about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

My mom and dad usually make me wanna cry. I'm crying right now because they don't seem like they want to help me. What do I do?

We could use more information before we answer you. What type of help are you asking for and why do you feel they don't want to help you? Have the given you a reason why they won't or can't help you?

[view]

1. I'm not scared of him. I've just never confessed to a guy before. I don't wanna screw it up.

2. We're both 16

3. We go to a public school

4. I have orchestra & gym with him

5. I like him because he's cute and really funny and he has a good personality.

I think you are confusing scared and nervousness. You are probably very nervous as you have not done anything like this before. This is fine but do not let a case of nerves paralyze you work through it for as you go through life you will have bigger challenges that will cause you to be nervous and if you confront them head on now it will be easier later.

One way to do this is by having something in common that you can talk to him about. You have two classes together. Your gym class probably does not offer much to talk about but your orchestra class should give you much to discuss. Especially after a grueling practice session. You two don't happen to play the same instrument do you?

If there is a certain piece that you or he is having trouble with ask him to practice with you after school Even if your not you can still ask him for help. When two people have something in common to discuss a lot of barriers to friendships and relationships melt away because of that commonality which is what you search for in building a relationship.

Don't be scared. Start by talking about what you have in common and see how things go from their. Get him to talk about himself, his interests, what he does outside of school. Ask if he has a hobby or what type of music he likes. Not all at once but over a period of days. By getting him to talk about himself and what he likes you may find other areas of commonality.

[view]

So, yesterday I got the courage to tell the guy that I like that I like him. I knew that he didn't like me back since we were barely friends.

Anyway, after I told him, he said this: "I'm flattered (my name)!!! But you know you and me don't talk a lot. Trust me, u don't wanna like me lol"

Then I said: "I know we don't talk much, that's why I said me liking you is stupid."

He said: "Yea, we should talk more. Hmu sometime!"

^^ I don't know whether he said that to just be nice or whether he actually meant it. I'm scared to talk to him :(

Was he being for real or just to be nice?

I may have been one of the advisers who answered you and suggested you talk to him. Before I can give you further advice I need more information.

1. Why are you scared of him?
2. Your age and his?
3. What type of school you go to; public or private school?
4. Do you share any classes if so which ones.
5. Briefly tell me why you like him.

You can do this in a private message to me and I will then have the information I need to offer you more advice.

[view]

18 year old girl here from Florida, I have a teacher right now who people tell me flirts with me a lot. He does tend to shower me with compliments whenever I see him, he's made slight sexual remarks before, remembers things about me and notices things that other people don't, and stares at me a lot. Overall I never notice him compliment anyone else to the extent that he does with me, sometimes he also nudges me. I don't know what's going on but I would just like to know how I can tell if he is flirting with me or not! Please let me know what you think. (I do not have feelings for him at all, I don't like him, I'm not reporting him to the school, etc. all I want to know is if he is or isn't.)

This question is very much like one we had posted yesterday from a girl in Georgia. You may be the same girl or it may be a coincidence. In any case my answer to her yesterday was the proper answer for her and is the proper answer for you. Reposting a question generally does not get you a new answer. See Below:

Here is the thing legally at 18 you are of legal age and if he is flirting with you, which he may be, it is hard to tell, there would be nothing wrong with it. What is wrong here is you are still in school and he is your teacher in a position of authority over you. His actions probably border on illegal in just about every state. The issue that puts him over the line is the joke about the blow job. That is inappropriate between a student and teacher

It is obvious he admires you and is even taken by you somewhat. His admiration falls just shy of serious flirtation. Even so he is wrong to do as he does around you and if your uncomfortable and you should not be looking for any type of relationship other than student and teacher, I suggest you discuss this with your parents and report his behavior to the school board.

The reason why I say you need to discuss this with your parents is because even though you are of legal age and should be able to discuss this and report this on your own. You are still a student and will be viewed as such possibly not take seriously.

[view]

I m a woman. I don t understand. I m now in my early 20s and seeking cognitive behavioral therapy to finally help me get my life together. I ve felt anxiety ever since I was young and had many bouts of depression, especially in my teen years. I have a lot of symptoms of ADD and even saw a couple of psychologists who suspected I had ADD, from my early childhood to my teenage years. But when I had a conversation with my mother about her interpretation of things, to her, I was just self-diagnosing. Even though I ve seen records of diagnoses and have also been told of my diagnoses. I don t get why my mother decided to ignore my problems all together and to this day is in denial when I m clearly still not a self sufficient, normal adult, because over years and years of not getting help, I haven t developed to be a self sufficient, normal adult. It hasn t just been out of nowhere. I ve tried and failed many times to try to get back on my feet on my own. I m now seeking therapy properly again. It s just sad and confusing to me that my mom would rather pretend I m just a hypochondriac or something. I m not seeking drugs. I know that I can change things in my life with practical advice. I had even been recommended to get cognitive behavioral therapy in my teenage years but my mother never followed through. Sorry to whine on here, this is part venting and part seeking others opinions, as, potentially relating to my untreated ADD, I have no close friends (and haven t in many years).

We are not the ones whose advice you should be seeking. We are not doctors and this forum is not the type of forum needed to truly answer your question. You have taken the first positive step in seeking therapy but you also need a proper diagnosis.

What I suggest is first get a complete physical. Tell your doctor everything so he or she knows why your there and what to look for. Then after a clean bill of health from your doctor seek out a qualified Board Certified Psychiatrist this is the best doctor to diagnose you for ADD, Depression and anxiety as well as prescribe medication. You r family doctor really is not qualified to treat these disorders what they do is treat the symptoms but not the underlying cause. Then with a proper diagnosis you seek therapy with a psychologist and meet regularly for medicine checks with the psychiatrist.

As for why you mother denies our problem, there are many reason why. The biggest one is that many people see your problem as a mental illness. There is a big difference between your problem and a mental illness. I don’t know that much about ADD other than it is very treatable. Depression and anxiety can be a side effect of ADD sometimes which is also very treatable and controllable with medication. Mental illness and psychiatry are something people don’t understand.

It is not like an injury or any other illness which they can see or know what to do for it. The easiest way to deal with mental illness is to ignore it and hope it goes away. What you suffer from is not a true mental illness for you are not crazy.

The best thing you can do if you want your mother to understand is to discuss this with your therapist and maybe ask mom to meet with you and your therapist and let the therapist explain to her your problems are real and how they will treat you and get you better.

[view]

I'm a teenage girl who's a senior in high school in the state of Georgia and I am 18 years old. There is a teacher I currently have right now this semester and I need someone honest opinion on if he's really flirting with me or not. I do like him a lot but I'm not looking for anything serious at all because is older than I am by far and all I want to know is someone's honest opinion on this. He's always smiling at me, compliments my outfits like crazy and remembers what I wear etc, he notices subtle change in my hair not even my friends notice, he made a joke about a blow job before to me only, he tries to stand very close to me, touches my arm, he just overall notices a bunch of things that no one else does and it amazes me. Also sometimes when I'm walking out of the corner of my eye I'll catch him staring at my body. Many people have told me they think he's flirting with me but I want to know what someone else thinks other than one of my friends. I don't mind but I don't know if he's just being really nice or flirting with me/ has a thing for me. (Again I don't want anything serious with him I just find him to be attractive.) please help!!! Thanks (:

Here is the thing legally at 18 you are of legal age and if he is flirting with you, which he may be, it is hard to tell, there would be nothing wrong with it. What is wrong here is you are still in school and he is your teacher in a position of authority over you. His actions probably border on illegal in just about every state. The issue that puts him over the line is the joke about the blow job. That is inappropriate between a student and teacher

It is obvious he admires you and is even taken by you somewhat. His admiration falls just shy of serious flirtation. Even so he is wrong to do as he does around you and if your uncomfortable and you should not be looking for any type of relationship other than student and teacher, I suggest you discuss this with your parents and report his behavior to the school board.

The reason why I say you need to discuss this with your parents is because even though you are of legal age and should be able to discuss this and report this on your own. You are still a student and will be viewed as such possibly not take seriously.

[view]

hi, friend of mine at work has confined in me and i am not sure if i should tell the manager (she is very understanding).

my friend told me she lost a baby recently and has had to have to sweep (to make sure everything has gone), they found a lump in her uterus which they think could be cancerous. The line of work we do is helping families who require help with their children our role is to find volunteers etc. Another co-worker was talking about a family which upset my friend a little. I quickly tried to change the topic while trying to be discrete about it.
My boss has asked me once what is going on as she knows that was out of the blue for me. I had to say it was starting to disorientate me (which it was a little)

should i speak to my boss about this?

If your friend has had the D&C and is waiting the results of the biopsy on the tumor I would not tell the boss anything yet. She confided in you as a friend and you should keep that confidence until she finds out the results of the Biopsy. Once she has the results and if it is cancer, she is going to need to tell the boss as she is going to need to take leave for surgery as most likely they will recommend a Hysterectomy.

Should something like this happen again before she tells the boss anything and the boss approaches you again. I suggest you tell the boss that he or she needs to speak with her in confidence. The boss sounds like he or she will pick up on that wording that something is wrong and will take your friend aside and ask her.

[view]

27 female

I am not sexually active so i know that i am not pregnant and i haven't been worried or stressed about anything so i know that is not it. I was suppose to start my period on the 10th of this month and today is the 21st and still haven't started yet. What is going on?

We are not doctors and even if we were this is not the type of question that can be answered just with the information you have supplied. There are more questions that need to be asked and a physical exam needed to answer the why of it.

It is not unusual for a woman to miss a period from time to time. Have you been sick. Even a mild cold and the taking of OTC medications can cause a missed period. Some antibiotics can cause a missed period as well.

Then there are factors such as travel through different time zones, jet lag and other things that can throw of your natural rhythm. Missing one period may not be a big deal but you may want to check in with you GYN by phone just to calm yourself or you will stress out and miss the next one. If you do miss the next period it is time to see your GYN and find out what's going on.

[view]

So, there's this guy I like. He's in two of my classes. We're not friends who talk everyday, but we're on friendly terms. I want to tell him that I like him.

I was planning to do so tomorrow. I just want to let him know. I know he doesn't like me back.

After discussing this with a few of my friends, some of them said I shouldn't tell him because it'll "ruin everything" and why should I even tell him if I don't care what the outcome is.

I don't know what to do... tomorrow is the last day I see him before break... should I do it? Are my friends right? Is it pointless?

Back in the dark ages of the 50's and 60's when I was in school it was not appropriate for a girl to ask a boy out or even let him know she was interested in him . The exception was the Sadie Hawkins Day Dance. Today things are different and a girl asking a boy out is not uncommon or even letting a boy know when is interested in him.

You say your on friendly terms in school. IF you know he is not in a relationship then it would be okay to say something like. "I think your a really nice guy and would like to know you better; why don't you call me sometime." Then give him your number and wait to see if he calls you.

[view]

So I have anxiety that's so bad that it's considered a disability. But I want to get married to a guy who can hold a job someday. Will that affect my disability check at all?

You should check with Social Security but I don't think it will. I became disabled and Social Security approved me for disability until I became eligible for retirement benefits. My wife was working at the time and continued to work while I was on disability.

[view]

So I am 16 and have recently discovered that I have a septate hymen. I've read about many options on how to get rid of it, but I don't know which is the best option. I don't want to tell my mom about it, but I want to go to my gyno. Can I still see my gyno without my mom finding out?

Short answer is Yes.

Since you are over the age of 14 you come under the protection of a law called HIPPA. This is a bill covering Health Insurance privacy protection, passed by Congress, within it Congress put a section covering teenagers 14 and older and covering their reproductive systems.

In short what it says is that any question, concern or need for a doctor's care concerning their reproductive system; anyone 14 years or older may seek a doctor's care or assistance without parental permission. That person may make an appointment with, see the doctor and be treated all without parental permission. Parents may not be told what treat was sought or what treatment rendered without written authorization from the patient.

This also means a parent cannot force a medical exam on a child 14 years of age of their reproductive system. A parent must remain in the waiting room during any consensual exam of the reproductive system if the patient requests and once again the doctor may not tell a parent what was found during the exam. This clause covers both male and females 14 and over.

While your concern is not something you really need to hide from you mom as it is not sexual in nature and is more biological. If you are more comfortable discussing this with your GYN then by all means make an appointment. You mom will never know unless you tell her.

[view]

people keep saying the man is supposed to pursue the woman...when a woman asks out a man it shows that they are desperate. is this true? how would you feel if a woman asked you out?

Given the equality of today I see nothing wrong with a woman letting a man know she is interested and available. One thing that hasn't changed is man looking at a women and thinking she would never be interested in me. Or there is no way a woman that pretty would not be involved with someone, so they stay away from someone they would really like to meet but fear rejection.

I say go for it, you have nothing to lose. ask him out for coffee.

[view]

14/f
Tomorrow im sleeping at my boyfriend and his friend is dating my friend. His friend told my friend that mt boyfriend is planning on having sex with me. Im a virgin. I want to because im always horny. Can anyone give me tips and advice? Positions?

14 is way to young to be having sex for any reason being horny is not a reason. Having sex with your boyfriend because if you don't he will leave you is not one of them either.

Read the advice I gave you in your last question. If you are dead set on having sex and we cannot change you mind then at least tell your boyfriend to wear a condom. No condom no sex. In this way you have an 86% chance of not getting pregnant.

Just for the record a woman can get pregnant the first time she has sex or the 101st time. If she is anywhere between the 7th and 21st day of her cycle she is in her fertile period and depending on when she ovulates depends on if she will get pregnant.

Make him use a condom or keep your pants and panties on.

[view]

14/f. Virgin.
Im very horny and i dont have a boyfriend. I want someone experienced and most older men have a big oenis so it would hurt a little and i want that. How do i get a man to have sex with me? It can be anyone - relative, teacher, random etc

Have you ever heard the term JAIL BAIT, because at 14 that's is what you are. For any man or boy over the age of 18 who has sex with a girl under the age of consent, a legal term that differs from state to state, that is where he could spend the better part of his the rest of life in jail.

As for penis size once a boy goes through puberty the size of his penis is the size he will be for the rest of his life. The difference between a teenage boy and the older male is experience. An experienced older mail may be more careful in taking your virginity then a teenage boy but that is about all.

IF this is what you want someone who will appreciate your giving of your virginity then I suggest you wait until your old enough to have sex with an older man without the chance of him going to jail. This means finding out what the age of consent is in your state.

As for having sex with a teacher, that is out of the question as the teacher could lose his job if it is ever found out. As for a relative particularly a close relative that is incest and is illegal. As for someone random the other factors I have spoken about come into play.

Your 14 and horny this is normal and part of puberty. Learn to pleasure yourself through masturbation. For it is safe and is very pleasurable when done in a safe and private place like your bedroom behind a locked door so you are not intruded on. No girl has ever gotten pregnant from masturbation. Masturbation also lets you learn about your body what you like and don't like. How you like to be touched and where.

In four years you will be of legal age and can have sex with who ever you want and no one can tell you otherwise.

[view]

My fiance and I have been together for 12 years. We just had our first baby last year. But lately we have not been able to communicate our issues. So last night we got into a argument and it got so bad that he slapped the lamp that was on top of my nightstand and then it got physical. For the first time he had punched me in the side of my head while trying to hold me down... I always thought that things would change but it havent. Before he had only pushed me or slam me on the bed to "hold me down". After last night punched, I finally woke up and realized that he needs to go!! Have anyone gone through this? i should of left along time ago but i thought he would change, boy was I wrong!

A man should never touch a women in the manner you have stated. Throwing and holding you down on a bed is just as bad as hitting or punching you. It is domestic abuse which every state has some type of law against.

What I recommend is you take the baby and go someplace safe, your parents house if possible and then call the police to report his abuse of you. Do so now while the bruising is apparent.
File charges for assault and do not change your mind then ask the officer for information on how to get an order of protection.

An order of protection is a legal order from the courts requiring him to stay a certain distance from you and the baby. This also means he has to find some place else to live. If you live in a private home get the locks changed. If you live in an apartment ask to have the locks changed.

Monday morning you need to see a lawyer to have papers filed with the court giving you custody of the baby and making sure he pays child support and maintains health insurance on the baby.

You need to do these things for your own protection and the protection of the baby. Once an abuser always an abuser. You should have walked away the first time he laid hands on you and threw you down. It's not to late to walk away now. He will probably pleas with you to come back and promise never to touch you again. Don't listen to him. He will be good for a week maybe two or three then it will happen again and this time you may get hurt worse or he may hurt the baby. Make sure to get the order of protection.

[view]

Should I try and stay with my ex girlfriend?

Without more information about why you are asking this question we cannot give you an answer.

[view]

Hiya! I am 21 and get horny more often than normal but I can't seem to give myself pleasure. It just cringes me out every time I finger myself or rub, I can't seem to enjoy it. But I enjoy it from my partner? It gets out of hand sometimes as I don't live with partner so have to wait till we both free for me to stay over a night.

I'm not a psychologist but I would guess what the problem is has to do with your upbringing and mom saying how dirty it is to play with yourself. Some day some future generation of parents will learn how wrong they are to tell their children this.

Masturbation is not dirty, it is not sinful. It is a healthy and safe way to relieve sexual tension especially for a female. There is no record of any women getting pregnant from masturbation alone.

Which is where the problem lies for most parents. As you have experienced mutual masturbation is part of foreplay which gets you ready for sex. Foreplay is much needed for the female so she can get excited and lubricate to allow the male to enter her. If the male is erect he doesn't need foreplay to perform it is an added bonus to the intimacy of the evening.

It is the pleasure received from masturbation that worries parents that you will want more before you are ready for intercourse. Which is why they have the many different tales to tell about masturbation.

You are now old enough to have sexual relations and there should be no reason why you can't enjoy self-pleasure in between sexual relations with your partner. Standing in the way for many of us is that lingering effect of our parents that it's dirty. That and the fact it is something done in private. Masturbation is something that should be done in private vs. whenever or wherever you please but it adds to the feeling of being dirty unless it is with a partner.

You need to make up your mind that there is nothing wrong, when the need warrants, with getting comfortable and pleasuring yourself. There are many different ways of doing so. Finding which one is right for you can be part of the fun of masturbation.

IF you are truly having trouble getting past this and would like to. Then I suggest you speak with a sex therapist to help you past what ever is troubling you. A sex therapist is usually a psychologist whose practice is in sexual help.

[view]

Over the past few months, I have been friends with this guy who wound up being emotionally abusive to me. I finally managed to escape from it 3 weeks ago when we got into a fight about my Christian beliefs (being called self-centered, delusional, and an idiot in the process...), and haven't talked to him since.
He was in the middle of reviewing my novel at the time, critiquing 8 of the 10 chapters. Yesterday, he e-mailed me his critique of the last 2.
I want my novel to be the best it can be, but I'm not sure if I should read it or not. I know it's going to hurt to read, but it'll also help the story.

I cannot say what to make of your friends review of your novel other than I would, given present circumstances, give it little to no regard as he may have an ax to grind and was not as objective a person you needed to review it for you.

If you wish to be published you must read through your novel to check for any mistakes in content, grammar and spelling you may have made. The cleaner you novel is on presentation to a publisher the better chances you have of attracting an editor who will help you get published.

Find a friend who enjoys the type of book you have written and ask them to read it and give you an honest critique. Then based on his or her critique decide if you want to punch the novel up before trying to get published.

Understand this about unsolicited novels. It is the rare writer who gets published when presenting an unsolicited novel. It is not you or your writing they are rejecting. Publishing is a business and like any business they work with the known money makers.

Do not accept any offers of self publishing. This is where you pay someone to publish your Novel. You end up with a bunch of books then you have to go out a secure space in bookstores to sell them.

[view]

So basically I heard through friends and I checked online, that the average penis size is 5inches erect. I'm 14 and mines 6.5inches erect. Is this normal, or is it some kind of problem?

You are well with in normal size. See below for more information.

According to the latest Ansel Research Survey; the average male penis when erect is between 5.1 & 5.9 inches long.

Keep in mind that this is the average, the middle between the largest and the smallest, above the micro-penis (below 2 inches in length). The survey states that size varies based on age, time of day, level of excitement and ambient temperature.


Average Vagina Size

Relaxed
Length 3 1/2 to 4 inches
Diameter 1 Inch

Aroused
Length ("tented) 5 to 6 inches
Diameter 1 1/2 to 2 inches

As you can see by the size chart of the average female vagina. Any penis over 6 inches in length and 2 inches in girth is larger than the average vagina can easily accommodate. A larger penis will cause a woman with an average sized vagina pain during intercourse, especially if the male is not a thoughtful and considerate lover.

[view]

I fell at work and hurt my foot. I couldn't work for a couple of months and had physical therapy for 2 months. I went back to work 1 week later (with foot brace and crutches). I've received 2 checks for my travel. Dec 31, 2016 will be6 months. Will I also get a settlement?

I hope you did not sign anything that settled the claim. You need to hire a lawyer it cost you nothing as they take part of any settlement you receive. You should have been receiving a weekly check for lost wages as compensation if you filed a claim.

Without a lawyer workers compensation, or the Insurance company for your employer will walk all over you.

Call a lawyer TODAY.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
humorist-workshop
eXTReMe Tracker