me, spending most of her time talking to another male coworker. I would think that if we were friends she's act normal around me and talk to me in an outside work setting. But it's almost like she was afraid something may happen. I guess my question to you is am I just a victim of different generations? Is it normal for a twenty something female to hang out with a coworker, talk about sex, ask him to do extracurricular activities, and not want to be with him on a more intimate level? I'm thinking I should nip this in the bud before we do something we both will regret.
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Yeah it's normal. For her. Obviously it isn't normal for you and you can't seem to deal with having a friend like that and keeping it completely platonic. If you were capable of that, then you wouldn't have written this letter. Nip it in the bud.
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Ok, so this is the deal. You are married and she has a boyfriend. While she may be playing head games with you, it is not cool for you to even toy around with the thought of an office romance. Go home to your wife, or get a divorce.
Also, there is an age gap of 13 years between the two of you. If something did happen between you guys, you could be fired from your job. I imagine it would be pretty easy for her to play the "but he seduced me, and I didn't know what to do" card.
Trust me. STAY AWAY FROM THIS!
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You can continue to talk to her and hang out as long as she doesn't start to talk about sex methods and tries to touch you or flirt with you. Just make sure your wife doesn't mind this. If she does forget about hanging out with her.
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You're right. She obviously feels close to you if she's saying shit like how she bangs her boyfriend, tennis after work, and going to lunch. These lunches are becoming not work related anymore. If your wife were there, would you still talk about shit like that? Of course not. That's how you measure if what you're talking about is bad or not. But she may just be using you as a friend to tell all her secrets to. I'm thinking the former though. Don't go to anymore lunches or anything like that.
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It's normal for a 23 yr old girl to play head games and that's exactly what you're getting. She's flirting with you and getting you to hang out with her and I guarantee you she laughs about it when she's with her other girlfriends. Sorry to be so blunt, but any 23 yr old looking at a 36 yr old guy is thinking that you are entertaining, but old.
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OK, yes, nip this in the bud before you guys do something you'll both regret! You are not a "victim" of different generations. You are not a victim here at all. You are clearly a participant in what is going on - age difference or not. Sure it's normal for a co-worker - female or male - to have lunch with another co-worker from time to time. However, this situation does not sound normal, or rather, it sounds like this woman definitely has an agenda planned for the two of you. Talking about sex with her boyfriend is entirely inappropriate and seems to me to be a ploy to get you arroused. I'm thinking her plan has worked from what you've written. Sigh. Step away from this woman NOW!
It struck me in the face that when the two of you recently went to a bar with other co-workers and she completely ignored you that she was obviously feeling guilty about the relationship she is trying to start with you - a relationship, I might add, that you are not discouraging - or she was assuming that others would see your attraction to one another. OK, guy, this was a good indicator of what she's thinking and how you're feeling. It pretty much sounds as though you were not only confused, but perhaps a little jealous. If indeed she was trying to "just" be your friend, then there would have been no reason for her to ignore you. Watch out for this one.
As much as you may be attracted to this woman, keep in mind that this will probably not be the only time in your married life that you'll be attracted to someone. That is only human nature. But the key to keeping yourself on the straight and narrow is to never act on those feelings of attraction. I'm sure your wife has been or will be attracted to other men from time to time. But would she act on those feelings of attraction? Probably not. Hopefully not. Why would you risk doing anything with another woman when you have a woman who you obviously chose to be your life partner? I believe that people who have extra-marital affairs only receive brief sexual pleasure (even if it starts out "raw" and exciting) usually with no love involved and the ego-stroking of another person (a younger one in this situation). Is it worth the troubled mind you will definitely have? Would it be worth the trouble it will definitely cause?
On top of the fact that this would be an ill-advised affair (any affair would be), you're running the risk of encountering an accusation of sexual harassment should you decide to end the affair. You also risk someone acting out in bizarre behavior. Did you see the movie Fatal Attraction?! Good God, man, there are so many problems that could crop up from this union. She may indeed be the assertive one and came on to you first, but you are definitely making it easy for her to continue this outrageous and brazen attempt at pulling you into her web. SHE may be the temptress, but you are being so very available to being tempted. You sound as though you already are tempted, big time! Uh-oh. Problems on the horizon - unless you make the decision that you want to get out of this situation. Do it now before it gets any further than it already has. You haven't messed up too badly yet, so don't lose your self-respect anymore than you might have. Please let this go and good luck.
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Clearly, you are attracted to her. She's been playing games with you, so you're asking me to confirm she likes you in order to feel more confident making a move if and when the occasion arises. Right? Don't lie to me - I know I'm right. (I'm not going to help you with that.) Then you go on to ask, feebly, I might add - if you should end things. You have no intention of 'ending' things with her. You're only asking to make yourself feel better about what you secretly hope to eventually be doing, namely her. Good luck cheating on your wife! I hope I've cleared a few things up.
Tipsy Gypsy
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As a twenty-something myself I have to admit I'm just as confused as you are by this behavior. It seems possible she is looking for something more, it seems possible she isn't.
What struck me about your question was that you implied *you* were feeling tempted, or at least uncomfortable, and that is a good a reason as any to take a step back from this friendship.
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I have to agree with you. Get out why the getting is good.
The thing in the bar bothers me because its almost as if she doesn't want others to know of your friendship. Like you have something to hide.
That is how rumors get started and can be very hard on your home life should word get around. Even if nothing has happened.
These days, having an intimate friendship with a co-worker of the opposite sex is just not a good idea. Especially if you are married.
Not to mention the possibilities of sexual harassment suits that could arise should they be the type.
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