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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I like this boy...brendan... and last year he hated me and now he says that he likes me a lot as a friend...and my friend kelly who i always talk to...always says BRENDAN HATES YOU or HE LIKES ME MORE THAN YOU (which he doesnt...he hates her) and i tell her shes wrong but she just wont hear it! what do i DO?
The Answer
Ignore her.
It doesn't matter what she believes anyways. If she really gets on your nerves next time she says it, start to giggle, start to laugh and refuse to talk about is seriously with her. Her delusions aren't worth being serious about and certainly not worth you being angry over.
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The Question
is it actually possible for your cherry to pop without having full blown sex? because the real story was my friend had to go to the gyno. and she tried some things but never had sex with a guy, as in a home run, and if so, does the gyno. say anything to parents? i rate high.
The Answer
Yes it is completely possible and more then likely for a girl to break her hymen (pop her cherry) doing other things than sex.
Horseback ridding, track and field, biking and many other activities can break a woman hymen.
It is not only illegal for you gyno to share this information with your parents, it is also really stupid. Because any self-respecting doctor should know that the hymen can be broken in many ways.
There are other, conclusive, virginity tests a woman can undergo to prove she is a virgin but the existence of the hymen is not one of them and none of those other tests can be performed without your permission.
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The Question
Well recently i got about 3 tattoo's and im 14. All of my friends got them too. i live with my mom and she was completly okay with them. Somehow, my dad found out about them. He foundout the name of the guy who did them, and where he lives. He told me he was going to have him arrested. If i am ever the reason somebody gets sent to jail i dont know what i would do. i feel so bad i just wanna die! what should i do!?
The Answer
If your mother has given permission for you to have these tatoos and has custody of you, your father doesn't have a legal leg to stand on.
He can make trouble for the guy professionally though so please try and difuse the situation. Maybe have your mother explain that she has given permission if that will help (depending on thier relationship it might make it worse). If the guy is concerned about this have your mother write a letter of consent detailing your tatoos and the fact she is aware and gave permission prior to all of them.
Good luck.
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The Question
I have reacently posted on here about my boyfriend kissing my bestfriend the day before me and him went out. Well my best friend called her cousin. Her cousin told me that when me and Chris (boyfriend)hooked up Diana (best friend) was crying. I did talk to her about it and she did say that she was crying because she was up-set and thought that Chirs really liked her. He was telling me a WHOLE different storie. He was telling me that none of that was ture. That he never kissed her or said that he liked her... I dont know who to believe. What should I do?
Thanks,
Ashley
The Answer
Why wouldn't believe your friend? Why would she lie to you? Why would she pretend to be this upset?
On the otherhand you have only just started dating this guy and he has every reason to lie to you, just so he doesn't look like a jerk.
I'm shocked you'd even have this problem, even if Chris really didn't think he mislead your friend, is this boy really worth throwing away your friendship with Diana over?
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The Question
Im 15 and my boyfriend is 18. weve been together for almost a year. He was really sweet the first 5 months, but now he has gotten so jealous that we get in fights all the time over it. He doesnt like me talking to guys or even looking at them. He doesnt like me wearing slutty clothes. (he considers skirts slutty) We both work at the same place and when our manager tells me i have to work the drive thru with a boy, he gets so mad at me like i can help it. Ive broken up with him several times hoping that he will change, but everytime i get back with him, an hour later hes right back at it again. Each time i break up he calls me up or comes over telling me how much he loves me and i always take him back. He tells me often that i will NEVER find anyone who will treat me better, and that im lucky to have him!! I told him i dont want to live like this, but he doesnt seem to get it. If i accidentally piss him off he'll go and start flirting or talking to other girls to piss me off. He was like this with his first girlfriend, but it didnt seem to cause problems in their relationship like it has ours. Shes basically the same age as he is, so i dont know if that has anything to do with it. He was very sensitive to her needs, and would hold her if she got upset or mad, but i feel he doesnt care when i get mad. I do know that i dont want to be controlled! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!
The Answer
Why are you with this guy?
He doesn't treat you well.
He doesn't trust you.
You don't feel appreciated.
You don't feel loved.
He doesn't respect your feelings.
He generally behaves like an asshole.
That is not the way someone who loves you will behave. That is a possessive little boy throwing temper tantrums whenever his favorite little toy (aka you) doesn't work the way he wants it too.
You are not happy. He refuses to improve. Love shouldn't make you miserable or make you feel second rate. Dump him once more, for good this time.
Don't let anyone, even someone you love, treat you like crap.
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The Question
My ex boyfriend was cheating on me, so I kind of exposed the truth about him cheating on me to all my friends and now hes really mad at me. I feel bad that I dumped him and exposed his "secret" because the truth is, i still like him. But don't you think i have the right to be mad at him? Because he cheated on me, lied to me, called other girls behind my back, and blew me off in the hall last friday....
I'm so confused. Should I call him?
The Answer
No. He treated you with complete disrespect and made a rather disgusting mistake by cheating on you.
It's not your fault that his secret came out. That is like feeling bad for calling the cops on a murderer. The easy way for him to avoid the embarassment would have been not to cheat.
Don't call him. Someone who cheats isn't worth it. Just be civil and don't encourage others to pick on him but the let the fool reap what he sows.
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The Question
Okay... My boyfriend Chris and me started going out this tuesday (9/6/05) I really like him but my friends cousin told me that he was kissing my best friend and asked her out. When me and him started going out my friends cousin told me that my friend called her cryin because me and him went out. Should I talk to them about or let it alone?
Thanks,
Ashley
The Answer
Talk to her unless you want this to get really messy really fast. Don't trust the gossip you hear go right to the source and ask your friend what happened and what is wrong.
She wont be angry with you if you didn't know any better and will be glad you care enough about her feelings to find out the truth from her.
Even if she is angry at least you will have learned that 'Chris' is a bit of a weasel.
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The Question
ok i have this friend. (see title)
anyways we think of e/o as bff and all, but some days, idk she seems kind of ticked. like i say something and she doesnt really respond and i'll ask her whats wrong and she will freak out.
Say we are sitting in math(our first clas togeter) and we both dont say anything. then i say something like 'wow the day is going by fast' or 'did you hear about mr. jo's pop quiz?' and she wont respond, she just sits there. then i ask her whats wrong and she goes: NOTHING! I Am Just Tired! in a real annoyed voice.
what do i do? please hurry i rate high!
The Answer
Maybe she is really tired?
Just give her some space. She is in a bad mood and being bitchy, so back off a bit. Just ask her if something is wrong, make sure she knows you are there for her if she needs someone and then leave it.
She shouldn't be snapping at you every time you open your mouth, and if she wont tell you what is wrong there is no reason for you to just hang about and accept her snarky attitude. If she wont let you help her then just leaver her alone to sulk.
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The Question
I'm moving into a much smaller apartment at the end of the month and I was wondering if anyone had any ideas as to how I could make it look bigger and how could I make it look more homely since my walls will have to be white and most of my furnature (incleading comforter) is black.
The Answer
I actually have a very similar arrangement as I live in student housing. The contrast between black and white will open the rooms up alot for you right away.
What I've done is pick one accent colour as well to brighten things up (I used a burgandy but really any colour will do, go with a light warm colour if you want to make the room feel even bigger).
Don't clutter your walls (I see fellow students do this all the time and it just makes the space so cramped) Use just a few big and clear pictures or posters. The blank space helps. Definately invest in a mirror too.
Have fun!
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The Question
I went out with a guy named jacob and he promised me he was a virgin and he told me he loved me and completely led me on, well i lost my virginity to him and he broke up with me after, saying that his mom found out and hes not allowed to see me and his phone was taken up and hes grounded for 2 monthes, well i found out for a fact that he has had sex with 5 girls before me and my friends saw him out the other night, so he has completely lied to me about EVERYTHING, i bitched him out last night but thats not enough, i NEED to get him back for this or because i wont be able to live knowing i was used and he got away with it, any suggestions?
The Answer
Do you really think there is anything you can do that comes close to the pain and embaressment he caused you?
I mean sure, you could play a few pranks, make some nasty phone calls, but in the end he did get away with lying to you, nothing you do will change that and revenge might get you into a lot of trouble as well as turn you into a nasty and unapealing person.
By all means tell everyone you know how he lied to you, stop girls on the street and warn them, tell everyone who asks what a lying scumbag he is! Tell the simple truth and make him embaressed to show his face in public.
But in the end, your shame and pain is something you need to deal with and not something that will go away just because you cause him pain.
Talk to your friends, scream and cry and bitch, fanatize about revenge, but don't follow through with nastiness that will only make you a nasty person and actions you can never take back.
Take care of youself first and foremost, and drop me a line if you need too.
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The Question
I'm leaving for my 1st undergrad year very soon and I don't know what to do about my boyfriend when I leave. Should I try and conduct a long distance relationship?(My uni is in a different country to my home town). Or should I break up with him? Maybe a trial separation till Christmas when I return for the holidays? Or even an 'open relationship'?
Pros
1)I love him. He loves me.
2)My boyfriend and I will have been together for nearly 1 1/2 years when I go.
3)He's very sweet and he gets on with my family.
4)He's pretty good at sex.
5) He's accepting of my sexuality.
Cons
1) He's a compulsive liar.
2) I'm bi and uni will be my first real chance to explore that.
3)He cannot hold down a job. Or school/college.
4)His sex drive seems a lot higher than mine when we're together.
1)He wants forever and a family. I'm not ready to settle down and I never want to get married.
BTW we're both 18.
The Answer
You've pretty much answered your own question.
He doesn't sound worth holding on to. Your paths are diverging; you know you want different things in the future. Don't string the guy along if you know you are basically incompatible at this new stage in your life.
You can love someone and still accept that you can't make each other happy.
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The Question
Hey!
A girl, who I thought was my best friend, just told me that she got drunk with this other girl who I dont like. I am totally against drinking and drugs and fooling around. This other girl who I dont like is named Brooke. Brooke and I used to be really good friends, but whenever Brooke hangs out with different people, besides me and Anne(the girl who got drunk,My "bestfriend") she is like a totally different person. Brooke has guys over and fools around, she steals make up and other items from stores. She cuses alot too. So does Anne. I also dont like cussing. The thing is, I still want to be friends with Anne for sure, but not so much Brooke, because we are all sophmores, but This has been going on with Brooke since the eighth grade. She is only my friend, and nice to me when it is convienent for her. Now Anne and I have known eachother for a long time, but then we were not friends during middle school. Anne is really a nice girl, but I dont like it that she likes to drink. And I am also concerned about what I tell my "bestfriend" because she could go and tell it to Brooke. What should I do about this? Im soo confused. I want to be friends with them both, but Im soo lost. I will NOT start to drink or fool around with guys. And I do not want to get into something that I cant get my self out of. I am totally happy with my boyfriend of over a year and 7months, and he does not drink or cuss either. we dont "fool around" either. What should I do?
If you need more info, please ask!
-Kelsey-
(I'll rate and leave feedback!!:)
The Answer
You can't stop your friends from behaving however they please when you are not around, you can't even control them when you are around really. You can only decide if you still want to be friends with them and ask them to kindly not tell you about things they know you'll disagree with.
You seem to have trouble trusting Anne as well. Which isn't so great. If you can't talk to her and trust she isn't running to Brooke with all your secrets then you have a whole different problem there.
If you are happy the way you are and you realize your friends wont change thier ways, you'll have to think more seriously about being thier friends. I don't mean turn around and be a bitch to them, just let them drift away, and find people who share your values.
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The Question
what are some good ways to bring up a past relationship when talking to your ex??
like for example if i want tot ell him that i still have feelings for hima nd that i miss him??..do i come out and just say it or what??
The Answer
I always say an ex is an ex for a reason. If you want to talk about your feelings though, you might as well dive in and tell him.
It will save you alot of time and confusion if you don't beat around the subject.
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The Question
My frined would like to know, since she insists even when she's dating somebody, looks wouldn't matter. This is what I told her:
And, you know what, looks do matter. Nobody would go out with me if my clothes were ragged, smelly wet and ripped jeans, my hair unbrushed, would they? I don't get you, looks do matter. I swear. I thought you liked somebody because they're cute, and cute=looks. Like=personality and/or looks.
So, you have to re-think what 'looks' means. You think your Dad married your step mom because of her personality? Yes, but not alone. he also cared aout her looks.
Also, if looks don't matter at all to you, why do you think Jesse is ugly? it's because of his LOOKS.
Why do you 'luv' Seth?
-Actor
-Personality
-LOOKS.
I can't like a guy without the looks, they depend on the person, they represent what they person IS. If I wore exactly what I described in my other comment, nobody would be attracted to me. Like Dylan. Ripped shirt, over sized jeans--and he's overweight, nobody would like him.
Looks are very important. Don't go looking like a rag doll. And you have to understand, I'm not saying looks only matter.
--
Thanks, will rate high.
The Answer
As long as you aren't saying look are all that matters, or even that they are most important, I am willing to say you have a point.
The fact is a persons looks aren't who they ARE. But tell you a good deal about who they are. The way a person takes care of themselves and carries themselves can tell you whether they are self respecting, responsible, a socail misfit or someone with waaay too much money and time to spend on thier apperance.
So yeah, looks can be a big deal in day to day life but love is a different story. Looks might effect the intial atraction but after that well "Love looks not with the eye, but with the mind, therefor is wing'ed cupid painted blind"
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The Question
This might be stupid, because it happened to long ago but I want peoples opinions about it. I'm 15 female, & my sisters 22 female.
My mom has been on asthma ever since she was a young girl, and one night in June 2005 I wake up to her coughing an over amountage & weezing [deep breathing] I was super worried because I didn't know what to do, so I woke my sister up & had her come in my mom's room, my mom started throwing up because she was coughing so much, & she couldn't breath, so we decided we were going to take her to the hospital, because that's the only choice we really had. At this time my dad was living away, but my parents don't hate each other or anything, it's just he moved & they we moved a couple months later. But anyways, when we decided we would take my mom to the hospital my sister goes into her room, changes from her pajamas to regular clothes & then says shes ready!!
I didn't even care what I looked like, I didn't want to waste anytime because I knew that my mom had a hard time breathing, and it must be horrible to have that problem. But, my sister changed and that's what made me really mad, because it just seems like she doesn't care what happened to my mom in that 3 minutes. Blah, well basically I was just wondering, don't you think that that's wrong? I know I shouldn't be worrying about it now, because my mom's perfectly fine now but I just can't stop thinking about it.
Automatic 5's just for reading. Thanks a bunch =P
The Answer
Yes you are right she did make a mistake and you should speak to your sister about it. Tell her you love her but it is bothering you and you would just like to understand. If you have a good relationship she will probably apologize or offer an explaination.
There are a lot of things to consider, you sister might have been at an age where she was very uncomfortable with her body, she might have seen your mothers attacks before and not been as frightened as you, she might not have been able to drive in what she was wearing.
Those are just a bunch of reasons she might have made the mistake she did. In the end, she is your sister and you'll feel better if you can find it in your heart to forgive her.
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The Question
Hey, I live in a country where guys like to harass people.. I need to make my own pepper spray and like I would like a recepie for making it thanks. And by the way i promise, it's for a good cause, i need to be protected.
The Answer
Pepper spay is illegal in most places, in the areas where there is no actual law against it, using it on a person is still considered assault, actually in my hometown it was recently made illegal to use it on an animal as well.
I live in a rather unpleasant part of town myself and a carry a small but very very bright flashlight with a button that makes it strobe. It is perfectly legal and has temporarily blinded a few people long enough for me to get away.
I also invested in a pair of comfortable steel toe shoes that I wear whenever I am out late or alone. Maybe this is all in my head, but they make me feel much more secure. One swift kick with a pair of work boots like that can shatter bone. (Also assault but not nearly as permanent as the blindness and sight problems that can be caused by pepper spray)
I hope that was helpful. I don't feel right linking you to recipes although I'm sure you can goggle it and find it, but maybe you'll try some of my tactics too.
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The Question
I'm a twenty-one year old girl in love with a forty-seven year old man. We met at church, went back to my house on only the second time of meeting and had sex. After that he has been distant but kind. He says he feels afraid of his own disconnection. I don't know why, but I feel more for him than I have felt for anyone in a long time. I miss him when we're apart, even though we're not dating and I play it cool, determined not to crowd him or drive him off. But do bachelors that age remain bachelors?
The Answer
I'm not sure if the problem is really about his bachelorhood. At the moment, you aren't dating or really in a relationship of any kind, you are both living in a wonderful fantasy where anything is possible. Your future is a blank story and you are so eager to write it. This kind of thing can happen with young men too, but just because happily ever after is possible, doesn't mean it is going to happen.
Ignore the age difference for a moment, although I’m sure that plays a large part. He has been giving you clues hasn't he? Talking about being disconnected, trying to stay distant but remain civil. That is not the behavior of someone who is ready and willing for a serious relationship. That sounds more like someone trying saving face and not hurting a nice young lady. Young men do the same thing; they just tend to be sloppier about it.
You are not doing yourself any favors by 'playing it cool'. In my experience that always ends up with you feeling used and ignored. Speak to him, tell him how you feel and ask him if he feels the same, or if he even thinks he is capable of feeling the same. Listen to what he actually tells you and not what you hope to hear.
Yes, you might loose him if you speak up. But you must know, even if it doesn’t always feel that way, that it is better to loose someone who cannot give you what you want then hold on to a fantasy that will never be fulfilled.
Or you might live happily ever after, it is possible.
Good luck
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The Question
Ok so i don't know whats wrong with me! its been like a year since i saw my x bf and i am beginning to miss him. Everytime i think i miss him.. ok but i don't understand why because he was horrible to me! he did not care for me. He never even gave me a card for my birthday but i miss him. What shall i do, I don't think i want to talk to him again because i want him 2 miss me. But im not sure if he does!! help.
The Answer
It sounds like he was a pretty terrible boyfriend.
Chances are you don't miss him so much as you miss having someone. So go out looking, flirt, enjoy yourself and look for someone to be with who will also treat you well.
The desire to have him miss you is kinda selfish (I'm not one to talk though, everytime my ex talks to me I rub how wonderful, sexy and understanding I am. If he doesn't regret what he did to me, it's certainly not for lack of trying) but please, don't do what I do, try to be the better person and just let the stupid boy go. He will probably never realize just how good he had it with you.
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The Question
Here's the deal;; My parents have always kept a good eye on me, and I love them, but they've always held on a little too tight. I mean, my parents still dont usually let me go to the movies at night with my friends!
My friend Sarah has a boyfriend that her mother used to not let her see because ...they moved too fast and she knew it. Her mom even got a restraining order against him for the next four years! But out of nowwhere this year, her mom decided that they could see each other again.
Since I've always been held on a tight leash, and my mom knew about Sarah and her boyfriend, I can't go anywhere where he is. Now since it's the school year, my friends all go to the movies everry friday night.......and Sarah brings her boyfriend. I've always been honost with my mom, but when I asked her if I could go to the movies, I mentioned that Sarah's boyfriend was going, and she said N-O. But it's not even about this, my parents have always normally said I couldn't do stuff with my friends at night, since they feel it's "unsafe". I want to be honost with my parents, but It'd be so much easier if I left little details of my plans out. I don't want to though, but I'm so sick of getting left behind while all of my friends go out and have fun on friday nights and I'm stuck at home, I mean, I'm 14! That's a reasonable age, I feel.
What can I do to let my parents a.) loosen up b.)let me be around sarah when her b/f is around
Please help me! It's starting to drive me c-r-a-z-y!
If anyone is actually willing to listen to the whole story (yes, it's longer than this) please leave your screen name. It's really upsetting me now because I'm worried they NEVER let me do ANYTHING :[.
x0 Ally.
The Answer
It sounds like you are completely able of being reasonable so try focusing on your parents concerns. This really has nothing to do with Sarah or her boyfriend. It's about you.
First off, when you are making plans, cut out everything they can think of to complain about. Go to an ealier movie so your not out so late. Have a responible adult to drive you both ways. Stay in your large group. Your parents fears aren't completely unjustified, you are fourteen, you look like fresh meat to anybody trolling for trouble.
If your parents don't trust the people you are out with maybe invite them all to your place some friday night. Give your parents a chance to meet them and realize they aren't bad kids. Let them meet thier parents even. Knowing other parents let thier kids out (and aren't completely irresponsible or idiots) might help.
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The Question
Where around your waist should you measure it?
The Answer
Each person has a slightly different natural waist. Some people are above the belly button, right on, or even below.
You really are looking for the thinest part of you middle, if you have any trouble with that the easiest way to find your waist, and what I do when I need a percise waist measurement is to wrap a string around where you believe your waist is and tie a knot. Leave the string just a little loose and then wiggle and breath out, swelling your tummy as much as possible. Where ever the string lies after you let out your breath is your natural waist.
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