|
Kissed a man who's not my boyfriend
I've recently started seeing a guy, for about 3 weeks. He has been out of town and won't be back until a week and a half. Last night I was kissed by another guy, who I barely know, and definitely have no feelings for. I don't know whether I should tell my boyfriend? There is a huge sense of guilt and anger at myself, and I feel incredibly stupid for what I did. The recent week has been an intensely emotional week, dealing with all sorts of other personal issues and while I know it isn't an excuse, it has most likely contributed. I don't intend on seeing this man again, even as friends.
He kissed me, I kissed back. He touched me, I told him to stop. He continued, I told him to stop. He kissed me again and I didn't kiss back. Then I left. I couldn't take it anymore.
What should I do?
I am a female, aged 24.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
As hard as it sounds, you need to tell him. Honesty is everything in a good relationship. He'll appreaciate the honesty for sure. Just be completely open, tell him you regret and that guy who kissed you doesn't mean anything to you... because that's the truth! If you don't tell him that guilt will bubble up inside you, and if you don't tell him and he finds out, there is a good chance you may never speak to him again. So be honest and tell him every thing that happened and how much he means to you.
]
I am guessing that either one or the other or both of you may have been under the influence of alcohol for two things to happen: Him not to stop when you asked him to and you to kiss him back when you already met a guy recently.
If not alcohol, how was it that you ended up somewhere with this guy who was kissing and touching you? Did you accept to go on a date with him?
Were you out with mutual friends who might tell your boyfriend? If so, it would be better coming from you than from them. From them, it makes it look like you keep secrets and aren't a very truthful person.
Otherwise, don't tell him.
But you have to learn something from this.
You have learned that your body and maybe mind, can feel responsive to two men at the same time, feel that initial attraction. Beyond the initial attraction, at some point you learned that you did not have any feelings for him. A person can look inviting but once in their presence and having contact with, you find there is no chemistry. If there had been chemistry, would you have gone further with this man?
Sex is known to be a wonderful stress reducer, great for emotional health. and you said "while I know it isn't an excuse, it has most likely contributed" the It being stress during the recent week. This would mean that the way you prefer or that works best for you to reduce stress is to engage in sex. If you did not have the current boyfriend around for that, then what else could you have done that would be stress relieving for you?
For some, watching a good comedy, the release of laughter is effective, listening to your favorite music or calming music and of course along the lines of sex, theres masturbation instead of finding a man to have sex with. Its the release of the feel good hormones from the orgasms that give stress relief, not having a man to have sex with. These are things to learn about yourself. And if you know yourself to be prone to flirt too much with other guys, then don;t purposely hang out with them and certainly if alcohol was involved, don't choose drinking as a stress relief method next time. As long as you learn from your error in judgement, then your experience can be looked at as a good thing, a learning experience and stepping stone in becoming a better person.
So drop the guilt and anger at yourself. We all learn more often from making the mistake than hearing instructions to not do it. Works the same for parents with little kids. "Don't touch the oven door, its hot, it will burn you." A parent can repeat it endlessly and in the end, once a child does touch it, he/she learns it hurts, its hot and will do its best to avoid that contact in the future. Just choose to learn from your experience dear.
]
Don't see the man again, You stated you told him to stop and he from the sound of it, He didn't really listen to you.
On the other hand, Why did you kiss him back?
It is entirely up to you on whether you tell your boyfriend about the situation or not, Just know ahead of time it may cause him to have some hurtful feelings and anger towards you. Perhaps considering the only thing that happened was that you kissed him back, Take it as a lesson learned and move on from the situation. Maybe this man isn't the best person to be hanging around with anyhow. Time to find friends who respect you for who you are and that you are with someone. Cut him loose
]
More Questions: |