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older love
I'm a twenty-one year old girl in love with a forty-seven year old man. We met at church, went back to my house on only the second time of meeting and had sex. After that he has been distant but kind. He says he feels afraid of his own disconnection. I don't know why, but I feel more for him than I have felt for anyone in a long time. I miss him when we're apart, even though we're not dating and I play it cool, determined not to crowd him or drive him off. But do bachelors that age remain bachelors?
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He just isn't interested in you honey. It isn't worth thinking about any more then you already have.
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Sometimes, sometimes not. I don't think his bachelor status is the main issue (even if possibly an issue).
A person that really cares about you is not distant. I'm generally antisocial in person, but with my fiance I am about the most affectionate thing in the world.
Of course you feel a strong connection to him, a "mature" man has given you personal and private attention. You are not alone and this is perfectly natural.
While the age gap isn't complimentary, I'm concerned more about the fact he had sex with you on the second meeting. Regardless of how kind he is, that was just irresponsible and likely the reason he's cool towards you. I bet it'll be hard, but the best thing you can do is accept what happened as a mistake to learn by. Next time an older guy, or any guy, is interested in you, take it slow. If they can't wait for you, they're not worth it, no matter how kind or lovable otherwise.
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not always. see where all this takes you.
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No they do not. You need to find someone your own age. He's like half your age! He may have a wife too. Hope I helped!
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Distant but kind. you've answered your own question. Bachelors at that age don't change and I do know this from experience. I'm sorry to tell you this, but he more than likely used you for sex and now is just being nice to hold you off.
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Hi there,
How much is too much?
Age isn't always an issue in relationships, and many couples span the generations without any significant problems. But there's no denying that it is a factor when you're younger.
Why? Because you're less experienced at dating by default, and the strong emotions that go with it can be hard to handle. At the end of the day, you have to ask whether you might be better off learning from your mistakes with someone closer to your age.
The attraction factor
Ask yourself what draws you to this person, and be sure that age is not a factor. Sure, an older date can seem more mature and sophisticated than people your own age, but are you really going to have that much in common? It's good to have different interests, as it helps a relationship to breathe, but if it's just about having a trophy date then chances are it won't last long.
Potentially creepy factor
As well as asking what you see in someone so much older, ask what that person sees in you. What's more, why aren't they dating someone their own age?
Your friends
Chances are your mates will have an opinion about whether you should be going out with someone so much older. Your instinct might be to ignore any doubts they cast, but it's good to hear them out rather than just go with your instinct. They'll have your best interests at heart, after all, plus they're not so close to the issue as you.
Your family
If you're still living at home, and planning on dating someone old enough to be your mum or dad, then you should consult your folks. If you're living under their roof then you can't expect them to turn a blind eye to the situation. If you're keen to make the relationship work, then why not invite your date to meet them - that way they can see this person is genuine about you, and not someone who simply 'likes their bananas green'.
Goodluck
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this one is tough. When you get involved with somone else that is that much older than you, it complicates things for both of you. There is probably a big "generational gap" that is between you two. As a younger person, you crave the love and attention, while he has already been through that and needs some time to chill and mello out. He may be questioning if what he did was right, also considering your age, and may be confused about his own personal feelings toward you. I dn't know his personal history, but assuming he's been single for some time, he may plan to stay that way, so be careful if you are considering marriage . Idk, it is a gut feeling, just be careful.
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I'm not sure if the problem is really about his bachelorhood. At the moment, you aren't dating or really in a relationship of any kind, you are both living in a wonderful fantasy where anything is possible. Your future is a blank story and you are so eager to write it. This kind of thing can happen with young men too, but just because happily ever after is possible, doesn't mean it is going to happen.
Ignore the age difference for a moment, although I’m sure that plays a large part. He has been giving you clues hasn't he? Talking about being disconnected, trying to stay distant but remain civil. That is not the behavior of someone who is ready and willing for a serious relationship. That sounds more like someone trying saving face and not hurting a nice young lady. Young men do the same thing; they just tend to be sloppier about it.
You are not doing yourself any favors by 'playing it cool'. In my experience that always ends up with you feeling used and ignored. Speak to him, tell him how you feel and ask him if he feels the same, or if he even thinks he is capable of feeling the same. Listen to what he actually tells you and not what you hope to hear.
Yes, you might loose him if you speak up. But you must know, even if it doesn’t always feel that way, that it is better to loose someone who cannot give you what you want then hold on to a fantasy that will never be fulfilled.
Or you might live happily ever after, it is possible.
Good luck
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The older you get as a single person, the more likely you are to stay that way. You develop strong habits, and for most people it gets harder and harder to break those habits.
It's not impossible; I didn't start dating until I was 33, and now I'm happily married and have a little boy. But I'm unusual.
I think you need to spend some time thinking about what you want from him. Do you want to marry him? Live with him? Just be his girlfriend?
Do you want to have children with him? Grow old with him? Remember, when you're in your 30s, he'll be in his 60s! That's a large age difference, and to be brutally honest, you'd be virtually certain to become a relatively young widow.
Assuming, of course, that you want to marry him and he wants to marry you.
I'll also admit that it's hard to be a father when you're older. My son was born when I was 38, and there are times when it's hard to keep up with him. That will get more and more difficult as time goes by.
And if you two were to have a child, this man would be more than ten years older than that!
I suspect that you are a glorious fantasy for him, more than anything else. I wonder how much you two have in common, intellectually. He remembers a time before people walked on the Moon. He lived through the 60s, and the Viet Nam war (although he was too young to fight in Viet Nam, of course). You're a completely different generation, and you two don't share a lot of cultural experience and knowledge.
To him, in many ways, you must seem very young indeed. Imagine how you would feel going out with someone 26 years younger than you. In your case, of course, that would be impossible; your date wouldn't have been born yet!
If you just want to see this man and have occasional sex with him, the world won't end. I'm not sure if that would be entirely GOOD for you; I'd think that it would make it harder for you to find someone closer to your own age. You could find yourself ten years older and alone, and that would be sad.
But if you want to marry him...the truth is, you need to decide what you would like your relationship with him to be, and then, before too long, you need to TALK to him. If there is to be any chance of a long-term relationship, you two need to be able to talk. So, when you're ready, and if you've decided that a life with him is something you'd like to persue, talk to him.
But don't start by telling him what you want. Instead, ASK him - in the most non-demanding way possible - where he thinks the two of you might end up, and go from there.
I wish you good luck.
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Yes, they do remain bachelors because they aren't married. You need to talk to him about where you two stand. I mean you do have the right to do so I mean you did have sex with the man. So you really need to find out what this is or what happens form here on. You really need to know and the only way that you're going to find out the truth is for you to ask him,"where is this going?" So find out and then do what you think is best. Don't crowd him too much, but he really must understand that you need and have to know.
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