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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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I am a 20 year old girl. I have seen this guy 4 times. Two of them we were hanging out, once in a group, the other we went for coffee. We've only known one another for a short time, but I am quite sure I want to be his friend. But the trouble is, I seem to have quite a crush on him. I'm not sure what to do. He is popular and I am not. I don't want to be obvious about liking him. But I'm afraid to make a fool of myself around him.
How to act? Be yourself. Sounds too simple but it's the best policy. To put on an act or be something or someone you are not, just to attract a person eventually backfires. It takes more personal energy than one might think to keep a false facade in place and after a few months, a few can hold out a year, then the mask begins to slip and the real you comes out. It is too stressful mentally and even physically to try to keep up a pretense. There's nothing more rewarding than having a guy attracted to you for who you are. And before you say there's nothing about you to be attracted to, yes there is. The younger guys sometimes are attracted to the more flashy girls but eventually all guys are going to discover what they are really attracted to in looks and personality. Some guys like girls who don't wear makeup, have natural looks like 'the girl next door look', prefer small boobs, and yet others aren't attracted to anything but the plumper or overweight girls. Same goes for personalities, some prefer a more quiet type than the popular extrovert.
The initial attraction and crush does not necessarily mean you'll both have a lot in common and have chemistry together. But that IS where the process starts. To discover if there is something more between you, you have to spend time together. One of you or both of you may discover, there isn't even enough interest to remain just friends. But I do believe friendship is a great place to start with the right guy. If a friendship is in place before moving into a romantic relationship, thats a recipe for success because some of the healthiest long term relationships are couples who are each others best friend besides sweetheart. If he is willing to be friends, great, and if not, there wasn't enough attraction to your personality to begin with. So don't get all worked up over something that was never there to begin with.
I say to enjoy the feeling of the crush but you don't have to act on it. Just enjoy the friendship for now. Watch for clues that he is interested in you romantically. There will be flirting clues and body language. I will attach an article about the body language, things like choosing to come stand within arms length of you or sit very close, lean towards the person when in conversation and subconsciously mimicking each others moves. Good luck dear
http://www.kissmegoodnight.com/relationship-advice/read_romantic_body_language.shtml
I broke my virginity two weeks back now my nipples are sore and they pop out and every time when I eat I feel blotted ,I also have stamache pains and feel like I have hurtburn R alcers im not sure but I want to ask are these signs/symptoms of being pregnant??
The only piece of information I dont have is what conceptive if any you had at the time. If condoms and they were used improperly or defective, that can if the timings right, result in pregnancy. A pregnancy test needs to be taken to confirm or negate that.
If you recently started an oral contraceptive but may not have been on it long enough to be effective before you had sex, then again, yes theres a chance you could be pregnant.
However the point I wanted to get out is that aside from stress effecting you this way, there is a possibility if you are now on a hormonal birth control that you can have any, of all of the symptoms mentioned and more as side effects.
Me and a really wonderful guy were talking. Just as friends because we relatively just met before that but I developed a little crush on him. It wasn't anything serious at the time but later as we continued to talk, we became closer. He was going through a bad break up at the time when we started getting closer. And I took advantage of the fact that I could really get close to him by helping him out and genuinely supporting him. I never told him I liked him because at the time I wasn't 100% convinced I did like him a lot. He used to message me daily and talk to me all the time. You see, I'm a type of person who likes to get to know someone first before declaring my feelings. And I'm not the most confident person in the world to boldly admit I like someone. I was hoping as we got closer and time progressed and he healed from his pain, that things would be good between us to the point that he too realized he had feelings for me. Next thing I know, he was talking to another girl. I think they were just talking but then they got closer. She out right told him that she liked him, and went a little crazy about it posting it that she was in love, etc. she's got a really annoying bubbly personality. (I'm not saying this because of how I feel. Other people have said the same.) anyway, I was so disappointed when I found out he liked her. Like what the hell did I even mean to you? I help u through all your problems and this is how it ends. The girl is a nice girl and I think she has a good heart. He says she understands him. I'm pretty sure he told me he was glad I understand him. He says he doesn't want a relationship now and that they're just talking and he's not in love with her but it still hurts. She seems like a confident person. Whereas I like to give hints and hope you take it. He told me he's really good at reading people, well clearly not so much. What sucks more is that I see him and the girl a lot and it just breaks my heart each time to think about it. I really liked him and now I'm just sad with regret. I don't want a relationship right now and I told him that (during a regular convo). He told me the same goes for him. But now this is the situation. I don't want to tell him because that will make life for all of us complicated. I want to get over him and move on.:(
Your on the right track as far as 'getting to know someone first before declaring your feelings'.
I believe that since you want to be friends with him first but not in a romantic relationship right off the bat, then you will need to be more specific when you say things to him.
This is the definition of relationship:
1. the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other
2. a romantic or sexual friendship between two people
What could have been said is that you were not ready for jumping right into a romantic relationship with a guy. Instead, "I am the type who likes to become great friends first. If feelings develop later, thats a plus. So I wouldn't mind being friends with you."
When you said "I was so disappointed when I found out he liked her. Like what the hell did I even mean to you?" I thought of how some people who are in a bad spot and need some emotional support for a while, may develop feelings for their 'rescuer', but that isn't necessarily so. I developed feelings for a male friend who used to be a counselor and helped me emotionally after I left my ex. But this guy was married so it couldn't go anywhere. Your guy may be grateful towards you for the help but since you stated you didn't want any relationship with a guy, he could take that to mean not even as friends. A friendship is a relationship too, just structured differently. Guys do think and process information differently than females. If you keep hinting around you might miss your opportunity. Just come out and say you are really interested in him but want to start at friendship level for now, then that should be direct enough for him to get the message without any misunderstandings. If you don't have the guts to do that, then its a matter of time before another girl comes along who does have the guts to declare her interest at the right time when he's ready for romance again.
Was curious do you have an advice email or something to make it easier to get your advice? I'm just curious because I absolutely love your advice. And you are the main one I look forward to hearing from.
Thank you so much for the lovely compliment. I do try my best but I am not a trained expert, keep that in mind, I can make mistakes unknowingly. My advice is more like motherly or grandmotherly advice to a younger family member. I can only share out of experience. If you ever learn that I am in error on some point, please supply me with the updated info. and links so I can learn for myself.
I tried to answer you yesterday but as fate would have it, Advicenator site wasn't working at the time and wouldn't allow answers to go out. I could read all I wanted but not send answers. Sometimes I can't log in. If you are having the same problems and write in for advice often, then I suppose you could always write to my email:
dragonfly_moonmagick@hotmail.com That isn't a strictly advice email, thats my personal email. But you can use that.
I love fashion but I don't know much about it I have a friend and she tells me all this stuff and I want to be a fashion designer so I kinda feel I should know this stuff but I don't. And I really want to know, so what stuff she I know or whatever?
Fashion industry is a very competetive one and may be hard to get the recognition to start a new trend.
My own logic says that if you knew everything about current fashion that you most likely would create just another version of the same old thing.
Perhaps not being savvy on current fashion trends could go in your favor.
In the creative arena, and in starting a business, the best thing to do is find a need and fill that niche.
Do you have any particular problem finding clothing for yourself that fit your body type, a certain style in the size you need, not the color or patterns you would like, then focus on that. Some of the greatest hit products were created when a person was just trying to fill their own needs cus it wasn't available on the market and accidently fell into a profitable business.
Do you have a creative mind? Do you already think creatively? Here's an example. When I was in grade school, a 5 or 6th grade girl wanted to wear a skirt made of jeans material. The fashion industry had not created such a thing. It was not available in any store coast to coast that we knew of. She asked her mom to make her a skirt out of an old pair of jeans. Mom cut open the inside seam and added a V of fabric in front and back from material of the bottom of each leg. When she wore it to school, every girl wanted the same thing and those with mom or aunt who could sew were wearing jeans skirts and it spread to other schools. In no time at all, there became such a demand for jeans skirts that the fashion industry created a new product, jean skirts that were available in stores everywhere. The average people like you and me who came up with the idea in the first place never got credit or made any money off of it. So if you do come up with something, the moment everyone wants what you are wearing (its good advertisement) you go get a patent on it and find out how to get your idea marketed with a fashion company. You can also go to fashion school but what will give you the edge is to be thinking outside the box.
My question is: can verbal bullying make you physically ill? I was in science and a girl was mocking me to half the class and they were all laughing. I kept turning to try and say something but my teacher was there (she's strict but has a good heart) kept telling me not to (well, she said my name in a warning tone, and I knew what she meant.) After a while another girl on her side (we were in the middle of a class debate) and was imitating me and laughing with her and like calling me makes. At this point I was crying and (badly) attempting to hide it. Eventually I went to the bathrooms and had a cry. My (not close) friend cane in and asked if I was ok then said 'Woah, your burning up' I had a temperature and my stomach really hurt. I went home because I felt so sick. Is it possible it was because of the bullying? Because before science I was better than ever. All answers appreciated. :)
Rahzie gave you good answers.
While it is good to develop a tougher hide and not be so sensitive and crumble under occasional teasing, bullying may be another story. I am taking the position that this is more of a case of constant teasing rather than bullying.
An occasional tease is fine, you need to learn how to not take it so personally. Some people are more fun to tease than others because they are easier to produce emotions in. If you indeed did not react to teasing, they would soon quit because it was no longer fun. If it was more than just teasing, but bullying, then you do not have to react for them to continue doing so.
I remember when I was young and got teased and how it hurt me and I was embarassed or uncomfortable, and hated it. Once I got older and decided I was tired of being so shy and unsure of myself and decided to work on my low self esteem, then it no longer bothered me how people might laugh and tease me.
In fact, I rather craved it. For someone to totally ignore my existance would be worse...
I would not matter at all to them. For someone to want to take the time out of their day to tease me and say things that might seem like put downs means that they are interested in me and subconsciously want to be able to interact with me and become acquaintants, or good friends. As I grew older, I learned to understand the difference of the intent behind the words said, some of it is learning the tone of the voice or the body language. More often than not, the words said are not bullying in nature, just friendly teasing though to a person with no tolerance and low self esteem it will feel very much like bullying, I know, I experienced it.
How about the next time someone pokes fun at you, you try to take it as a compliment, if someone was complimenting you obviously, for example:
"I really like your new haircut, looks good on you," you would beam back a smile at the very least or say thanks or yeah, I knew it would, thats why I chose this cut on purpose.
If you write me some examples of actual things they said or did in mimicking you, I could give you my perspective on a different way to view each one and a different response you could take with each one. Eventually you will find this actually fun instead of terrifying and saddening. Write me, I'd be glad to help.
I've recently started seeing a guy, for about 3 weeks. He has been out of town and won't be back until a week and a half. Last night I was kissed by another guy, who I barely know, and definitely have no feelings for. I don't know whether I should tell my boyfriend? There is a huge sense of guilt and anger at myself, and I feel incredibly stupid for what I did. The recent week has been an intensely emotional week, dealing with all sorts of other personal issues and while I know it isn't an excuse, it has most likely contributed. I don't intend on seeing this man again, even as friends.
He kissed me, I kissed back. He touched me, I told him to stop. He continued, I told him to stop. He kissed me again and I didn't kiss back. Then I left. I couldn't take it anymore.
What should I do?
I am a female, aged 24.
I am guessing that either one or the other or both of you may have been under the influence of alcohol for two things to happen: Him not to stop when you asked him to and you to kiss him back when you already met a guy recently.
If not alcohol, how was it that you ended up somewhere with this guy who was kissing and touching you? Did you accept to go on a date with him?
Were you out with mutual friends who might tell your boyfriend? If so, it would be better coming from you than from them. From them, it makes it look like you keep secrets and aren't a very truthful person.
Otherwise, don't tell him.
But you have to learn something from this.
You have learned that your body and maybe mind, can feel responsive to two men at the same time, feel that initial attraction. Beyond the initial attraction, at some point you learned that you did not have any feelings for him. A person can look inviting but once in their presence and having contact with, you find there is no chemistry. If there had been chemistry, would you have gone further with this man?
Sex is known to be a wonderful stress reducer, great for emotional health. and you said "while I know it isn't an excuse, it has most likely contributed" the It being stress during the recent week. This would mean that the way you prefer or that works best for you to reduce stress is to engage in sex. If you did not have the current boyfriend around for that, then what else could you have done that would be stress relieving for you?
For some, watching a good comedy, the release of laughter is effective, listening to your favorite music or calming music and of course along the lines of sex, theres masturbation instead of finding a man to have sex with. Its the release of the feel good hormones from the orgasms that give stress relief, not having a man to have sex with. These are things to learn about yourself. And if you know yourself to be prone to flirt too much with other guys, then don;t purposely hang out with them and certainly if alcohol was involved, don't choose drinking as a stress relief method next time. As long as you learn from your error in judgement, then your experience can be looked at as a good thing, a learning experience and stepping stone in becoming a better person.
So drop the guilt and anger at yourself. We all learn more often from making the mistake than hearing instructions to not do it. Works the same for parents with little kids. "Don't touch the oven door, its hot, it will burn you." A parent can repeat it endlessly and in the end, once a child does touch it, he/she learns it hurts, its hot and will do its best to avoid that contact in the future. Just choose to learn from your experience dear.
I LOVE ANIME!!! [Japanese cartoons]........ but I dont know anyone who I can really talk about it too.....it's starting to bother me.....got an idea?
Anime is definately not dead. There are still a lot of fans out there. People are no longer satisfied with just reading about or watching the cartoons, they want to role play the characters and therefore the current you do, he will not respond and ever become comfortable. craze of 'Cosplay' (short for costume play) where conventions are held yearly in some of the bigger cities and Anime fans either purchase a costume over the net from Japan or they make their own of a favorite anime character and go as a different character each year. I have a daughter who does that. Once you've met some anime fans locally, I'd advise going to an anime convention together. It is a blast just planning the costume and then attending and seeing everyone elses creativity and its a good way to have fun with and meet even more anime people.
Hi! My horoscope says "give your aentimental life a breath of frezh air. I was curious. What does that mean? And that guy I was talking about before that I work with... well I got his number on friday night. And we were texting for a couple hours that night. And then yesterday we worked in the same department together. We were constantly messing with each other the whole time. Like juniir high flirting. Bumping into eachother he knocked boxes out of my hand. Talking crap and laughing. And so on. Well I heard hegets embaressed easily and hhe's insecure and shy and he won't be direct about something for example saying I'm pretty. He goes around the bush.. example we were texting the other night
Him:I'm not cocky
Me: and I'm not pretty
Him: talk about cocky lol
Me:no just truthful
Him: lol too truthful.
But he's very cocky my friends mum told me that he wouldn't say half that to my face.. but he's so coky I was confused. She said its because he just talks big so he can seem like it.. and i don't know what to do or say. How can I get him more comfortable around me. Please don't say to be myself. Cause I deffinetely am. Its way easy to be myself with him. And when should I text him again. Should I text him first or wait for him to text me? Our last and only time we texted was friday. My sisters mum has his number cause she's a manager and she said I wanted it so we were telli ng her what to tell him and then I finally texted him... cause he always messes around about a woman's job is in the kitchen and stuff so my friends mum said I said I'm a good sandwhich maker and blah blah and then he said he wanted a pb&j so I sent my first text a picture making a pb&j like messing around with him. So please help me out :) thankyou in advance
!st question: You can't pin too much importance on a horoscope if its one of the generic ones via newspaper, book or on the net. If it isn't one personalized for you including other factors like your moon sign and rising sign, etc... then what you are told can be vague. However I do some interpretation of tarot cards and the like. So a phrase 'breath of fresh air' evokes a picture of a room full of stale air. Air that is either lifeless, old or not healthy. If one needs to give themselves a breath of fresh air, it would indicate to stop doing whatever you're doing as it will keep leading to dead ends. Do the same as you've been doing, get the same results. So it means to introduce something new in. As far as him if you are taking that horoscope statement seriously, it would seem to indicate trying a different approach with him to help him become more open.
In part, for some people to do that, they need to gain a certain level of trust with another person to be able to be themselves and open up and only time can remedy that. Over time spent together, he should be able to know if he can trust you.
Think about the things your best girlfriends says and does that make you feel secure with her that you can trust her with your deepest darkest secrets and that should give you an idea of how to help him feel more secure.
My personal observance regarding texting: Since the rise in it's popularity I have noticed more confusion and less real communication. I see so many questions wonder what a text meant. Was it teasing or serious. The problem with written words (texting) in two fold, no 3.
1. you don't get to hear different tones of voice
to help interpret what is being said.
Example: "What are you doing?" Asked in a calm voice is a question as to what you are currently occupied with. Asked in a demanding, frantic tone, such as by a parent to child, in effort to get them to stop immediately what they are doing because it is dangerous, or they are doing something they know is against the rules.
2. you don't get to witness body language and pick up visual clues
Example:
When on two different occasions you are telling someone a story. The first person has their eyes locked on you and is leaning a bit forward to hear the next bit. The second person's eyes kept darting around to other areas of the room never staying on you long and they keep yawning and are slumped in their chair. This person is possibly bored with your story and having the visual clues you could then ask if your story is boring them and hopefully they know how to be honest. If they say yes with arm crossed against their chest, its not truthful. They may explain they didnt get good sleep last night and admit they were kinda zoning out so save the story to tell another day.
3. text communication is shortened in effort to keep responses speedy so it leads to less of value being said.
Example:Boyfriend is supposed to come over and pick you up for a date, he's running late.
You text: Where r u? His reply: Store
then silence. So you sit there thinking, why's he at the store when we have a date. OMG, he forgot me and that we have a date. So you think in order to jog his memory, send another text: Wut r yur plans 2nite? You get no response. Now you are real upset. Then theres a knock on the door a short while later and there he stands with a bouquet of flowers he was at the store buying for you. He didn't answer your last text cus his plans were to be with you and you know that so your question didn't make sense and he was already late, so why bother to text back to get into long text to find out what you meant by that.
See how easy it is to have problem communicating in text? There is 75% guessing being done vs any valuable info.
My advice is to make phone calls instead of relying on 100% texting. If you did voice calls 3/4 of the time and texting only 1/4, it should help him with social and conversational skills and in building trust and opening up.
But even relying on only phone calls eventually runs its course and the next step is spending time in each others presence. When I was dating and found a guy I liked, we could talk for hours each night 3, or 4 hrs straight and thats before meeting each other the first time. It helped to build the desire to be in each others presence, to want to spend time together, being even more open.
Keep in mind if the guy has some emotional hurts or other issues in his past that he is not ready to get over and get past, then no matter what you do, he won't be ready to proceed forward.
Keep in mind that women with a great desire to have outlets for their loving, nurturing strengths, do make the mistake of latching on to a guy with emotional or mental problems, their subconscious mind making the connection that here is a person who needs some nurturing and loving to heal and get better and they try hard to be the one to do that for him. Women should never try to take the role of a professional counselor or psychologist with a partner. That person may not be ready to put their issues to rest and even a professional cannot help when that is where a persons mind is at.
Hope this helps you a bit. Blessings dear.
Right after when my mensuration got stop i had sex without any protection. Later i ate contraceptive pill which was to be eaten one after 12hrs from eating the first one.
But i ate the second medicine 14hrs later. Then i had mensuration 10 days later again.
I did early pregnancy test also and the result was negative. But today i noticed that my nipples were a little bit coming out....
What shall i do???
Here is a website that can answer all your questions about the Plan B pill or any other emergency contraceptive pill.
http://ec.princeton.edu/questions/ecsideeffects.html
so according to this site, a change in the breast or nipples is normal and should only last two days.
It lists all the side effects.
If your body is so sensitive it is still reacting to it 10 or more days later, then if I were you, I would not ever rely on emergency contraceptives or any hormone based contraceptive.
My personal advice to you is to read up up the non hormonal contraceptive called the 'copper IUD'
(intra uterine device) it is placed by a dr. in the uterus and good for many yrs, some about 10 yrs. Though they also have side effects, there are way fewer occurances of this because of lack of hormones. The Mirena IUD has hormones. The one I suggest you look into is the Paragard. heres the link:
http://www.paragard.com/default.aspx
I'm a 21 year old female and I'm a server at a popular restaurant/sports bar. There's a dining area, then a separate room for the bar, then a bar top where the actual bartender works. When I wait on a table and they order any type of alcohol, I have to ring it in, then the bartender gets the order and makes the drink. Once it's ready, she puts it in a window for me to pick up and take to my table.
The problem is that she doesn't make the drinks very fast, causing my tables to get angry at ME because they have to wait so long on their drinks. Now, I understand when there is a dinner rush and we're busy and she has several drinks to make (after all, she makes the drinks for her bar customers, and every server's customers) In fact, she makes drinks fairly fast when we're busy because she HAS to. But when we're slow at 2pm on a Wednesday, she hangs out in the kitchen talking to other servers or managers, not even paying attention the drink orders.
With any other bartender, I just go tell them that I have a drink and politely ask them if they could go make it. But with this specific bartender, she gets mad if you ask her to do anything and she purposely waits longer. Even if she sees you put in an order, she doesn't find it rude to continue a conversation with another server and wait until SHE'S ready to make the drink. I don't understand how she's okay with purposely taking a long time to make drinks when she knows it makes our tables upset with us.
I would go tell a manager but they're all friends with her outside of work and the whole situation would blow up in my face. At one point, I even emailed corporate, in a very professional manner, stating how upset I was that she wasn't doing her job correctly, causing not only me, but ALL servers to suffer, and NOTHING was done about it. What do I do? I can't continue to have dissatisfied tables because she wants to slack off!
I think you did the best thing contacting corporate. There is a chance the email didn't go through or was accidently deleted or something. I think that trying to call and actually talk to somebody there is a better idea considering you believe the manager being buddies with the slacking employee would not help and could jeopardize your job. If corporate still doesnt do anything about it, such as sending in a fake customer to watch and discover what is really going on, then you have two options, quit working there and find a company that cares about customer satisfaction. They would love to have an employee who has high standards in quality service. If you prefer to stay, you're going to require some cooperation and help from the customers. Once they complain and get angry at you. I would discreatly advise them of than situation and ask for their help without any other servers overhearing...so lower your voice.
"I understand your frustration, you Have had to wait extra long for your drinks. But I am stuck in the middle. I have brought the orders and advised the bartender there are orders to fill but she is the problem here. We need a new bartender with good work principles. The problem is my manager is close friends with her and that clouds her judgement on handling this. I think what would help is having customers complain directly to the manager about the bartender taking too long.If you ask me to go tell my manager that you want to talk to her, I will go get her but You must promise to not divulge I told you any of this. Some customers wont have the guts, others will be angry enough and you'll see their anger switch from you to the manager. Once your manager has had to face angry customers at their table and placate them once too often, she may tell her friend bartender that she needs to speed up things cus they can't afford to lose customers. If the manager is not willing to come to the customers, you could take the customer to the manager. I was once at a restaurant that was almost empty and after an half hour of being seated, no one had come to take our order. There was only one server visible for the entire place. Finally got orders taken and after another hour and still no sign of our meals and no wait staff to flag down, I got up and walked into the kitchen. Come to discover the entire staff except for the one cook and waiter were out with the flu. I told them it would have been more appropriate to approach each new arrival and advise them of the situation and give them the option to find another restaurant if they were short on time or stay if they didn't mind. The right customer willing to do this will make an impact. While you could give them the contact information for corporate to make a complaint, the great likelihood is that once home, they forget about it or removed from the moment have gotten over being angry and don't feel like doing it.
I have a friend online who got a gift card to a make up store I've bought things from before and wants to give it to me since she isn't going to use it. Is there anyway for her to find out my info such as name(my legal name)/address/debit card numbers/ect if I use it? We're fairly early in our friendship but still good enough friends that I believe she's being genuine but I'm always a little paranoid.
A gift card can only be researched to find out what date it was purchased, what store location it was bought at, how much money value was put on it, how much money is remaining, and the amounts used up so far on what dates.
This is nothing like a credit or debit card and there is no way to have your name or personal information attached to the card.
So feel free to use it. Without having the card and the phone number on it to call and the gift id number on it to call in, she can't even know if or when you used it or what you bought. It doesnt work that way
7years I have liked this guy, we met up, and spoke for those entire 7 years. everything was going great until 2 weeks ago. My sister slept with him in my bed! whilst my cousin was asleep in there!!. I am heartbroken and so confused. It started when I txt him, he was feeling down so I thought what the hell me, my sister and my mates were going for drinks so he could join us for a cheer up. So my sister knew how I felt I mean all I have done for those 7years is talked to him. She slept with him that night, and today they have gone out on a date behind my back instead of telling me the truth. Tears prick in my eyes every time I mention it. when I confronted her about that night she laughed and smirked at me as tears ran down my face. I have to live with her which makes it worse! I just need to know what to do?? because it is taking every ounce of me not to hit her. and what is confusing me is that I am not mad at him but I should be right?? help me please...
Okay, I am curious- - -7 years of talking only, never progressing in the relationship? People today tendon, to date and use it as a status symbol or 'see, i'm normal' or whatever they wish to prove.
Thats the wrong reason to date. Dating starts at the talking level, you find out if you have lots to talk about, like how they think, if both of you feel that romantic spark and chemistry and you spend more time together and flirt and do romantic things together and work towards becoming sexual together. If he stayed with you 7 yrs and the two of you never had sex, somethings wrong. Either he pursued you and you weren't ever ready and kept refusing him, or he didn't feel that way about you, there was no chemistry that way. He only considered you a friend. So which was it?
Your sister has her own issues and who knows why she did what she did and treated you as she did. That is a hateful thing to do.
If he liked you only as a friend but nothing more, I would think in 7 yrs that at some point he would've said so...or perhaps he thought it was obvious. If he had a normal healthy sex drive yet never was turned on by you, desiring you, giving signs of how much he wanted to be sexual with you. I would say there's possibility he was asexual which means he would still desire the emotional attachment but have no interest in sex with women or men...but since he had sex with your sister, that's likely not the case.
Everyone has to take part of the fault for the problem. I am assuming you never asked the important questions as to where in the relationship you were at and where did he see you going, how does he feel about you. He is a jerk because even if he was drunk when he did it, once sober and planning to date sis, he should have been man enough to say something to you, even if you were only a best friend in his eyes. Thats plain rude and not something a loving friend would do. He doesnt have the guts to be a man. Hes a male cus of his sex but he isn't a man. I would suggest focusing your energy of anger at them both into doing something to improve your future. Start reading up on the stages of dating, books on communication for couples, the important basics of a healthy relationship of which some are being best friends, unconditional love, having a vibrant sex life and being sexually compatible, communication, trust. Put your energy and focus there. Dating is full of mistakes made but we can always do better the next time. You didnt lose anything great with him. You already know you like someone talkative but your conversations need to be more deep and meaningful and questioning. Retaliating in some way at sis lowers you to her level. If this is the kind of person she is and she does not change for the better, she will have a miserable life and never find a man who truly loves and cherishes her.
A man who truly loves you and has a great connection with you on all levels, emotionally mentally, spiritually, physically, can not be stolen by another woman, no matter what she tries.
The man who does go fool around...does not have a really good connection with his lady to begin with nor is he in love with his lady. Theres no way to know this all when just starting as teens or college age people. It is something that you learn by experience. You've had an experience...use it as a stepping stone to learning and improving the next relationship by making a better choice in a guy to begin with and also being the better woman for him. If you have any more specific questions, I'd love to help, just write and let me know. I am sorry for your pain, it will pass in time.Between you and your sis, you're the one who currently has a greater chance to have a wonderful man in the future because you are open and asking questions and looking for advice.
I've been using the two months injection then changed to a pill because my husband was complaining about it. He said that the reason why he doesn't want to have sex more often is because of the injection im using. Can the injection causes my husband to have low sex drive if im the one using it and not him?
Thats a strange one I 've never heard of but then I am not a medical professional. There are sites that are specifically set up to type in your question and get an immediate response from doctors on line at the time for any medical related questions.
You said you got off the shots and are on the pill. Have things improved? If the husband has never had his testosterone levels checked, it might be a good thing to do. I know that my menopausal creams when freshly put on and not absorbed yet, could not come into contact with the skin of a boyfriend I used to have who was diagnosed with low testosterone count and was on a daily medication to off set that. However, getting my cream on his skin would go into his body and lower levels again.
Hormonal birth control works because the hormones simulate the ones released when pregnant so the body is fooled into thinking it's pregnant already and therefore doesnt release an egg that could get fertilized. It doesnt make sense that hormones that only work to stop an egg being released would have an affect on a man who doesnt have those parts. I'd ask your dr. or one online about that.
I started using these birth control pills trigestrel i skipped a day from taking the pill and was engaged in a unprotected sex ., is it true that the red pills arent safe?
The Red pill is to bring on your period. So they aren't unsafe to take. I have not yet found a website to refer you to where you read up on FAQ's about Trigestrel. Since you should be having a period while taking the red, if you two don't like to engage in sex while on period, then knowing whether you'd be safe is a mute point. Depending on what day you skipped, you may want to call and ask the medical assistant at your gynecologists office. They are the ones who prescribed the pill and can answer your questions. If you got them from Planned Pregnancy Ctr. ask there. Always better to get the real facts rather than make a guess and end up sorry later. For immediate on the spot answers to any kind of medical questions, I suggest finding a site that answers medical questions. Do a search for free medical questions answers. I found several sites quickly but can't tell you how well they work as I have not used them.
This all started 4 years ago when my father died. My parents had been married for 31 years. I was married at the time and the marriage was going south. It was an abusive relationship. When my mother moved in with me after my fathers death it was a good move. It gave me the stregnth to leave my now ex husband and my daughter and I were there to support her during her tough time. We leaned on eathother financially for a while. I got a better job and now am self sufficent. In the last few months things have gotten rocky. I have now found someone that I can see spending ther rest of my life with. We are taking things slow since we are both divorced. My mom started asking me "where are you going?, when will you be home? Are you going to eat?" then she started telling me how i could spend my money on my daughter. She thought since she paid about $250.00 in bills that she was entitled. Well, about a month and a half ago she decied to move and be near my brother and some of her friends. I was so happy. Finally my boyfriend and I could start working on us. Now she has decided to move back because she is not happy there either. She has a boyfriend here and she wants to hang out with him but not too much. I think she thinks its not ok because of my dad. We talked a few days ago and she said she didnt want to live with me and that she was going to move in with her BF. Last night she said she was moving back in with me!! Like the convo never happened. I dont want to hurt her but I doint want to live with her. I cant. She is too controlling. I am 35 and she is 68. She is in perfect health and so is her 74 yr old BF!! They both go to the gym everyday!! How can i tell her I dont want her to live with me without making her feel like no one wants her?
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I was in an abusive relationship too.
A lot of the abuse is verbal, physical, emotional and involves controlling the other individual. There is no pleasing someone like that. You can follow their wishes exactly as given, to a Tee, and yet they will still find fault.
You said Mom is too controlling. Do you mean by 'too controlling', that you would accept a lesser amount of controlling behavior from her?
Not intentionally being sarcastic, I just want to alert you to your choice of words, it may be an indicator of something.While your conscious mind says, "No, I won't take ANY controlling behavior, what is your subconscious mind thinking and believing? The sub is where all our emotions and feelings come from. Does it feel strong enough to make a stand with mom?
I hardly think your mom became controlling late in life after losing her husband and there was no controlling behavior there before. Something of what you may contribute to average normal behavior in a parent, just being loving, caring and protective could in fact have been controlling. I have no way to know. But you do. As we age, what ever negative personality issues a person has or even in the case of mental illness, I have observed in people I know well, get worse as they grow older. I cant explain why. So perhaps what you couldnt see in mom, while a child growing up is now being much more easy to see.
With each major lesson a soul needs to successfully learn, there comes a test sometime soon after where they are presented with a similar situation in which the lesson repeats. Your first successful break from an abusive, controlling person could have been a fluke...due to moms situation at the time, your subconscious isn't sure you actually had the strength on your own. Mom moved in and you stated " it was a good move. It gave me the stregnth to leave" If your strength came from mom, did you really have any of your own? Deep down you may not be totally sure. I thought I Was sure but I recognized the test when it came. I was scared, same old feelings and fears arose in me. It wasnt until I successfully made it thru the test that I have truly not just felt strong but been strong and in fact 2 exact months later met the sweet man Im not with cus one of the things he liked in me was my inner strength.
If you ask:Why does this matter? I have talked to countless people who have faced a major lesson in life, inner strength, forgiveness, overcome a fear, etc and I have seen a pattern. Each one had to face another similar situation which seemed it was to prove to them their victory. Those who did well in their test continued life without anymore signs of the same stuff reoccurring. Those who failed at their test, had a life that went back to the same old pattern making their one time success look like a fluke.
And this brings us to you and your situation with mom. There are no words you can say, gently and lovingly that will matter if she is controlling and has made up her mind, so you will have to be blunt and to the point with her.
You need to realize that she is in the wrong.
You must realize that mom or not, she is very rude to not ask if she can stay with you but just announce it to you. I do not know what you said when she announced it. If she did that with any other person she knows, they would look at her as if she'd lost her mind.
Just because someone is a blood relation does not exempt them from being rude, assuming, bossy, pushy, or what have you. And she is hoping to use the fact that she is your mom to wear you down, make you feel guilty, act like she is horribly hurt. She already has emotional influence on you cus you said, How can i tell her I dont want her to live with me without making her feel like no one wants her? I dont know what she said or did to get you to believe she'd even feel that.
First off its not factual. She's got a 74 yr old boyfriend who wants her. I'm sure the daughter wants a grandma in her life just not there every day. And of course you want her in your life, just not every day. YOur mom wants for some reason to place herself in your life every day or likely the ultimatum will be 'not at all'Put a limit on the time of a visit. 2 hours or whatever is reasonable, not a full day or overnight. The one night she'll try to stretch to more. Take your stand against mom firmly and let her throw her hissy fit or temper tantrum. You'll need to be the adult here and not cave in. Parents who do end up with kids who are brats. Its hard to feel like you have to be the adult when all of a sudden your parent isn't acting like one. Theres nothing wrong with a role reversal in this case. It must be done.
So what you say is, Mom I am grateful I had you when i made the break from my ex. I needed that help then. Things have changed. I am self sufficiant now and no longer need financial help. You have a new relationship and so do I. As adults there is no logical reason for you to live with me, not even financial. You chose to move back to the area and thats fine but I am not a hotel, motel, that you can just get a room and move into. (And here's the hard one where you need to be the parent and correct her)
No matter if you are family or not, It is just plain rude to invite yourself to live at someones residence without taking into consideration the other persons feelings on it. I love you but I AM putting my foot down. You will not be moving back in with me. THIS IS YOUR TEST GIRL! You can do it. She's not gonna give up easy, just like a kid wont when it time for bed, please cant I stay up longer, and they ask that til you think you'll crack. once in bed, they come up with dozens of flimsy excuses to get back out of bed, I'm thirsty, i had to pee, i'm hungry, i can't sleep, i heard a noise it scared me, theres a spider in my bed... lol it's exasperating when kids do it. Now you get to watch your mom do and she will, believe me...if shes been calling and checking up on you as she has, she'll have her royal fit. Dont back down...nope...not one inch. In fact, I would limit the phone calls too. If she calls a 2nd time in one day, you tell you can't talk right nowk, you're busy...no explanation needed. Shes the one intruding. If she tries to keep you longer on the phone and wont agree to say goodbye then "Mom I'm not trying to be rude but since you obviously wont mutually agree to end the call, I'm saying goodbye for the last time and hanging up. Dont wait for a response..dont give her a chance to get a word out....HANG UP! You are having to retrain a parent who has apparently gotten away with some form of controlling or manipulating behavior all her life. Give her an inch, she'll take a mile. Its much harder to retrain adults especially relatives. She doesnt think you're strong enough.
Keep in touch dear...if you need a pep talk along the way, just write me.
Ever since I started Highschool I've been kept on being bullied, sweared at, almost raped, and when I tell me teachers, they say "Say no!" This boy in year 11 keeps on raping me and saying "Let's have sex in the bathroom" and I scream and run. In primary school, there was a bunch of lez who kept trying to kiss me, and then the teachers in primary school was saying "they just trying to be your friend, playing around" but they once tried to pull my trouses down and I've been so nervous everyday that my attendance is like 10% please someone help me! D; I wanna learn, and have a good time, P.S I am a girl 14 years old
YOu havent told the right people yet. Teachers should take it seriously and alert the principal and school counselors but when they don't, you should go straight to the principal.
If teacher think 'Saying no" is the answer, either your school is out in the hicks somewhere and choosing to follow their own rules or they've chosen to blatantly go against the
rather than those of the school board.
This is something your parents need to know. It doesnt reflect on you, you've done nothing to deserve this. If your parents don't take you seriously, talk to an auntie or grandma
and also call these people:
Prevent Child Abuse America
1-800-CHILDREN
If there is a more specific agency in your own state to be in contact with for help, then get that number and call. If the boy who is harrassing you isn't stopped, he will continue to do the same growing up to become a rapist of adult women as well. Right now he is guilty of rape.
The girls who have gone after you are not only guilty of Sexual harassment but possibly sexual assault with trying to kiss, strip you and finger you.
The reason they keep doing it and getting bolder is because they haven't been caught. If you say nothing it can only get worse.
This girl I like...Okay this is complicated, please stick with me!
I'm in love with this girl, she's my best friend, and I swear to God sometimes I think she feels the same way. But, then again, I get confused because I know she finds these types of situations uncomfortable. I will ask my question in a second, just stand by:
She once date this guy, and I was so depressed, that I guess it was obvious because she broke up with him, because she saw what it did to me.
But then, when we were at prom, I saw her watching them (him and his girlfriend) dance and the look on her face was heartbreaking, and I could tell she was angry. I feel so terrible, so completely terrible...I love her more than anything and I feel like I'm the reason she can't be happy. But, I won't allow myself to date either because of this, because if she can't have happiness, neither can I. I just want to kiss her, to love her, to show her how much she means to me. But I don't want to ruin what we already have. I guess I'm kind of pathetic, huh?
I'm a girl, so that makes things even more complicated huh?
What you did not state is whether you are bi or Lesbian and whether she is bi. I ask because I wont assume anything. Others girls have had a deep love for their best friend, of being in love but no actual sexual desires that would indicate being gay or bi.
I can see straight girls accepting their girlfriend being gay as long as the friend is not sexually attracted to them. Its no different than with boy/girl relationships where they are best friends, then one develops feelings for the other and doesn't know how the other feels but afraid to ask cus once the other knows, the friendship feels awkward and never the same as it was before.
When you love someone and they don't have the same chemistry and feeling back, there is nothing that can be done to make it happen. That rule doesnt change just because we're talking about two females here.
So if you stopped seeing her, talking to her because it hurts to be with her when you cant have her and wont tell her,
seriously would the pain of that be any different than the pain and misery you suffer now? Theres nothing you can do to change your feelings for her so you will continue to feel miserable either way. So how can telling her how you truly feel make things any worse for you? You'd be trading one state of miserableness for another. The only thing that changes is how she is affected by your either telling her or not telling her. If you tell her, she could end up feeling hurt when she realizes that when she thought you were depressed cus you didn't have a prom date and she did,theno she gave him up, and lost him, only to find you were miserable cus you were in love with her.Or you don't have to tell her, not explaining why you are stopping all communication with her and she will be hurt cus she is wondering what she did wrong to get the silent treatment and lose her friend. So no matter what way you go, she is also going to be hurt.
Hoping that she doesnt get a boyfriend is an unhealthy thought process for you because you will only make yourself more miserable as you pin false hopes on something
This is a 'Catch-22'. There is no best way to go.
The only thing in my mind that pushes one action to the forefront is your statement, ( I swear to God sometimes I think she feels the same way.)
So that means there are feelings of doubt, where you are not 100% sure that she is straight or that she doesnt have the same feelings for you. It's this teeny bit of doubt that has you not wanting to give her up in your mind, so I would say its best for that reason to let her know how you feel. That way you don't continue on in life wondering what if. But if she answers she's never felt that way, sexually attracted to you, then dont ask her to change who she is for you. Even if she volunteers to try to be bi for you, don't allow her to change who she really is inside to please you. thats being selfish. And in the long run it won't work. I tried to change who i was to please my ex husband. That puts an awful strain on a relationship forcing a square peg to fit a round hole.Thats the reason we're no longer together.
So this male friend of mine (26) and I (21) moved in together back in March. Everything was cool for about four months. We eventually started sporadically having sex for two months, and then we stopped. Recently I tried to bring up the subject to him and he said he didn't want to anymore. My feelings were hurt and I was overwhelmingly confused. When I asked him why, he said, "I just want you as my roommate. That's it."
For this entire week, I've been trying my damnedest to pretend I was content with that logic. But what changed so quickly? I realize his decision is the smart one, but if he's attracted to me, why is he acting like this? I told him last night that I couldn't be friends with him and that I had to move out next March when our lease expires. He still hasn't said anything to me and I feel like I've just really fucked up. My questions are these: Why did he change his mind so quickly?
Was I right to be honest? Should I stick by my last statement or retract it?
When you moved in together in March, you said he was a male friend, not your sweetheart, someone you were dating. So I must assume this 'moving in together' was only to have a roommate to share rent with, someone you already knew and trusted.
One of my daughters did the same thing two years ago and like you, about 7 mos later he stopped dating her. She couldn't handle it, seeing him and having the memories of what she cant have now and she moved out.She also told him she could no longer be his friend and moved right away. SO I understand how you feel.
Before becoming sexual with a guy, since it is easier and also faster that a females heart becomes hooked on a guy when sex is involved, it is important to clearly state what ground you're standing on before having sex. Remember that for next time, and he doesnt have to be a roommate for this to apply. You or he can admit you feel the attraction or draw physically but that you aren't promising anything more. Right now, all you are is room mates with sex benefits. It depends on how your decide to wrap your mind around it. It is a very healthy thing to have a sexual outlet when you don't have a sweetheart in your life, an outlet where you know the person and they are a decent person.
He may have his own reasons why it didn't feel right to continue having sex with you that have nothing to do with you.It could be something/an issue he has that he hasnt come to the realization yet or is just trying to deny it. So pressing him for more won't help but hurt.
When it comes to relating to a guy, you can not assume anything...not even the simplest thing that seems obvious to you. That is where females make a big mistake. Be an open book. Don't hide your thoughts or suspicions to yourself. Start sharing your thought processes and how they had led you to asking the following questions, you don't want to get stuck assuming things.
What seems obvious like a guy saying I love you, may not mean he is in love with you and wants you in his life forever. I really LOVE a good coconut ice-cream and it's rare to find it. As much as I like it, I won't shrivel up and die if I don't get it. I really love some actors or actresses for how good they are at expressions and making a role believable but that love doesnt mean i love them like a best freind or boyfriend. There are several degrees and levels to love and what you need to discover within yourself first is at what level of love you need the guy to be to get into a relationship with him. If you know you wont be able to handle anything going south, then don't compromise your ideals, settle for less and get into a rooming situation or a relationship or take on a sex partner if you know you can't handle it.
While maybe your male friend could do better at communication, its a two way street and the only one you have an ability to work on and improve is yourself hon. You made a rash statement that you couldn't be friends with him. So he is trying to pretend he isn't there and not talk to you because of your request to not be friends. He is simply following your request, that does not make him mean, revengeful or having some other bad attitude.
BTW... My daughter made exact same statement and got the exact same treatment which made her feel even worse. So don't blame him. Decide what you want. He seems willing to be your room mate and on a friend basis. You could ask him if that is still the case. Apologize to him for making a rash statement about no longer being able to be friends with him. You might explain that you realized that on a subconscious level, your mind read more into your being sex partners than there was to it and now feels hurt.
( Was I right to be honest?) Telling him you can't be friends from a reactionary basis of hurt, is not a matter of being honest. It's more like your subconscious mind throwing a temper tantrum cus it didnt get something it thinks it wants. Your subc. mind is where all your feelings and emotions are compared to the logic rationality of your conscious mind and the two can fight each other.
So what would be honest? First you have to understand yourself and why you reacted as you did. There is always a reason, a fear, a disappointment, an unreal expectation that has nothing to do with the other person because these are generated in your own mind. Perhaps your subconscious mind thought there was something more to things he did or said including becoming sexual than there really was.
In my daughters case, there was a lack of any real meaningful deep thorough conversations. I dont know how many times in chats I asked her some basics that any partners in a relationship should know about the other person. And every time I asked, she had no idea. Had not dreamed of asking and was too embarassed or unsure of whether she should ask or not. And that set her up for failure. She did the exact same thing with the next guy she met. I tried to get her to start asking him the questions instead of telling me, I wonder why he is... Don't wonder, don't assume, start communicating dear. Make up with him as friends and if you still decide to part earlier than March, at least you're on talking terms and who knows, he may be a good allie to talk to and get the male perspective when you do find a great guy to date and start having questions with the new guy.
My boyfriend and I are in high school and we've been dating for three weeks. I usually walk him to his classes and ask him questions but apparently, I'm doing something wrong. He told me Friday night, he wants me to talk to him more, instead of asking questions all the time but honestly that's all I know to say to him! I think I'm too worried about what to say to him than just talking to him...I really don't want our relationship to end soon or ever for that matter. He has a really sweet heart in him and I don't want to disappoint him. Any ideas? Help is much appreciated..thanks in advance!(:
Questions are good, especially to get conversations started.Does he ever ask you questions to get you started sharing stories? I hope he says things in return. If he prefers to have you talk all the time and himself just listening and not saying things in return, then there's a problem. That's not normal, not even for him when with guy friends. Some guys are mostly the quiet silent type, maybe its just he prefers to listen more instead of talk.
By now you should know if he's the talkative type or the quiet and silent type. If you have to drag words out of him and thats okay with you, then carry the conversation. But it won't work long term. All healthy relationships require good communication which requires talking. He needs to be fair and be willing to talk too.
You are not doing anything wrong. If he doesn't like the way you are, don't change who you are to fit the boyfriend, change the boyfriend to fit you. I dont mean changing him, but changing to a new boyfriend, someone who likes you exactly as you are and finds no fault with you. Be careful to keep in mind that you hold on to your identity in wanting to please and not disappoint a guy. Too many of us women have lost ourselves in trying to please a guy who would never really be happy. I was one of them, but only because I chose a guy who was not a good match for me, and we had no chemistry or things in common.
For ideas for topics:
Tell stories of your day, or something funny your pets did, or some of your memories of growing up. Some of your best holiday memories, what you were afraid of as a kid, favorite family vacations.