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i need to get in shape. im always tired and unhappy and moody and im not in shape. i want to be in shape. i can never motivate myself enough no matter what i do. what can i do? (link)
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Your best options are to eat a healthy diet with lots of fruits and vegetables, drink lots of water, and do cardiovascular exercises every other day - that is, walk (fast), or jog, or run, or bike, or swim, or use some sort of cardio machine at a gym. Your cardio workout needs to last at least 30-40 minutes, and more is better.
That will speed up your metabolism, which will make your body burn fat at a higher rate all the time - even when you're sleeping.
On alternate days, warm up with some light cardio exercise (about 15 minutes) and do some weight training; you can use free weights or exercise machines. If money is short, you can get an incredible range of exercise with just a couple of five or ten-pound hand weights. By toning up your muscles you'll improve your shape and burn more fat.
Sit-ups are a fine addition to your muscle-building regimen. Just make sure not to hurt yourself, and give your muscles at least every other day off to rest. After weight training, you can do some more cardio, if you feel up to it. But it sounds as if you're still growing, so it's important not to overdo it. If you feel pain, stop and rest! And make sure to stay well-hydrated. Drink a lot of water.
As for motivation...one thing that helps is to make a regular schedule. If you know that from 7 to 8 o'clock (or whenever) every day is your time to work out, you're much more likely to stick to it - particularly once you make it through the first few days.
You can develop that habit surprisingly quickly.
This next motivator is more difficult to explain, but one thing that helped me a LOT a while ago was to keep in mind the good feeling I'd get after a workout. Every night that I felt like blowing it off, I reminded myself of how crappy I'd feel the next day for failing, and how good I'd feel THAT NIGHT on the way home from a successful workout. That worked really well for me, and I was able to keep going to the gym at least five days a week for more than a year. I lost about 45 lbs. and put on a LOT of muscle.
Having said all that, "always tired and unhappy and moody" COULD be a sign of clinical depression. If you're been experiencing this for a long time, you may want to talk to your doctor about getting a referral to a specialist for an evaluation.
Please don't be embarrassed about doing that; depression is a *physical illness*, as real as a punch in the gut. The good news is that it's treatable.
Good luck!
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Hey. Im 13 and my penis is about 5 inches when i have an erection. Is this big or small? How big is yours wen is erect and when its floppy. I just want to know. How big was yurs when you were 13? (link)
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It's not easy to get accurate information about this subject; I guess people tend to lie. :D
That said, here's what I was able to find out:
Average penis size:
- Flaccid, at room temperature: between 2.75 and 4 inches. The penis shrinks as the temperature drops, of course.
- Erect: between 5 and 7 inches long and about 3 inches around.
I'm afraid that I don't remember what my measurements were at 13; that was a long time ago. I probably didn't measure myself back then, anyway. As for now, I'm taller and bigger than the average American male, and I'm pretty much in proportion. I've had no complaints.
At 13 your measurements seem quite normal. You're already within normal range for an adult, and you presumably have some more growing to do. So you have nothing to worry about.
That said, watch out! Concentrating on size is a BIG mistake. The truth is, there's a lot more to sex than penis size - a LOT more. Believe it or not, but sex really takes place in the mind more than anywhere else. And what makes you good at it is how you *think* and *feel* about it.
Basically, sex is a form of communication. It uses the entire body. But it's your mind that determines what you say. Sure, genitalia play a pretty important role, but believe me, the VAST majority of women would prefer a thoughtful, caring, and imaginative guy over an insensitive jerk with an extra inch.
I generally recommend waiting until 18 for sex. The legal issues are actually not the biggest reason, either: the truth is, most people really aren't READY for sex until they've developed that level of maturity. They start too soon, and pick up bad habits that they can never entirely break. They also end up with a fairly juvenile attitude towards the opposite sex, and I think that they end up being less happy and successful in love.
But if you want to be a successful lover (in five years or so), the secret, more than anything, is to learn how to *listen* to your partner - not just what she says, but ALL of her. If you can learn to really get a feeling for how a woman is feeling, it will give you a huge advantage. That means listening and watching, and not being afraid to ask questions (within reason, of course; don't nag her).
Again, I recommend waiting until you're older. But in the meantime, assuming that you start dating before 18, try "listening" when you hold a girl's hand, or kiss her, or do anything with her at all. You'll learn all sorts of things.
Good luck!
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okay so i had sex with my boyfriend last night and ever since then i have been throwing up and i keep needing the toilet i no im not pregnant and there is no chance i could be cuase im on the pill and he used a condom, ive had sex before and never felt like this whats wrong with me have i got a desease or something im gettin really worried please help i will rate high (link)
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You should know that even if you're using the pill and a condom (correctly), there is a very small chance that you could become pregnant. But the odds of that are SO small that they're not worth worrying about.
But if you ARE worried, home pregnancy tests are cheap, accurate, and easy to use.
To be honest, it sounds as if you have a stomach bug of some kind. It sounds pretty severe, though; you should give your doctor a call. And try to drink plenty of water to avoid dehydration.
Good luck!
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i'm 14/f, and i've never had a boyfriend and i've never kissed anyone. a lot of people think that i'm the type of girl that can get any guy she wants, or the type of girl that has had a lot of boyfriends. i dont think i am that type of girl, and when i tell people that i've never had any experience with boys, they find it shocking to believe. is there something wrong with me? i'm not really shy, but i dont try to flirt with guys or anything like that. (link)
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There's nothing wrong with you. You're perfectly normal! And please don't let anyone pressure you to be something you're not, because believe me, in the end you'd regret it.
Don't worry about it. There's a TON of time for boyfriends - you have your whole life ahead of you.
Just stay true to yourself, and don't worry.
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hey how can i lose wieght like eat healthier and wat are some exercises i can go to lose some weight like in my stomach area. i mean i not over wieght at all but im starting to get a little belly. lol so i wanna get rid of it. so wat kind of healthier food should i eat and what kind of exercises should i do a day??? (link)
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First, you should know that targeted exercises (sit-ups, for example) really aren't very effective by itself. You can tone and shape the underlying muscles, but you can't target the fat in a specific area; when your system burns fat, it takes it from ALL OVER your body, no matter what part you're working out. That's just how your biochemistry works.
So your best options are to eat a healthy diet with lots of fruits and vegetables, drink lots of water, and do cardiovascular exercises every other day - that is, walk (fast), or jog, or run, or bike, or swim, or use some sort of cardio machine at a gym. Your cardio workout needs to last at least 30-40 minutes, and more is better.
That will speed up your metabolism, which will make your body burn fat at a higher rate all the time - even when you're sleeping.
On alternate days, warm up with some light cardio exercise (about 15 minutes) and do some weight training; you can use free weights or exercise machines. If money is short, you can get an incredible range of exercise with just a couple of five or ten-pound hand weights. By toning up your muscles you'll improve your shape and burn more fat.
Sit-ups are a fine addition to your muscle-building regimen. Just make sure not to hurt yourself, and give your muscles at least every other day off to rest. After weight training, you can do some more cardio, if you feel up to it. But it sounds as if you're still growing, so it's important not to overdo it. If you feel pain, stop and rest! And make sure to stay well-hydrated. Drink a lot of water.
You didn't say if you were a girl or a boy. If you're a girl, you should be aware that your body is *designed* to have a certain amount of fat. Some rounding at your belly is healthy and normal, and is also very attractive to boys. Remember that boys see you in a very different way than you see yourself. When you look in a mirror, you might see nothing but your belly; boys, or at least *some* boys, will see the girl of their dreams.
On the other hand, if you're a boy, it would be smart to work on that belly now; unfortunately a pear shape is pretty easy for some males to develop (I should know!), and it can be a sign of a tendency towards heart disease.
Good luck!
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I have the children and am 23 years old. After having my 3rd and final baby two months ago Ive been a reck. I know that postpartum depression happens but didnt have it with my other children.
Im always crying or hollering over the smallest things and getting really bad headaches.
I get all depressed from being cooped up in the house with the kids and am constantly hollering at my husband for stuff he didnt even do. Sometimes I feel like im just looking for a reason to pick a fight with him.
Any ideas as to whats going on? (link)
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Just because you didn't have post-partum depression the first two times, that doesn't mean you couldn't develop it with your third child. The odds are a bit less, but it's definitely possible.
Certainly your symptoms are compatible with PPD.
That being the case, post-partum depression is nothing to mess around with. You need to speak to your primary care doctor and your OB/GYN as soon as possible.
If by some chance your symptoms AREN'T due to PPD, there's clearly something else fairly serious going on. The first step is to talk to your doctors, who will probably send you to a specialist for evaluation.
PPD is very insidious. Mothers often find themselves hiding their symptoms. You'll need to try hard to stay focused, to remember that you don't NEED to feel the way that you do, and to have the courage to ask for the help that you need.
There IS effective help available. Please seek it out. In the meantime, get as much support from your family as possible. Remember, this isn't your fault: it's nothing to do with you as a person. PPD is a real, physical illness, and it can be very serious - as serious as a broken bone, or even more so. You need to have it taken care of, because believe me, waiting to get better on your own is a TERRIBLE idea.
Another thing: talk to your husband. Tell him what's going on. You might both want to read these sites, which have useful information about PPD:
http://www.4woman.gov/faq/postpartum.htm
http://www.postpartum.net/
http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.post-partum.html
Some hospitals have programs for mothers with PPD, by the way. You might want to check with the hospital that your baby was born in.
I wish you the best of luck, and a quick recovery.
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I'm not one to use this word lightly. But I honestly am so in love with my boyfriend. Like so much. I'm not after just sexual things, I'm the kind of person who would be fine just cuddling with him and holding his hand. But at the same time, I was wondering how I could tease him and pleasure him and things like that in case we do decide to do anything. Like what do guys like and what turns them on? anything at all would help. Thanks!
(anything besides actual sex though) (link)
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Everyone is different, so your own ideas are likely to be best. After all, we don't know him, and you do.
But it's a rare person who doesn't enjoy a good massage. It doesn't have to be sexual, of course; you can limit yourself to whatever areas you're comfortable with. But odds are that he'll like it.
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Ok i posted before but got no answers so ill respond. My Microsoft Works will not work!!!! I tried reinstalling it like 3 times. Its Microsoft works 7.0, The spreadsheet and everything except the Works Word Processor works. And Under the Works word processor are all those catergorys like cover letters,cards,flyers,outlines, all that stuff and they will not work. WHAT DO I DO PLEAAAAAASE HELP ILL RATE HIGH!!!!!!!!!!!! (link)
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I don't have Works, so this may not help. But you might want to try uninstalling Works first, before you reinstall it.
You may have already done that, of course, but you didn't mention it. Sometimes uninstalling improves the reinstall.
I'd also suggest checking for program updates and installing them before you run the reinstalled program for the first time.
I did a little research, and I'm sorry to say that it does look like some people have had serious problems with Works 7.0. Good luck!
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This is not a question persay, feel free to delete it. You just responded to my question and I'd like to thank you and say simply that I am not a believer, although I can understand why you made the assumption. I simply find atheism unconvincing. (and am dating an atheist and have a sudden intrest in it) I just can't seem to make it follow rationally that because there is a lack of solid quanitifiable evidence (as in your cream pie around mars) there is nonexistance, disbelif sure, but not nonexistance. So I was looking for evidence of nonexistance of God, not disprof, or explainations of disbelif of specific religions.
I hope I've clarafied myself a bit.
Thank you agian (and I'm sorry I did rate). I have seen some of your pervious run ins with believers and I was glad to get you specifically to answer my question.
Razhie (link)
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Forgive me, Razhie, but it's awfully late; I should have been asleep an hour ago. So this won't be as long as I would like it to be.
Of course I'd be happy to talk in more detail later.
The problem is that except in special cases such as mathematics, it's impossible to prove a negative.
There are literally an *infinite* number of possibilities for the supernatural. God, or gods, could be anywhere. Every imaginable possibility COULD exist. But we don't worry about it. We don't spend a SECOND trying to disprove those myriad possibilities. Because ultimately those infinite possibilities add up to nothing.
Christians seem to feel that we atheists need to make a special case to somehow justify our lack of belief in their God. But why is the Christian God a special case? The only reasons that I can see are cultural and political.
No, I can't prove that there's no God. I wouldn't even bother. But the whole issue is simply meaningless to me now. I personally wouldn't say "There is no God", any more than "There is no Orbiting Banana Cream Pie" - because the whole IDEA seems silly and pointless to me.
I will say, though, that if the Christian God DID exist, I'd find His morality extremely questionable (examples: killing babies and endorsing slavery). And I probably don't need to point out all the weird contraditions that you can find in the Bible.
About rating: it's okay. I just didn't want to get another spiteful downrating. One of the believers I answered gave me a 3 for what I knew was the best answer s/he'd gotten, and the hypocrisy was simply galling. Fortunately a moderator felt the same way, and changed things. :D
I don't care about ratings much. What I treasure are comments and feedback from people who tell me that I really helped them.
And now, time for me to sleep. Write again any time, here or at my email address!
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ok, well, my bf's friend asked me if i would make out with my bf and i said i would. you see my bf had never made out with anyone before. so when we went to the movies with him and our friends something happend. all the guys were calling him a wuss bc he has never made out before and stuff. so anyway in the middle of the movie he turns to me and says "look, i love you but i dont want to mess anything up so can i kiss you?" and i was like...um...yea ok. so he was like.."lets do it then". i felt REALLY werid. so then everyone came and sat by us so we kinda stoped talking or doing anything. so then about...i would say 10 mins past and he said "ok, i know this is gonna be akward but im sorry". so out of no where he starts to make out with me. and im not saying it was bad but it felt werid. so after 3 seconds i pulled back and said "this feels weird". and he said sorry and stoped talking. so now i feel bad. i mean, i want him to kiss me bc he wants to and bc he likes me. not bc his buddies are making fun of him! so the question is...should i tell him why i pulled away? and was it bad for me to pull away? sould i say sorry? im so confused so I BEG OF YOU! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help me!!!!!!! theres some 5's involed : ). (link)
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Just tell him the truth. And do it away from his annoying friends. I think he'll be happy if you do.
Love and romance aren't spectator sports. Find yourselves some private place to kiss. There have got to be some, somewhere.
Good luck!
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Why do atheists believe there is no God? I hear a lot of arguments against organized religion but I don’t hear many actual ‘reasons’ that there is not or cannot possibly be a God? So what are thier reasons? (link)
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Okay, I'm going to be up-front about this. You're going to get the most honest answer that I can give you. So I'm going to ask you in advance not to rate this answer. Because, frankly, I've already been disappointed by the revenge-rating activity of two of the three Christians I've responded to on this site.
Please don't disillusion me further. If you want to discuss any of this, my inbox and email are always open.
That said:
You haven't put the question in the correct form.
It's not a matter of an affirmation, of a positive belief, but rather of a LACK of belief.
I'll try to explain. For the sake of this explanation, I'll assume that you're a Christian, if you don't mind.
Do you believe in the divinity of Thor, the Thunderer? In Odin, the One-Eyed Allfather? Do you believe in Krishna, Shiva, Allah, Zoroaster, or Mithras? How about Great Cthulhu and Nyarlathotep?
You don't? What are your reasons for denying their godhead, then? How do you justify casually denying the possibility of their existence?
I could have picked more common examples, of course - ones that you may have believed in at some time, such as Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, E.T., etc. But the point is the same.
You don't feel any need to prove or justify your lack of faith or belief in all those gods. You most likely consider them false gods. Likewise, I doubt you've spent much time agonizing over your failure to keep faith with Kris Kringle - despite the fact that you had solid EVIDENCE of his existence for many years, in the form of the toys he brought to you as a child.
Atheists simply believe in one less god than you do. And their reasons for not believing in him are exactly the same as your reasons for not believing in Thor, the Hammerer: they don't see any reason to take it seriously. They may have studied comparative religion, and noticed that many religions share common themes and "proof" - so why should one ancient collection of stories (the Bible) be held valid over another (the Torah, the Koran, the Vedas, etc.)?
They may have studied psychology, and history, and noticed that religion and belief in the supernatural are a natural response of people to the unknown - and that when you go back more than a thousand years, LOTS of things were unknown. Our ancestors were primitive in many ways. When they heard the thunder, they couldn't explain it. Until the local witch doctor or shaman told them that it was his big magical friend in the sky throwing his giant hammer around.
Or they may have just noticed the complete lack of evidence for the supernatural in the world we live in and decide that common sense tells them that the chance of a god really existing is too small to worry about.
Example: you have no way of knowing that there isn't an all-knowing banana cream pie floating in orbit around Mars. It's possible, right? You don't know everything that's in orbit around Mars, so how can you deny the possibility of the existence of the Lord God Banana Pie?
Yet somehow, I don't think you've ever spent a moment worrying about your lack of faith in space-going pastry. :D
You might argue that there is evidence for the existence of God (as opposed to Banana Pie), in the form of the Bible. Atheists don't agree; they find the Bible no more convincing than any other ancient religious work. They may appreciate the Bible as poetry and metaphor (I do), but they DON'T accept it as proof of the supernatural.
The thing is, though, those are all logical reasons. And I don't think you really WANT logical reasons. You don't believe in God because of *logic*, after all.
You believe in Him because of faith and emotion.
That faith may have come from a lifetime of habit. It may have come via training from your parents. It may come from cultural patterning. It's probably a combination of all of those things.
Or you may have had a profound emotional experience, a religious revelation. That happens to followers of many faiths. You may have spoken to God, or heard His voice, or felt Him manifest in your heart.
But others haven't shared that experience. And they have no reason to pretend that they've gone through it. To profess a belief when you DON'T believe is the height of hypocrisy. I would imagine, if there were a God, that he would prefer a disbeliever who was honest about their disbelief over someone who falsely claimed a belief that they did not truly feel.
I hope that answered your question. If you were looking for an argument, you won't find one from me. I realized long ago - after my own struggle with and past religion - that there's no way to win a religious argument. Because the essence of faith is not logic and reason, but rather emotion.
I could talk until I was blue in the face. I could give you a million reasons not to believe. None of it would matter, as long as you had faith.
And in truth, I don't WANT to take your faith away. I wouldn't TRY. Why should I? If it makes you happy, if it gives you comfort, why on earth would I want to take that away from you?
I wouldn't. And I don't.
I wish you happiness and fulfillment in your faith. Good luck.
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all rite so my moms getting me a ablounge for my birthday nd i was just worderin if they worked ? or any tips or just any comments thanks! i rate !
btw 14 - f
alexis (link)
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I haven't used the Ablounge, but to be honest, targeted exercise really isn't very effective. You can tone and shape the underlying muscles, but you can't target the fat in a specific area; when your system burns fat, it takes it from ALL OVER your body, no matter what part you're working out. That's just how your biochemistry works.
So your best options are to eat a healthy diet with lots of fruits and vegetables, drink lots of water, and do cardiovascular exercise every other day - that is, walk (fast), or jog, or run, or bike, or swim, or use some sort of cardio machine at a gym. Your cardio workout needs to last at least 30-40 minutes, and more is better.
That will escalate your metabolism, which will burn body fat at a higher rate all the time - even when you're sleeping.
On alternate days, do some light cardio exercising (about 15 minutes) and some weight training; you can use free weights or exercise machines. If money is short, you can get an incredible range of exercise with just a couple of five or ten-pound hand weights. By toning up your muscles you'll improve your shape and burn more fat.
Sit-ups are a fine addition to your muscle-building regimen. Just make sure not to hurt yourself, and give your muscles at least every other day off to rest. After weight training, you can do some more cardio, if you feel up to it. But you're a growing girl, so it's important not to overdo it. If you feel real pain, stop and rest!
You should be aware that as a girl, your body is *designed* to have a certain amount of fat. Some rounding at your belly is healthy and normal, and is also very attractive to boys. Remember that boys see you in a very different way than you see yourself. When you look in a mirror, you might see nothing but your belly; boys, or at least *some* boys, will see the girl of their dreams.
Good luck!
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does anyone know how to release a troubled soul? Recently i have been feeling like an outsider twith my friends. I feel like my friends have to be too serious around me and i feel like i cant relate to them and i feel like a total outsider. i feel like there is something worng with me.i can hardly ever laugh anymore. i think i'm going into a depression.maybe i'm gonna die soon so i can be released from my torubled soul. Plz help i dunno wut i'm gonna do but the thing is i'm very sane and wont kill myself. But i am tired of life. I am tired of everything and i dont know what is wrong with me. Plz help. (link)
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I've been there. It was a long time ago, but my feelings were once very similar to yours. Right down to being tired of life but unable to die.
Obviously things changed for me. They can for you, too.
It sounds as if you may have depression in some form, but I'm not qualified to say so. No one here is. Your situation sounds serious enough to justify seeing a specialist.
I usually recommend a psychiatrist, because if your problem is biological (i.e. neurochemical), a psychistrist will be able to approach the problem from the medication angle, as well as the talk-therapy one.
You'll need to start out by talking to your parents, a school counselor, or a trusted teacher. They should be able to find you the help that you need.
And please don't feel embarrassed. You wouldn't BELIEVE the number of people who suffer from this sort of problem. Going to a psychiatrist should be no more embarrassing than going to a general practicioner with a broken arm.
Okay, it IS more embarrassing - because society is stupid about behavioral problems - but please don't let that stop you. You need help. Get it.
This may be a temporary problem, or it may be longer-term. But in either case, there are effective treatments that will bring you back to yourself and calm your soul.
Life can, and WILL, be good again.
I wish you the best of luck.
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okay me and my boyfriend want to have sex.we are very comfortable.But my question is can someone tell me exactly what we do..like this is gonna sound stupid but how do you have sex? lol i rate high for good advice. (link)
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I hate to say this, but if you don't know, there's a good chance that you're not ready for it.
I'll also take a minute to say that if you're much under 18, there are a lot of good reasons to wait. In many ways, you probably won't be ready to enjoy it properly.
And you need to be aware of the risk of pregnancy. You HAVE to know how to have safe sex if you're going to do it. Which means that you should talk to your OB/GYN about birth control options.
Okay. That said...the truth is, apart from the most basic mechanics (insert tab A into slot B, move back and forth, repeat) each person's approach to sex is different. There are all sorts of foreplay, for example. Since you are both presumably virgin, this is your chance to work out your own way.
Which means, *listen* to each other. TALK to each other. Find out what makes you both feel good. Experiment. Explore. That sort of thing.
And don't just listen to what you're saying with your voices. Sex is a way to communicate with your bodies. It's a whole different language. Fortunately it's a lot easier and a whole lot more fun to learn than Spanish. :D
Good luck, and be safe!
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what are the bases specifically? you know... 1st 2nd 3rd and then ..sex. well, sorrry this is an embarassing question, i just dont know. =( (link)
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That's a tough one.
The definitions have varied over the years - the whole "bases" thing goes back a hundred years or more.
Most agree that 1st base = kissing.
2nd base = old-fashioned definitions: touching above (or below) the waist, over clothes. Modern definitions: touching under the clothes, French kissing, or mutual masturbation. There are a lot of different definitions.
3rd base = Older definition: touching under underwear. Modern definition: oral sex.
And 4th base, of course, is intercourse. That's pretty much the same for all eras.
I hope that helped. :D
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My husband is often up until 2-3 in the morning using the internet. I am curious as to what he is looking at. It's usually video game message boards, but I have a feeling he is hiding something. I may be completely wrong, it's just a feeling. I tried reviewing the history, but it is set up to atomatically delete on our computer. Is there anywhere else I review the history. Or am I stepping over the line even trying to find out? (link)
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You could ask him, but it sounds as if you don't trust him - in which case, you probably won't be able to trust his answer.
Are you stepping over the line? Well, trust is fundamental to a relationship. If you are losing your trust in him, then you two have a problem that needs to be addressed - possibly by seeing a marriage counselor.
That said, my best guess is that you suspect him of either having an online affair, or of looking at porn. Those aren't unreasonable suspicions. There are ways to detect these things.
I'm a little uncomfortable giving you this information, because I don't want to possibly contribute towards trouble in your marriage. But here's a freeware program that you can use to monitor what sites he visits:
http://www.dirfile.com/stealth_web_page_recorder.htm
I've never used that program myself, by the way. Please note that depending on his expertise with a computer, there's a chance that he could notice or detect this program. And if he does, I don't think that the results will be good for your relationship.
Please consider counseling. It may just be a false alarm, but since you ARE feeling a lack of trust, it would be better to be safe than sorry.
Good luck!
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i have a big problem... i sweat A LOT!!! well, not an exceptional amount its just whenever im doing sports or like at a school dance where its really hot and stuff i sweat like on my back A LOT and then you can see it through my shirt which is really embarrasing.. and im jw wut i shuld do!! i mean i dont want a guy to ask me to dance and im sweating like so bad my shirt is all wet- thats just gross!!! (link)
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Talk to your doctor. There are effective prescription treatments that can help you with this.
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i'm 14 years old, and i was raped about a month ago. my friend got helped me get a couple of pregnancy tests, and they all turned up positive. i'm really scared to tell my parents, because i was at a party that i wasn't supposed to be at when it happened. i'm a volleyball player for my school, and last year we almost won the championships. i don't want to throw my entire life away, but i know that i would never be able to put my baby up for adoption. i'd wonder every day if she/he was safe, or if they hated me for abandoning them. i'm strongly against abortion...but i'm starting to wonder if maybe that's the right choice in this situation. i haven't told either of my parents yet...should i keep the baby or is abortion ok sometimes? (link)
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I'm awfully sorry that this happened to you. It shouldn't happen to ANYBODY.
But it does, and it did.
That said, if you've been raped there are a number of things you need to do. The first thing is to get some support.
Here's a national website that supports rape victims: http://www.rainn.org/
And here's their 24-hour hotline: 1-800-656-4673
They can give you more information about your options.
You need to tell your parents. They'll probably get VERY upset, but that's natural. Right now you probably can't understand it, but to them you're still their precious little baby, and they'll be terribly hurt that someone did this to you.
But they'd be even MORE hurt if you didn't tell them. And believe me, they'll eventually find out; it's much better for you to tell them now.
Oh, and about the party: yes, you made a mistake, but that doesn't change the fact that the rape was NOT YOUR FAULT. You need to concentrate on that: you didn't ASK for this, and you didn't WANT it. There is NO WAY that this is your fault.
It sounds as if it's much too late for the police to collect physical evidence from you, but after you tell your parents you should go with them to the police, if you feel up to it. The boy (or man) that raped you could rape other girls, and he needs to be stopped. And since you're pregnant, there's DNA evidence that will ultimately convict him of statutory rape at least, no matter if you choose to continue the pregnancy or not.
Now we get to the part that's the hardest: Abortion. This is the most difficult question that you could possibly face. And I'm sorry, but I don't have any easy answers for you.
You're awfully young. Your whole life is ahead of you. A baby will change that ENORMOUSLY. College and a social life will become much more difficult.
But a baby is the most precious thing in the world.
But you're only FOURTEEN.
But this is the child of your *rapist*.
I knew this would happen; I'm just going back and forth, without a solution. Personally, I support a woman's right to an abortion, absolutely. But ever since my own son was born, abortion came to mean a lot more to me; I really know how precious those little lives are.
But your life is precious, too.
To be honest, I think you need to talk to your parents about this. Don't push them on the subject; give them some time to cope after you tell them that you're pregnant. By the way, if you're afraid that they may overreact, call RAINN *first* and see if they can put you in touch with a rape support center in your area. They may be able to help; they might even be able to have someone with you when you tell your parents.
If you're religious, you might also want to talk with your minister, priest, rabbi, or other spiritual counselor. They might be able to help you decide what to do.
If it helps, I know several women who've had abortions when they were young, a few who did it because they were raped. Some of them have gone on to have children later in life. I think they're happy now; but I also know that they never forget what happened, and regret that they needed to have an abortion.
This is the most complex and difficult decision that a woman can ever make. I'm sorry that you have to face it at all, and particularly now, when you're still half-way between childhood and womanhood.
You have my sympathy. I wish you all the best.
Good luck.
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ok tomorrow me and my friend want to do something really random...we already thought of spending the day at walmart...and going bowling...and things like that but i need someting really mental and weird
got any ideas (link)
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I *love* that idea. Here are a few possibilities:
* Have a picnic in a cemetary. If you really want to be weird, get some Easter eggs and hide them from each other behind the tombstones. Then do an Easter egg hunt. Or hide other stuff, like candy. You shouldn't upset any mourners or funerals, of course.
* Go to your local airport (if you have one) and people-watch. Or pretend to be foreign exchange students with really bad accents and ask people how to get to a city that's really far away. (Warning: this one could get you in trouble with Homeland Security, so be careful).
* If you're near a city, take a tour of the lobbies of skyscrapers. You can find some cool, weird stuff in some of them. The best breakfast place I ever found was on the second floor of a huge corporate building.
* If you can, get up on your roof! If it's flat enough, take up some lawn chairs and (what the heck) a picnic. Take plenty of sunscreen if you need it.
* Exchange identities for the day. For the whole day, you're your friend, and s/he's you.
Good luck, and have fun!
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is it possible to be addicted to masturbating..like once a day. 7 times a week. (link)
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Yes, it's possible, but that frequency doesn't seem to be that unusual - particularly if you're a young male.
As long as you're not phsycially hurting yourself or destroying your life, you shouldn't worry about it. Once a day won't cause you any harm.
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