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How do I get over how I feel?
This girl I like...Okay this is complicated, please stick with me!
I'm in love with this girl, she's my best friend, and I swear to God sometimes I think she feels the same way. But, then again, I get confused because I know she finds these types of situations uncomfortable. I will ask my question in a second, just stand by:
She once date this guy, and I was so depressed, that I guess it was obvious because she broke up with him, because she saw what it did to me.
But then, when we were at prom, I saw her watching them (him and his girlfriend) dance and the look on her face was heartbreaking, and I could tell she was angry. I feel so terrible, so completely terrible...I love her more than anything and I feel like I'm the reason she can't be happy. But, I won't allow myself to date either because of this, because if she can't have happiness, neither can I. I just want to kiss her, to love her, to show her how much she means to me. But I don't want to ruin what we already have. I guess I'm kind of pathetic, huh?
I'm a girl, so that makes things even more complicated huh?
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What you did not state is whether you are bi or Lesbian and whether she is bi. I ask because I wont assume anything. Others girls have had a deep love for their best friend, of being in love but no actual sexual desires that would indicate being gay or bi.
I can see straight girls accepting their girlfriend being gay as long as the friend is not sexually attracted to them. Its no different than with boy/girl relationships where they are best friends, then one develops feelings for the other and doesn't know how the other feels but afraid to ask cus once the other knows, the friendship feels awkward and never the same as it was before.
When you love someone and they don't have the same chemistry and feeling back, there is nothing that can be done to make it happen. That rule doesnt change just because we're talking about two females here.
So if you stopped seeing her, talking to her because it hurts to be with her when you cant have her and wont tell her,
seriously would the pain of that be any different than the pain and misery you suffer now? Theres nothing you can do to change your feelings for her so you will continue to feel miserable either way. So how can telling her how you truly feel make things any worse for you? You'd be trading one state of miserableness for another. The only thing that changes is how she is affected by your either telling her or not telling her. If you tell her, she could end up feeling hurt when she realizes that when she thought you were depressed cus you didn't have a prom date and she did,theno she gave him up, and lost him, only to find you were miserable cus you were in love with her.Or you don't have to tell her, not explaining why you are stopping all communication with her and she will be hurt cus she is wondering what she did wrong to get the silent treatment and lose her friend. So no matter what way you go, she is also going to be hurt.
Hoping that she doesnt get a boyfriend is an unhealthy thought process for you because you will only make yourself more miserable as you pin false hopes on something
This is a 'Catch-22'. There is no best way to go.
The only thing in my mind that pushes one action to the forefront is your statement, ( I swear to God sometimes I think she feels the same way.)
So that means there are feelings of doubt, where you are not 100% sure that she is straight or that she doesnt have the same feelings for you. It's this teeny bit of doubt that has you not wanting to give her up in your mind, so I would say its best for that reason to let her know how you feel. That way you don't continue on in life wondering what if. But if she answers she's never felt that way, sexually attracted to you, then dont ask her to change who she is for you. Even if she volunteers to try to be bi for you, don't allow her to change who she really is inside to please you. thats being selfish. And in the long run it won't work. I tried to change who i was to please my ex husband. That puts an awful strain on a relationship forcing a square peg to fit a round hole.Thats the reason we're no longer together.
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I'm assuming she's straight?
If so, then you really need to move on. Not just for your sake, but for hers. You already know what you're doing is selfish. Love is selfish and it sucks when the other person doesn't feel the same way.
If you want, you can tell her how you feel. If that will help you at all, I don't know. You said you don't want to ruin what you guys have, but until you actually decide to move on, this will ruin what you guys have. Mostly because you can't be friends with someone you have feelings for. Being friends with someone means that you need to be their friend even when they're interested in other people. It also means accepting the fact that they will be with other people.
So if you can't accept that, then you need space. You need to get over her.
Until you do, don't spend a lot of time around her, don't text, message, or call her. Stop praying that she won't get a boyfriend, if she's really your friend, you need to support her and be happy for her. You can't sit and wish something will happen when you won't tell her how you feel. You either need to tell her how you feel or move on.
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