|
I feel like I missed my chance! So frustrated
Me and a really wonderful guy were talking. Just as friends because we relatively just met before that but I developed a little crush on him. It wasn't anything serious at the time but later as we continued to talk, we became closer. He was going through a bad break up at the time when we started getting closer. And I took advantage of the fact that I could really get close to him by helping him out and genuinely supporting him. I never told him I liked him because at the time I wasn't 100% convinced I did like him a lot. He used to message me daily and talk to me all the time. You see, I'm a type of person who likes to get to know someone first before declaring my feelings. And I'm not the most confident person in the world to boldly admit I like someone. I was hoping as we got closer and time progressed and he healed from his pain, that things would be good between us to the point that he too realized he had feelings for me. Next thing I know, he was talking to another girl. I think they were just talking but then they got closer. She out right told him that she liked him, and went a little crazy about it posting it that she was in love, etc. she's got a really annoying bubbly personality. (I'm not saying this because of how I feel. Other people have said the same.) anyway, I was so disappointed when I found out he liked her. Like what the hell did I even mean to you? I help u through all your problems and this is how it ends. The girl is a nice girl and I think she has a good heart. He says she understands him. I'm pretty sure he told me he was glad I understand him. He says he doesn't want a relationship now and that they're just talking and he's not in love with her but it still hurts. She seems like a confident person. Whereas I like to give hints and hope you take it. He told me he's really good at reading people, well clearly not so much. What sucks more is that I see him and the girl a lot and it just breaks my heart each time to think about it. I really liked him and now I'm just sad with regret. I don't want a relationship right now and I told him that (during a regular convo). He told me the same goes for him. But now this is the situation. I don't want to tell him because that will make life for all of us complicated. I want to get over him and move on.:(
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hi. You have lots of sound answers. You might try reading back what you wrote yourself. This wonderful guy that you were there for and gave part of your heart to. The one you understand, want to be happy and still cannot condemn. You are in love with him, whether you want a 'relationship' or not. We cannot say that we will 'draw a line under' feelings like this and put an immediate end to them. Neither can we move on unless we truly want to. Break the contact and in time something will replace it, life has a way of doing this even if we do not really want it to. Or find some way of making these feelings known to him and see what fate might hold. Don't be afraid of 'complicated'. Nothing worth having is ever easy. If you have tried all in your power and it it's just not meant to be, at least you'll be free of that dreadful feeling we call 'regret'. Best wishes.
]
Well I think you can either come out to him about how you feel or just move on.
He probably was interested in you, but you did straight up tell him that you didn't want a relationship. And even though it was true, most guys would take it as a signal not to pursue further. So like Dragonflymagic said, you could possibly phrase it better next time.
A lot of guys don't pick up hints easily. Even when they do, most won't think too much into it.
It's understandable to be disappointed. But for saying, "What the hell did I even mean to you? I helped you through all your problems and this is how it ends." I'm sure he values your friendship because that's what you are.
Being just friends with someone means that you have to accept and be prepared for them to like someone else. If you can't do that, you can't really be friends with them because you'll resent it. Hopefully that makes sense. You became friends with him and told him you weren't looking for a relationship but still hoped for something to happen. So that goes in with phrasing things differently so he doesn't get the wrong idea.
Anyways, I know you don't want to tell him. That's fine if you truly want to move on. If you really do actually want to move on, you need time away from him. Don't text, message or call him. Don't hang out with him, and keep your distance. It's ok to say hi and be friendly when you see him.
]
Your on the right track as far as 'getting to know someone first before declaring your feelings'.
I believe that since you want to be friends with him first but not in a romantic relationship right off the bat, then you will need to be more specific when you say things to him.
This is the definition of relationship:
1. the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other
2. a romantic or sexual friendship between two people
What could have been said is that you were not ready for jumping right into a romantic relationship with a guy. Instead, "I am the type who likes to become great friends first. If feelings develop later, thats a plus. So I wouldn't mind being friends with you."
When you said "I was so disappointed when I found out he liked her. Like what the hell did I even mean to you?" I thought of how some people who are in a bad spot and need some emotional support for a while, may develop feelings for their 'rescuer', but that isn't necessarily so. I developed feelings for a male friend who used to be a counselor and helped me emotionally after I left my ex. But this guy was married so it couldn't go anywhere. Your guy may be grateful towards you for the help but since you stated you didn't want any relationship with a guy, he could take that to mean not even as friends. A friendship is a relationship too, just structured differently. Guys do think and process information differently than females. If you keep hinting around you might miss your opportunity. Just come out and say you are really interested in him but want to start at friendship level for now, then that should be direct enough for him to get the message without any misunderstandings. If you don't have the guts to do that, then its a matter of time before another girl comes along who does have the guts to declare her interest at the right time when he's ready for romance again.
]
Well... All girls have to deal with broken hearts and sometimes it's hard. But what I think you should do and it works all the time by the way is just stop talking to him..so it just dies down and you get over him... And then you can start talking to him and he'll realize that wow.. She's pretty cool :) and then things will change :) and even though he doesn't want a relationship if you wait awhile maybe he'll change his mind!
Sincerely,
Nobody :)
]
More Questions: |