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bf doesnt like me being happy at work


Question Posted Monday December 12 2005, 3:15 am

Why would it upset a guy that you're just dating (not living with or sharing any expenses) that you finally found a good job at that you're happy with? I have my own appartment and my bf has his own place. He has a very good paying job in the oil rig camp but with crazy hours. When I told him how much fun I was having at my new part time job he was acting really strange, like he wasnt happy for me. This was really weird because he used to be upset when I was unemployed and encouraged me to find employement. I almost got the feeling that he was even jealous? Or maybe it was my imagination.
Anyways, now he hasnt talked to me in several weeks. What do you think is his problem?


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Tulipg17 answered Thursday May 4 2006, 12:09 pm:
If he hasn't talked to you in several weeks then you aren't dating and the issue is moot. Sorry.

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smile answered Monday December 12 2005, 1:14 pm:
I think that he is jealous.There is no other explanation. He just like being the most independent and now you are too he is a little bit jealous.Is your job better?Maybe thet made him feel envy. And this is not a reason to stop talking to someone. I believe that this is really immature. If i were you i would ask him what is going on and be honest with him. Remember that when we love someone we love seeing him happy. So smile and do not worry. Just talk to him

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susana answered Monday December 12 2005, 9:04 am:
I have to wonder if your boyfriend is happy in his job. It may be well-paying, but he could hate it just the same. Perhaps your extreme happiness with your new job makes him feel envious that he doesn't have that kind of feeling for his job. However, why he'd take that out on you is anyone's guess. You say that he has "crazy hours." Do your hours conflict with his? Do you get the impression that he feels that you two don't have much time for each other anymore? Have you ever noticed if he's the type of guy who might be fearful of losing your relationship if you developed other friendships? How did he act towards your other feelings of happiness in the past - about anything? Do you think that he felt more in control of the relationship when he was telling you that you needed to get a job? Were you always depressed when you weren't working and he "took care of you," so that now he feels like he isn't needed any longer?

When you were unemployed, why was HE upset? Was that because you were upset and he didn't like seeing you that way? Or, did he think that you needed to get out more? Was he afraid that he'd feel obligated to support you financially without work?

I know that I'VE asked a lot of questions, but I'm trying to get you to look at this in different ways and try to look back over your relationship with this guy to see if you saw any signs before now that he'd act like this. Maybe you didn't and this truly came out of the blue. I can't help but wonder what really is going on with this guy since 1) he didn't act at all supportive of your present happiness with this job, and 2) he hasn't called you in several weeks. I'd have to wonder what in the world is keeping him at such a distance.

I would certainly take the bull by the horns and call this guy and ask him what is going on and why you haven't heard from him. Ask him if something was going on in his life that was unpleasant the last time you saw him because he didn't seem very pleased with the news you were sharing with him. If he says nothing was bothering him in particular, get straight to the point and ask him if your new job and how you feel about it are causing him grief in some way, and if so, why. Tell him that you credit him for his support and encouragement when you needed to go out and find a job. You did and now you're happy.

If he doesn't open up with you and he continues to act weird, then I'd say you might want to consider moving on...without him...because you don't need someone pouting or acting out his possible jealousy while you are building a new life with new co-workers/friends and you're excited about doing so. You need someone who can be happy with and for you.

I hope you can find out what is going on with this guy. But if he doesn't come around with his attitude, then I say you definitely deserve someone who will respect your choices and the fact that you can and are making new friends and enjoying your job. I wish you luck!

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LoOkS_LiKe_LoVe answered Monday December 12 2005, 7:44 am:
he probably realizes that now that he pushed you into getting a job, your're time cant completely revolve around when he is and isnt working. he feels like he is losing you to your new part time job. just call him or go see him and ask him whats wrong... if he doesnt want you to work then he should pay your bills!! :-)

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